From: Blue Bird <102170.236@CompuServe.COM> Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: NEW: VENGEFUL (1/1) Date: 6 Apr 1996 06:35:06 GMT Vengeful By Bluebird Hi there gang!!! I wrote this for all Scullyites. I hope that you find if enjoyable, if not meaningful. All comments to 102170.236@compuserve.com This is not a part of the Leap series!! Disclaimer: Well guys, you know the drill; I don't own em. Any characters are used without permission of the owners. On with the story... A bloody egg yolk. A burnt hole spreading in a sheet. An en- raged rose threating to bloom. -May Swenson >From the Diary of Dana Scully: -------------------------------- Enigmatic dreams plague my sleep these days. I suppose that I could attribute them to the upheaval that has been my life. Yet, I feel there is much more to it than that. Sure Mulder and I have been at odds for quite a while now, but that's nothing new; we've always argued. Okay...maybe not like this. Today, for example, we decided to eat lunch in the office rather than go out. I wanted to order from the Chinese restuarant around the corner. Mulder wanted Greek. Instead of coming to a compromise, we argued. We both said some pretty hurtful things and I ended up walking out of the office. At the time, I told myself that I didn't want him to see how much he was hurting me. That's only partially true. As I stood in that office, with Mulder staring at me smugly from behind those frames, all I could think of was tearing his throat out. Rarely, in my life, have I ever felt so out of control. Not even when we investigated that Ice Core project. To tell you the truth, it scared me. Sure, Mulder has a way of getting on my nerves, but I've always been able to see thru whatever crap he was dealing me. He's my partner, my friend...I care for him as deeply as I do my family. Face it, he is family. I'm going to take a long, hot shower now. Hopefully it will be enough to wash away the guilt I'm feeling. ------------------------------------ It's 2:30 in the morning, I think. I just woke up. I tried calling Mulder, but he doesn't seem to be in. Damn him!! Where can he be at this hour? Stop it....I'm starting to sound like one of those co-dependants on the Sally show!!! I don't need Mulder to calm me down. I've always been my own calming agent and I'm not going to give that power over to them now. Them? Where the hell did that come from? I'm even starting to sound like him...paranoia Dana!! Trying to remember the dream...it's fuzzy now. I think it was about Mel. She was calling me, I'm almost sure of it. I miss her so much sometimes. We lost so much time in these last few years...I'll never get that back now. I can't feel it at times...the pain. It just disappears and I almost feel like she's still here. Then I'll be doing something...maybe washing clothes or doing paperwork for a case and the memory comes flooding in. Frohike, of all people, telling me that my sister was gunned down in _my_ apartment. Not being able to see her. Walking into an empty hospital room, spying an empty bed and, finally, seeing my sister...my sweet, beautiful, wise sister lying on a metal slab, cold and still. Damn it!! I can't even remember a stupid dream!! How am I supposed to tell my children (someday) about their Aunt Melissa? How will they ever know the sacrifice that she made for me? ----------------------------------------------------- Today was better. Better than what? Better than yesterday, that's for sure. Mulder seemed really concerned when I walked into the office this morning. He asked me if was getting any sleep. I gave him the standard "I'm fine." and got to work. I thought that was the end of it, but I should have known better. When he suggested my favorite eatery for lunch, I knew that it wasn't even close to being over. He sat across from me, silently, throughout lunch. I found it very disconcerting to say the least. His eyes were one me the whole time. Needless to say, I didn't even enjoy my meal. How can you with two piercing hazel eyes trained on you? Especially those two hazel eyes. We got into the car to return to work but Mulder didn't put the key into the ignition. Oh no...instead he gave me his best "big brother" routine. He told me that I could always talk to him...that he wouldn't judge me, that he cared. I nodded at him and gave a weak smile. When he touched my hand, I found myself oddly turned on. But only for a second before it turned to something that felt too much like remorse to be anything else. I can't allow myself to have feelings for Mulder, at least not those kind. I can't afford them right now. I think he saw that in my eyes, because he took his hand away and started the car without another word. It may not be much of an improvement, but at least I didn't want to smash his face in today. ---------------------------------------------------------- It's 11:24 at night. I feel asleep on the couch. Keep having that dream. It's about Melissa... I'm sure of it now. Her red hair, shoulder length and straight...like she wore it in high school. I'm trying to reach her, but I can't. She's standing inside of mom's house. I can see her...but she has her back to me. I can hear laughter coming from behind the front door. There's a party going on. I don't care about that though...all I want to do is reach my sister. Tell her that I love her. Ask her not to leave again...stay around for just a while longer. I try to open the door...it's locked. I knock but no one hears me. I even try to open the windows...to no avail. I'm crying now... frustrated to be so close. Then I hear Mulder. I turn around to find him standing, arms crossed, in front of me. "Little spy," he says. "Sent to spy on me," he says. I ask him for his help, I need him to help me reach her. He just looks at me. That's when I woke up. I'm sure that if I told this dream to someone, they would say that I'm subconsciously blocking feelings of resentment for Mulder. That I blame him for my sister's death, on some level. I don't think that I do. God, I hope not. He already feels enough guilt about Samantha and my abuduction. How much more could he deal with? Especially if his partner told him that she held him responsible for her sister's death. Third person, once again. I've got to stop doing that. I know that Mulder doesn't think of me as a spy...anymore. I _was_ sent to debunk the X-files, no question about that. They thought that they could use me to destroy him...they came close. I may not believe in all of Mulder's theories, but I do trust and understand him. We have one of the highest solve rates in the bureau. That's no accident. Wait...I'm getting off track. Melissa. My sister is coming to me in dreams. I know that it's my mind's way of dealing with the grief and pain that I refuse to look at during my waking hours; Melissa is not reaching out to me from beyond the grave. -------------------------------------------- I got caught in the rain on the way home. Completely soaked, I stripped out of my wet clothes while standing just inside of my apartment. Not three minutes after I entered the shower, I heard the lock turn on my front door. I looked over at my gun, which was sitting on the sink. As a million thoughts filled my mind, I heard Mulder's voice calling me. He almost gave me a heart attack!! He came over to pick up the Chumlet file that I was working on this morning. We had planned to go over it together tommorrow. He couldn't get it off of his mind and decided to work on it tonight. I told him to wait in the living room, that I would be with him as soon as my shower was done. I should have known that Mulder would take full advantage of the situation. By the time I realized he was entering the bathroom, it was too late. He leaned against the sink and talked to me as I showered. When I asked him for a towel, I heard the husky low tones in his voice. I knew that he was being tempted...so was I. I have to admit that he is a handsome man. But he's also my partner. When he handed me the towel, his hand rubbed against my naked arm. I saw the gooseflesh on his arm. I heard his ragged breathing. I closed my eyes and waited. Mulder walked out of the bathroom and shut the door behind him. When I came out, he was gone. There was a note on the kitchen table. Hastily scrawled, I could make out the words "see you tommorrow". It's for the best. It's not like anything would have happened. Mulder may have been having lustful thoughts, but that's nothing out of the ordinary. He's always teasing and flirting with me; it doesn't mean that his feelings go any deeper than those of a high school boy admiring his teacher's legs in a short skirt. Harmless. -------------------------------------------------- 2:45 in the morning. I had the dream again. This time, when I reached the window, she spoke to me. She wouldn't turn around though. Even as I cried and pounded and screamed her name. She wouldn't look at me. Maybe if she did, she'd turn into a pillar of salt, like Lot's wife. Someone so pure looking upon something so vile. That's me. I'm an unforgiven soul. She stood there, on the other side of the glass, and said (in a voice that was rough and harsh and cold) "Avenge me." My sister wants vegenance. This startles me. I know that my real sister would never ask for such a thing. Melissa is, was, a truly forgiving soul. She would never hold me responsible for her death, even if I do. I'm not trying to cannonize her...she was really that good. Anyway, I'm sleepy now. I'm closing down for the night. ------------------------------------------------------- What an asshole!!! I can't believe my bad luck!!! Of all the people to get paired with, I got Fox Mulder. Spooky Mulder!! The one that everyone laughs at, they don't even care enough to do it when he's not around. He had to tell Skinner that the murderer was an alien. He couldn't just stop there though, he had to tell him that the alien was protecting it's children!!! How much more??? Someone please tell me!!! Skinner almost laughed. So did I. And I would have if it wasn't so damned sad. My parents didn't scrimp and save all their pennies so that I could sit in a basement office for the rest of my life. They didn't put me thru medical school so that some guy could snatch me up, in the middle of the night, and take me away for three months. They didn't sacrifice vacations so that their oldest daughter could be killed by a bullet meant for me. OOOHHHH GODDDDD!!!!! I CAN'T. I CAN'T. ---------------------------------------------------- Today everything was fine. Work was productive. I'm meeting mom for an early dinner tonight. Bill is getting braces for Thomas. Charles may be flying in for a few days. ------------------------------------------------------ It's 3:45 in the morning. I haven't gone to sleep yet. Mulder wants to go to the movies on the weekend. His treat. I told him that I'd let him know. Susan wants to set me up with Duncan Reiser. He works in pathology over at Memorial. I may go out with him. He seems nice and I desperately need a break. ------------------------------------------------------ Movie was good, if you like violence, sex and more sex. Mulder was throughly pleased with himself. He seems to think that he knows me better than I know myself. When we got back here, we pulled out the wine glasses and watched a late late movie on television. Mulder, being Mulder, fell asleep on my couch. It's too small for him but I didn't have the heart to wake him. He looks like an angel sleeping there. His mother must have enjoyed putting him down for naps...his face takes on such a peaceful quality. I think that it has healing powers (I won't tell _him_ that though). It's 4:15 in the morning. I'm badly shaken by the dream that I just had. It was the same one. The house, Melissa...except that when I tried to open the door, the knob turned easily in my hand. I stepped into the house. There was a party going on. I found myself in the middle of a family reunion of sorts. There were Scullys there from all generations. I saw my father, his father and his father's father. I saw my mom, looking beautiful and young. My brothers were there, laughing it up in the corner with Melissa. She looked different, but great. Her hair was lightly curled and beyond her shoulders, not like it had been in my previous dreams. When she saw me, she ran to me with open arms. She greeted me with more love than I have felt since her death. When I asked her why she hadn't spoken to me previously, she said that it wasn't her. It was the woman in the family room. And she was still in there....waiting for me. Melissa took my hand and walked with me down the hall to the room. Outside the door, she stopped and explained that she could go no further. She hugged me again and told me that she loved me. She asked me to be strong and to face the woman. She told me that the woman would surely destroy me if I wasn't. Bracing myself, I entered the room. It was dark, unlike the rest of the house. Outside the window, I could see a storm brewing. The lighting flashed and I could make out the features of the mystery woman. She was the one that I had seen in the previous dreams. Her back was still turned to me. Her red hair hung lightly against her shoulders. "Who are you?" I asked. "Who are You." she replied. Her hands were crumpled into tiny white balls. She continued to look out the window. "I'm Dana Scully." I said. "I don't know who you are or what you want. You've told me that you want revenge. But how can I avenge you if I don't know who you are?" The woman pounded against the window, sending tiny jolts of nervous energy thru my body. I was scarred, but I wouldn't run...not this time. "Do you really want to see me Dana?" "Yes." I said quietly, steeling myself for what was to come. Nothing prepared me for what I saw. When she turned around I thought that I was certainly dreaming my last dream...that my life was ending. It was my own face that I saw. Only younger, more innocent, more naive...trusting. I looked back upon my own face...OH GOD!!! I was so innocent and alive. I had friends...I had dreams, a sister. Now what do I have? "Avenge me." my younger self said. "Avenge me...avenge my death." I thought that writing would help to calm me, but I'm shaking even more now. I may even be crying...I can't tell anymore. I think I hear Mulder moving around out there. Please hurry Mulder...please hurry. ---------------------------------------------------------------- >From the Journal Of Fox Mulder Last night I spent the night at Dana's. She was upset about something. >From the way she was shaking it was probably something big. I haven't seen her like that in a long time. I know that I can be a pain in the ass, but even at my worst, I've never caused her to act like that. Although, last week ... So I just sat there with her...on her bed. I held her and stroked her hair until she fell asleep. She didn't hear me leave this morning and when I got to work, I found out that she had called in sick. That's so unlike her. I know that she needs the time to recuperate from Melissa. She hasn't allowed herself the time to grieve. I think that's what this has to do with anyway. It's selfish, but I was rather glad that she needed me last night. It felt great to hold her in my arms. Maybe one day she'll let me do it on a regular basis. Hell, who am I kidding. I know that Scully doesn't feel that way about me. Even if she does, she won't let herself show it. I'm thinking about stopping by tonite. Maybe I'll get some movies and a pizza. We can stay up and watch tv and talk. I'm hoping that she'll want to talk tonite. I need to be there for her. ------------------------------------------------------------- =========================================================================== From: Blue Bird <102170.236@CompuServe.COM> Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: NEW: VENGEFUL PART 2 (1/1) Date: 6 Apr 1996 17:38:03 GMT Vengeful Part 2 By Bluebird After being asked to write more, I realized that I do in fact have more to say. Enjoy it Tim. Bluebird. Disclaimer: See part 1. On with the story... I repay. - Stephen King from Rose Madder Sweet is revenge-especially to women. - Lord Byron >From the Diary of Dana Scully: ------------------------------------------------ Called in sick today, for a number of reasons. When I woke up this morning, Mulder was gone. No note. Just gone. I guess he didn't want to wake me, but I wish that he had. I felt like a child. Laying there in his arms, crying like an infant. I don't like seeming so needy. I know that Mulder doesn't see me like that, but I do. Sometimes, before I can catch myself, I find myself needing him. To see his face, hear his voice...smell his cologne from across the room. I need to laugh at his jokes. I _need_ to argue with him about those theories of his. I need the validation that my life has some meaning. For the last three years, it's been him. Not good. I can't count on him to be around forever. Dr. Bambi and Dectective White showed me that. One day, Mulder is going to fall in love. He's going to want a life that involves more than traveling around the country in search of aliens, sewer creatures and retro viruses. One day Mulder is going to want a family...someone to love. This isn't about Mulder, is it? I mean, all the pain, the frustration... it's not so that I can stay with him? I can't be. My sister didn't die so that I could ride in the Taurus beside a guy that doesn't even want me. Speaking of my sister. That dream shook me up. I reread my journal entry from last night. My handwriting is a scrawled, almost unintelligable mess. I can remember the dream so vividly. Melissa wasn't the woman in the window. It was me. All this time, I thought that my sister was turning her back on me. I thought that the stress that I've been feeling was due to my feelings about Melissa. The way that things ended between us. I know now that it goes so much deeper than that. ------------------------------------------------ Went to see an old classmate of mine today. Grey Contenese. We went to medical school together. He's a practicing psychiatrist. When I met him for lunch, he could tell that something other than old times was on my mind. He still looks good after all these years. Brown hair, green eyes... the all around gorgeous Italian male. Not married either. Not even seeing anyone. Not that it matters. After I told him about the dreams I was having, his demeanor changed. He went into what I call "Pyschian Mode". I do it to Mulder all the time. It's what we do when someone we care about is up against the wall. We 'doctor' them....tell them what's wrong and prescribe the cure. He told me what I already knew. I need to take some time off from work. Get away for a while...maybe even go on vacation (gasp!!). When I asked him if that was some new kind of anti-depressant, he laughed. He's a good friend. I wonder why I waited until now to call him? Anyway. I'm going to spend the rest of the day getting my home in order. My godson will be spending the weekend with me, and I know that I won't have time to childproof the apartment later during the week. ------------------------------------------------- What a day!!! We'll be leaving for Texas, parts unknown, in about four hours. I'm letting Ms. Evin down the hall watch Clyde while we're gone. Mulder told me that I should just give the dog to my mom; the constant upset is too much for Clyde. I think that he's probably right. This should be an interesting case. I hope that Mulder doesn't really expect to find giant, prehistoric worms tunneling under ground. When I heard this one, I laughed uncontrollably. I couldn't help it. The look on his face was priceless. The smug bastard had it coming!! Where did that come from? Phone's ringing....got to go. -------------------------------------------------- >From the Note Pad of Special Agent Dana Scully: There are similar animal bites on all the victims. Upon first glance, they remind me of shark bites. Shark Bites in the desert??!!! Mulder is gonna love this. I can't wait to tell him. There is also a fair amount of blood loss. It's like these people were sucked on rather than eaten. But by what? I don't have a clue. No animal, to my knowledge, can due this type of damage... at least not an animal that lives in the desert. Worms, I think not. They don't have teeth. Mulder knows that. He's out there right now, entertaining the locals with his stories. He actually believes that old man...the one with the missing teeth and the bottle of scotch wrapped under his arm. Sometimes I could murder him. I could just reach up behind his back and cut his neck with my scapel. I could pound on his flesh until it was a bloody mess!!! We are in danger and all he can do is listen to stories of fantasy. If things get out of hand, I'm willing to leave him here. I won't jeapordize my life to go on a wild goose chase with him. We should be searching for a land roaming animal. Maybe one that's mutated. But definetly not worms!!! -------------------------------------------------------- Another murder. This time it was a twenty-seven year old woman. Her parents were notified and the body was identified. I watched their faces...the worry, anxiety and then the release, only to be replaced by horror and grief. My mother went thru that. Mulder told me. When I was gone, a woman fitting my description was found floating face down in the Potomac. They tried to reach Mulder, but he was off on some case. My mother was called. She went to the morgue, alone, and faced whatever demons awaited her. It was obviously not me but , in all my life, I'll never know what that did to her. I stood close enough to the couple to hear their words of consolation to each other. They seemed so close, so loving...this girl was loved. When I turned around, I found Mulder's eyes on me. For a moment, I thought I saw love...for me. I couldn't be that though. He was probably just concerned by my silence. I stood there for a long time after that, holding myself. Even after the girl's parents had left. I looked down at her body. I saw myself staring back. I can't explain it. I hadn't had the dream in over a week and all of a sudden this happens. A waking dream...induced by stress. Grey was right, I should have taken a vacation. --------------------------------------------------------- Found the remains of what seems to be a giant worm. Get this... it has teeth. Three rows of them!!! Mulder suprised me. Instead of being an ass and saying 'told you so', he hugged me. He told me that as soon as the proper channels were notified, we could get out of this hell hole. "We can leave soon Scully, I promise." For a moment, it felt so good to be wrapped in his warmth. I felt safe and whole and forgiven. But then I remembered. I remembered the woman's voice, her face, her eyes. I broke away from his embrace before it became too meaningful for me. I nodded my head in reply and went back to the car. When I got inside , I cried. Like I had not done in some years. I pounded my fists against the steering wheel, stomped my feet, pulled at my hair and screamed. I really lost control. By the time Mulder reached the car, I was fully composed again. The only marks that remained were the red lumps starting to swell on my hands. I shoved them into my pockets quickly. I don't think that he saw. I know that I'm losing it on some level. Maybe when we get back, I'll go see someone. I'm definetly going to ask Skinner for a few days. If I do nothing else, I'll sit at home and finish reading that book that I started five months ago. --------------------------------------------------------- >From the Journal of Fox Mulder: The downward spiral. If it was going to happen to anyone, I hoped it would be me. Not her...not Scully. I think that I'm losing her, again. Only this time the process is much slower. She's with me sometimes ; alert and ready for anything. Then there are times like today. When that woman's parents showed up, I thought I would have to remove Scully from the room. As they stood there looking at their daughter, Scully shook from side to side. Her whole body was covered in sweat and gooseflesh. Her breathing was shallow and her skin was turning slate gray. A million thoughts entered my mind but only one stuck. She's looking at her sister on the slab, again. She's making herself relive that moment. I wonder how many times she's replayed it in her mind? Does she suffer like that all the time? Am I so self-interested that I can't see my best friend's pain? I wanted to run to her. To take her into my arms at that moment. I wanted to cradle her and tell her that I love her. I'm gutless though. I don't think I'll ever be strong enough to admit those things to her. I know that she'll reject me, in the end. Maybe not at first, out of shock, but she will. Scully wants a stable man, someone that mirrors her own being. Used to mirror her anyway. When we reach Washington I'm going to request a leave of absence for the both of us. I'll forge her name if I have to. She needs a break and so do I. Even a week would be enough...I think. I now have some insight into Dana's problem. Tonite I found myself unable to sleep, as usual, and chose to stay up and watch tv. Scully was asleep in her room, next door. I could hear her snooring thru the wall. I laughed...she's usually such a quiet sleeper. I can use this ammuntion later. Anyway, I heard some noises coming from her room. At first I thought that she was up, getting a glass of water or something. Then I heard the screams. I got up from my bed and walked into her room through the connecting door. What I saw was more alarming than any alien could ever be. She was still asleep. She was standing by the window in the room with her back to me. Her hands were clenched into tiny white balls. Her hair hung straight against her shoulders. Thru the sheerness of her nightgown, I could see the contours of her body. The pleasant curve of her breast, her round buttocks. I approached her carefully, not wanting to jar her into reality. "Scully." I said quietly. She said nothing. She stood so still, reminding me of a statue of Venus. "Scully." I said again, this time with some authority in my voice. Nothing. "Dana." I said finally. I was only inches away from her. She seemed to her me, at last. Her hands unclenched and her shoulders relaxed but she still had her back to me. "I repay." she said. "Vengance is mine and I shall repay all that have stolen from me." "Scully what are you talking about?...you've been sleepwalking." "Scully will feel my wrath and so shall you, Mr. Mulder." It was then that I knew that I wasn't really speaking with Scully. Not really. This was a part of her repressed mind. I had to deal with it carefully. "What have I stolen from you Dana." I asked, already knowing the answer. By now I was crying, as I am again. "My life Mr. Mulder. My life." she said. She sounded so young and yet so old. "I will have my revenge." "It's not her fault. It's mine." I said through my tears. It was then that she whirled around and caught me by the throat. Breath rushed out quickly and I found myself unable to breathe. "So then you will pay." She said as her tiny fingers dug into my skin like a vise. "Scully don't." I choked out. She released me and began to bang her hands against her thighs, screaming. I grabbed her and shook her, hard. It was then that she woke up. When she first looked at me, I saw fear and confusion. It crumbled away quickly as she fell against my body and cried. I stroked her hair and held her, but said nothing. What she said next startled me. She told me that she loved me, deeply. That she needed my help. She knew that she was fighting demons, she was fighting for her sanity and her life. She knew what the dreams meant. Her need for me was at war with the guilt that she felt. Guilt about her sister, her family and even herself. She said that there was still a part of her, not much younger than herself, that wanted things to remain as they had been. That didn't want the truth or the answers...only safety in it's ignorance. That part of her was dying and it wanted revenge. It was all the anger and remorse and disappointment manifested. I still can't believe that she said that she loves me. I hope that she remembers tommorrow. We have a lot of work to do, she and I. -------------------------------------------------- That's all she wrote gang!!! I hope that you like it. 102170.236@compuserve.com