From math.ohio-state.edu!cs.utexas.edu!howland.erols.net!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!newsfeed.internetmci.com!in3.uu.net!news2.epix.net!news Wed Aug 14 11:41:35 1996 Article: 22813 of alt.tv.x-files.creative Path: math.ohio-state.edu!cs.utexas.edu!howland.erols.net!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!newsfeed.internetmci.com!in3.uu.net!news2.epix.net!news From: Amy Schatz Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: NEW: Waiting for that Day (1/3) Date: Sun, 11 Aug 1996 11:26:39 -0700 Organization: epix.net Lines: 363 Message-ID: <320E25DF.4561@epix.net> NNTP-Posting-Host: cnyn-74ppp87.epix.net Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Mailer: Mozilla 2.0 (Win16; I) Status: RO I'm baaack! Yeah, like anyone cares. Sorry, that's just my self-depricating nature kicking in. Anyway, this is a different type of story for me. I wanted to see how M&S would react in this situation...and I knew there had to be another scenario for an MSR out there... :D Hope you all like it. CATEGORY: MSR (what else is there? :) Sorry, but if it was a choice between writing a story where Mulder truly loved/went out with another woman and a root canal, I'd be making an appointment with my dentist. DISCLAIMER: Yo no tengo Mulder, Scully, o Skinner, pero yo tengo Brian Cutler y Lessa. How's that for a disclaimer? I have to keep them interesting. CREDIT: There are quotes from two George Michael songs (one that's the same title as this story, and another called 'Waiting'), a Mariah Carey song, MUSIC BOX, and the entire song, "All for the Love of a Girl" by Johnny Horton, a cool singer from the early '60's. :) THANKS: Thank-you's to Char (mainly for crying - just kidding!:) and to Melissa R. who is always there to read my stories and to give comments. Also thanks to my sister, Risa, who actually *read* this, and said she liked it. This is the first XF story of mine that she's read. In six months, I've turned her into an X-Phile and a Relationshipper! NOTE: I first saw the name 'Lessa' in Anne McCaffrey's book, "The Dragonrider's of Pern", and I've always thought it was cool. :) It's *not* short for Melissa, BTW. COMMENTS: Send all comments to me at: risamy@epix.net. On to the story! =================================================== WAITING FOR THAT DAY (1/3) by Amy Schatz ======================== Come back to me, darling I will make it worth your while I miss your kiss I miss your smile Seems to me the peace I search to find Won't be mine until you say you will Don't you keep me waiting for that day 'Waiting for that Day' George Michael ========================= Annapolis, Maryland Scully Residence August 10, 2004 6:45 pm He brought his car to a stop and turned it off, wondering when it *wouldn't* feel strange coming here, like this. He sat there for a few minutes, eyes closed, pysching himself up for what he would have to face in a few moments. Finally, after a quick look at himself in the mirror, he threw the car door open, and stepped out. He crossed the road in a few long steps, and was soon making his way up the walkway and then up the stairs, until finally, he stood before the door. The night was drizzly and muggy, so he had worn his light jacket, colored a dark blue. *She* had always liked it - had said it brought out his eyes - and so he had always worn it to make her happy. He had worn it the day she had awoken from her coma, and whenever he wore it afterwards, the smile she had greeted him with always sprang to mind. He realized that he was wearing it now in the hopes that it would bring even a small grin to her face. He knew it was a long shot, but he never was one to give up, and he always voted for the underdog. He had always considered himself an underdog - the dark horse that surprised everyone when they least expected it. He took a deep breath, and knocked on the door, at once fearful and happy to see her. But when the door opened, it wasn't *her* that he saw. The other love of his life stood before him. "Daddy!" Mulder broke out into a smile and bent down to sweep his daughter up into his arms. He hugged her fiercely, blinking back tears, and breathed in the clean, child-like scent of her hair. "How's my girl?" he asked softly, loving the feel of her small arms around his neck. She kissed him on the cheek, and then said, "Fine, Daddy. How are you?" Mulder gently set her on the floor. "Pretty good, Lessa." Lessa reached up and slipped her hand into his, leading him over to the couch. As they walked, Mulder looked down at his young daughter, only six years old. She had straight, dark brown hair that fell just past her shoulders, stormy grey eyes, a rounded face with a dusting of freckles, and a quick mind that seemed to get quicker every day. "What is it, Lessa?" he asked as they sat down on the couch. He felt out of place here, in Scully's house. He never stayed for more than a few minutes, and it felt wrong for him to sit on her couch. After all, this wasn't the house they had lived in when they were married. This wasn't the house that Lessa had learned to walk or talk in. This was a house that Scully had bought alone, after she had left him. Lessa's happy expression suddenly turned very serious. "Daddy, when are we coming back to you?" Her small, hopeful voice cut at his heart, and he almost couldn't bear to look into her teary, grey eyes. "Lessa, you know the answer to that." Her eyes fell, and she nodded. "But you promised..." Mulder sighed. "I know, Lessa, but when I promised you that, I thought I could make it come true." "But you can't?" He shook his head. "No..." "Because of Mommy?" "No, Lessa. Because of what I did. I did something very, very wrong, and your Mommy is mad at me." "What did you do?" They had had this exact same conversation for two years now, and he had been waiting for that question. "Lessa, that is between your Mommy and myself. You know that." Lessa nodded again, and suddenly, the light was back in her eyes. "Where are we going tonight, Daddy?" He smiled at her. "It's a surprise." "Lessa, who was at the-" Dana Scully stopped in mid-sentence when she saw Fox Mulder sitting in her living room. Mulder's head shot up when he heard her voice, and his eyes widened when he saw her, his breath catching. She looked beautiful in a black dress and high heels. Her hair was swept up, only a few strands surrounding her face, and her eyes were as blue and deep as they always were. "Oh. Hello, Mulder," she said, her voice carefully neutral, her eyes on some point on the wall. Mulder was immediately on his feet. "Hi, Scully," he said, desperately wanting to call her Dana, but knowing he didn't dare. "I didn't realize it was so late," she said lightly. Mulder looked at his watch. "Yep, it's almost seven. I'm sorry I'm late." Scully nodded and walked over to the dining room table where a small duffel bag sat. "All of her things are in here, so you should be all set." "Okay," he said, walking over to where Scully stood. "I didn't know you were going out tonight?" he asked, knowing that she would give him that `it's done of your damn business' look, but he couldn't stop himself. He had to know. Maybe it was his masochistic nature or the fact that he was still in love with Scully. It was probably both. Scully turned her gaze on him, her eyes burning into him. "Yes, I am," she said carefully. "Who is it?" he asked, knowing he was treading on *very* thin ice. She looked away from him. "He's a lawyer I met on my last case." And then she walked back into her bedroom, not allowing any further discussion. Mulder watched her go with sad eyes, knowing that they were growing farther and farther apart. It tore him apart to know that tonight she would be with another man, possibly kissing another man. He couldn't bear to think of it. He picked up Lessa's bag and turned back to his daughter. "Ready to go, sweetie?" he asked. Lessa smiled. "Yep!" "Then let's go," he said, is voice filled with defeat. There was no point in hanging around when it was clear that Scully was over him. She obviously didn't love him anymore. "I have to say bye-bye to Mommy first," she said as she slipped from the couch and skipped into her mother's room. As he listened to Lessa talking with Scully, he couldn't help but feel that he was losing his daughter as well. What would happen if Scully re-married and Lessa gained a step-father? Would Lessa forget about him? Stop loving him? In Mulder's lonely mind and love-deprived soul, he thought that completely possible. His parents had stopped loving him, so he thought it possible that his own daughter could. He was brought out of his thoughts by the ringing of the doorbell. Knowing who it probably was, Mulder only hesitated a few moments before setting Lessa's bag down and walking to the door. He opened it slowly, not wanting to see the man who was slowly winning Scully's heart. "Dana, I hope-" The man on Scully's doorstep stopped talking the moment he saw Mulder. "Who are you?" he asked, trying to look past Mulder to see if Scully was nearby. Mulder was about to answer when Lessa came running out of Scully's room and up to Mulder. "Daddy, I'm ready now!" she called, looking up at her father lovingly. The light-haired man eye's widened slightly as he watched Mulder pick Lessa up, talking to her softly. Mulder turned back to the man, and said, "I'm Lessa's father, Fox Mulder." The man's green eyes widened even further. "I see. It's nice to meet you. I'm Brian Cutler." The man held out his hand, a tentative smile on his face. Mulder did not shake his hand. Instead, he stepped aside. "Why don't you come in? I'm sure that Scully will be ready soon." Brian's eyebrows rose at the use of Dana's last name, but he said nothing. He stepped inside, closing the door behind him. They all walked back into the living room, Mulder carrying Lessa, who was studying Brian the way her mother used to study things in a microscope. Mulder noticed the way that Lessa was looking at the man. "Lessa, do you know Mr. Cutler?" The little girl shook her head, her grey eyes dark and brooding. It was obvious that Scully's dates always showed up after Mulder and Lessa had gone. Mulder didn't think it would be a good idea for Lessa to know who this man really was. "Lessa, why don't you go tell Mommy that Mr. Cutler is here?" Lessa nodded and after he had set her down, she was off and running. Brian found himself in a very awkward situation. He had only known Dana for two months, and they had gone out three times - tonight was their fourth - and she had never spoken of Fox Mulder. Every time Brian had asked about Lessa's father, Dana had somehow turned the conversation away from his question. He had thought that it was because Lessa's father abandoned them, or had died suddenly. But now, here he was staring at Lessa's father, and Dana's ex-husband. And Brian didn't know how he could compare. The man before him was tall, lean, dark, handsome, with intense hazel eyes, and the same brown hair and penetrating glare as Lessa. However, there was something else about him, something that hovered around him, cloaked him, something that he kept close to him, like a talisman, but Brian sensed that this thing didn't protect him, didn't help him. "So..." said Brian, totally at a loss for words. "Scully tells me she met you on her last case," said Mulder, wishing that Scully would come out and save him. Brian nodded, running a hand through his light brown hair, and nodded. "Yes. She was the pathologist on the case, and I called her to testify." Mulder nodded and stepped back, craning his neck to look down the hall into Scully's bedroom. Where the hell was she? Did she want him to suffer like this? "Lessa!" he called. "Come on, honey!" Seconds later, Lessa came bounding out of Scully's room, a smile on her face. "Okay, Daddy. I'm ready." Mulder smiled back at her and picked her up as Scully finally came out of her room. She was smiling, but only someone who knew her as well as Mulder knew that it was forced. "Hello, Brian," she said softly, turning the forced smile to him. Brian grinned. "Good evening, Dana. You look wonderful." "Thank you." She turned to Mulder. "You're going now?" "Yes. I'll have her back here by four on Sunday, all right?" Scully reached out to stroke her daughter's hair. "That's fine. I'll be here." Mulder walked back over to the dining room table and picked up Lessa's bag. He took one step towards the door when his cell phone rang. He stopped, placing the bag on the floor, set Lessa down, then reached into his suit jacket for his phone. He pressed the TALK button. "Mulder." When he said that, Scully's heart twisted inside her. She had heard him say that so many times. Sometimes to another agent, sometimes to Skinner, but mostly to her. As she watched Mulder talking on the phone, his face grim, she wondered how much longer she would feel the pain of his absence - feel a hole in her heart. How much longer she would cry herself to sleep every night, aching to feel him next to her, his arms around her. Back when they had been in the moment, when everything had happened, she had been so sure, so certain that she could go on without him. Certain that she could set him free - it was what he needed. He couldn't be tied down with a family, with a wife and daughter - they would only hold him back from his quest. How could she have been so foolish to think that he would ever think her and Lessa more important than his sister? On their first case together, he had told her that finding the Truth, finding his sister, was the only thing that mattered to him. She had believed him then, but perhaps in all their years as partners, she had started to think that he cared more about her. Of course he didn't. Her love for him had blinded her to that fact. Scully watched as Mulder's face changed. It was an imperceptible change to someone who didn't know his body language like she did. But Scully knew that he had just heard something awful. Mulder pressed the END button and stuffed the phone back into his pocket. Then he turned quickly away from everyone in the room, his head down. He had been quick, but Scully had seen the tears in his eyes. Something was terribly wrong. Scully glanced at Brian and then moved a little closer to Mulder. "What is it, Mulder?" She saw his hand move up to wipe the tears off his cheek. Then he took a deep breath. Scully knew that he was probably embarrassed. He hated displaying emotions, and now he was doing in front of a complete stranger. "Mulder?" "Um..." he started, "...that was...um..." He turned around to face her, his eyes red, tears on his cheeks, his face drawn. Scully took in a sharp breath. My God! What had he been told that had so transformed him in such a short time? She moved closer, momentarily forgetting about Brian. Her old instincts were kicking in, and all she knew was that Mulder needed her and she had to help him. Brian shifted from foot to foot, feeling totally out of place. He didn't know if he should excuse himself, or just leave, or stay there. In the end, he stepped back and sat down on the couch, watching. "Mulder, what was that call about?" Scully asked, really starting to get scared for him. He wiped at his eyes again. "That was the Bureau, Scully. They just heard that...that...the hospital just called them..." he trailed off again, finding that his mind wasn't the well-oiled machine it usually was. "Hospital?" asked Scully. "Mulder, who is it?" Mulder was about to tell her when he looked down and saw Lessa staring up at him, her eyes big and round. He knew that she was worried about him. But he didn't want her to hear what he had been told, so he leaned close to Scully, his lips touching her hair, and whispered to her. "It's my mother, Scully. She's...she's...she died earlier tonight." Scully felt like her heart stopped, and her hand flew to cover her mouth. "Oh, Mulder," she said, moving to hug him, "I'm so sorry." She embraced him, not even knowing she was doing it until she found her arms around him for the first time in a long time. And the hole in her heart was filled. Mulder let his arms slip around her waist, pulling her closer, resting his head on her shoulder, his eyes closed. And as they stood there like that, he felt their old connection - the one that had kept them close even when their world was falling apart - reawaken and bring the love they felt for each other to the surface. And Brian felt it, too. He saw how they were with each other. How they completed each other, how they were one half of a whole. And he wondered what had been able to pull those two halves apart. It would have to have been something very bad, because he could tell that they had been through hell with each other, and every time they had come out together. But this last time, it had torn them apart, and he knew it had killed a little part of them to leave each other. Lessa looked up at her parents, not remembering the last time she had seen them so close. And she was in heaven, because this was all she had ever wanted. Finally, Brian coughed politely to remind them that they weren't in their own little world, and they reluctantly pulled apart. "Mulder, it'll be okay," said Scully, rubbing his shoulder. He nodded, his hands coming up to cover his eyes, and he stood there, swaying slightly. A few moments later, he looked down at the woman that he wished were still his wife. The woman who was the love of his life - whom he would always love. "Scully, I need some time alone," he said feebly, glancing quickly at Lessa. "I just...I don't trust myself..." He trailed off, not knowing what he really meant. But somehow, in that timeless understanding that they had, Scully did. "I know, Mulder. Just promise me you won't try to drive, okay?" He nodded, and moved towards the door, his eyes glassy and faraway. Lessa looked up at him, crestfallen. "Daddy, where are you going?" He didn't look at her. "I'm sorry...Lessa. I'll be back in the...morning," he said, his voice scratchy. "I'll be back...morning..." Then he opened the door with one hand, while his other was opening his shirt a little. He glanced quickly at Brian, who was staring at him with a shocked expression. His gaze then slid to Scully, and his eyes told her that he was sorry, and he saw in hers that she understood. Then he turned and hurried down the steps, and out into the drizzling rain. Scully and Lessa moved to the door, their gazes intent on his retreating form. Brian came up behind them, and they all watched as Mulder passed his car and broke into a run down the sidewalk. They watched as his pace grew faster and faster, until he was running so fast that they could hear the pounding of his feet. They watched until the fog swallowed him up. * * * From math.ohio-state.edu!howland.erols.net!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!newsfeed.internetmci.com!in3.uu.net!news2.epix.net!news Wed Aug 14 11:41:35 1996 Article: 22814 of alt.tv.x-files.creative Path: math.ohio-state.edu!howland.erols.net!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!newsfeed.internetmci.com!in3.uu.net!news2.epix.net!news From: Amy Schatz Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: NEW: Waiting for that Day (2/3) Date: Sun, 11 Aug 1996 11:29:11 -0700 Organization: epix.net Lines: 332 Message-ID: <320E2677.B7A@epix.net> NNTP-Posting-Host: cnyn-74ppp87.epix.net Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Mailer: Mozilla 2.0 (Win16; I) Status: RO Please see disclaimers and notes in part one. ============================================= WAITING FOR THAT DAY (2/3) by Amy Schatz ========================= "It's not as though we just broke up It's not as though it was yesterday But something I just can't explain Something in me needs this pain I know I'll never see your face again..." 'Waiting for that Day' George Michael ========================= Annapolis, Maryland Scully Residence August 13, 2004 5:05 pm It had been three days since that strange, sad, haunting night and Scully still hadn't seen Mulder. He had not returned for Lessa the next morning, as he had promised, but Scully had never expected him to. Based on the way he had taken the news of his mother's death, she knew that he would stay home - the home she had once shared with him - and wallow in his grief and guilt. But it had been three days and Mulder hadn't even called Lessa to explain why he hadn't come back for her. As Scully made Lessa's dinner that night, she decided she would call him. Just to see if he was all right. After all, they had been married once, and she *did* still love him. It was the least she could do. * * * 6:56 pm Scully let the phone ring fifteen times before she replaced it in the cradle. Frowning, she crossed her arms, deep in thought. That had been the third time she had tried to call Mulder in the last hour or so - she had already tried his cell phone - and he still wasn't answering. His machine wasn't even on. And that fact bothered her more than him not being home. He always left his machine on. *Always*. Besides the fact that Mulder had important business callers, Lessa called him at least once a day, just to talk, and he cherished those sweet messages of hers. Something had to be terribly wrong for him to leave the machine off. she chastised herself, But somehow, Scully knew that it was even more than that. Something much more horrible and dangerous. Now truly in a state of concern, Scully picked the phone up again and dialed Skinner's number. She knew he would still be at work. The man was perhaps more of a work-aholic than Mulder. "Skinner," came the gruff greeting. "Sir, this is Agent Scully." "Agent Scully?" he asked, surprised. "You are the last person I expected to hear from." Scully knew that in Skinner-speak, that was as good as: "It's nice to hear from you.". "Yes, sir, it *has* been a while." Skinner agreed, remembering back a few years when Agent Scully had become Dana Scully-Mulder, but had kept her maiden name for her agent status. After all, as Mulder had said at the time, the last thing the Bureau needed was *two* Agent Mulder's. "Is there something I can do for you, Scully?" he asked. "Sir, have you spoken to Agent Mulder recently?" This question took Skinner by surprise. Since Mulder and Scully's divorce some two years ago, Mulder rarely spoke of Scully while in Skinner's presence, and Skinner had personally watched as Mulder declined physically, mentally, and spiritually, because of the separation. Mulder had returned to the lonely, sarcastic, heckled agent he had been before Scully had come into his life. When they had married, the Bureau had not been happy, but had allowed Mulder and Scully to present their case. To show the Bureau why they should not be separated. So, Scully and Mulder had brought the evidence, showing that when Mulder had worked alone on the X-Files, his solve rate had been less than 20 percent. However, when he and Scully worked together, their solve rate was over 75 percent. The Bureau had agreed that it would be smartest to keep them together. And so, Scully and Mulder had won their first battle together as husband and wife. They hadn't known then that their fiercest battle would be fought as ex-husband and wife. Skinner cleared his throat, bringing himself out of his reverie. "The last time I spoke with Agent Mulder was on Friday. He told me that he was leaving work early because this was his weekend with...with...ahh..." "Lessa," Scully supplied with a half-smile. "Yes, Lessa. Thank you," said Skinner, remembering the first time Mulder had said his daughter's name aloud. Scully was still in the hospital - Lessa had only been born he day before - and Mulder had come to Skinner's office with a picture and a cigar. It was hard to believe that that was six years ago. "And that's the last you spoke with him?" asked Scully, defeat evident in her voice. "Well, technically," said Skinner hesitantly. "Technically?" When I checked my messages on Sunday, there was one from Mulder. In it, he said that he had had a family emergency and that he would be taking an unknown amount of time off. Knowing Mulder, I decided that that meant he'd be back by tomorrow, or possibly Wednesday." Scully nodded to herself, mentally going through her personal checklist of Mulder's behavior and what constituted alarming behavior. So far, this was setting off all her alarms. "Okay, thank you, sir. If you hear from him, would you please call me?" "Yes, Scully, but what's this about?" Skinner couldn't understand this. Since the divorce, he had not seen Scully more than two times, he had never seen her with Mulder, and she had never called him asking after Mulder. So, something big must be happening. "I'm sorry, sir, but it's really a personal, family matter. I just need to find Mulder. Thank you for your help." Knowing that that was all he would get from Scully, Skinner said goodbye to the woman who had once been his agent, and hung up. Whatever was happening, Skinner knew that Mulder was in trouble, and that Scully would save him. Just like she always did. * * * Fairfax, Virginia Mulder Residence August 13, 2004 7:43 pm Using the key she had kept for emergencies, Scully let herself into the house that she had once shared with Mulder. As she walked in, wave upon wave of memories assaulted her. Her gaze swept over the small table in the foyer, the staircase, the rug she had picked herself, the wallpaper, the vases...everything had a memory attached to it. Everything was as it was when they were married. Mulder hadn't changed any of it. But that was classic Mulder. Staying somewhere that hurt him like hell. As she made her way into the den, where Mulder kept his computer and important papers, Scully remembered the conversation she had had with her mother before leaving to come here. "Dana, what's wrong?" her mother had asked as she watched Scully gather her things. Scully had asked her mother to come and watch Lessa for the night. "Nothing, Mom." "Dana, in two years I haven't heard you mention Fox's name more than ten times, and now suddenly, you're running off to him? Something must be wrong. Is he hurt? In trouble again? When you left him, you told me you were finished, that you were doing what you had to. What's changed?" Scully had taken a deep breath and turned around. "Mom, Mulder's mother died the other night, and he ran out of here in a complete daze. He was supposed to take Lessa the next morning, but he never came back and he hasn't called since. I'm very worried about him." Her mother had nodded, smiling that Mona Lisa smile of hers. "You're worried because you still love him." "Mom, that doesn't matter right now..." "Of course it does. If Fox is in trouble, it will be your love that will save him." Scully had not answered, silently acknowledging the wisdom and truth in her mother's statement. As she walked out the door, the last thing she had heard was her mother saying, "Find him, Dana. Find him and take care of him." Now, as Scully sat down in front of Mulder's computer, all she wanted to do was just that. She booted the computer up, and then logged on to receive Mulder's email. As she had suspected, a message came into his mailbox. One that he had written and then sent back to himself, knowing or maybe just hoping that she would find it. It read: ==== From: F. Mulder To: F.Mulder Date: August 13, 2004 Time: 2:02 pm Subject: Scully, Obviously, this message is meant for you. I know you'll find it. You always knew me so well. I want you to know that I understood why you had to leave me. It was my fault. I drove you away. Because of what I did, you had to leave, and I think I finally understand that. But I also want you to know that I never stopped loving you. Never. And I never loved anyone as much as I love you and Lessa. Both of you are everything to me - you're all I have left. But now you've gone on with your life, and you have found someone new. That is how it should be. I wish you all the best. ==== Scully stopped reading for a few seconds. This sounded too much like a goodbye letter, and that idea was too scary to contemplate. When she had divorced Mulder, she had accepted that he could no longer be a big part of her life, but she lived for those few moments she had with him. Of course, for his own good she had to keep up her act of indifference, but in reality, she was most happy when she was with him. Steeling herself, she turned back to the message. ==== I just wanted to be able to say goodbye to you, Dana. You're my best friend - even still - and you once were my wife and lover, and I'll never forget the happy days of our marriage. As Lessa grows up, please tell her about me, and make sure she knows that her father always loved her, and that he loves her still - even in death. ==== It was here that Scully's heart leapt to her throat. What the hell was he talking about??? `Even in death...'? He couldn't mean...couldn't be saying... Scully started to shake as she realized that Mulder intended to end his life. Her eyes skipped quickly to the rest of the message, knowing that now time was very valuable. ==== Please don't run around trying to find me, Scully. Just let me do this. It's what should happen - we both know it. Maybe in my next life I'll do it right, and get to keep you as my wife. Just know that wherever my soul goes from here, I will always love you and Lessa. Nothing could stop me from loving both of you. Fox ==== With tears streaming down her face, Scully ran from the house, feeling the burden of another life on her shoulders. All she knew was that she had to save Mulder. She couldn't bear to go through her life without him. Even if he couldn't be her husband, at least he would always be Lessa's father, and they would always have that bond. She got into her car, taking a few seconds to wipe some of the tears off of her cheeks, and headed to the only place that Mulder would go. The place that held many memories for him, a place where he felt safe. She prayed she got there in time. * * * Washington, D.C. Along the Potomac August 13, 2004 7:58 pm The night was cool and breezy, and the sound of the wind rustling through the trees and across the water was a wonderfully soothing sound. It had rained earlier, and the grass was still slightly wet, allowing it to glisten. The moon was nearly full, and it shone brightly down onto the water. A few tourists lingered about, and one man playing a guitar was out of sight, but his songs were clear and cutting. Mulder sat on what was once `their bench' but was now just a bench, since she no longer came here. They no longer sat together, just talking, or drinking some sodas in quiet silence like they did in the old days. And even after they had married, and it had been a long day, sometimes they would both show up there, as if it were an open invitation. He wore the same suit he had had on when he came to pick up Lessa, but it was wet, and clung to him, because he had sat in the rain - because he had been sitting on the bench for almost two days now - only leaving to return to his empty house and write Scully that message. He had discarded his suit jacket a few hours ago, and had not moved since then. Mulder's hair was damp and slicked back, his forehead beaded with a combination of water and sweat, because by now, he had a fearfully high fever and was shaking slightly. In his left hand, Mulder held his wedding ring, which he turned about endlessly, trying to capture forever in his memory it's brilliant shine, and the love and bond it once represented. Even though Scully had divorced him and they had been apart for two years, he had never taken his wedding ring off until this night. In his right hand, he held his gun. Mulder had decided that it just didn't matter anymore. Nothing did, and especially not his pathetic excuse for a life. His mother was dead, his sister gone forever or dead long ago, his career had never really been born, the woman he loved had moved on and was now probably in love with another man, and he was slowly being replaced in his own daughter's heart. What did he have to live for? Not much. Not anything, by his standards. Scully obviously no longer needed, wanted, or loved him, and Lessa would grow up happier, and more successful without having to deal with his reputation. The last thing he wanted was for his daughter to be ashamed of him, or to be taunted because of him. If he died now, at least she would remember him the way he had always wanted to be: good, honest, smart, and loving. All his life, Mulder had been waiting for the day that he would become that man, and recently, he had been waiting for the day when Scully would forgive him and take him back. But that day had never come. So, he had decided to end his sorry life and cut them both a break. It was the least he could do for them, and the most valuable thing he cod give away: his own life. He shifted the gun in his hands, and cocked his head to the left, listening as the guitar player began a new song. <...Well today I'm so weary Today I'm so blue Sad, broken-hearted And it's all because of you Life was so sweet, dear Life was a song Now you've gone and left me Oh where do I belong?> That was a question that Mulder had asked himself thousands of times since the divorce. For so long, he had been one half of a whole, and then suddenly, he was alone, bereft, and he didn't know where he should be. Or what. Or who. Without Scully beside him, life didn't seem to make as much sense, or to matter as much. Without Scully and Lessa to love and protect, he couldn't seem to find anything worth his time or energy. Nothing was important anymore - not even the X-Files or his search for Samantha. What was once so clear a quest, had quickly become muddied when Scully had left. Mulder listened to the rest of the song, wondering how it was that some songs could just cut right to a man's soul and heart, and rip them both out. <...And it's all for the love Of a dear little girl All for the love That sets your heart in a whirl I'm a man who'd give his life And the joys of this world All for the love of a girl...> As the song ended, he decided that it had a point. Maybe by giving his life, Scully would love him again. He cocked the gun, and raised it to his temple. * * * concluded in part three From math.ohio-state.edu!cs.utexas.edu!howland.erols.net!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!newsfeed.internetmci.com!in3.uu.net!news2.epix.net!news Wed Aug 14 11:41:35 1996 Article: 22815 of alt.tv.x-files.creative Path: math.ohio-state.edu!cs.utexas.edu!howland.erols.net!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!newsfeed.internetmci.com!in3.uu.net!news2.epix.net!news From: Amy Schatz Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: NEW: Waiting for that Day (3/3) Date: Sun, 11 Aug 1996 11:31:20 -0700 Organization: epix.net Lines: 359 Message-ID: <320E26F8.34F@epix.net> NNTP-Posting-Host: cnyn-74ppp87.epix.net Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Mailer: Mozilla 2.0 (Win16; I) Status: RO Please see disclaimer and notes in part one. =========================================== WAITING FOR THAT DAY (3/3) by Amy Schatz ========================= "But you once said There's a way back for every man So here I am Don't people change, here I am Is it too late to try again Here I am..." 'Waiting' George Michael ========================= Washington, D.C. Along the Potomac August 13, 2004 8:13 pm Scully ran through the park, her heart racing so much she could hear her pulse in her head. All she knew was that she had too stop Mulder, had to keep him with her. If he died, she knew that she wouldn't be able to go on. As she ran, she saw three people running towards her, their faces stricken. As they flew past her, she heard one man say, "He's gonna shoot himself! We gotta call the police!" Scully heightened her pace, and headed straight for the place that she knew so well. The place that held a certain air about it. Mystery, faith, friendship, and love. It was the place where they went to strengthen or renew their bond, and she knew it would be the place where he would want to die. She skidded around the corner, and the sight she was confronted with would stay with her forever. Mulder sat on `their bench', his clothes completely soaked, his eyes glassy, and a gun to his head. She could see that it was cocked and ready to fire. her mind chanted, as she stepped closer to him. He didn't seem to hear her approaching, and Scully knew that that could work against her. If she startled him and he pulled the trigger by accident, it would all be over, and she would never forgive herself. She moved closer until she could kneel before him, her eyes searching his. But his were dazed and he was looking at some far off point. Softly, ever so softly, she spoke. "Fox, it's me. It's Dana. Do you hear me?" He did not move. Scully reached up and touched his cheek with the back of her hand, feeling how hot his skin was, how fevered. "Oh, god..." she said, knowing then that she could never leave him again, could never be apart from him again. "Mulder, it's Scully. Please tell me you hear me." Nothing. Scully's gaze kept returning to the gun he held to his head, and she could barely keep the panic from her voice. She had to get that gun, and the safe way wasn't working. she thought, "Mulder, I'm going to tell you the truth, now. The truth that I've kept locked inside for two years now. And the truth is that I love you more than anything, more than my own life. I've never stopped loving you. Never. I know I acted like I did, but I only did that for your own good. You needed to be out on your own - or at least that's what I thought you needed. But I could never stop loving you. You've got to believe me. Please." He stirred slightly, and shifted his gaze so that he was looking at her. But his eyes still held that faraway look, and Scully knew that they weren't out of the woods yet. "Fox, you're the only man I've ever loved. I could never love another man, not even if I wanted to. You're a part of me. You always have been, it seems. For as long as I can remember, you've been the only one. So don't ever think that you're alone. It's not true. You have me and you have Lessa, and we both love you." Quite suddenly, his eyes cleared, and finally, Scully found herself *really* looking at Mulder. "...Scully..." he murmured, the gun lowering slightly. "That's right," she said, nodding, her hand still touching his cheek. "You came for me?" he questioned, and the disbelief in his voice cut at her heart. "Of course I did." He blinked and a tear slid down his cheek. "Why?" he asked, in a voice so full of despair that he had to whisper. Scully swallowed a sob, and reached out to take his hand firmly in her own. "Because I love you, Fox, and because I couldn't live without you." He shook his head, and the gun dropped a little further. "You shouldn't love me." Scully's eyes widened. "Why not?" "I'm no good for you. I'm no good for Lessa. When she grows up, the kids will find out about me, and they'll tease her - just like the other agents teased you. She'll be ashamed of me, and I wouldn't be able to stand that. She'll ask me to stay home from things because her friends will be there. I don't want to be around for that." Scully took a deep ragged breath, only now truly realizing the depth of Mulder's depression and despair. Before she could say anything, he continued. "And you're better off without me, Scully. You'll go further in the Bureau, you'll have more friends, and you'll meet a man that's right for you. A man you can really love. A man you deserve. Not me. I'm just a sorry excuse for a man who can't get past his sister's abduction that happened 32 years ago." Scully moved to sit next to him on the bench, still holding his hand. "Mulder, I want you to listen to me. Where is it written that you *should* get over her kidnapping? Ever since I've known you, I've admired your dedication to finding her. Don't give that up." He looked up at her. "But when I did that, I lost you." Scully let a tear slip down her cheek. "Fox, you didn't lose me. I let you go." His hand squeezed hers. "Why, Scully? Don't you know I can't make it without you? Nothing means anything without you." Scully was sure that her heart was breaking for him. She could feel the intense pain in her chest. "Mulder, your sister is the most important thing in your life, and that's fine. But when I finally learned that, I had to leave. I couldn't let Lessa stay somewhere where she would always be second choice." Mulder looked up at her, his face stricken. "My god, Scully. Lessa was *never* second choice. Never. And neither were you." Scully looked at him as if she knew the truth, and he were just trying to protect her from it. "Mulder, if that were true, you wouldn't have done what you did. You wouldn't have gone running off and left me with a four-year-old child for two weeks. Mulder, you didn't even call. I was afraid...I thought you were dead." He looked away. "I know, Scully. And I know what I did was very wrong, but when I got that case, I was so sure it was her. I was positive, and I knew you would want me to wait and do more checking. So I just left, and I didn't call because I didn't want to get you involved. I was trying to protect you." She shook her head. "It doesn't matter now, Mulder. You made your choice. You decided that Samantha is all you care about, and if that's how it is, then that's how it is. I've learned to live with it." Mulder shook his head vigorously, his finger still on the trigger. "But Scully, that's not true! Not anymore. When you left me, I learned that what really matters to me is you. You and Lessa." Scully smiled sadly. "You may think that now, Mulder, but I know that if tomorrow someone told you that they knew where Samantha was, you'd leave us again." "What if I promise I wouldn't?" "Mulder, promises aren't magical. They can't change someone's true nature." Mulder nodded. "I see," he said, and once again raised the gun a bit. "Then nothing's different. There's no way for me to prove to you that I've changed. That I realize what's really important. I think you should go now, Scully, before you see something awful." "Mulder, no!" she cried, terribly afraid that he would shoot himself in front of her. He didn't look at her. "Scully, I'm not asking you to take me back. I'm not trying to win pity points, here. I'm serious about this." "I know you are. But, Mulder, didn't you hear what I said? I said I still loved you." He shrugged. "What does it matter if you can't forgive me? If I can't come back to you and Lessa?" "But you can," she said confidently. He looked at her. "How?" "By promising me something." "I thought you said my promises didn't mean anything," he said, totally confused. "They do if you promise something you can do. All you have to do is promise to tell me if you find a lead on Samantha, and promise to take me with you. Just promise me you won't leave me like I'm a bad date. Mulder, I know that you can't abandon your search for Samantha just because you have a family, and I accept that. And just like loving children, you can't choose which means more to you, your sister or your family, but you have to know that; realize it. Then you won't try to act like you don't care as much about Samantha. Then what happened two years ago won't happen again. Can you promise that?" Mulder didn't answer right away, knowing that it would seem insincere. Instead, he thought about it, and he realized that if he just talked to Scully, explained things to her, then he *could* keep the promise. And as long as he kept it, he could come home and keep coming home. Home to Scully and Lessa. He turned to her, lowering the gun. "I promise." Scully broke out into a radiant smile, as she reached out to take the gun from him. He let her, and after she had put it away, she drew him close. "We both made mistakes, Mulder, but maybe we needed to make them so we could get it right this time. I love you." He tightened his hold on her. "I love you, too, Scully." A pause. "Thank you." "For what?" He stroked her hair gently. "For saving my life...and giving me a new one." * * * Annapolis, Maryland Scully Residence August 14, 2004 8:45 am Scully smiled as she sat in the rocking chair next to her bed. The morning light filtered through the blinds, casting a soft light in the room. She was glad she had this day off. After the night she had had, she wouldn't have had enough energy to go to work. Turning her head to the left, she caught sight of him as he slept in her bed. After the scene in the park, he had collapsed into her arms, relief and the fever taking over. She had somehow gotten him to her car, and had not thought twice about bringing him home with her. It was where he belonged, after all: with his family. Once they had gotten home, his fever had really risen high, and she had taken him straight to bed, giving him two aspirin, some water, and a cool rag for his forehead. When she had tried to get up, he had reached out his hands to her, begging her not to leave him. So, after making sure that her mother and Lessa were all right in their rooms, she had quickly changed into a nightgown, and climbed in next to him, pulling him close. And that was the way they had spent the night. Wrapped in each other's arms. It was the first time in two years that she had slept with him next to her. When she awoke, Scully realized how much she had missed it. She never felt safer than when she was in Mulder's arms, when she could feel the love he felt for her surrounding her. In the bed, Mulder shifted, reached out for Scully, and when he didn't find her, called out for her. "...Scully...Dana..." he murmured sleepily. He looked so cute with his hair all messy from sleeping, and his clothes rumpled, that Scully just couldn't resist him. She rose from the chair and knelt beside him, her hands pushing a few locks of hair away from his forehead. "I'm here, Mulder," she whispered, wanting desperately to kiss him. His eyes opened slowly, revealing the beautiful hazel depths, and all Scully wanted to do was lose herself in them. He favored her with a weak grin. "...Almost thought you were a dream..." Scully chuckled. "I should hope not. I'm a lot thinner in my dreams," she said dryly. Mulder snickered softly, and reached up to touch her face gently. "Do you still love me?" His voice was purposely light, but Scully knew that he was very serious. Mulder had always been tough and confident on the outside, but inside he was a mass of insecurity. "Always and forever," she answered, making sure that he was secure. Then she leaned down and pressed her lips to his tenderly in a kiss that spoke more of their love and bond than of passion or desire. There was plenty of time for that later. "What time is it?" he asked when they broke apart. "Nearly nine," she answered casually, placing her hand on his forehead, checking. "What do you say, Doc?" "You still have a slight fever, but it's come down greatly. Just rest a while longer, then I'll make us all some breakfast. Okay?" He nodded, turning onto his side, following her with his eyes. "Sure. Playing hooky today?" "Nope. I have the day off. I'm going to take a shower. I don't want you to get out of bed until I get out." "Aye-aye, mon capitan," Mulder answered, this time his grin a little stronger. Scully gave him one of her greatly missed Looks before disappearing into the bathroom. Mulder lay back on the pillows, sighing contentedly. This was all he ever wanted for two years: to have Scully love him again and to have his family back. And in one night, he had been given it all. He had even been forgiven for the man he was, and he no longer had to apologize for not being the man he couldn't be. The day he had been waiting for had finally come, and in all his dreams, he had never imagined it as sweet as it was. * * * 9:10 am Mulder was roused from a light sleep by a knock at the front door. He sat up, and when he did his head protested greatly with a hard pounding, but he ignored it, and Scully's command, and slid his legs over the side of the bed, so he could stand. As he walked out of the bedroom and down the hall, the knock came again. "Dana, can you get that!" he heard Mrs. Scully call from the kitchen. Mulder knew that Scully was still in the shower, so he decided to answer the door. After all, he only had a bit of a fever. He was sure he could make it to the door. On his way there, Lessa spotted him and screamed out to him, excited by this surprise appearance of her father. "Daddy! You're here!" she shouted as she ran to him, leaping up into his arms. Margaret stuck her head around the corner and smiled at him. Mulder smiled and kissed his beloved daughter on the cheek, and he was never so glad that he was alive. Alive to hold her in his arms, and to feel so needed. "I sure am, sweetheart," he said happily. "Should we see who's at the door?" he asked. She nodded vigorously, and they made their way to the front door, Lessa still in his arms. Mulder was dressed only in a t- shirt and sweatpants, his hair still askew. He reached out, turned the knob, opened the door, and was confronted with Brian for the second time in three days. Only this time the tables were greatly turned. "Oh, hello," said Brian, confused, and feeling a little silly. He wore an outfit that looked like he intended to go hiking, and in his hands were some wildflowers. Mulder smiled thinly, also feeling awkward. "Um..." mumbled Mulder, having no idea what to say. "...I don't...know..." And it was then that Mulder was saved by Scully - again. "Fox, who's at the..." Scully's question died away when she saw Brian standing at the door, obviously ready to go on the little hiking expedition they had set up the week before. She felt like a heel for forgetting him so easily. But it was so easy to let everything else fade away when faced with Mulder. Scully took a deep breath and stepped forward so that she was standing beside Mulder. "Ah, Brian, I think we need to talk." Brian allowed a rueful smile to cross his face. "Dana, I think that's an understatement. And I think I can piece together what's happened." "I'm sorry, Brian. We didn't know this was going to happen," she said, reaching up to stroke her daughter's cheek. "Really?" he asked. "That's funny, cause I did." That answer gave Mulder pause, and then he smiled. "Thanks, Brian," he said, extending his free hand. Brian shook it. "It was nice meeting you, Fox." Mulder was about to correct him, but decided to let it go. Scully smiled, and said, "I hope we can still be friends, Brian." Brian winced. "Ooh, you women sure do know how to hurt a guy," he said, smiling sadly. "We'll see, Dana. It'll take me a while to get over you, I'm afraid." Scully smiled, and then slipped an arm around Mulder's waist. Brian smiled at them one last time before turning and heading back to his car. As he slipped inside and looked back at them, standing together, he realized that the two halves that had been so separate only a few nights ago, had somehow fused back together. And he could see that where two people had once been just existing, they were now thriving. Whatever it was that had been between them - that had torn them apart - had obviously been torn down. It was as if they had just been waiting for the day when they had healed enough to come back together - when they understood each other enough to accept and love unconditionally. And that day had finally arrived. ======================== When you tell me I'm the only one you need Sweet and tenderly And your love Breaks away the clouds surrounding me All I have I want to give to thee 'Music Box' Mariah Carey ======================== THE END