From zcapr59@ucl.ac.uk Mon May 19 12:24:48 1997 Subject: WE NEVER REALLY TALK (1/1) by Nessie From: -------- TITLE: We never really talk.. (1/1) AUTHOR: Nessie E-MAIL: zcapr59@ucl.ac.uk DISTRIBUTION: anywhere, just keep Nessie as the author. SPOILERS: none. Despite the title, it's non-potato. Feel safe. RATING: PG13, for language and a bit of adult innuendo CONTENT: The religious beliefs of Mulder and Scully are discussed here- no offence is meant towards anyones beliefs. It's not MSR- oh no.. but it gets quite flirty. Mild swearing. CLASSIFICATION: V, H SUMMARY: Mulder and Scully discuss beliefs.. and more. ABOUT THIS STORY: Okay folks.. This was written in a physics lesson! It stemmed from a conversation I'd just had with a friend (well the first bit is anyway. If you're interested, the Mulder part was me). You see, I like to *think* that I have a unique ability for simultaneously writing fanfic and listening to the ramblings of a physics teacher. But I think I'm just kidding myself... I thought I ought to give a mention to Jo (the poet), who will recognise the in-joke here; she calls me a callous cow. She's just soppy.. This is written in playscript: (a) because I couldn't be bothered with all the inbetween story bits (b)like Roky Crikenson of Jose Chung's, I'm a bit psychotic and it just goes to make my story all the less credible (c) to make it easier for CC when he films this as an episode. Ah well, the truth is, it's just a lighthearted heap of crap. Not even a plot.. just a l'il light entertainment.. I'm takin' a short break from fairytales, but I'll be back with it soon.. DISCLAIMER: Mulder and Scully are the abused and neglected uberchildren of Chris Carter. I mean, what sort of a creator causes such *pain* to his characters? I call it sadistic. WE NEVER REALLY TALK From Nessie SCULLY: The sky's so blue today... MULDER: Yeah, but look how grey the clouds are. SCULLY: No they're not, they're white. MULDER: They're *grey* SCULLY: Off-white. MULDER: Are we looking at the same cloud? SCULLY: You are such a pessimist MULDER: Am not. It's grey. SCULLY: That's just a shadow. MULDER: A shadow? Of *what*? SCULLY: Of... God. MULDER: What *God*? SCULLY: You don't believe in God? MULDER: I believe in plenty of things.. bu- SCULLY: *REALLY?* I hadn't noticed. MULDER: Oh, you are just sooooo sarcastic. SCULLY: But seriously Mulder, how come you find it so easy to believe in the most *ridiculous* theories.. MULDER: They are NOT ridiculous. SCULLY: They are; your beliefs are almost childlike. MULDER: CHI- SCULLY: ... Yet why won't you just open up and believe in God? MULDER: Look at it Scully. It's mean we would actually *agree* on something. Can you picture that? SCULLY: Do we agree on anything? MULDER: The truth is out there. You can't deny that. SCULLY: Can't I? MULDER: Damn it... Anyway, I could turn the tables and ask *you* why you find it so hard to believe when all the evidence is in front of you, yet you have such faith in this God of yours. SCULLY: I- I can't explain that. MULDER:Weeeeeeelllll.. this is a first. "There has to be a rational explanation.." Yeeeeooooooowwwww!!! SCULLY: It's just a feeling I have. MULDER: *You* have feelings? SCULLY: Plenty. MULDER: Name some. SCULLY: I hate my partner. He's a jerk. MULDER: Ooh.. mortally offended.. Any *nice* feelings? SCULLY: Um... It's a beautiful day? MULDER: Oh no it- hey, I think we've already been down that road. .. I got a *real* nice feeling... SCULLY: I don't think I wanna *hear* about that Hey! That hurt! MULDER: It's snowing... yeuch, it's all coold.. SCULLY: It's beautiful.. MULDER: Soppy cow. SCULLY: Callous bastard. MULDER: It's May, damnit. It should be WARM!!! SCULLY: You know, freak weather conditions- MULDER: STOP! You're blinding me with science! SCULLY: Just appreciate the snow Mulder. You know, with global warming at its current rate of increase- MULDER: I said STOPPIT!!! SCULLY: Okay, okay... Now come to think of it, it is a little chilly.. MULDER: Y'know, there's room in this coat for.. SCULLY: Don't even *think* about it Mulder. MULDER: You can ride in the pocket if your little *feet* get sore.. OUCH! With heels too!!! SCULLY: You know Mulder, sometimes you REALLY remind me of Frohike. MULDER: Don't be stupid. You can see over Frohike's shoulder.. on a good day. SCULLY: What I mean is.. you *leer*. MULDER: I do NOT leer. SCULLY: Do too MULDER: Do not. SCULLY: Do too MULDER: Do not SCULLY: Do too MULDER: Do not SCULLY: STOP!! How old are we? MULDER: Anyway, so what if I leer? It's not as if you don't check out my butt when my back's turned.. SCULLY: How do you know that? MULDER: Ha! Caught you out there! Well.. *all* the women do. SCULLY: Oh so I *am* a woman then? MULDER: Last time I checked. SCULLY: MULDER!!!!! MULDER: Just kidding! Anyway, about my butt.. SCULLY: What *about* your butt? MULDER: I mean.. what... what do you- um- think? SCULLY: About your *butt*? MULDER: Uh- yeah.. I mean, as a *woman*, how does it- uh- measure up? SCULLY: Measure up??? Well.. obviously I have yet to see it unclothed.. MULDER: Yet? SCULLY: Joke, Mulder... MULDER: But what do you think of it though? SCULLY: a-hah.. you really think I'd tell you? MULDER: Scully.. you look so good in a trousersuit. SCULLY: Flattery will get you nowhere Mulder. MULDER: Who says I'm trying to get anywhere? SCULLY: It's written in that smirk on your face. MULDER: Smirk? What smirk? SCULLY: Oh for gods sake Mulder.. MULDER: God again.. He just keeps on coming out in conversation. What, so you really think this guy exists? SCULLY: More that little green men do, yes. MULDER: I told you once and I'll tell you again- Reticulans are characteristically grey in colour due to- SCULLY: Okay okay.. MULDER: Whereas, you know *nothing* about this guy you call God. What does he look like? Where does he live? You don't know. And yet you worship him Scully. SCULLY: Jealous Mulder? And- like- you know *everything* about these Reticulans. MULDER: Want every last detail? SCULLY: Okay, stupid thing to say. But you know.. sometimes those things just aren't important. MULDER: Do you care what *I* look like? SCULLY: Not really.. MULDER: Do you care where I live? SCULLY: So long as it's not in my apartment block.. MULDER: But you worship me, right? SCULLY: ???!!! MULDER: Right? Oh. I thought this worship thing we had was kinda mutual.. SCULLY: Sorry. You just took me aback with what you just said.. MULDER: Why? SCULLY: It was so.. spooky.. MULDER: Huh? SCULLY: Like you can read my thoughts. I never told you about the- um- shrine, did I? MULDER: Shrine? SCULLY: My- um- Mulder shrine. MULDER: Oh *Scully*... SCULLY: Yeah.. photoes.. motel and restaurant receipts.. MULDER: I'm so glad, Scully.. cos you have to know. I've devoted a corner of my apartment to you.. -strands of your hair.. scraps from your trashcan.. SCULLY: Mulder.. I was *joking*. MULDER: Oh. I wasn't. SCULLY: Mulder.... MULDER: It's okay.. SCULLY: Actually, now you mention it, you remind me a little of my closet.. MULDER: Really? Let me guess- dark. Alluring. Its rightful place is in your bedroom.. SCULLY: No Mulder.. Smells of PERFUME. Rather spooky. And TOTALLY MESSED UP. MULDER: Oh. Thanks. THE END I WANT FEEDBACK!! zcapr59@ucl.ac.uk ==:-B Nessie :D || ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ********************************************* "I know what I saw Scully; I saw *you* about to do the wild thing with *me*!" "Dream on, loser" ********************************************* :::NOTHING HAPPENS IN CONTRADICTION TO NATURE; ONLY IN CONTRADICTION TO WHAT WE KNOW OF IT:::