From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org Date: Sun, 2 Jul 2000 14:49:25 -0500 Subject: Until There\'s Nothing Left To Say- part 1 by by xenoprobe Source: direct Reply To: xenoprobe@hotmail.com Title: Until There's Nothing Left To Say- pt.1 Rating: PG-13- but there is coarse language used. Category: MSR/UST- Scully angst. Challenge-fic. Spoilers: Two Fathers/One Son Summary: After Mulder rejects Scully's findings on Agt. Fowley's possible duplicity, Scully nurses her emotional wounds with some bourbon. Archive: By all means, just please let me know where :) Feedback: More than ever, I need your feedback. My home PC just died recently and I am out of practice for writing fic... I need to know your thoughts. Disclaimer: yaddyadda... not mine. Please excuse any mistakes you may or may not find... I've read it over and sent it through spell check twice to be sure- but you never know. ~*~*~*~*~ Until There's Nothing Left To Say By xenoprobe Dana Scully was not impressed. She felt betrayed, left behind. For a man who demanded the truth above all else, Mulder could be pretty damn choosy about what truths he'd accept. From the moment Scully had set her eyes on Agent Diana Fowley she'd known the connection- it was immediately recognizable. She'd been with Mulder. Not just as a partner- like herself, but intimate- physically intimate. Scully's stomach lurched at the thought. She couldn't put her finger on it but something was foul from the start. She'd enlisted the help of the Gunmen to dig, to provide facts over speculations- something concrete and obvious to present to her blinded partner. He'd accused her of making it personal and rejected her findings. It was nothing if not personal. Scully glanced around, she was seated at the bar. O''Reilly's was not a regular spot for her although she'd been there with Mulder a few times. The very thought of him made her shudder. "Asshole." She muttered. "Pardon Ma'am?" The bartender leaned in to listen. "Bourbon- double- on the rocks" She snapped. He placed the glass in front of Scully and turned away briefly to fetch a napkin. When he looked back- the glass was empty. "Another." "You sure Ma'am?" Scully whipped out her badge and flashed it in his face. "...I'm off duty but I am packing heat." The double bourbon was in her little grasp before she'd finished her threat. The burn on her throat was welcoming. Damn him. Scully cursed inwardly and wiped the back of her hand across her lips. She wasn't sure if it was the bourbon she was feeling or plain and simple rage. "You ok Ma'am?" The young bar tender peered at her through the reflection of the bar's back mirror. "I'm fine." She sighed heavily. She wasn't fine. Six years of her life was unraveling all because her partner had chosen, had elected to remain blind to his ex's duplicity. Six years of sharing and trust, of wading through her emotions, only to have the door slammed in her face as soon as this other woman appeared. She was livid. She was cold. "Another please." Her voice was softer this time, resigned. "This'll make it three doubles... you sure ma'am?" Scully lifted her head and raised an eyebrow, smiling ever-so slightly. The bar tender complied with a reciprocal grin. 'Well, well, guess the eyebrow works on more than just you Mulder. Maybe you're not the only man in the universe after all...' She downed the drink and closed her eyes for a minute- letting the alcohol seep into her, letting it take over. "You might as well know, I'm pissed off and alone- so you'd better just keep'em coming." She laughed awkwardly and looked up at him through heavy lids. "and one other thing," the young man nodded, "please just call me Dana- ma'am sounds so... old. I'm not that old. Not yet at least. 'That Fowley's a "ma'am". She's old. Old and saggy and empty. Her eyes are hollow- she doesn't care about him- doesn't love him. Not like I do.' Scully felt the flush of heat to her cheeks. Her thoughts and the alcohol were drowning her. She glanced once at the bar keep and was given a fresh drink to further numb her senses. Her stomach flip flopped as the liquid trickled down her throat. "Tell me something. Why do men always opt for the bigger boobs?" Her speech was somewhat slow, but her smile lit up the dark bar. The bartender was at a serious loss for words. "Really. I really want to know." "Well ma'am- er- I mean Dana... I don't think all men do opt for the bigger boob types." "Well that doesn't help me." "Sounds to me like you were dumped or something, anything I can do?" 'Dumped. Yeah. I was dumped by my FBI partner who doesn't know I even exist after the return of Miss double D cup, ex-lover and deceiver extrordinaire.' "You could say that. Dumped, yeah sort of." She gulped back another bourbon- it tasted slightly watered this time. "Ok- tell me this... do you think I'm attractive?" The young man cleared his throat. "Ah, yes. Quite." "Ok. So I'm not invisible then, just to him." "Sounds like this guy isn't worth your worrying. If he doesn't know what he had, then he's blind." Scully smiled inwardly then glanced up at the bartender, head low, blue eyes raised to his. That's when it happened. She hiccuped. Her red face reddened even more. "How about I put on a pot of coffee." He offered. She swatted at the air. 'No coffee for me- it's a bourbon night. So what if I feel like shit in the morning- I feel like shit anyway.' "Nuh-huh. Just give me a straight shot of Bourbon please, right here." She poked the bar counter with a crooked finger and hiccuped again. "Wanna know how to get rid of the hiccups?" She giggled. "It's easy... some say to eat a spoonful of sugar, some say to blow on a knife. My favourite was always drinking water from a cup- upside down... but this one always does the trick- watch..." Scully put her hands behind her back and wrapped her lips around the shot glass. She then quickly tipped her hear back and took it in one gulp. She plucked the glass from her mouth and smacked her lips twice. She glanced from side to side, looked at her watch for a moment then grinned ear to ear. "See... no more hiccups." The man clapped twice, smiling, albeit apprehensively. Scully's feet dangled from her bar stool, not quite reaching the rail below. She felt like a child. 'If this is how its going to be I don't even see the point in staying with the FBI. I mean, if I'm going to be second-guessed by him every time she agrees with one of his 'theories' I'm gonna have to shoot something! Personal... you say I'm letting it get too personal- well that's all it is Mulder-baby. Personal. It's been personal since you tried to kiss me in your hallway. It's been personal since New Year's eve. It's been personal since... well since... I don't even remember anymore.' She huffed a and slapped the counter top for another drink. "Hey, Dana- I don't think you need any more bourbon. Let me get you some coffee." "N'other bourbon... already had my coffee today thanks." 'I asked you for your trust- to show me a little faith- lords knows I've done that for you Mulder. I can't even count the times anymore. And what do you do- you throw it in my face. Right in front of the bloody Lone Gunmen for Christ's sake! You looked me in the eye and refuted hard evidence. You bastard.' Scully slipped off her barstool and unsteadily made her way to the bathroom, leaving her jacket and purse at the bar. 'Personal. Ha! Jerk.' Her suit jacket slid off the edge and fell to the floor with a thud. The bartender came around to pick it up and was startled when her cell phone rang. He gingerly removed it from her coat pocket and answered the call. "Hello?" "Hello? Who's this? Where's Scully?" "Scully? You mean Dana?" "Yes- where's Dana?" "She's in the ladies room right now." "Who is this?" "Sorry, I'm the bartender- Jamie, down at O'Reilley's. Listen, your girlfriend here is pretty pissed. She's been guzzling bourbon and ranting about someone or something called Mulder." "That's me. I'm Mulder. I'm her partner." "Boyfriend, partner, whatever you call it these days. Look. She's in no shape to get home alone from here and she's refusing coffee- I think you should come get her." "O'Reiley's you said? I'll b right there." Jamie placed the cell phone back in Scully's jacket and restored everything to where she'd left it. He could see her weaving awkwardly through a small crowd of people on the other side of the room. She was still rambling and swatting at nothing. 'God-damned Fowley bitch. I could take her out. I'm small but I'm fast.' She approached the bar and balled her fist, swiping at the air. 'Fast- yeah, I'd knock her on her ass before she knew what hit her. But you'd like that Mulder, wouldn't you- a cat fight between the old girlfriend and little me. You'd love it like you love those porn tapes and the foul-one's giant breasts. You'd get a kick out of being so important... well lemme tell you- you're not worth it.' She leaned against the bar counter for a moment as if trying to decide whether to crawl back up onto the stool. She looked around and saw the room spinning, she also thought she saw Mulder walking towards her, but there were too many Mulders for it to be real. 'Maybe he was cloned... by... aliens..." Scully burst into laughter. "Aliens!" She held her sides and rocked, giggling uncontrollably. She swayed back and forth, unable to stop herself. But she swayed to far back and felt herself tip off the edge of the world. She fell backwards, a dead weight, the ability to stop it was lost in the third double bourbon of the evening. Just as she was poised to connect with the floor, Scully felt a pair of arms catch her at the waist. She was hoisted up and righted on her feet. Glancing down, the world still spinning, Scully fixated on a pair of brown hiking boots. "Mulder." She murmured. "Scully. I'm taking you home." "Oh... so nice that you care." Her snide tone was accompanied by her mocking smile. He turned away. "What do I owe you?" "About 30 bucks." Mulder slapped two twenties son the counter and turned back to his partner. "C'Mon Scully. Let's get you home." "I'll take a cab- thank you very much. Me and Mr. Bartender here were just getting acquainted... hi cutie." She waved at the man sleepily. "Scully- I don't have the patience for this- let's go." "Oh you don't eh." She said, quite soberly. "Don't have the patience for your little partner anymore- now that your chickadee's back in town." Mulder made to speak but she threw both hands up to stop him. "Don't pretend I don't know Mulder 'cause I do. The Lone Gunmen told me all about her- Diana Fowley. I've made it no secret to you that I don't trust her. But the first thing you do- the first- when I gave you concrete evidence as to her nature- you throw it in my face and treat me like a jealous lover." "Scully this is not the place for this conversation." "I'll be damned if you try to quiet me now Mulder. You've been leaving me behind, excluding me for ages now- ages. I know it hasn't been fun working under Kersh or watching someone else head up the X-files, but I am still your partner. I'm still here God dammit and you treat me like a love-sick secretary." Her face soured into a frown, a deep and obvious frown. "Well, I'm sick of it Mulder. I'm sick of fighting for your trust when you have mine without hesitation. Sick of waiting for you to leave or stay. If its Fowley's unquestioning partnership you want- then have it. I can't stand to sit by and watch you follow her around blindly anymore- I'm trough babysitting you." "Babysitting me?!!" Mulder's voice reached a new octave. "You- babysitting me Scully? Who's the one that needs an escort home from her little drunken binge here. Who's behaving like a brat." He regretted the words as soon as they'd escaped his lips. He felt the sharp sting of her open palm against his cheek. The effort it took to smack him landed Scully on her ass. She began to cry quietly. "Scully." Mulder extended his hand to help her up and she shook her head like a petulant child. "C'mon Scully let's get out of here." She looked up at him, fire still in her bleary eyes. "Fuck off Mulder." She spat. "Ok. That's it. You're going home if I have to carry you myself." He leaned down and grabbed her off the hardwood floor and hoisted her up. She was nearly limp in his grasp- not co-operating with his attempts to stand her on her own two feet. "Fine, have it your way... let's go." He hauled her light frame over his shoulder and carted her off through the front doors. Her protests went ignored until Mulder placed her safely in the passenger seat of his car. He buckled her in and made his way around to the driver's side. "We're going to my place. I have coffee." He stated flatly. Scully just grunted. "We're going to talk. I don't care how drunk you are, we're going to talk this out until there's nothing left to say." Scully rolled down the window and let the cool night air refresh her. She could feel sobriety beckoning her, calling to her to fight- to stand up for herself and not be wavered. "...until there's nothing left to say," she echoed then closed her eyes to the moonlight as Mulder drove them home. End of part one... ~*~*~*~*~ Until There's Nothing Left To Say- part two By xenoprobe The slam of Mulder's car door woke Scully from a black sleep. The night sky was blurry and she rubbed her fists into her eyes, trying to force away the cloudy film from her vision. Her door swung open and where Mulder stood, waiting for her to move. She turned in her seat and felt a familiar rush of sensation to her head. She was drunk. The bourbon was still coursing through her blood stream and it would be several hours before her now baby headache would develop into a mammoth migraine. She smiled- then all too quickly remembered just how angry she was with her partner. 'Diana Fowley my ass... She's got another thing coming.' "Scully?" "I'm coming already." "Do you realize that you're speaking out loud when you go off muttering like you just were?" He hid a smirk behind his deadpan gaze. "What?" "Your inside voice and your outside voice are one in the same right now." 'Asshole.' "I heard that." He could barely contain a chuckle. It was a rare day when Scully used expletives but the bourbon was no match for her usual contained self. Mulder ushered her into his building and finally, after some fussing with his keys, got her settled on his couch. "So..." He took a seat in a chair across from her. "So what. You wanted to talk- so talk Mulder. I said what I had to say at the Gunmen's place earlier." Mulder leaned back and ran his fingers though his hair. He exhaled loudly. "You're angry with me." He offered. "You're brilliant- did you use your gift for profiling to deduce that?" She smiled wickedly. "You know Scully, you're not very attractive when you're mouthy." "Guess I'm not very attractive at all Mulder... it's not like you ever take notice." She turned her head away, waiting for a rebuttal. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" "Fuck off Mulder. I'm not in the mood." "Scully, I know you're full of bourbon right now- which is why I am trying to exercise some patience here, but you're not making any sense and I'm to tired to play games right now." "Ok Mulder. No games." She straightened up in her seat, the alcohol providing a false bravado. "Do you trust me?" "Scully-" "Do you? You used to." "I do- I do trust you, but there are things you don't know." "Well tell me then. Tell me so I can understand why you've been such a shit to me lately." "Diana is not who you think she is." "No Mulder- she's not who you think she is- past history or no past history." "Scully..." "Are you sleeping with her?" He shifted in his seat, not wanting to look her in the eye. "You are- aren't you. Jesus Mulder." "I'm not. Scully, I'm not sleeping with her. I swear." He didn't want it to sound like such a plea, but Scully was obviously offended by the concept. "But what if I was Scully- what of it." "What of it? Are you sick? She's a lying, conniving bitch Mulder and if you had the gift of sight, you'd see she was playing you for all you're worth. And," she stood and waved her finger in the air between them, "and if you had an ounce of perception you'd also realize she treats me like dirt. Like I'm not fit to fetch her latte." "Ok, if you wanna play dirty Scully- let's just take off the gloves right now and get it over with." He stood up, holding his ground. "I know Diana, you don't. We were partners and we were..." He rubbed at his chin, stalling. "And you were lovers. I already knew that." "No Scully, we- we were married." Scully looked as if she taken a physical blow- all the air from her lungs shot out as if she'd been kicked. She sunk back down into his couch. "No matter you think Scully- no matter how Diana and I ended things, I cannot believe she would out and out lie to me. Not after all she and I discovered together." If ever there was a moment, a decisive turning point in their way of communicating it was now. Scully lurched forward and yelled at the top of her lungs. "You bastard!!! After all you and she discovered? And just how long were the two of you partnered? Two years, not even quite two years- that's right, I read the file... She abruptly took an assignment with the international anti- terrorist bureau and was off to Germany faster that one of your fucking alien crafts." "Scully-" "No. No Mulder. I've spent six God- damned years with you, following you, validating your claims, trying to lend enough rationality and science to your work to keep our heads above water in the bureau but it was your discoveries with Diana Fowley that lead you to take her word over mine. To believe her without even considering the facts I laid out for you." She couldn't breathe. Scully gripped her aching head with both hands, willing the rage to recede just a bit, for her to catch her breath. "Why did she leave? Tell me Mulder, if you're so sure of her fidelity, why aren't you still writhing in wedded bliss?" "She was ambitious and felt the X-Files were holding her career back. She left me after 6 months of marriage." "You're pathetic." She spat the words out, trying to rid herself of their foul taste. "And you're any better? Look at you, one set back in the grand scheme of our lives and you're out boozing with bourbon and hitting on useless bartenders." "At least the bartender doesn't figure into a government conspiracy against the truth Mulder. He just serves drinks- like a regular human being." "Oh that's rich Scully." "Besides- what the hell does the bartender have to do with anything? So, I had a few drinks- you've done the same, many more times than I have- no doubt. And if I may remind you, it was you that sent me there in the first place!" Mulder made his way around the coffee table that divided them. He towered over her, his hands on his hips. "Scully, there are some things you are not a part of in my life. Some things that should remain that way and Diana Fowley is one of them. I know you think she had something to do with Cassandra Spender's disappearance I know you think she's gathering information to use against us. But all I can give you is my word on this. She would not cross me that way- I know her." Scully leaned way back against the back of the couch. "You height doesn't impress me Mulder, so sit down." He complied. "So you're giving me your word." "I am." His expression softened a little, thinking he was finally reaching her. "And just when did my word become mud?!!" She shouted right in his face. Her fist pounded at her thigh, forcing out her frustration. "When was it decided that your word was more valuable than mine? You are such a fucking hypocrite." She shook her head, willing the tears away. "Call me a cab Mulder- I wanna go home." She stood up and made her way toward that door. Mulder bolted. "You're not leaving Scully. This isn't over." He latched onto her arm tightly and spun her around to meet his stare. "I know you don't trust her, but why such rage Scully- what is it you aren't being honest about." Her head was spinning. All around her was the sound of his voice echoing in the vacant halls of her mind. Since his refusal of her findings, since his rejection, she'd felt empty. Scully went limp and fell against her partner. "What is it? Scully- talk to me." "You want it all... fine. You'll get it all." Her head snapped up and she stood as squarely as she was able to. "Up until six months ago, there was no one else but me- finally no one else Mulder. No Phoebe Greens, no Detective Whites... I was just beginning to feel comfortable enough in our friendship to start considering my own feelings towards you." "What feelings Scully?" "You want me to just spill my guts, give you everything I have? How is that fair- me telling you everything I hold in my heart and you giving me nothing. I have proven myself over and over to you. I have listened to all you've said here. But if you think I'll just cave in here, you'll have to be honest with yourself too." "I don't understand what you're asking of me Scully." "Now who's the liar. Now who's playing dumb. I may have had a few too many drinks, but my senses seem sharper than yours- is your intuition so out of practice Mulder?" "Fine. If you wanna play 'you show me yours I'll show you mine' we'll have to sit down again Scully." He ushered her back to the couch and they sat down face to face. Mulder inhaled and exhaled a few times, as if clearing his mind. Scully leaned back into the cushions and closed her eyes. "The fact is," he paused, noting her closed eyelids and sighed with relief- he'd face her without actually having to face her. "The fact is that when Diana resurfaced I thought she'd be gone again, in no time. I wasn't prepared to deal with having her around like this." He stalled, organizing his thoughts. "It took a lot out of me, getting over Diana. I swore after her that I would never get involved with another co-worker." Scully shifted uncomfortably but kept her eyes shut to his confession. "I didn't want to get hurt again, not like that. Anyhow, when she turned up, it threw a wrench into my feelings." He leaned in a little closer and lowered his voice. "Before she arrived, I was wrestling with my feelings towards you. She reminded me of how horrible things can get when mixing work with pleasure." "So, you're telling me that Diana scared you off- from me." "In a manner of speaking yes. At first I didn't know how to tell you that I'd had a past with this woman. After so many years of our partnership it seemed like a big thing for me to have omitted." "No, really?" she chided. "I didn't know how to work with you both. I am one person with Diana and a totally different one with you Scully." "So, while you're off playing Jeckle and Hyde, I get left behind... You refuted my findings Mulder." Scully sat forward and squinted against the low light of his halogen lamp. "You once told me that my rationalism and science had saved you. How can you convey that then turn around and tell me that my distrust of Diana Fowley is unfounded when it was that same rationalism that led me to my findings?" "Let me finish Scully, please." "Fine- go on." "I decided, a while ago, to just let things happen. I let my feelings for both of you just take their own course." "And now you've made your choice." "I have." "Well then," Scully stood again and straightened her stance, "I can't work with the two of you- I'll tender my resignation first thing in the morning." She side- stepped him and, once again, made her way to the door. "Scully wait- I didn't tell you my choice." "Oh yes you did." The anger had not dissipated at all. "It couldn't have been more loud or clear if you'd used a megaphone Mulder- you trust her over me. I cannot accept that- I won't." She slammed his door fiercely, the numbers four and two rattled in the wake of her quick steps down the hall. The door swung heavily on its hinges, bouncing against the interior wall of Mulder's apartment. He was only a few paces behind her. "Scully..." he breathed. "Stop!" She whirled around on her heel, nearly losing her balance and stared him down. "Its you." "What?" she demanded. "You Scully, there is no one else." "Bullshit- that's just bullshit Mulder. You're saying that to stop me from quitting. Somehow this feels all too familiar here, in your hallway again." She stepped up to him toe to toe. "Let me tell you this Mulder- you can't have it both ways- you can't have it your way- it hurts me too much." She backed off but Mulder grabbed her shoulders and pinned her in place. "You never did finish telling me your feelings Scully- I showed you mine... don't you think its fair that you show me yours." His cockiness was unnerving. "I'll say it as frankly as possible." She lifted her head and faced him, her eyes mirrored in his. "As I said, I was just reaching a point in our friendship where I was able to accept my feelings for you. Feelings I have spent years fighting and denying. I was beginning to feel that you reciprocated them too. But now... now it all means nothing." "It's not nothing Scully- it's wonderful." He smiled in counterpoint to her down- turned lips. "It's shit Mulder. It all means nothing if you can't trust me- if you can't take my word at equal value to yours." Mulder tilted her head back with a careful finger and leaned forward as if to kiss her. "No! No- you can't do this." She shook herself from his grasp and backed away. "You cannot have us both. I cannot share you." The impact of her words hit him hard. She couldn't share. Dana Scully could not share him with anyone else. He then realized that he felt the same. The thought of her having feelings for someone other than him was sickening- he'd been arrogant to think that he could play both sides. To still have Diana in his life, one way or another, and maintain his partnership with Scully was an impossible equation. He understood now. He'd listened, finally, and he'd heard what he'd longed to hear from her. He had to right this before it was all over. He heard the ding of his elevator and saw it go from 4, to 3 to 2... Mulder dashed down the stairs, bare feet on cool concrete. Scully was already at the curb, arm at the ready to hail a cab. He was going so fast, he nearly knocked them both over when her grabbed her. "Mulder what are you doing?" She puffed. "You can't go." "I can and will now go back inside." "No- not without you, I have to show you something Scully- I need you to see- to understand." "There's nothing you have in your apartment that I have not seen Mulder- believe me. Now, Let me go." "It's not in my apartment Scully, it's in here." He placed an open palm over his heart and begged her with his eyes to stay. "It's in here Scully- I understand now. I'm so sorry I hurt you." Mulder framed Scully's face with both hands and brought her parted lips to his. He pressed gently, kissing her softly- expecting to feel a fist in his gut at any moment. But the punch never came. He tasted her lips and pressed harder spilling his passion into her mouth. He gathered her in his arms, squeezing her tiny frame against him. She tasted of liquor and mint. Scully's senses reeled. This was the kiss she'd dreamt about. This was what she'd been wanting... but not if it was a ploy to make her stay. She wriggled from his arms and stepped back. "I can't play this game Mulder. You only ever do this when our partnership is threatened. This is not your real feelings- this is panic." "No Scully. This is me, being as honest as I know how. Please- come back inside. Please." A cab whizzed by them in the street and Scully didn't flinch. She watched his smile for any hint of false feelings. She saw nothing but his heart on his sleeve. She stepped back to him and smoothed a hand over his cheek, sighing quietly. Mulder leaned in again, claiming her mouth- overflowing with kisses. They stood under the stark glow of the streetlight, turning and dancing as each kiss blended into the next. There was nothing left to say. FIN ~*~*~*~*~ Until There's Nothing Left To Say- part three By xenoprobe Mulder rolled over and fell... off of the couch and onto the floor with a thud. He sat up quickly, glancing from side to side- not understanding what had happened. He took a moment to focus and came to realize he was at Scully's, on her living room floor. He heard the tinkle of a spoon in a mug. Coffee, he could smell coffee. "Scully?" "Ow... don't shout Mulder." She half- whispered. "Sorry... hangover?" "A killer hangover. I've had my Ibuprofen and my orange juice... now I'm trying coffee." Her crooked smile was refreshing. "Thanks for getting me home Mulder." "Well, I figured you'd want your bed this morning." He grinned and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. She relaxed against his chest for a moment, sipping from her mug. Her head pounded and she could still feel the residual effects of the alcohol and anger that had fueled her the night before. She suddenly felt a little cold and unsteady. "So that's it eh?" she offered. "That's what?" He stepped around to face her. "We kiss and all our problems disappear?" She was still smiling but he could feel the undercurrent pulling his happiness in a different direction. "Well, not all our problems, but some I suspect." He leaned in and kissed her forehead. "I think there's still a lot to be discussed Mulder but my head's too sore to do it yet." Mulder took a seat at her kitchen table and watched while Scully put away the skim milk. He was suddenly very apprehensive of where they were headed. "You do remember last night right Scully?" "I drank, you dragged me back to your place, we fought and we kissed. If there was more to it, I'm afraid I don't remember." "No- that was it... I was just making sure." His lopsided grin wasn't very convincing. "Scully... do you regret last night, are you trying to back out?" "Back out of what Mulder? We didn't fly to Reno and get married, we kissed- that's all." "That's all." He repeated under his breath. "You know what you mean to me right?" "I know what you said last night Mulder, I just don't really know what it means in the long run. But, like I said, I don't want to talk about it right now- I'd like to get some more rest." "Ok, guess I'll go back home then. Can I call you later?" "I'll give you a call when my head has cleared." Mulder rose to his feet and straightened out his clothes. Scully brushed by him on her way to open the back door and he caught her hand. He lifted her palm and kissed her hand in the centre, then closed her hand around it like an invisible gift. She smiled then pulled away to open her door. "I will call." She promised. "But Mulder..." He paused to look back at her on his way across the threshold. "I think you should really consider this situation, consider your motivation. I believed you when you said it wasn't about making me stay but I was serious when I said I couldn't share. If your emotions are still divided, there's not much I can do but back out." "Scully I-" She lifted a finger to shush him. "I'm not angry now Mulder. I'm just being realistic and telling you where I stand. Just be careful ok?" "I can do that." He tipped forward and kissed her forehead again, lingering there, his lips pressed to her face. "You'll call." "I said I would." She smiled and put the lock back on when he walked away to his car. Mulder put the keys in the ignition and started his car. His mind reeled with thoughts about Scully, thoughts about Diana. His drive home was a cautious one; his feeling of apprehension tempered everything he was doing. It was as if he finally realized that all his actions were connected, they held consequence to Scully and to himself. He had to think. He plopped down on his couch and lifted each leg to rest on the coffee table. Scully had sat there, screaming at him, the night before. Despite her rage, he'd still wanted to kiss her, had still wanted to hold her to him. But hadn't Diana just kissed him a few days before? At the time, he'd let it happen, testing the waters to see if he felt any pull to participate. He wasn't too surprised when lips failed to reciprocate her offering. His feelings for Diana were in the past. The partnership, the marriage, it was all a part of him that was gone now. He was Mulder, not Spooky, not Fox... He was Mulder to Scully and that was all that he really craved. But still, he really didn't believe that Diana could be as deceiving as Scully was suggesting. The phone records did provide some question to her motivation; the travel logs to Tunisia were hard to ignore as well. But Diana had given him the information about El Rico and had tried to save him. She'd believed in the coming alien invasion. Would Scully ever believe? Did it matter if she did? Ultimately it was the truth he so keenly sought and Scully had never deceived him. Not intentionally. Mulder rubbed is hands over his morning stubble and sighed. Scully was the only choice. In fact there was really no choice to make. She was ingrained in him. She was integral to his decisions, was the first and last person he consulted about anything of import. Her anger had surprised him though. It was genuinely unexpected. But the more he thought about what she'd said the night prior, the more he came to terms with the fact that he'd been a bastard to her. There she had stood in the gunmen's lair, clad in black- devastating- stating her claim. She laid out her findings and he refuted them without any consideration. She couldn't have looked more insulted if he'd spat on her. "Oh Scully. I'm so sorry." He muttered to himself. He rose from his couch and called a cab. She deserved better. Better than he'd treated her. He'd try to make amends, even if only to himself. Mulder tipped the cab driver and crossed the street in front of O'Reilley's pub. Scully's car was still parked there. He took his set of keys from his pocket and got inside. The car smelled of her and he inhaled deeply. He glanced down and noticed a manila envelope resting in the passenger's seat. He toyed briefly with the thought of not even touching it but he caved and slipped the contents out. They were Scully's findings on Agent Diana Fowley. There were scratches of information cross- referencing phone numbers in the margins, he thought he recognized Frohike's hand writing. He sifted through the pages and saw what Scully had seen. The duplicity was apparent. Mulder rested his head on the steering wheel for a moment. He had so much to apologize for... so much. He drove Scully's car back to her place, parking it in her space in the lot behind her building. He went around the front, aching with the temptation to knock on her door, or even let himself in. But she'd promised to call. Mulder sat down on the stoop at the front of her address and dialed another cab from his cell phone. He glanced at his watch and noted just how much of the day was already gone. He turned and looked at Scully's living room window, the blinds were up slightly and he could see the top of her couch, the afghan over her chair. As the cab pulled up, the door behind him swung open- it was Scully. "Mulder?" "I was just leaving Scully- don't worry, I didn't come to bother you." "No, its ok. I just called your place and noticed my car was back- I looked outside and there you were." "I wanted to get your car home for you." "Why don't you let the cabby go- I'll take you home later." She smiled a little and his eyes softened. "Ok, if you're sure." She nodded and held out her arm to gesture him inside. He took a seat on her couch and watched, as she seemed to glide from room to room, putting some laundry away. She soon sat down in the chair opposite him and sighed. "Before you say anything Scully, I want to tell you I'm sorry." "Well thank you I guess. But what is it you're sorry for?" "I'm sorry for not believing you, for not seeing why you were concerned. I wasn't willing to see Scully and I hurt you. I'm sorry." "It's a start. I take it you read the file then?" "I did. I looked it all over- the phone bills, the travel logs, car requisitions... all of it- and it seems you were right." "I suppose I should be glad that you've pulled your head out of the sand." Her lips pursed together. The more he apologized, the more irritated she appeared. "Funny though..." "What's that?" "Funny how you couldn't just take my word on it." Mulder let his head fall he ran his fingers through his hair. He felt defeated. "I know I demand proof from you Mulder, I know I ask for the science, the facts- I know that sometimes one's word is not quite enough without the evidence to corroborate it. But I had that evidence Mulder. I was holding it in my hands when you shot me down. "Now, I'm not angry- at least not like I was last night Mulder. But I think it says too much- that you don't trust me enough to be level headed about my mistrust of agent Fowley." "I do trust you Scully. I don't know what to say or do at this point. I can only assure you that I believe you now. Can't we just put this behind us?" "What, kiss and make up? It's not that simple Mulder." "Can't it be?" "No, I don't think it can." She stood up and wandered into the kitchen to make tea. He left her alone to her thoughts for a while before joining her at the kitchen table. He took her hand in his, stroking the silky softness of her skin. She let him. But when he looked up at her and saw the tug of a frown on her lips he and was disappointed all over again. "I don't know why I can't let this go." She shook her head as if it would jostle the thoughts from her memory. "I want to just get passed it." "Then let it. Scully, we can do this." "Letting it go means you get away with being a jerk for all these past months. Do you find that fair?" "No, I suppose not." He released his hold on her hand. "But what can I do to make up for it then?" "I don't know... I think time will make up for it." "Time." He muttered. He didn't want to wait. He wanted to kiss her and hold her and apologize between breaths. "Are you sure a kiss wouldn't so the trick?" He smiled weakly. She returned the smile and stood up, guiding him to stand as well. "Ok. Try me. Just one kiss Mulder and we'll see if it takes the pain away." One kiss, one chance to right what was wrong, now. Mulder knew what was riding on this; he needed to make it unforgettable. He brought his hands to frame her face, entwining his fingers into her still damp hair. He watched her carefully, waiting for the perfect moment to lay his lips to hers. Her eyes were clear and the smile had died, replaced by a slightly scared look- he was reminded of how she looked in his hallway before the bee sting. A little piece of him broke at the memory. He gripped her head steadily and tipped it back, her eyes fluttered closed briefly. Then he began to walk her back against the counter. He pressed himself to her. His body insisting that she pay attention, that she know just how much he needed her. He dropped his head, dipping into the crook of her neck then he dragged his parted lips over her pulsepoint. He could feel her breathing hitch in her throat. His mouth traveled over her jaw and came home to her full lips. He still held her face, caressing her scalp with his hair-tangled fingers as she opened herself to the kiss. Their mouths mated, pushing and pulling from one another as if their lives depended on this new electric energy. One kiss... Mulder refused to pull away. One kiss would have to convince her that this was true, that he believed her, that he was sorry for being an ass. Her lips parted and he plundered her mouth with an insistent tongue. She moaned. He was breathless. He wrapped one arm around her lower back, stroking that spot- his spot, through the cotton of her shirt. She arched further into the kiss, gripping his back and humming softly. Even he was making a quiet needy noise in his throat, wanting more- so much more. Finally, when the need to breathe became too demanding, they broke their liplock. Mulder stepped back a bit and let his partner catch her rhythm. "So?" He smirked. "Oh don't be so cocky Mulder..." She licked her lips, tasting him again. "That wasn't good?" He made a puppy dog face. "I didn't say it wasn't good. It was great, I'm just trying to evaluate if it solved everything." "And..." "And, I doubt it solved everything but I suppose if I want another kiss like that- I can't stay mad at you. So it solved enough." "The rest we'll sort through together Scully. We'll do it together." She stepped up to him again. Snaking her arms under his and round his waist. Scully lay her head to his chest and paused, listening to the beat of his heart. There was so much she wanted to say, but the words were lost for the moment. Scully leaned back, smiling at her partner. She raised to her tiptoes and kissed him back, as hungrily and as passionately as he'd kissed her. Equals. Partners. FIN ~*~*~*~*~ Until There's Nothing Left To Say- part four By xenoprobe Mulder's head hit the wood frame of Scully's bedroom door. He welcomed the slight buzz of pain it caused. In fact, he welcomed every sensation he was involved with at that particular moment. It was Scully who'd kissed him so hard, so desperately, that he'd stumbled back and knocked his head, and he was more than eager to take on any other inanimate obstructions just to get more from her. Scully tore herself away from him, panting slightly and smiling wickedly. "Why do I get the feeling you still feel the need to punish me Scully?" His voice was low and suggestive. "Are you playing on your instincts, or are you profiling me again Mulder?" Her smirk was delicious, it begged to be kissed. Mulder came forward, gripping her at the shoulders. He pressed her back to the hallway wall and grabbed her chin. Scully's body relaxed at his forceful touch, she was nearly limp just waiting to be kissed again. His grip was strong and he thrust her chin up and to one side, exposing the ivory beauty of her throat. Mulder's teeth came down over her flesh, nipping at her jugular like a starved vampire. Scully cried out- a sound of pure pleasure, and her voice rang in his ears like a melody. He worked his lips all over her neck, suckling her earlobe, feasting on her jawline. Bliss. "Mmm... Mulderrrr..." She was purring. He pulled back and framed her face with both hands, his shoulders forming a shrug as he lifted her face to meet his. "God I love your lips Scully." He touched his tongue to her lips, tracing the outline of her perfect mouth. He licked at them like a cat with a bowl of milk, hungry for every drop of her. Scully's tiny fingers worked their way under his shirt, clawing up his torso, dragging cruelly over his nipples. His entire body jerked in response. She pushed him back and broke contact. "Are we ever going to make it to the bedroom Mulder? Or is the hallway your preference? You seem to favour hallways..." She pushed open her bedroom door and they stepped into the room. It was washed in low, soft light from her bedside lamp; the orange glow of a sunset peeked through the curtains. With one finger pressed to his chest, Scully backed her partner up to the bed. She continued her play by removing his shirt, pulling it over his head and tousling his hair. She unbuckled his belt and unfastened the button of his jeans, smiling to herself as his hips twitched to her touch. She ran her hands down his long arms then back up his torso, feeling the smoothness of his skin and the down of his hair. She raised herself up to kiss him, slamming her mouth against his in a fury of passion. Mulder responded by delving his tongue into her open mouth, swirling and sucking the kisses from her. Scully placed both hands to his chest and pushed. Hard. Mulder tipped back and fell to the bed with a plop. "Mine..." Scully growled as she knelt down at his feet. She slipped off his socks and clambered up his legs. The sight of his partner poised at the fly of his jeans sent Mulder into spins. This was more than any fantasy, more than he ever dared imagine of her. Scully's fingers played over the zipper, teasing the hard length of him through his jeans. His head fell back but his desire to observe her hovering over his groin was more powerful than the physical sensation. That was about to change. Scully suddenly tore his pants open and yanked enough of the garment away to expose his boxers. She made short work of them too, pulling them down quickly as well. Mulder's clothes were balled up just under his ass, elevating the area that his partner was zeroing in on. He shivered, head to toe, when she licked her lips. "Mine..." she repeated. Delicate, perfect fingers stroked the underside of his erection, eliciting a low growl from Mulder's lips. Scully smiled and tasted her tongue to the very tip of his penis. He was salty and sweet and delicious. She wanted more. She wanted to exercise as much power over him as she pleased. She wanted to make him want her so very badly that no one else would ever do. Scully took the head of his cock into her velvety mouth and swirled her tongue around and around. They both felt the world tip off its axis. She hummed, her lips vibrating as she sucked and licked her way to the base of his cock and back again. Mulder could no longer focus- he was lost in the rising tide. In the blur of sensations, Mulder could just see the blaze of Scully's head hair, splayed over his groin as her head bobbed in a perfect rhythm. He let himself fall back against the sheets, no longer able to remain propped up to watch. It was exquisite and Mulder knew if she didn't stop soon, he'd cross the point of no return. "Scuhllee," he moaned, winding his fingers into her hair. He gripped a handful and pulled her off, his erection twitching for more of her expertise. "Scully, I'm so close." "I know." She said while raking her careful fingernails over his scrotum. His eyes fluttered. "What would you prefer Mulder?" "You. I think I'd like a turn at you." "Your wish is my command." She rose to her feet and stood by the side of the bed, head tipped back, eyes closed- waiting for whatever he'd do next. Mulder stood as well, peeling the rest of his clothing from his legs. "Hmmm..." He placed a finger to his pursed lips. "Where to begin?" Scully peeked at her partner, smiling inwardly. "Well... for starters this has to go." Mulder slowly unbuttoned her cotton top and smoothed it over her shoulders, letting it fall away. "And these as well..." He unfastened her jeans and slipped them down, stepping her out of each pant leg at a time. She stood clad in her bra and cotton undies. Mulder's mouth was watering. His hands circled her waist; they nearly closed around her petite frame. He didn't quite know where to begin; she looked so trusting, so deliciously open to him. Mulder reached behind her, trailing his fingers up her spine until he found the clasp of her bra- he snapped it open and slipped it off. Her breasts were round and full, the nipples already stiff with anticipation. Without touching her with his hands, Mulder leaned over and traced a circle around one areola with his tongue. Scully shivered and smiled. His lips closed around it and he sucked the hardened flesh into his mouth, tugging at her breast like he was feasting from her. He lavished similar attentions on the other breast before pulling away again. "They're beautiful Scully... although, I already figured they'd be." He grinned. Scully smoothed an open palm down his cheek, caressing his face in appreciation. Mulder ran his large hands over her breasts again, feeling his way to her neck. He gently traced his fingers over her collarbone, noticing how her body reacted with goose bumps each time he changed his touch. He kissed her again. Kissed her because her mouth hung open slightly. Kissed her because she was so painfully beautiful. Kissed her because she was all-important to him. Kissed her because he was finally free to do so. Their bodies met, skin to skin for the first time and they both groaned slightly. Mulder cupped a breast between them, coaxing her nipple into a near painful nub. He pinched and twisted at it playfully as her body relaxed even more. Then, Mulder took the flat of his hand and smoothed it down the length of her torso; from between her breasts, all the way down, until he cupped her between the legs. Her cotton panties grew damper as he rubbed his hand back and forth over her hidden mound. He couldn't delay his curiosity any longer- Mulder grabbed her hips and tore down her underwear. He went straight back to what he was doing, only this time; he slipped two long fingers between her slick folds. Scully exhaled heavily. "My God, you're so wet." He seemed amazed, inspired. "Yessss..." She nodded. He pulled her to his chest, pausing to steal another kiss. Mulder reached behind her, parting her legs from behind before he slid his finger into the wet opening again. Scully rubbed against him as he pumped one, then two, then three fingers inside of her. Her body began to tremble and Mulder pulled away, reluctant to bring her to orgasm too soon. He instead turned her around and knelt, smoothing his hands down, then back up the contours of her body. Mulder paused to lick at the small of her back, a place his fingers had called home for years now belonged to his lips as well. He smiled. He traveled up her spine, trailing kisses for each vertebra until he reached the back of her neck. He stopped then, staring at the scar from her chip. Very gently, he ran his tongue around the spot, Scully's head tipped back slightly as she whispered into the air. "What did you say Scully?" "I said, forever." "Yes, forever. Yes Scully." She may have meant the chip would remain there forever, but Mulder ignored the obvious, instead taking the word as literally as possible. They were forever. Each a part of the other. They were necessary, like air, like food. Mulder eased his partner forward, pressing her aching breasts into the sheets as he continued his assault of kisses back down her spine. He climbed atop of her and slowly let his weight ease over her body. He erection rubbed at her bottom and she lifted her pelvis, welcoming the sensation. Mulder groaned. Then, without warning, he rolled over, taking her tiny frame with him, until they lay together, both facing the ceiling. His hands laced with hers as he hugged her tight. Scully's legs slid over the sides of his, leaving herself open to him, Mulder made short work of tracing his hands back to the dampened haven at her core. "Scully... show me..." he crooned in her ear. "Show you what Mulder?" her voice was almost childlike. "Show me how to touch you- guide my hands to touch you, like you touch yourself." Scully's fingers pressed down on his, slipping a long digit between the slick folds. She puffed out a sigh. She continued to use Mulder's hands to her pleasure, taking his fingers deep inside, showing him just how to reach that heavenly spongy spot that could create rainbows in the brain. "Oh... Oh Mulder..." "Is that what you say... when you touch yourself?" "Yessss, oh God yes... Mulderrrrr..." Her head tossed from side to side has he continued the deep thrusts of his now expert fingers. Scully's hand joined his, teasing her hardened clit to the point of pain. She was so close and could feel the pull of climax in the pit of her belly. Mulder's erection strained between their bodies, the friction of her ass grinding back against him was driving him mad. "Yes, Oh yes... I'm- Oh fuck, I'm coming. Mulder! Oh God Mulder!" Her eyes slammed shut against the outside world as the orgasm rocked through her entire body. After a moment Mulder slowly eased her off of his chest and hovered above her, kissing the sweat from her brow. "You have to be the most beautiful thing in the world." She smiled weakly and welcomed his weight between her thighs. It was time to change that world. So slowly, Mulder sank his shaft into her, parting her carefully, savouring the sensation of her tight opening. Scully grabbed his ass, demanding all of him. He complied without further hesitation. His cock began to piston in and out, marking a rhythm that jumped up speed every time her lips parted to moan. Mulder watched her closely, seeing her, feeling her- inside and out all at once. He was overwhelmed. "Oh Scuhlleee... Oh God. Mine." He echoed her word from earlier. Mine. They were each other's alone. "Mine, you're mine." "Yes Mulder. Oh God more... please more." She shifted her legs, wrapping them high around his back, tilting her pelvis up to receive all she could. Their tempo rose. Scully opened her eyes and saw herself in the reflection of his hazel pools. They were beautiful together and she could not, at that moment, think of one reason why they had waited six years to finally reach this point. He smiled at her, a lopsided grin that was heart rendering, as if he too was thinking the same thing. His lips began to form the letter "L" and Scully silenced him with an open-mouthed kiss. Their tongues probed, mimicking the pumping of his cock deep inside her. "Don't say it." She shushed. "I-" "I know Mulder. I know. Me too." At that moment the world pitched forward, sending both of them into a spiral of climactic bliss. Mulder howled like a wounded animal, drowning out the murmurs of her after shock. His hands came up to frame her face; her fiery red hair was splayed across the crisp white of her bed-sheets. "Me too then Scully, me too." Mulder kissed the salt from the hollow of her throat then tickled his tongue over her lips, prying them apart until the kiss threatened to swallow them both. He rolled off to one side, their mouths still entangled. "Mulder..." She pulled away, her brow slightly furrowed. "Yes Scully?" She hesitated, her expression shifting from dark to light. "Nevermind, its- its nothing." Scully returned his kisses, finding she was not yet completely drained of her passion. They kissed and whispered under the sheets until sleep pulled their eyes closed. It was dark outside when Mulder reached to turn off the bedside lamp. "I trust you." He replied to her unspoken question. "I know Mulder. You don't have to say it, I know... there's nothing left to say about it..." Her breathing grew shallow as Scully fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. Mulder waited nearly an hour to follow her into darkness. He lay there, watching the moonbeams dance over her face. "I love you, IloveyouIloveyouIoveyou..." he whispered into her ear. "And now there's nothing left to say." FIN ~*~*~*~*~ Author's Notes: Ok. This was incredibly hard to finish. It was as if the gods of the internet world had all pitted against my posting this final installment. I will be so glad when my new PC comes home tomorrow and I can be done with crashes, lost hard drives and bad connections. Please try to forgive any mistakes, I spellchecked and all but, as I am using a borrowed laptop- I cannot be sure that its all in good order. I hope it was worth waiting for. At this point, I have lost sight of the larger picture and can no longer tell if the above fic is any good. So, please send me your comments, pretty please. This was a good challenge Belle- huge thanks, along with hugs and kisses and best belated birthday wishes:) xenoprobe@hotmail.com http://www.xenoprobe.com