From: "Jessica Griffin" <jess13@worldnet.att.net>
Date: Thu, 23 Dec 1999 14:00:06 -0700
Subject: Story Submission
Source: direct


Title: What I Know Now
Author: Jess13  (e-mail jess13@worldnet.att.net)
Classification: Alternate Universe, MSR
Disclaimer:  They are not mine.  They are property of 
CC. (Good thing, eh?  Look what I do to them when I 
borrow them for non-profit fun)
Summary: Just why was Scully so smiley to CSM in the 
pilot?
Author's Note: This is my first attempt at writing a 
fanfiction.  It was all written in one sitting when I 
was suffering from insomnia. I had read some stories 
about Scully being in the Consortium but they never 
really give a reason why she would do it.  So, I 
wanted to come up with a reason why and then see how 
many of the events in the series could have really 
happened if she was in league with the CSM. I tried 
to be as accurate with dates as possible (looked them 
up on the timeline).  I'd say this story takes place 
in Season Five without Emily having happened yet. CSM 
is till presumed dead.  So, bear with me and any feed 
back would be great. Thank you! 


PART 1

Mulder's Apartment
Present Day
9:13pm

  I've never been so afraid in my life.  Not even 
when I was looking death in the face as cancer 
ravaged my body.  Now, I'm looking death in the face 
once more.  It is not as predictable as the cancer 
was.  I remember thinking that cancer is like an 
intruder that takes over your body.  The only way to 
destroy is to risk destroying yourself.  I wonder if 
that is how he thinks of me- as a cancer that 
infected his life years ago that he has just realized 
will end up killing him.  His eyes are nearly 
unrecognizable.  They are more flat and dark then I 
can ever remember seeing them.  No matter how awful 
our fights were in the past, he always let some 
vestige of adoration leak through his resolve.  
Now he just stares.
   "How could you do this to me?" He asks, breaking 
the deadly silence.  I thought nothing could terrify 
me more than the electric silence between us.  I was 
wrong. Every carefully calculated word stabs a new 
wound into my heart and I know that I deserve nothing 
less.  I have no idea how to answer him.  He rises 
from his black leather couch and begins to pace the 
floor in front of the chair I am seated in at his 
desk.  Thankfully, the eye contact that he held me 
captive with is broken.  
   "Come on, Scully.  You never had any problem 
talking before.  I asked you a question." He stops 
pacing and draws near to me.  I let my head lower 
until my chin grazes my chest.  I fight not to let 
the tears spring from my eyes.  I hear rather then 
see him stop right in front of me and feel his hand 
cup my chin to look into my face. "You look at me and 
tell me.  Was it fun to play with Old Spooky in the 
basement?  That's all this was for you right, Scully?  
A fucking game?"  I would have felt better if he was 
yelling at me.  Rather, his voice rumbles in a low 
calculated voice.
   "No." I say in less than a whisper meeting his 
gaze head on.  He lets out a humorless laugh.
   "No?"  He repeats incredulously as he brings his 
other hand up to cup my face. In other circumstances, 
a touch like this would represent the longing that we 
had to make our relationship more than it was.  But 
in this case, he is using to hurt me.  He is showing 
me what will never be because of my deception. "Then 
what was it to you, Scully?"
   "Mulder..." I begin and falter.  "I don't... I don't 
know how to make you understand this all..." This makes 
him angry.  His hands remain on my face and I feel 
the dampness of his palms on my cheeks as he tightens 
his hold on me.
   "Make me understand what, Scully?  I think that if 
you had any intention of ever making me understand 
anything you would have volunteered it, not let me 
find out through the Gunmen about your secret 
rendezvous with that black-lunged son of a bitch!"  
Now he is shouting.  I was wrong to think it would be 
better if he were shouting.
   "I didn't know in the beginning, Mulder!"  I shout 
back.  "I had no clue about anything to do with the 
X-Files or colonization!  I was lied to from the 
beginning!  I thought I was helping! By the time I 
knew what was really going on I was in too deep.  By 
the time I figured out I was on the wrong side I 
couldn't switch without something happening to you!"  
His hands finally move from my face.  The only noise 
in the apartment is sound of his fish tank's air 
filter humming and our ragged, post-shouting breath.
    "You expect me to believe that? You expect me to 
believe anything you ever say again?"
    "No, Mulder, I don't. But just listen to what I 
have to say.  Please."  He sits back down on the 
couch resigned.  He runs a hand through his hair and 
then looks at me expectantly.
    "Fine."


PART 2

University of Maryland
April 3, 1990
1:59pm 

   "Ms. Scully!"  A man I don't recognize jogs up 
next to me as I walk across the quad after my 
Graduate level Physics class.  I stop and look at him 
questioningly.  He is slightly beyond middle aged and 
smells of a mix of sandlewood and tobacco. He extends 
his hand and I take it somewhat reluctantly and shake 
it.  "I'm very pleased to finally speak to you in 
person, Ms. Scully."  I take back my hand and he 
reaches for a cigarette.  He gestures to me asking if 
I'd like one as well.
    "No, thank you.  May I ask how you know me?  Have 
we met?"  He smiles.  
    "No, but you have created quite a name for 
yourself.  If you don't mind me asking, what are you 
planning on doing with your medical degree?"  I feel 
uncomfortable to say the least but feel compelled to 
answer nonetheless.  My planned career only borders 
on personal.  Now, if he starts asking about my plans 
to have a family, then out comes the trusty mace.
    "Um, I'm not sure.  I have some interest forensic 
pathology.  Maybe I will work in a Medical Examiner's 
office."  I begin to walk again slowly.  The stranger 
follows me.
    "Pathology, huh?  Seems a little dreary for such 
a pretty young woman."  I stop and give him a cursory 
glance.
    "Who exactly did you say you were?"  I say, 
thinking about the mace in my pocket.
    "I didn't say, but if you will indulge me, I 
think that you may be interested in what I have to 
talk to you about."  He takes a long drag from his 
cigarette and then tosses it onto the ground.  He the 
steps on it, slowly grounding out the bright orange 
cherry.
   "And what exactly is that?"  He glances around and 
then gestures for me to follow him to student union.  
It seems public enough so I follow him.
   We sit down in a corner booth and he pulls out 
another cigarette.
   "You know those things will kill you, right?"  I 
say.
   "Doubtful that they will be the end of me." He 
says with an ironic look on his face.  "Now, Ms. 
Scully.  Have you ever considered a job in the 
government?"
   "Excuse me?"  That is one of the last things I 
expected to come out of the man's mouth.
   "For someone of your talent, there are a lot of 
possibilities for you to succeed in the FBI." I 
chuckle.
   "The FBI.  I think my father would kill me.  He's 
already not very pleased with my interest in Forensic 
Medicine.  What exactly would I be doing?"  He takes 
a drag of his cigarette and lets the smoke seep out 
his nostrils reminding me of a dragon.
   "We have a specific assignment in mind for you. 
You would make a huge difference.  Really distinguish 
yourself." I have to admit I like the sound of that.  
I don't speak so he takes that as a tacit clue to 
continue.  "You see, right now there is a classified 
project dealing with the development of a vaccination 
that could help a lot of people.  Some of the 
information that is vital to the development of this 
vaccination lies in the jurisdiction of the bureau.  
Someone with your expertise would be invaluable in 
assessing that information and making sure that no 
one... throws off... the project."  My mind began 
reeling.
   "Wait a minute, what kind of vaccination?  Why 
haven't I heard of this project?"
   "I told you, it's classified.  Your participation 
can only help mankind.  We need you, Dana."  He 
exhaled another puff of smoke and looked intently 
right into my eyes.   
   "I don't understand, why me?  Why not someone who 
is already a doctor?  There has got to be someone 
more qualified."  He smiles again and my skin crawls 
involuntarily.
   "We don't make mistakes, Ms. Scully.  You are the 
most qualified for this mission.  Don't doubt your 
importance."  He ends resolutely.  He then stands and 
hands me a slip of paper. "I know you will choose for 
the benefit of mankind."  And with that he disappears 
leaving behind only that slip of paper and the still 
smoking butt of his cigarette in the ashtray behind.  
I unfold the paper carefully and stare at it:

WASHINGTON MONUMENT
TONIGHT 8PM

I almost expect it to say "Be there or be square".  
The thought makes me smile as I slowly fold the paper 
up and place it in my pocket.


PART 3 

~~ Later ~~

  I figure it can't hurt to simply attend this 8 
o'clock meeting so here I am walking around the 
Washington Monument feeling a little more that a bit 
self conscious until I catch sight of the smoking man 
once more.  I tentatively walk towards him.

   "Ms. Scully, a very wise choice.  I knew you would 
do the right thing."
   "Wait a minute, I haven't made any choice, I just 
need more information."  He looks at me with an 
amused expression.  
   "Come with me."  Against my better judgment, I 
follow him to a black Buick and get inside.  He 
guides the car away from the curb and navigates the 
streets.  "Ms. Scully... Dana... it is absolutely 
imperative that you make a commitment to the project 
immediately.  Time and lives are wasting away."
   "Whoa, not so fast.  How can you expect me to 
commit to something that I know nothing about? The 
only assurance I have that it is the right decision 
comes from a lone man that I don't even know who 
talks in nebulous generalizations about the benefit 
of mankind."  He pulls out a cigarette and lights it 
without taking his eyes off of the road.  
I cough as he expels smoke and I crack my window 
open.
   "I wouldn't expect anything less from you, Dana.  
All will be explained in time.  First, I need a 
guarantee that what you learn about the project 
during this decision making step will not be repeated 
to anyone.  Understood?"  I nod despite myself.  He 
pulls the car over to the side of the road.  "The 
disease that we are attempting to create a 
vaccination for has a very small incubation period. 
The FBI investigates the cases surrounding this 
disease only on the surface.  
The truth is, they don't have anyone qualified enough 
to be able to recognize the disease.  Unfortunately, 
in their ignorance, they have labeled these 
mysterious deaths as unsolved which only slowed us 
down before.  However, now, there is a man fighting 
to open these unsolved cases and it is only a matter 
of time before he stumbles across this disease and 
inadvertently infects the entire population or at the 
very least creates a panic that could lead to the 
break down of the government.  We need you to come in 
and provide a check to this man.  He is very 
intelligent, but a loose cannon.  There is nothing 
more dangerous than misdirected intelligence.  Open 
the glove compartment."  
I do so and pull out a personnel folder labeled 
"Special Agent Fox William Mulder" I flip through a 
few of the pages.  
   "So this is the man you are so afraid of."
   "Do not make light of this situation, Ms. Scully.  
This man is more dangerous than he knows."
   "So, you want me to come in and stop him?  How am 
I supposed to do that?"  I flip to a picture of the 
Agent Mulder.  Not bad, not bad at all. 
   "You are going to be assigned to work with him 
following the completion of your training.  It will 
be your job to keep track of him and make sure that 
he never causes a public panic.  Also, you need to 
filter the research to the project so we can develop 
the vaccine."  We sit in silence for a few moments.  
And for some reason, this all feels right.
   "Are you with the FBI?  How can you be sure that 
I'll be assigned to work with him?"  He chuckles.
   "No, I'm not with the FBI, but it will be no 
problem to get you assigned.  The project is very... 
influential."  And I know what I have to decide.

PART 4

J. Edgar Hoover Building
March 7, 1992

   "Agent Scully, thank you for coming on such short 
notice."  I sit down opposite of Section Chief 
Blevins as he asks me about whether I've heard of Fox 
Mulder.  I notice the man who started me on this path 
leaning against a filing cabinet with the everpresent 
Morely in his hand. I glance at him as I say I gave 
up my career in medicine to distinguish myself.  I 
throw him a knowing smile as I describe Agent Mulder 
as "Spooky" as I was instructed.  The familiar figure 
doesn't smile back.  He just watches to make sure 
that I am assigned to the X-Files as we planned. As 
Blevins instructs me to make contact with 
Agent Mulder as soon as possible I feel a smile creep 
up on my face in triumph.  This isn't so hard after 
all.  I walk straight out of the room and head 
straight for the basement to meet my fate.  I knock 
suddenly feeling a little tentative.
  "Sorry, nobody here but the FBI's most unwanted."  I take 
that as an invitation to enter.  I am taken aback by 
the spectacled man in front of me.  The personnel 
picture did not do him justice.  I extend my hand and 
introduce myself.  "Well isn't is nice to be suddenly 
so highly regarded?  Who'd you piss off to get stuck with this 
detail, Scully?"  I suddenly feel uneasy under his 
gaze.  This is going to be harder than I thought.  
He is so suspicious of me already.  But, I didn't 
spend fifteen weeks in training and two years 
teaching in the bowels of Quantico to have this man, 
the whole purpose of me joining the FBI, scare me 
away in the first five minutes.  
   "Actually, I was looking forward to working with 
you.  I've heard a lot about you"  I manage to get out smoothly.
"Really?  Because I was under the impression that you 
were sent to spy on me."  Oh shit.  I pray that my 
face didn't go as white as my soul just did.  No, he 
will not scare me away.  I just need to convince him 
I'm an innocent, green field agent.
   "If you have any doubts about my qualifications or credentials..." 
The conversation continues and I gain a small 
triumph.  This man didn't think I would still be here 
this far into to the conversation.  So he tries a new 
approach.
   "Do you believe in the existence of 
extraterrestrials?"  He says in a patronizing voice.  A role defining
moment.
  "Logically, I would have to say no given the distances needed to
travel from the far reaches of space..." and 
continue on the stance hat it was agreed that I 
should take in order to debunk this man's work.  And 
so my deception begins.  But little did I know it was 
me that I was deceiving.

PART 5

Mulder's Apartment
Present Day

   Mulder just sits.  He hasn't interrupted my story 
once.  He just watches me and I can tell that he is 
trying to decide if I am telling him the truth.  The 
question hangs in the air between us so I do what we 
never did before. I answered the unspoken words that 
we communicate.
   "Mulder, I don't have any reason to lie to you 
now.  The way I see it, you have decided that we are 
through.  I'm just clearing the air now.  Not just 
for you, but for me too."  He looks at me and his 
eyes soften for a moment.  Then they steel back up.
   "What about you abduction Scully? And your cancer?  
None of that was real?  Do you know what that did to 
me?"
   "Mulder, please, let me explain. I'm going to get 
to that.  First, I have some more back story that you 
aren't going to like. 
   "What more could you tell me about?"  He asked me.  
I took a deep breath.
   "What really happened to Deep Throat."  Against 
his will, his mouth dropped open.  "You see, you and 
I were having a great solve rate on cases that didn't 
have anything to do with the black cancer.  At first, 
it was thought by the smoker that I was slipping in 
my influence and actually making you a better 
investigator.  In reality, you ended up telling me 
about Deep Throat and I told the smoker.  For that I 
am so sorry about. Deep Throat didn't know that I was 
working for the Project.  He was on a need-to-know 
basis just like me only he had been around a lot 
longer.  He got me into that facility to steal the 
fetus so we could get you back, Mulder.  I don't 
think he knew about me at that point.  He trusted 
me."  I pause to assess Mulder's reaction to what I'm 
saying.  He isn't looking at me, he is only staring 
straight ahead.  "Mulder, what I realized too late 
was that this was a good man in bad circumstances, 
just like I was only he was aware of it and I wasn't.  
When it came time to make the exchange I wanted to do 
it because I knew the men who had you.  But, he 
insisted that he do it because he was secure that the 
men didn't know he was the mole."  My voice cracks 
involuntarily which catches Mulder's attention.  My 
shoulders shake as I try to control my emotions.  
Mulder's face registers pity for me for the first 
time tonight it is more than I can bare.  "He was 
shot because I told that he was helping you, Mulder.  
It was all my fault and Deep Throat knew it in the 
end.  As he lay dying he said 'Trust no one' to me.  
To me and at me!"   Tears run freely down my face 
now.  Mulder just sits and looks at me with a 
softened expression.  An expression I don't deserve 
but want to embrace more than anything.  I reach for 
a tissue and unceremoniously blow my nose.  
  "Anyway," I continue "after Deep Throat died the 
smoker made contact with me.  He told me that I had 
allowed you to get too close to the truth and that 
our partnership was to be dissolved. I felt like a 
failure.  I wasn't helping anyone by being in the 
bureau and I was just beginning to see what I fool I 
was to believe that you were the bad guy.  It was 
only after we were separated that I realized just how 
corrupt the Project was.  That's why I tracked you 
down in Puerto Rico."  I took a deep breath and 
continued.
   "And I paid dearly for that action.  I was told to 
stay away from you.  But, you kept coming to consult 
with me and I couldn't turn you away.  Even after 
they assigned Kryceck as your partner you still came 
to me.  I didn't know Kryceck was part of the Project 
at the time.  I know now he served a dual purpose.  
First was to do the job I was supposed to do- debunk 
you.  Only he was to come from the direction of a 
believer in your work.  The second purpose was to 
watch your interaction with me.  And, he found out we 
were still communicating.  To punish me, they cooked 
up the whole Duane Barry abduction which at the time 
was very real for me.  The thing is, not all of what 
happened to me had been suppressed. I remember most 
of it though I wish I didn't. I don't remember them 
taking my ova or implanting the chip. They abducted 
me to scare me, Mulder.  To stop me from siding with 
you anymore.  They nearly killed me to do this.  But 
I guess I deserved it."  He turns sharply towards me.
   "Scully-"
   "Please Mulder, let me go on.  I know that your 
informant X knew about my involvement in the Project.  
That's why he tried to convince you not to dig about 
what happened to me.  He figured you would find out 
the truth about me and that it would break your 
resolve."
   "If this is true the why were you reassigned to 
work with me, Scully?  It doesn't make any sense."
   "Because the abduction was supposed to make me 
realize that I had to support the project.  They 
threatened that if I didn't that they would harm my 
family or you.  And I couldn't take that.  So, I 
cooperated to the best of my ability all the while 
trying not to betray you.  But then, you started 
acting strange towards me and I started to wonder why 
I was trying to protect you at all."  His expression 
changed to quizzical.
    "What do you mean, I was acting strange?"
    "Do the names Bambi and Detective White ring a 
bell with you?  I couldn't figure out why you would 
purposely flaunt the fact that you could have a 
sexual conquest any time you wanted in my face."  I 
said that a little more bitterly than I intended to.
   "I did not flaunt anything in your face!  I'm 
allowed to look at other women even if I-" He caught 
himself.
   "Anyway, it's not important Mulder.  Anyway, this 
chasm between us started to open up and I became 
lost.  It made it so much easy to carry out the 
Project's agenda and misdirect you.  However, anytime 
I'd ask the smoker about when I would be able to 
assist with the vaccine he would remind me that I was 
not to speak of that and that I was on a need to know 
basis.  Then, I learned that they had taken a step 
without letting me know.  After you got the DAT tape 
I didn't tell the smoker you had it.  I lied to him.  
I lied to Skinner who I know was manipulated by the 
smoker.  I protected you and you threw it in my face 
calling me spy.  I couldn't get angry.  Besides the 
fact you were grieving over your murdered father, 
which I swear to you I don't know the truth about, 
and you were drugged, I also knew you were right not 
to trust me in every case except this one where I 
drew a clear line of loyalties to you.  That is until 
they made an attempt on my life and killed my sister 
instead."  
    A tear slipped by my newly acquired control as I 
let a moment pass for Melissa.  It just wasn't fair.  
Missy had nothing to do with my mess but she dies for 
it.  How meaningless is that?   Mulder stood up and 
place his hand on my forearm.  I glanced up from my 
feet and made eye contact with him.  Incredibly, he 
held his arms out to me and I accepted them crying 
softly into his shoulder for him, for me, and all of 
those that suffered because of my foolishness.  For a 
moment, the rest of the world faded away and only he 
and I were left together.  I knew that the one truth 
that was my constant was that I am in love with this 
man who I have no claim to because of my lies.
  "Mulder, please, let me finish my story before you 
decide if you really want to touch me." 
  "Scully, you've been telling me the truth, you 
didn't ever want to hurt me."
   "Damn it Mulder, yes I did!"  He released me and 
sat back down, ready to listen.

PART 6

   "When Melissa died and you just wanted to move on 
with life as usual, I wanted to hate you so bad.  I 
even started to.  I had risked and lost nearly 
everything for you and that DAT, Mulder. And you just 
didn't care."
   "Yes, I did Scully.  I just didn't know how to 
act."
   "It doesn't matter now anyway, Mulder.  I resented 
you because it was because of you that I was in this 
mess in the first place.  The smoker had plucked me 
out of my normal life where I would work as a medical 
examiner or even have my own practice.  A world where 
I could be happily married with a child by now.  He 
chose me because he thought I could bring you down 
subversively without even realizing that was what I 
was doing.  So, you see, I resented you quite a bit.  
You had unknowingly changed my whole existence and 
then went along like it was no big deal.  I didn't 
see where you were trying to acclimate to me at all.  
Hell you couldn't even get me a fucking nameplate.  
One fucking nameplate, Mulder!"
   "Scully-" He started, probably to defend the 
nameplate thing.
   "I don't care about the goddamn name plate 
anymore, Mulder.  What all of that made me do though 
was to actively try to sabotage you, not that it ever 
worked.  You'd never listen to me anyway."  She gave 
him a wry smile. "However, the although you were 
oblivious to my sabotage, the smoker was not.  It 
angered him because he and the others had developed a 
new agenda for you.  You were to debunk yourself and 
I would be used for that detail against my will.  
Thus, I was given cancer."

PART 7

   "You see, Kritsgau was right when they said that 
they gave me my cancer to make you believe.  What he 
didn't know was the cancer was also a punishment for 
me because I was not fulfilling my responsibility.  
And in Allentown, I had resigned my fate.  My foolish 
choice in medschool would be my end.  I started to 
write all of this for you in my journal in Allentown.  
Thank God you didn't read that far.  I kept waiting 
for you to say that you learned I was a traitor from 
the beginning, but it never came.  It was after Penny 
died that you convinced me to live.  And I finally 
admitted to myself that I was in love with you."  His 
eyes widened at that statement.
 "Scully I" I held up my hand to silence him.  Now 
was not the time for admissions of love.  I had to 
finish first.  "The smoker was less than ecstatic 
when he realized the cancer wasn't slowing me down 
and that it brought us closer together.  So, he 
arranged a meeting between the two of us that I now 
believe was designed for the Gunmen to discover.  I 
know they knew about it but I don't know why they 
didn't tell you about it right then.  Why they waited 
until now.  He told me that if I was loyal to the 
Project again my life would be spared.  I told him 
that I didn't care.  So, he said that if I played my 
role you would be safe.  He said my role was to point 
out Skinner as the mole to make you not trust him.  
So, to keep you safe, I almost did the unforgivable.  
I almost destroyed a man."  Somehow saying these 
things makes them seem so much worse.  "Do you 
remember when Father McCue came and saw me?  I told 
him everything.  He said God would forgive me but one 
has to question the truth of words that are designed 
to comfort the dying.  I felt my chance of redemption 
was to have everything blamed on me.  It was nearly 
true anyway. Do you know how bad I felt when you 
wouldn't even let me save you after I had gotten you 
into this mess?"  
   "I couldn't let you take the blame for killing 
that man.  It turns out to be something that you were 
blameless for.  Scully, I don't understand why you 
couldn't just tell me all of this?  Did you have that 
little faith in me that you thought I wouldn't 
understand?"  He didn't sound angry, he just sounds 
tired.  
  "Mulder, maybe you can explain something to me." He 
looked at me inquisitively. "How did you get the cure 
for my cancer?  It's obvious that the smoker let you 
have it."
  "It was all a bribe Scully.  He was trying to get 
me to join the Project.  Part of that agenda was to 
let you live as a gift from him.  But I saw through 
it Scully.  The only way he could have a cure for you 
cancer was if he had caused it in the first place.  
So, I used him to let you live and said no deal.  He 
told me it was noble to be a part of the Project and 
that I would be surprised who had been assisting him 
over the years.  I told him nothing surprised me 
anymore.  That's when I first suspected you, Scully.  
For once, I didn't want to believe."
   "That explains the last meeting he and I had.  He 
came to the hospital after the chip was implanted and 
told me that he was wrong- the Project did make 
mistakes and I was proof. He also hinted that you 
would find out about me and that you wouldn't trust 
me again.  I said I could LIVE with that as long as 
you were okay.  He told me that I would live but 
never be complete. And I knew he was right."
   "After you were recovered from the cancer I went 
to the Gunmen and that is when they told me about 
your meetings.  Scully, I've never felt so betrayed 
in my life." 
   "I'm so sorry Mulder.  I really did get involved 
in the first place thinking that I was doing the 
right thing."  He looked at me and all of the walls 
that we had been building crumbled down around us.  
   "I know that now, Scully."  He said as he pulled 
me towards him and wrapped his arms around him. 

PART 8

 His face nuzzled into my hair and I felt a tremor go 
through me body as my resolve melted away.  We stood 
there in silence with tears streaming down our faces.  
We were like two soldiers that had survived the 
battle physically unscathed but had enough emotional 
wounds to overwhelm a triage. I felt his lips press 
into my scalp and I tightened my embrace around him.  
Now, he knew all of my demons.
	"Did you mean what you said earlier, Scully?"
	"I meant all of it.  Which part do you mean?"  
I felt him smile against my forehead as he leaned 
down to kiss it.
    "I'm in love with you, too."  He cupped my face 
in his hands as he had done earlier only this time 
there were no accusations, only gentle acceptance.  I 
met his lips halfway and we shared a kiss.  I can 
taste the salt of his tears on his lips and I push 
away the feelings of shame that I'm the reason for 
his tears.  With what I know now, I wish I could go 
back and be his partner with a clean slate. He 
deserved so much more than what he got from me and 
I'll be sorry about that forever.  
   "Scully" He said after we parted lips.
   "Yes?"  My voice registered just above a whisper.
   "I think too much has happened here."  My heart 
falls to my feet and I step out of his embrace.
   "Where are you going?"
   "You're right Mulder, too much has happened for 
being together to be the right thing for us."
   "That's not what I meant."  My heart picks up a 
little.
   "What did you mean?"
   "Just that maybe we've seen enough of the bureau.  
I have other connections to investigate.  You've 
never had anything keeping you at the bureau.  What's 
stopping you from a private practice or working as a 
medical examiner?"
   "I just never wanted to leave you."  I say. It 
feels odd to be able to finally say what's on my 
mind.
   "Then let's just go together.  Everything will 
work out just fine."  And for once I want to believe.

EPILOGUE:  Mulder's voice filled the room as it was 
broadcast from the bug in his apartment.  "Then let's 
just go together."  Good, the man thought, I knew 
Scully would finally come through.  I told her we 
don't make mistakes.  He slowly pulled out a Morely 
and lit it up, taking in a deep, self-satisfied drag 
in celebration of the perfect manipulation.

THE END