From: "viccan Andersson" Date: Wed, 25 Apr 2001 17:42:28 -0000 Subject: No Subject Provided Source: direct This is my first fanfic I would be glad if you sent me feedback! I would also say that you have to read the story "ANGER" by Jessica Maurer and Leyla Harrison befor you should read this! She didn't know what they did to her. God, that must have been terrible to not know. She'd been gone for 2 months and when she came back she didn't remember anything of that tree months. I told her first that she'd been gone for 3 month. I went to her room when Melissa and her mom had left. She handle it strange. I was really worried about her. She was angry all the time now. I didn't know then what was wrong with her. She kept all her fears of the abduction inside herself which was killing her slowly from inside. I think she told herself that she had to do it because of her need of control. She'd lost a lot of weight while she was gone. A lot in fact. 20 ponds I guessed. She came back to work almost as soon as she was released from the hospital. She saw the x-file I had investigated on my own while she was gone. She shredded the file, tearing it apart with her hands and teeth. I never mentioned it to her. In the old days I would have ripped Scully upside and down if she had done something like that. Of course in the old days she would done something like that. She was totally changed. She walked strange. She was tense and sometimes she shook badly. She didn't eat. She had no appetite. I really tried to get her eat but she said she couldn't or she picked in her food and took tiny bites. What did they do to her while she was gone? Why did they take her? I wanted her to talk to a therapist. But when I said it she just yelled at me: "I don't need to talk to anyone." Her anger got over on me too. Almost everyday we ended up arguing about something and she ran out of the office, slamming the door and ran home. In fact she ran to work everyday. She spent 24 hours a day at the office. Every single break we had at the days she went to the academy gym. She said she needed her strength back. I believed her, I trusted her. I *do* trust her. I believe she told herself the same thing she sold me about the gym. She always smiled when she came in. "What the hell are you doing with yourself?" I yelled at her. "Mind your own business," she yelled back. I ignored her. "You are not fully recovered. You need sometime for yourself. You are pushing yourself to hard." "I had three fucking months to myself and a lot of good it did to me," she yelled back. I realized what I had said and I regretted it at once. "Scully... I am sorry..." I whispered. "Don't be," she spat out, " your pity doesn't do me any good." "I don't pity you I only meant---" "I know what you meant. I know you are sorry Mulder. Bud it doesn't matter now. It happened. We can't change it. Let's forget about it." She couldn't go on like this. I had to do something to make her break. ONE WEEK LATER at the office: She came in with the smile on her face. She took of her coat jacket. She had a new skirt. It was black and tight. I saw how thin she was. She was thinner now than she was at the hospital. I could se her ribs protruding through the skirt. "Going to a funeral?" I asked calmly. "No", she said, "why do you ask?" "Because you are dressed for one" I snapped, "no, even better: you look like you are dressed for your own funeral, which won't be long in coming at the rate you are going." I saw her grew angry, but she stayed cool. "I didn't come back from to be treated like this, Mulder," she whispered. "Then why *did* you come back?" I said, "so you could finished their job, kill yourself on your own terms this time". She rose up from her chair and went to my desk and slapped me hard across my face. "HOW DARE YOU?" she yelled. I rubbed my cheek. "No Scully, how dare you? How dare you throw your life away after almost losing it?" She sat down hard in her chair. "I am not `throwing my life away`." I decided to not say anymore since we got nowhere. We worked in silence. She broke the silence. "Mulder, I am sorry" "Are you?" I asked. She swallowed and nodded. "Then would you do something for me?" "Wh-h-what is it?" She sounded so scared. "Eat something," I said, let me take you to lunch, anywhere you want. Please Scully, you are so thin..." She seemed to tense when I mentioned it. "Okay," she squeaked out. I almost cried by happiness. " Really" I had to ask to be sure. "Yes really, you pick." "No Scully, you pick. What is your favorite place to eat out?" "Uhm... Harry Street on E street?" "Good, It'll be nice" She seemed to be freezing. Actually she was cold all the time now. We walked in silence. I touched her light on the small of her back. We seated and got menus. Scully reached up to put her hair behind the ear. I saw that her fingernails where blue. "Scully... fingernails are blue" She studied her hand. It was a warm spring day. I saw her lips were blue to." Your lips are blue to...Jesus Christ , are you *that* cold, Scully?" "No Mulder, I am fine." Of course she was (not). I flagged down the waitress. "Can we have another table away from window. My friend is little chilly." We got another table in a dark corner. Scully shook. "Two cup of coffee please" I said before the waitress left. Scully was just staring at me. Her eyes were saying: `what the hell was that`. "You need something to warm you up," I said. . "Thanks Mulder, but I am f---". "Don't tell me you are fine. Cause you're obviously not. People who are *fine* don't turn up blue from sitting by an open window on a warm springday. Come to think of it I'm getting a little warm myself," I said and took of my suit jacket and rolled my cuffs up.- she glared at me. Crossing her arms in front of her. "What is your point. Mulder?" "My *point* Scully is that you are dangerously underweight. You haven't gained any weight at all, you just keep losing. I am worried about you. I want you to se a doctor." I didn't know then, that this wasn't something beyond her control. "I am a doctor" she answered. Yeah right, I thought. Sure she is but she couldn't be objective about her condition. " Hello? Scully? Are you there?" "I zoned out Mulder sorry. I'll think about it okay?" "Great!!!!!" Then the waitress came with our food. As usual Scully was just picking in her food. I what watched her as I ate. "Scully? What's wrong with you?" " I lost my appetite" "You do that a lot. What is it? You don't eat and I guess you don't sleep very much either." She lost her temper again. "SHUT UP MULDER! Can't you just leave me alone!" she rose up from her chair and ran out from the restaurant. I had to pay, then I ran out. I didn't se her. I stopped a cab that passed me and drove ahead to Scully. After about 5 minutes I saw her. She was running. She was exhausted, sweaty. I thought stop the cab. But I decided to met her at her apartment which was obvious that that was the place she was going to. A FEW MINUTES LATER in Scullys apartment. She arrived 10 minutes after me. She looked terrible. Dark circles under her eyes, her thin pale face. "What the hell are you doing here, Mulder" " You just ran away from me" "Yeah, sorry I didn't, I---" she collapsed on the floor. I got so scared. I ran over to her and checked for a pulse. It was fine. I had to take her to the hospital. This wasn't god. Now pieces began to fall in the right places for me. I understood what was going on with her. I picked her up and tool her to the car and drove her to the hospital. She kicked and screamed. She slapped me hard across the face. It was like she was in another world. HOSPITAL "Help!!!!!" I yelled. A nurse came. And we got Scully in a room. Doctor arrived to the room where Scully and I Were in. "What have we got?" the doctor asked the nurse. " 31 years old female, found unconscious. Appears undernourished. "IV started, 18 gauge, left anocubetell, normal saline running wide open." " Will she be alright?" I asked. "Is she taking any drugs?" the nurse asked me. I almost laughed at the question. Drugs... not Scully. "No" The nurses hooked her up with tubes and stuff. I could just watch. I felt so helpless. "Okay it's not critical. Stay here so you can be here for her when she wakes up." She nurse said to me. I sat down by Scullys bed. Suddenly she awoke. "Hi Scully, she said." "Hey what happened? Where am I?" " You fainted. You are at the hospital." "Oh. What happened to you?" she pointed at my cheek. "You hit me" She lowered her eyes, avoiding mine. She covered her face with her hands, crying softly. "Please Mulder. Please leave me alone" "No way Scully" She looked at me now. "Look what I have done to you. I am hurting you. It's been the only thing I have done to you since I got back. I almost laughed. "What you have done to me is nothing if you compare it to what you are doing to yourself. " She didn't say anything, she just nodded. "I can't just stand by and let you starve yourself to death. You need help. I am going to help you through this but you have to do the big work." Her eyes filled with tears. "I am so scared Mulder. I don't know what did to me. What they did yo my body. That makes me feel dirty and ugly, Mulder. I NEED TO KNOW!!!" " I know, I know." I sat down beside her in her hospital bed and put my arm around her, " But first you have to get better. You need to take care of yourself, she just nodded and relaxed in my arms. She was going to make it, I could feel it! END Please send me feedback... You should know that I am not enligsh so my english isn't the best