From: raenright@aol.com (RaEnright) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: New Short: What A Character! starring Jackie, Ellen, Will, and Erin. Date: 3 Feb 1996 19:17:13 -0500 Eh, I'm into the atxc awards spirit in the worst possible way... Will...I mean, Alisdair suggested this, and I stole it from him. It's basically a few of the characters nominated for best original character, waiting backstage to see who takes it. I was going with a more traditional story, but this was soooo much more fun...I won't tell you all who I'm rooting for, but it isn't Erin.......... Feldman and St. George meet...yikes...good thing Will's there to break it up.....I assume all of you are familiar with all the others...everyone used with permission, nobody used without permission...thanks to the other authors for letting me mess with their creations... What A Character! The Scene: A dim room backstage, behind a dark curtain. Four figures in a small huddle, conferring. "Who d'you think will win?" "Aw, come on, who's the most popular?" "Well, it's not going to be me." "Shush, Erin, I don't want to miss it." "What, we've got ten minutes. Will, tell her." "Don't be such a demon, St. George." "*Me*? Who's the Vampire?" "He's a *vampire*?" "Ya gotta broadcast that, Feldman?" "Quiet, St. George, before I kick you ass." "Try me. You kicked Mulder's--that doesn't count." "Don't you dare slam my cousin, Jackie." "Who's slamming? I'm slandering." "Okay, we've got a few minutes still. Jackie, Ellen, what are you...?" "They're fighting, what else would they do? At least nobody's died. Yet." "That's debatable. Now look you lot, Janette will kill me if I come out of this little gathering with lipstick on my collar, so everyone keep their distance. You realize, I'm the only man here?" "You're too old for me, Will." "I'm taken." "I'd rather kiss Skinner." "More pity you, Ellen." "Don't go there, Will. Bet he could beat Mulder's ass." "I'll take that bet, St. George." "Can't gamble till your eighteen, kid. I've corrupted you enough already." "Guess that means the beer is out, Jackie?" "Gimme that. Take a look out there." "Lots of people." "Lots and LOTS of people." "Hey Jackie, that one...there, in the front row--isn't that Marty?" "Looks like it. His date looks kinda familiar, too." "His *WHAT*?" "I was kidding, St George." "She's not his date. She's not." "You just keep telling yourself that." "Hey look, Feldman, that one looks like you." "She does not. I'm thinner than that." "Nope, that's you all right." "Thanks, McCormack." "Bugger. Erin?" "Yeah, Will?" "Who's that on the other side of Marty?" "Looks like you." "Damn. D'you think there's time to change my suit?" "Depends. You want to strip down in front of this crew?" "I'm not that kind of man, Ellen." "You're not any kind of man, idiot." "You want proof?" "No, Will, please, spare us?" "Shut up, shut up, they're here!" "Where?" "Look, Mulder's got a tux on." "Betcha he's wearing a polka-dotted tie." "Plain black. I'll lay you odds his boxers are, though." "Like you'll ever find out, St. George." "Like I want to. Get Ellen to take him." "Naw, I'll ask Dana next time I see her." "Excuse me?" "Relax, Ellen. She's his doctor, recall? She sees him in boxers once a season." "There's Dana--wow, killer dress." "Don't tease her...she's still got a gun, and she's a better shot than Mulder..." "She wouldn't shoot an innocent l'il thing like me, would she?" "Don't bet on it. I just realized something." "What's that?" "In all our realities, except Ellen's, you know, they're...." "Entangled?" "Exactly." "Hey, look, it's not my fault he dropped his Adult Video News on my doorstep. Or that Winky broke into his apartment...St. George, I'm warning you--" "ENOUGH, women! We can sort that out later. Look, they're about to announce it." "Look at all the fanfic authors." "Hey, I've got dibs on Marty." "You can have him. I've got Mulder." "Watch it, Feldman. Will, you got one picked out?" "Jeanette's out there. I think it would be nice to leave with the woman who brought me." "Hey, I'm left out." "You're under age." "Fine, be that way. Hey, everyone, party at Ra's when the whole thing is over. My Da's got a spread on." "Do you think if I lose I can sue?" "Don't count on it, Feldman." "Oh, I know who I want. See the guy on Ra's arm?" "Shame, Erin, stealing your creator's boyfriend." "Hey, you did it." "Doesn't count." "Why not?" "SHUT UP!!!" "Will's just a little tense, I'd say." "I heard that." "Yikes." "Okay, St. George, Feldman, I refuse to call that child Mulder, and I, everyone's here, and they're about to announce it." "Hey, if I win, do I get the beer back?" "Nope." "Squirt, think you're gonna come close?" "Nope, but it was a nice thought." "You know the Brooklyn Girl's always gonna win." "Watch out, Dragon Woman'll fry you." "Yeah, St. George? Who d'you think would win, a Dragon or a Vampire?" "I do believe that drinking people's blood is grounds for a criminal lawsuit." "That's her secret weapon. Lawyers." "Hey look, if you get Mulder in trouble see if I defend HIM again--" "All right, you two, can we keep the fights until after they announce who wins so I can go out and collect it?" "You're gonna have to get past me first." "Okay, okay, we can all compare egos later. Here we go." And The Winner Is........... Well, who knows? Between a Lawyer, a Dragon, a Vampire, and a Teenager, I don't know which is worse.... Later everyone! Ra Who really should get a life one of these days...