From: "Leslie Cummings" Date: Mon, 28 Apr 2003 23:19:30 +0000 Subject: What's On Her Mind Source: direct Title: What's On Her Mind Author: Barenaked Bostonian Rating: PG-13 at most! Spoilers: None Keywords: MSR, UST Disclaimer: Why do I even bother anymore? Distribution: Shoot this fan fic all around the internet with a slingshot! Feedback: To BNLXPhile12@aol.com or to Scully9485@hotmail.com Notes: This will confuse the hell out of anyone who doesn't speak Leslie language so go out and buy your dictionaries before you read this... yes I have my own damn dictionary, is that so hard to believe. Thanks to Amanda, Aiah, Lisa, Chelle and Lauren, way to kick ass guys! Oh and Colin, I suppose... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Summary: He's just trying to find, what's on her mind. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ I'm just trying to find, What's on her mind... I want peace, but I don't make it I want love but I don't give it, I want hope, but I can't find it, And I want her to heal me. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Mulder knocked softly on the door that connected his and his partner's hotel rooms. He didn't want to wake her if she was asleep, but he knew that they needed to talk. They needed to resolve some issues that had gone unresolved for too long. After knocking twice, he tried the doorknob and it turned easily under his hand. He tried knocking just once more, not wanting to invade her privacy and upset her more than he was sure she already was. He poked his head around the corner of the door and surveyed the room. The lights were on, but dim. The bed was still made and her suitcase lay at the end of it, not open, but unzipped. He supposed that she could have gone out without telling him, but somehow he doubted that she would do such a thing. Stepping around the opened door, he entered her room and walked slowly over to the bathroom door, which was slightly ajar. Soft yellow light spilled out onto the plush maroon carpet and made it appear as it is were glowing. Again, he raised his hand to knock gently on the door. There was no answer, so then he assumed that Scully wasn't in the room. He went back to the bed and picked up the lone towel that was lying next to her suitcase. He brought it to the bathroom and gently pushed the door open. He was about to swing it over the towel bar when he realized that his partner had not left, but had gone in to take a bath. And there she lay, spread out beneath the bubbles... asleep. She looked so much younger and so relaxed in the water, that he actually felt remorse for having to wake her up. She must have been incredibly tired if she had allowed herself to fall asleep in the bathtub. He also felt the overwhelming urge to just lean down and touch her face, just to feel her. Her body was mostly submerged in the soapy water and the shiny bubble covered her up to her collarbones. Mulder was somewhat thankful for the bubbly veil, now her wouldn't be tempted to sneak a peek at her. Kneeling slowly down next to the tub, he tested the warmth of his hands on his neck. He didn't want to startle her out of her sleepy state. He reached down slowly and placed his hand on her shoulder and shook her gently. She didn't respond. He shook her a bit harder and her head lolled from one side to the other and her eyes fluttered open. For a moment, she was unsure of where she was. Then, her eyes focused on Mulder's face and she blinked several times to be sure that she was really seeing what she was seeing. It was then that she realized that she was in a particular state of undress. She couldn't get up, then she would just expose herself more, so she lay there for a moment, planning her next course of action. She looked to him again and spoke. "Mulder, I have to take a shower. I need..." But her words were cut off by a loud yawn that she attempted to stifle with her hand. "Scully, what you need is to get to sleep." He said, his voice calm and soothing. It almost put her straight back to sleep. Then she remembered what she had gone into the tub to do in the first place. "No Mulder, I need to wash my hair, I haven't had a shower in two days and I feel all grimy." She waited for a moment, hoping that he would take the hint a leave her alone. Instead, he reached over to the sink and grabbed a blue bottle and a cup off of the counter. "Turn around Scully." He ordered and placed his hands on her shoulders to help her turn around. She began to object with him. "Mul- Mulder what are you doing?" She turned her head around and looked over her shoulder. She saw Mulder bend over and pick up the cup and lower it into the bathwater. "Tilt your head back." She did as asked and he brought the cup full of water up to wet her hair. He did this several times, each time running his fingers through the soft tresses and making sure there weren't any snarls. Her lips curved into something that might have been a smile if she had had the energy to smile. She obviously didn't have much energy at all because she was letting her partner see her nude as well as allowing him to wash her hair. Mulder reached over and picked up the bottle and squirted a bit of it into his hand. Then he brought his hands together and soaped them up. Then they tangled in her hair and began to massage the shampoo into her scalp. Her head dropped back onto her shoulders and she hummed low in her throat. Mulder smiled and continued to soap her hair. Once he was satisfied that her hair was clean he reached for the cup again and began to wash the residue from her hair The warm water accompanied by Mulder's strong hands on her head felt amazing and were making her more and more sleepy. Mulder realized that the bubbles that were covering Scully up, had all popped or slid off of her body. He drew his eyes away from her naked skin and concentrated on her hair. Mulder picked up another blue bottle off of the counter and flipped the lid, pouring the conditioner into his hands. Again, he rubbed his hands together and brought them to her hair. He rubbed the liquid into her hair and began to comb it through with his fingers. Her hair felt warm and wonderful in his hands and he felt a sort of rush t o be able to do this for her. Once he was convinced that her hair was thoroughly clean, he began to rinse again. It took him fifteen cupfuls of water to rinse her hair clean. She felt the water course down her body and got the overwhelming urge to just slump forward and sleep. Mulder had other ideas, however, and leaned over to pull the plug from the tub and let the water drain out. He then filled the tub halfway and began to rinse her again. Ten minutes later, Scully was squeaky clean. She made to get up out of the tub, but a firm hand on her shoulder held her down. He left the room for a minute and then came back in with her powder blue robe. She stood up silently, and he was sure to avert her eyes. She slipped it slowly on and then ran a hand through her damp tresses. He walked out of the room and stood right outside the door. For a moment, he pondered what she was thinking, wondering if she had taken the whole scenario wrong. Though he knew it wasn't his place to do something so intimate, he had enjoyed doing it for her. It made him feel... different in some way. Content. She appeared in the doorway a few minutes later. How he longed to just fall in love with her, to fall and fall and fall endlessly. It was just so damn hard to pretend sometimes, to pretend that she didn't effect him, that he didn't feel for her, that he didn't want to feel her. But he had just held her. She had allowed him to hold her and had entrusted him with her heart and body for a brief span of time. He had forgotten what he had come here to do, it was suddenly no longer important. She had destroyed him, rebuilt him, healed him and forgave him in the spance of twenty minutes. He just wanted to know that something was going to be okay. He wanted to be free, he wanted to be hers, he just wanted to be. She walked over to sit down on the bed and he was unsure whether he should follow or not. He waited a moment, until her eyes connected with his and he felt a powerful draw towards her body. Sitting next to her on the bed, words swam in his mind. Thousands of things that he wished to say, to express, and yet felt inadequate to be put into words. Words would not have done him justice with what he meant to say. Instead, she spoke. "You're beautiful Mulder." She said, her voice laced with sleep and pain. Bringing her hand up, she traced the hard line of his jaw and felt the five o'clock shadow there. She looked at his face, searching for all of his secrets there, all of his hidden emotion and found them etched out in the fine lines of his forehead, chin, cheeks. Hazel eyes had become wet with longing and unspoken truths, and yet nothing was uttered, no tear was shed. A simple kiss was placed in the center of a giving palm as eyes slipped shut. A cool sigh escaped her parted lips as she let the images burst forth and play on the screen of her mind. Her soulmate, her perfect other, and yet... nothing. No words. No touches, no declarations of times past or missed opportunities. A simple shampoo. A simple hand, a simple kiss. A kiss that told her everything she had ever hoped to dream of. Her blue eyes opened, and filled with wonder at the revelation she had received. He loved her with everything that he was, had, and could be, just because of everything that she was and had and could be. It was all wrapped into one complex feeling that would take a thousand scholars a thousand years to describe. It was perfectly normal for both of them to crave the others company, and find solace in that one moment. Warm bodies next to each other were enough for a moment in time. Then, the longing and the fear and the desperation set in with a powerful rush that both could feel and yet could not describe. Would not describe. Cowardice is a hard disease to pinpoint and even harder to escape. It is rivaled only by fear and love, which all go hand in hand and which no inoculation has ever been found for. Ten minutes went by, with Mulder holding Scully's hands in his lap. He spoke with hesitant tones, letting his mind speak for his heart. "You're the one who's beautiful Scully." And it was true, as true as her words had been. "I think I'm only beautiful to you, and that's fine by me." He said, bringing her hand up again to rub against his lips. A kiss would be out of the question and stolen. Not given, if he were to kiss her now. He needed to hear her speak. "You'll always be beautiful to me Mulder." She removed her hand from his lips, only to replace it by her own lips. Their two souls met tentatively, and stayed for a while before moving on to meld in a different form. Different shape and context where time held nothing, had no bounds or reason. Upon separation, each partner grew lethargic and fell upon the bed in a tangle of limbs. Mulder brought his nose up to caress Scully's. She smiled softly, wanting nothing more than to banish time from her presence. To stay in this man's arms forever. "Scully, I need to know what's on your mind." A hand was brought up and added to the equation, stroking her hair soothingly. Not a second was spared thinking. "You Mulder. Always you." Words aren't needed. ~*~*~*~ NO! They didn't have sex, make love, coitus... whatever. They kissed, became tired and laid down with each other. That's it. No sex. I know, it's amazing isn't it? Sorry if I lost anyone with the language or anything. Just kill me. On another note, I was watching 'Playing By Heart' and realized, that when Meredith is kissing Trent and the camera is behind Trent, it SO looks like Mulder kissing Scully. Yeah, that's all. Okay, done done. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ And money paid for all the days I lived awake but half asleep... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Ideas I DIDN'T use, but thanks anyway guys! Colin: Little girl can't talk. Colin: She's real freaky. Colin: She just stares forward at stuff. Colin: Every now and then she opens her mouth in a silent scream right... Colin: And umm ... Lauren: I suggest a cat fight. Lauren: And a saloon! Me: A saloon? Me: Come on!!! Lauren: I'm being creative! Lauren: C'mon! Oh!, Mulder and Scully in the 1880's! Lauren: Saloons, garterbelts and gunfights! Amanda: Ummmmm... Amanda: Mulder is a Star Trek fan..... Amanda: The original series anyway! Amanda: Don't know about Next Generation... Amanda: They could go see the movie! Amanda: But you haven't seen it yet so I'd be giving away information... Amanda: But you don't want anything to do with Star Trek... Amanda: So never mind. Amanda: Ummm... Amanda: Oh they could go see lotr! Amanda: Scully could dress up! Me: Okay, just... stop...