From: shoshana1013@excite.com Date: Wed, 07 Apr 1999 01:51:10 PDT Subject: New: Virginia Beach (1/1) TITLE: Virginia Beach (1/1) AUTHOR: Shoshana EMAIL ADDRESS: shoshana1013@excite.com DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Anywhere SPOILER WARNING: Everything through Alpha. RATING: G CONTENT STATEMENT: MSR CLASSIFICATION: VA SUMMARY: Conversation by the seashore. DISCLAIMER: These characters do not belong to me. FEEDBACK: Would love it. Virginia Beach by Shoshana "They're no giant sea turtles, Scully." "I know, Mulder." "You know?" "Whatever we're doing here in Virginia Beach, it has nothing to do with sea turtles." "How do you know that?" "Number one, sea turtles are rarely seen any farther north than the Carolinas. Number two, it's April. Way too cold for them if by some outside chance they strayed this far north. And number three, you're a lousy liar." "So you knew this was just a ruse to lure you to the seashore?" He smiled broadly, but there was just a trace of disappointment in his wind-blown face, hair wildly flying over his forehead. "Ruse, no. Excuse, probably. I was fully aware that you made those motel reservations off the books and paid for them in cash. I peeked." "Agent Scully! I'm shocked! Snooping around my personal computer files again!" "Just goes to show you can't put anything over on me, Mulder. And it was kind of refreshing to be brought along for the ride for once, instead of being ditched along the way..." "You wanna know why I lured you out to this cold and sandy beach or you wanna lay some more guilt on my poor, pathetic ass?" "Oh, we're touchy today, aren't we?" "I"m going to withhold any libidinous comments I could make back to that. Just to show you that I'm here in good faith and not to ravish my partner of six years and counting." "Gee, you disappointment me, Mulder. I was all up for a ravishing. So. O.K., why are we here?" He hesitated for a good minute or two, mentally composing himself for what would come next. "I just wanted to get us away from work, from D.C., from our familiar hangouts, so we could really talk. I still don't think we're on the same page sometimes. We're a partnership, a team. But I feel like you're concealing your true opinions, true thoughts from me. I think that whatever conclusions you've come to, they're not only based on evidence and scientific theory. There's some sort of intuition there, guiding you along. I also suspect that things are said and done behind my back. Intentionally or not, it hurts me to think that you can't be totally honest with me." Scully kept a straight face throughout Mulder's monologue, only wincing at this last statement. "You are most likely referring to my solo visit to Karin, aren't you?" Mulder nodded. "I didn't want to believe that you were sneaking around, confronting her behind my back. But I sensed that you felt threatened by her. You couldn't have felt she was manipulating me throughout that case if you hadn't had a chance to speak with her privately. I still couldn't be entirely sure. I just had a sense about it, especially after you told me that she had a lot of secrets to conceal. I just assume that all of us have secrets to protect, especially someone I meet online." "Maybe even more so those we meet online, Mulder," she said softly. "You really think she had a romantic interest in me, Scully? And for whatever reason she was just too shy or embarrassed to act on it?" "I do, but I hesitate to tell you how I know." "This is what I mean by you not being totally honest with me. Whatever you said to one another could have had an impact on the case. Perhaps I could have prevented her death!," he protested. "No, Mulder. Please don't say that. Nothing we spoke of could possibly have prevented her actions. Those were private words never intended for your ears. What Karin said to me had no bearing on the case. Only on my perception of Karin and why we were out there in the first place." "I still don't think she called me out to California only to meet me. I don't think she had Detweiler figured out when she called me. And I'm not going to press you for details about your conversation with her. I just think there's a bigger picture here. A lack of trust between us. It's been festering since February when you confronted me about Diana. I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am about that. I know she can't be trusted. Now. But I didn't want to feel that way then. She'd never harmed me before. Well, maybe emotionally. I don't know if I'm ready to discuss that with you. It was years ago, a painful time for me. I never wanted to burden you with it." "Mulder, you can't rebuild our trust if you hold back when so much is at stake. I wouldn't have come out here to Virginia Beach on such silly pretenses if I didn't completely trust you, trust your motivation, your intentions. I don't want to pry into your past relationships. I just needed a more impartial hearing of my concerns at that time. And my concerns turned out to be real ones. We probably couldn't have prevented that massacre in the hangar. But not knowing for certain whether she was influencing your judgment killed me inside. If anything it made me more protective of you. That's probably one reason I went to see Karin on my own. I was just sick of seeing you manipulated by a woman." Scully blushed, embarrassed that she had blurted out much more than she meant to. "Those are pretty strong words from someone who hides her feelings so very well." Scully was stunned. They were almost the exact same words he had used at Fort Marlene after the decon shower. She had foolishly revealed her jealousy, unwittingly and unwillingly. Neither spoke for several minutes now, both staring out at the choppy sea, watching the hardy birds of April swoop through the sky. "Sorry, Scully. That wasn't necessary." "Maybe it was. Maybe we're just kidding ourselves here. Maybe we shouldn't be partnered anymore if I can't be totally honest with you." Mulder opened his mouth to speak. "No, let me finish. I don't know if I'm ready for total honesty. I don't know that it will enhance our partnership. I don't know that it won't. I'm afraid of losing you as a friend, more so than as a partner. Despite all that's happened to us the last few years, they keep gluing us back together and sending us out in the field. I can't say I'm not happy about that and I know you'd never let me down. But sometimes the uncertainty, the confusion of our personal feelings makes it very difficult for me to show up at the office without cautious trepidation." "Personal interest is all that I have." Now Mulder was throwing her own words back at her. "Define personal, Agent Scully. Give ole Bill Clinton a run for his money." A blatantly smug expression was plastered all over his face. She sighed. "I guess we're playing hardball now, Mulder. I guess you just enjoy seeing me squirm. O.K., here goes. Personal: affecting my private life and personality. Everything that touches me, makes me thrive, makes me whole..." She realized what she'd just said and stopped in mid-sentence, mouth agape. Memories of last summer rushed back into her consciousness. She remembered every word of that hallway conversation and could only surmise that Mulder did too. Damn slip of the tongue! It was a losing proposition, arguing with a psychology graduate. Every faux pas would be misinterpreted, taken as subconscious, smoldering desire. She shyly looked over at Mulder, expecting a self-satisfied smirk in response to her gaffe. A slight half-smile graced his lips (or was it a grimace?), anguished eyes speaking volumes. She sighed and stared down at her sandals. Very slowly and deliberately Mulder closed the three-foot gap that separated them. He gently put his arm around her and they sat like that till the sun disappeared behind them. fin