From: msebasky@yahoo.com Date: Mon, 15 Nov 1999 21:22:21 GMT Subject: Viva Amor.....Fati (1/1) spoilers, folks. Viva Amor....Fati By M. Sebasky Archive: Where ever you want, just keep my name on it and let me know where it's at! Thanks! Spoilers: If you haven't seen end of Amor Fati, or the X-files Movie, don't don't don't don't don't read this. Stop reading. There are spoilers in this part too!!!! Don't. I mean it. Turn off your computer. Are you listening? STAND AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER!! Ok. You've made your choice. Absolve me. Email and feedback welcome and gleefully dance at: msebasky@yahoo.com Rating: G. Classification: Parody. Key Words: Mulder, Scully, Amor Fati, Fight the Future. Disclaimer: I don't own them, I don't make money off them, I don't want to make money off of them and I firmly respect the people who do. Notes: This is an incredibly quick little fic I whipped up for all those who found the "one week later" a little jarring. For what it's worth. If I offend, it is with my good will. Thanks: to my muse and patron saint who dragged me into this fanfic addiction and for her wicked humor contributions to this piece. She knows who she is. I love you dearly and I'm going get you for this. ________________________________________________________________________ FBI interdepartmental newsletter December 5th, 1999 Went to Xerox 5:15 a.m. Fairfax, VA Page 3 MEET THE OUTSTANDING BUREAU TEAM MEMBERS FOR NOVEMBER 1999! By Angela Miller (This feature spotlights the contributions of exemplary team work by specially assigned Bureau staff in the past month. All agents and supporting staff eligible. Send future nominations to Angela Miller at extension 4159 or email her at angiem@FBI.gov ) This month's special teamwork award goes to Special Agents Heloise Rungsted and Paul Darren Schmitmeyer, currently on assignment as clean- up specialists for Agents Dana Scully and Fox Mulder, keepers of those "spooky" basement X-files!! A: So, Heloise and Paul Darren, what does it exactly mean to be a clean up specialist for another agent? H: That's the question we ask ourselves every day, Angie! (laughter all around) A: No, seriously, what's an average day for you? PD: Well, it might help if we explained a bit what we do first. H: Yes. It's a little out of the norm-. A: Great! Go right ahead PD: Our assignment basically requires us to be on call twenty-four- seven, which is probably the most disrupting part, at least for my wife! (laughter) A: Now why is that exactly? Despite its reputation, I know the Bureau allows for off- time. PD: Yes, of course it does, but, ah, we need to be available in order to follow Agents Mulder and Scully around during their assignments and they work pretty interesting hours sometimes. H: You can say that again. A: So, you're basically assigned to follow them? What for? H: Cleanup. A: Cleanup? PD: Yes. Cleanup. Let me explain. Should Agents Mulder and Scully get themselves in a difficult position or should they need help getting large tasks done they'd otherwise have to do by themselves, they page us from their mobile phones and we step in to assist. A: Wait a minute. I'm a little confused here? You assist them in what? H: Maybe it would just be easier to give an example, Paul. PD: Yeah, you're probably right. Ok. Let's take last month. Agent Mulder had been...umm well.. H: Detained. PD: Yes, detained by certain other members of branches of the Federal Government and had undergone some extensive, well... H: Brain surgery, Angie. The man went through brain surgery. A: That sounds really serious! H: Don't even ask. Anyway, it was early in the morning, I don't know, about 2:30 a.m. and I got a page from Agent Scully saying to call Paul and meet her at this hidden lab within the Pentagon, actually. She'd meet us outside and get us in. She asked us to bring the camper. A: Camper? PD: Yes. We've been assigned a fully equipped luxury Winnebago, complete with beds, hospital supplies and food for this particular assignment. We even have an oxygen tent. We also get monthly deliveries of clean clothes and shoes that will fit Agents Mulder and Scully as well. We're hoping to eventually fit it with a washer and dryer, right Heloise? H: Well we've put in the paperwork, but I'm not going to hold my breath. It is the Federal Government! PD: I guess we'll have to wait and see about that. A: So, back to the story. You were to bring the camper to the secret lab? PD: It was a hospital too. Which we did. Bring the camper. H: She knows, Paul. PD: Just making sure. Anyway, when we met Agent Scully outside, she escorted us into the building. She had a security card that allowed her into the completely secured area, but we ran into a few snags. Of course, we went ahead and took care of the remaining security issues for her.. H: Trank darts are a WONDER! PD: ..and ah..we ended up in an underground containment room, surgical in nature, where we found Agent Mulder strapped spread-eagled to a large metal table with heavy locked restraints apparently...having ah- H: ..having undergone brain surgery. Angie, he was completely out of it. Barely cognizant of us or of her, of course she was just crying..oh..it was a MESS. Thank God she called us because there was no way she could have gotten him out of there by herself. PD: He's a heavy guy. And there's the whole dead-weight issue-. A: Anyway, it was really, really bad. And that place was just creepy. It was so overly dark in there, the whole Consortium could have been standing behind the heart monitor and we would have never seen them! It took me forever to find that light switch. A: It sounds awful! What happened next? PD: Well, since Agent Scully had called us to assist her in getting Mulder out of there we decided to go back to his place as generally in these situations, we can't really take him to a hospital. H: Yes. Too many questions. Nobody ever thinks of going to his apartment to look for him so we always end up there. PD: Or at hers. H: True. Or at hers. PD: Anyway, we needed to free him. Angie, you should have seen these restraints. Quite impressive. A: So, I'm confused. If he was strapped to a metal bed, how did you get him out of there? PD: Blowtorch. A: Blowtorch?? H: I know it sounds a little extreme, but we carry an acetylene blowtorch in the Winnebago. We find it comes in handy from time to time. We just cut through the restraints and he was as free as a bird. That is, if he could have walked! (laugher) A: Aren't those blowtorch things heavy? H: The tank's on wheels. It's not a problem at all. PD: I'm an expert with a blowtorch. A: Well...um...that's convenient. PD: Yes, it's proved so before then, let me tell you! A: Let's just get back to the story. H: Good idea, Angie. Once Mr. "I'm an expert with a blowtorch" had destroyed the restraints.... PD: Ahem.. H: I'm teasing, Paul. Anyway, while Paul melted the restraints I got the hospital gurney out of the van and into the hidden lab by means of the freight elevator. I stopped and took care of the main security cameras while I was down off the loading docks. That's where they usually are and this time was no exception. I'm a big believer in two birds, one stone, all that. By the time I got back to the hidden lab, Mulder was starting to come around from the heat from Mr. Blowtorch over there-.. PD: Hey, I NEVER burned him! H: No one's saying you did Paul. Settle down. PD: Sorry. H: Thanks. So at the point we had a whole other set of problems to deal with. I don't know how familiar you are with head injury or brain trauma, but Paul and I have had to sort of develop a specialty towards it working with these two particular agents. They're always knockin' their noggins on something! A: I must admit, I don't know much about the subject. H: Well one of the primary side effects of head injury is extreme nausea. Now this man had apparently just had a major procedure done. I was prepared, but when we went to lift him off the table, he just got violently ill with, thank goodness, dry heaving. PD: If he had some food in his stomach it would have been a bigger mess. Not that we've not seen that before. H: True. PD: We've seen these two spew up some really interesting things in the past couple of years. H. And let's not even get started with what he does when he's drugged.. PD: You're right. I swear to God, if I see him naked one more time.. A: Where was Agent Scully in all this? H: Y'know, once we're on the scene, we take a lot of the pressure off of her. She was um...doing a lot of verbal support for Agent Mulder at that point but it really does work better if she stays out of our way and lets us do our job. PD: Yes. Out of our way is good. A: I'm just fascinated by all of this. What happened next? H: Well, we knew we had about 20 minutes to get out of there and there was still the security tape to erase, so I went and did that while Paul took Mulder to the Winnebago and got his IV drip started. We rendezvoused at 3:30 a.m. I'm happy to say we were in and out of there in just over an hour. Not bad really. A: So what time did you get home that night? PD: Well, Heloise didn't make it home at all. Y'see Angie, Agent Mulder required round the clock care at this stage of the game. Since Heloise is also a neurosurgeon and registered Nurse, it made sense for her to move in to Agent Mulder's apartment for a few days to change his bandages and help him back on his feet. H: Yes. He also experienced another temporary side effect of head injury, temporary blindness. A: My God! Is he alright? H: Oh he's fine now, although who knows what the procedure was or what the long term effects can be. PD: Guess we'll find out soon enough. H: That's enough out of you! (laughter) H: Anyway, his blindness left him after about 2 days, but there was no way he possibly stay alone during that time. A: So you just stayed with him until he was mobile again? H: That's my job. It certainly wouldn't be the first time. He's a pretty good patient. At least he gets decent meals when I'm there. (laughter) A: So what did you do Paul? PD: I drove Agent Scully home, gave her a Valium and did the normal routine of securing the house. A: Normal routine? PD: I basically stay in the living room and read a magazine until she drops off. Makes her feel better to have someone there for a bit. Then I go home to Mandy! A: Your wife? PD: Yes. A: What does she think of all this? PD: It's a tough assignment. It's taken some getting used to, but she's learned to accept my job. She knows I love being an agent for the FBI. We're hoping that the next assignment though allows us a little bit more of a regular schedule. H: It can be trying on a relationship. My finacee has the same issues. A: Now is this the worst situation you've had so far? Or is this pretty normal. H: This is about the norm for them. Without a doubt, the worst assignment was... PD & H: ANTARCTICA!!!! (much much laughter) A: Antarctica? PD: Boy, that was wretched. First we had to trek across this enormous ice field.. H: We were stuck in that special CAT Trailer for 6 hours on the edge of a glacier with absolutely nothing to do until Mulder paged us to come get them off the edge of this abyss. A: Why didn't you just follow him? H: Departmental policy. We must maintain a three mile distance until expressly called in. That's the way it works. The rules are very clear on that. PD: Leave it to Mulder to find an abyss in Antarctica. Visibility was nil! I almost drove us right off that thing!! H: And when we got there, Scully was a MESS!!! Gooey, frozen...you name it. I really thought we might lose her that time. Thank heaven that camper has a decent whirlpool and sauna in it. We got her nice and toasty in no time. PD: He wasn't much better, ranting about a giant ship, craters in the ice...just crazy talk. A: Well, we are talking about Agent Fox Mulder here. The man has a known reputation for finding the nastiest places and getting stuck there. PD: True, we do work with old Spooky himself, but the cold can make you see crazy things. And let me tell you, he was pretty cold that day. They would never have made it that time without us. H: Nope. A: Did you see odd anything that day? H: No. But we were playing cribbage. We do a lot of that while waiting for them to call. Frankly when we're playing cards, you could drive a semi through the table and we probably wouldn't notice. PD: True. If you don't concentrate, Heloise will call "muggins" faster than you can say, "the truth is out there"! (laughter) A: Well thank you so much for the interview and congratulations on being picked "Outstanding Team Members" for November 1999. PD: Yeah, that was pretty great to have our work acknowledged that way. Since we're always in the background, we don't get a lot glory. It was nice to be recognized for a change. It's not easy work. H: Yes Angie. Thank you. A: Well, thank you! Without the two of you, it sounds like Agents Mulder and Scully wouldn't be around very long! PD: You can say THAT again! (laughter) (Congratulations again to Special Agents Heloise Rungsted and Paul Darren Schmitmeyer. Remember, all recommendations must be submitted by the 25th of each month. See you in the New Year!! Remember, the FBI is a People-Forward Organization!!)