From: PulledAScully@aol.com Date: Mon, 24 Jan 2000 19:25:02 EST Subject: "We'll Fight It" by Angel-Wings Gaskins Source: direct Title: "We'll Fight It" Author: Angel-Wings Gaskins Rating: PG-13/R for bad language Cater.: V Keywords: M/S POVs, M/S friendship for the time being anyway Spoilers: nope, I don't think so Summary: Scully's cancer has come out of remission. Archive: Just email me Feedback: PulledAScully@aol.com Disclaimer: Not mine. Notes: My story feels neaked without notes, but oh well. ;o) "We'll Fight It" by Angel-Wings Gaskins It's back. Fuck me, it's back. I know it's been three weeks since we found out, but I still can't believe it's fucking returned. The bastards at the Consortium did it, I know they did. They brought Scully's cancer out of remission because they fucking can, that's why. But I can't be angry anymore. Scully told me not to be angry, to just accept it. It's hard, but I will for her. We'll find a cure together, I know we will, so I have to accept the fact the cancer has returned. Come to think of it, it's a serpent really. It lunges with such force, but slowly recoils away, waiting until just the right moment again. Then it comes out of the blue, ever so subtly, and invades you, hissing with a vengeance. When Scully first found out it was at a routine check-up. I had come to pick her up for a friendly movie-date, but she told me to wait in the car, she'd be down in a minute. As far as I knew, she hadn't been crying, she looked normal. She waited ten minutes then quietly came and sat beside me in the passenger seat. "What's wrong?" I had asked, but God, I wish I hadn't. She looked at me, her heart tearing openly in her eyes, the first tears just starting to well. "It's back, Mulder. The cancer's come out of remission." We cried and held each other for what seemed like all night, and I stayed with her, holding her hand so she could sleep peacefully, but it was still platonic, as platonic as Scully and I can get. Scully is determined to stay at work. The cancer doesn't appear an immediate threat, she says. It hasn't metastized, it just remains 'active', but it's still there. She hasn't had a nose bleed that I know of yet, and she appears as safe as she can be in this condition. I just hope it stays that way. Right now, when we'd normally be on a case, I'm sitting at home alone, wondering how the hell I got here, how *we* got here. Why, though, I already know. It wasn't going bad, or great. We were just... coping. But yesterday Scully had an appointment with her doctor for a Catscan, to determine whether the cancer had spread at all. She asked me to come with her, and I obviously obliged. I waited in the hall while the procedure took place, praying to ever deity I could think of. Hours passed before I finally went into the room. She was alone, sitting on the bed, facing the window, her back to me. I could hear her soft sobbing. I tried to touch her, to offer her comfort. She quickly backlashed me, shoving me hard against the wall. "Look what you did to me! You fucking did THIS to me!" she screamed, tears blotting her cheeks and her arms punching my chest wildly. "Damnit, Mulder! Why did you fucking have to hurt me like this?" She finally collapsed in a fit of wracking sobs against my chest, and I held her while my own tears wet her hair. Afterwards she told me that the cancer hadn't spread, but that the clear reality that it probably would sank in. She apologized, but she didn't have to. I know she didn't mean those words. She was upset, granted I would be to. So, for the sake of both our souls, I'm letting her be tonight, to cope with this invasion of her body, and maybe for my sake as well. Wine and cheese. Huh. That's all I can think about now. I can't wait to have another chance to work this out after her cancer is gone, to finally play my cards right. That day might be long in coming, but I will never give up hope. ********************** I'm so sorry for what I did to Mulder in that hospital room yesterday. I was out of line, and it wasn't what either of us needed. I think he took it to heart, because today he told me he thought tonight we'd probably be best apart. I'm positive I didn't show my hurt, but I felt it. I need Mulder now, I don't need his absence. This won't happen again. I will not go through the pain I went through last time, I shouldn't have to. I will face this thing head on, Mulder at my side, God willing. We will defeat this, and I will survive. When I told my mother the news she just nodded and went on with her day as if it was nothing, just a minor occurence. She told me that she had faith in me, and she knew I would prevail, I always did. I can only hope this time will follow suit. I can't stand this silence any longer; I have to call him, to let him know I need him by me, to make me forget this intruder that has reared its ugly head into our lives. Mulder is more a part of me than this cancer ever will be, and I'm not about to lose him now. He answers on the third ring. "Mulder." "Mulder, it's me." "Scully, I thought we agreed--" "I know, but I miss you." He chuckles at this, and I can't help but smile. "I only saw you three hours ago, you can't miss me that much." Oh, Mulder, if only you knew. Life is a constant battle without you, and I need you here to fight with me. "I know, but I'm not sure I want to be alone right now." "Is something wrong?" His voice is squeaky with a hint of fear he's trying desperately to withhold. "No," I tell him. "I just don't want to do this alone." He sighs, but I don't know if it's in acknowledgement or agreement. "Neither do I, Scully. I'll bring pizza." I smile. Mulder *always* brings pizza. "I'll be waiting." "Mulder?" "Yeah, Scully?" "I'm not giving up. I'm going to fight this." It doesn't take him long to answer, I hear promise and the beginnings of a smile in his voice, all the hope I need. "We both will, Scully." *****************THE END (Until next time ;o)*********** Welst, I had a vision of this story, a series even. So, this might become one, seing whether you guys want to read it or want me to burn it from searing eyes. OOO... deep... lol If this does become a sequel, MSR is promised, along with angst. Feedback is appreciated and loved, and I beg for some endlessly! PulledAScully@aol.com http://members.aol.com/pulledascully/fanfiction.htm