From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: Mon, 23 Oct 2000 14:24:02 -0500
Subject: When All the Stars Were Falling by Maidenjedi
Source: direct

Reply To: texgoddess@yahoo.com


TITLE:  When All the Stars Were Falling (1/1)
AUTHOR: Maidenjedi 							
RATING:  PG-13
ARCHIVE:  Yes to everybody
CATEGORY:  SA, implied MSR/MSF
SPOILERS:  Requiem, cancer-arc, Squeeze, FTF
SUMMARY:  Stargazing and the bittersweet
taste of nostalgia take Scully to a sacred
place the night after she discovers she is
pregnant.
DISCLAIMER:  I never wrote this.  You didn't 
see me, and you can't prove it.  All the 
characters and related material belong to
Chris Carter and 1013.  Oh, and to DD and GA.
I'm also fond of what Susan Frankovich always
says...these characters belong to each other.
AUTHOR'S NOTES:  Consider this a follow-up 
to my "Bitter Pills" post-Requiem.  Uh, after 
getting most of inspiration from songs, I 
decided to give song suggestions.  If you 
like a little music with your fic, try 
"When All the Stars Were Falling" by Lisa 
Loeb and Nine Stories.  Was that obvious or 
what?!  I also strongly suggest this song called 
"Somewhere Out There" from the movie 
"An American Tail".  Dedicated as always to
my Mulder and to the Rooty Poo Crew.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"And even though I know how very far apart
we are, it helps to think we might be wishing
on the same bright star.  And when the night
wind starts to sing its lonesome lullaby, it
helps to think we're sleeping underneath the
same big sky." -- from "Somewhere Out There"


MAY 2000

For a moment, gazing through the telescope she
had brought with her, Dana Scully felt very 
much like Ellie Arroway in the book "Contact".
She felt almost as though the stars held the 
secrets she was looking for, as though maybe
that was where they took him.  But if Scully 
were completely honest with herself, she was
sure she knew better than that.  The stars were
merely light in the sky, at least from this vantage
point.  In fact, if she looked up she could 
see the Big Dipper, and in a way, that
was comforting.  Even as the thought hit her,
however, she doubled over, heaving and retching,
because the stars merely reminded her that she
was utterly and completely alone in the 
universe.  Unlike Ellie, Scully didn't look at 
the stars and feel comforted knowing she wasn't
alone.  They only reaffirmed her solitude.
These stars twinkled merrily, but there was no 
one to share that with.

She had woken up that morning in a hospital 
bed.  Nothing unusual about that, really.
She was Dana Scully, Special Agent.  It was
part of the job description.

But this morning had been different, different
because so many things were missing.  Mulder
was not standing at the end of the bed, or
even sitting in a chair next to it.  He was 
not there to smile shyly at her, carrying a 
bouquet from the hospital florist.  And worse,
if she had picked up her cell phone and dialed,
he wouldn't be on the other end to pick up.
She had fallen asleep the night before with the
distant hope that when she awoke, it would all
have been just a bad dream.  Instead, when
she woke up this morning, her entire world
had been pulled and stretched into an 
incomprehensible mess.  Mulder was gone, 
and she was pregnant.  Everyday things, the
outside stuff, had remained intact.  Is
that possible, she mused, wiping her mouth
with a blue Kleenex.  Is it possible for
the outside to stay the same, if the 
inside has crumbled?

The stars twinkled gaily at her.  She
felt they may have been laughing at her.

It was a cruel twist of fate, to end
up pregnant after all this time.  To end
up pregnant, and for Mulder to finally be
taken by the forces that taunted and
haunted him for nearly a decade.  Just
as things had begun to end, they had instead
rounded a corner to become full circle.

The stars were indeed laughing at her.  
Nausea threatened her again, pulling at her.
She refused to succumb.  Were Mulder here,
she would be fighting it for his sake.
Maybe she was doing that now.

The blanket Scully had laid out for herself
beckoned her.  The Maryland countryside 
was as far as she dared go, and this place was 
sacred to her.  To Mulder, too, if she
wasn't mistaken.  If she closed her eyes,
she could remember it very well, almost
smell his aftershave, almost hear his
voice.  This was their place.  Seldom
used, yes, but always for good reason
and always together, until now.

It had been shortly after a botched 
kidnapping case in Texas.  Scully had wanted 
nothing more than to curl up with an copy of 
her medical journals and fall asleep reading.  
Mulder had had a different idea.  Scully smiled
in spite of herself, remembering that evening in
vivid detail. Mulder had arrived at her 
door not two hours after their plane had 
landed at Dulles.  When Scully had opened the 
door, fully expecting Mulder to want to drag
her out on another case, she had been
surprised.  Mulder had in his arms a
telescope and a blanket.

"Wanna stargaze, Scully?  There's a 
meteor shower expected tonight.  I'm
going out to watch, just south of Burkittsville."

He hadn't given her a chance to say
no, though in retrospect and at the time
Scully was sure she couldn't refuse.  
Mulder could be like a little kid
when he was excited about something,
and Scully was usually ready to give in
to him.  It was hard not to, and while
from time to time it had cost her dearly
to trust him so easily, she never regretted
it.  That night had been no different,
and now the memories served to simultaneously
warm her and chill her to the bone.

Scully fought back the impending tears.
She had come out here tonight to come
to terms with his disappearance and with
her pregnancy, not to wallow in memories
that could only hurt at this stage.
Mulder was gone, perhaps forever, and 
Scully was left alone to fight the 
forces they had come so close to 
defeating together.  Left alone to
care for this baby, left alone to face
the danger he or she presented.  

Scully wanted to blame it on Mulder.
She wanted badly to blame him for
leaving her, for going to Bellefleur
when he knew the danger.  He had thought
that if they wanted him, it was safer for
Scully if she stayed behind.

And she was safe, she supposed.  But safe
from what?  Safe from *them*?  Mulder
had protected her from that.  He had failed,
though, to protect her from this.

Loneliness crept into her heart, freezing 
it and causing the tears to rush back to
her eyes.  The dark was only broken by 
the stars, and the nausea Scully felt
could be attributed to many, many things.

She thought back to the night they made 
this place their own, back to the night
they had camped out like two little kids.
She had been nauseous then, too, but not
because she was pregnant.  She had had
cancer, and at the time the doctors had
given her a very poor prognosis.  It was
something she tried to hide from Mulder,
but that night she no longer was able to.

Scully laid down on the blanket, wanting 
suddenly to see if the stars were falling
again, to see if maybe she had dreamt this
day and this nightmare.  And she saw one,
maybe two, before the memories overcame her,
and the tears could no longer be stopped.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~~*~*~*~**~*~**~*~*~~*

APRIL 1997

"Mulder..."

"Aw, c'mon Scully.  Stargazing would be
just what we need after that hoax in 
Texas."

Scully sighed heavily, as if being forced
to do this crazy thing.  Secretly, she was
thrilled he'd thought to ask her.  "Ok, 
Mulder.  I'll go.  Let me grab a jacket."

"Oh, you won't need one.  Its warm out there
tonight.  Come on!"  Scully thought that if
Mulder were any more excited, he would start
hopping up and down like her nephew did when
he had to use the bathroom.

Scully obliged after putting on a pair
of white tennis shoes, and the two of them
left in his car.  Mulder let her control the
radio, a concession she had teased him into
after that crack about her little feet and
the pedals.  The night outside was dark, the 
moon being new and not visible on Earth.
For the first twenty minutes or so, the two
agents let silence reign, simply enjoying
each other's company.

Mulder, though, broke the silence. 

"Scully."

"Hmm?"  She had been enjoying the stars in 
the window as they drove along.  There
was virtually no traffic and the road was
smooth, so the ride had been very pleasant.

"I've been thinking."

This couldn't be good.

"I've been thinking that you...that
I..."  Mulder couldn't seem to get
any words out, and a glance told Scully
that he was blushing, even in the dark
she could see he was blushing.

This was uncharted territory.  Mulder
wanted to talk about *them*, as in 
*them* as a couple?  Scully wanted to
avoid this discussion, she had been 
avoiding it ever since he had told her
to call him Mulder, not Fox.  Scully
had put a barrier between them ever since,
and she often felt that Mulder had 
as well.  She smiled slightly and 
secretly at this thought, knowing how
close each of them had been at various 
points to crossing that barrier.
There was indeed a *they*.  What that
implied, of course, had yet to be
established.  Scully was still unsure
whether she wanted that barrier crossed
for good, unsure if she wanted him to 
tell her what she wanted to tell him.

Mulder cleared his throat.  "Uh, I 
think this is the place, just up 
ahead."  He pulled onto a field just
off the side of the road.

The agents scrambled out of the car,
happy to break the tension for a 
moment with distraction.  Scully got
the blanket and Mulder grabbed the
telescope.  Silently agreeing, they
walked out into the field, trying to get out
of view of the road.  Should there be
traffic, neither wanted to know it.

Mulder carefully set up the telescope,
aiming it in the general direction of 
where the meteor shower was going to be visible.
Scully laid out the blanket, recognizing it
as the Navajo one Mulder kept on his couch.
She felt her skin warm, remembering the 
last time she had gone over there, and had
fallen asleep under this blanket.  Things
like that, like Scully staying at Mulder's
for no reason, had been happening more
frequently since her diagnosis.  She was
more inclined to stick around, even if all
they did was talk about work, which was 
exactly what they did.  Talked about work
and had "Planet of the Apes" marathons.

And now, they could add stargazing to that
short list.

Scully took her turn at the telescope, 
silently gazing in wonder at the brilliant
array of stars in the northern sky.  She
gasped as one after the other, stars appeared
to be falling from the sky.

"Mulder," she whispered.

"I know, I see," came his whispered reply.

Scully looked up from the telescope and stood
close to where Mulder sat, the two of them
not saying a word at the stars fell from the
sky.  For only a second Scully's scientific
side nagged her, reminding her this was a meteor
shower, that stars were not falling.  She 
ignored it, and leaned her knee gently into
Mulder's shoulder.

"Falling stars."

Mulder looked up from his vantage point to
watch Scully's face light up with awe and
wonder.  This was new for them, to share in 
a moment so completely isolated and completely
unrelated to work.  He had hoped she would
enjoy this, and he was getting his wish tenfold.

Scully suddenly felt a little dizzy, and she
decided to sit down.  Blowing it off as craning her
neck too far for too long, she underestimated how
off balance she was and nearly fell.  Mulder, alarmed,
caught her.  "Easy, Scully.  Easy."  He sat her down 
on the blanket, and searched his pockets for the
handkerchief he was now never without.

Scully looked up at him disdainfully.  "I don't need
that."

"You do so.  Your nose..."

Her hand flew to her face.  Another nosebleed.
As she took Mulder's handkerchief, the real world
and all its problems rushed at her.  Her cancer.
The X-files.  Mulder's sister.  The case in Dallas,
missing girls and boys.  Her mother.  The chip.
Nausea overwhelmed her as if caused by the return
of all those things to her uppermost thoughts.
She pushed Mulder away, not seeing the sudden look
of hurt jump into his eyes, and managed to run a 
very short distance before doubling over in dry heaves.

Mulder was more than shocked.  This wasn't
something that occured often...hell, it hadn't 
occured at all!  He stayed by the telescope, 
knowing Scully would want as little privacy as
possible, and turned his back.  A moment later,
he heard the rustle of grass as she came back
and sat on the blanket.

Turning around, he saw she was actually lying
on the blanket, half curled on her side,
facing away from him.  He wasn't sure, but he thought
he could hear her crying ever so softly.

Mulder was very confused, and almost upset.  
But he knew, for perhaps the first time, that
Scully would pick up on those feelings and that
they would simply make her feel worse.  So he sat
down next to her, and rubbed her back with one 
hand while he gazed up at the stars.

"Falling stars, Scully."

She turned over onto her back and looked up
at Mulder, then at the sky.  "I can see them."
She pulled on Mulder's sleeve once to get his
attention.  "Mulder, in the car, earlier, what...?"

Scully wanted to know what Mulder was going
to say to her, wanted to know what he had
been thinking.  And she wanted him to not 
think about what had just happened, not to
think about how sick she might be.  Mulder
sensed that, and decided that he should answer
her question.  It was odd, actually, that
this had never come up before.

"I...um, well, Scully, you see..."

Scully took his hand.  "Mulder, its me."

He smiled and continued.  "Scully, I just 
wanted to thank you.  To thank you for sticking
by me, and for not giving up just because..." 
His eyes clouded over, and he felt his temperature
rise as the 'because' entered his mind.  "Well,
anyway, you're my best friend.  I wanted to let
you know that."

Scully felt as though a weight had gone from 
her chest.  She hadn't wanted Mulder to say
anymore than that, at least not at this point.
She wasn't ready.

He wasn't finished.

"You're more than just that Scully.  I, um, I..."

"Mulder, don't.  You don't have to say anything."

"Yes, I do.  You're more than a friend to me, Scully."
His voice was slightly husky, and those last few words
would have been unintelligible to anyone other than
Scully.  "That's what I wanted to tell you.  You're 
more than just a friend to me."

Scully knew then, too, that he was more than a
friend to her as well.

She sat up, slowly, and grasped his hand again.
He wasn't looking at her, presumably because he
was embarrassed.  Scully crossed her legs and held
his hand in her lap.  A few moments passed, and
neither of them let go.  Scully nodded.

"Me too, Mulder."  It was all she could manage.
She reached up and kissed him near his ear, softly
and succinctly.  He turned, and they sat nearly nose
to nose for only a breath before a falling star
made them both look away.

"Falling stars, Mulder."  He nodded, and let go of her
hand to reach around and pull her close to him.

"Falling stars."

~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
MAY 2000

There had been only a couple of times after that
night that Mulder and she had come out here, Scully
remembered.  Nothing was ever said about work, and
nothing ever passed between them that could be
construed as romance.  They had silently agreed
to not concentrate on having a relationship, and
instead continue as they had.  Scully thought
of all times since that their resolve had been 
tested, all the times that they *were* just 
friends, and she also thought of the months
since Samantha's fate had come to light.  They
had finally moved into that phase neither
of them had been ready for, after all the doubt
and the mistrust and the bees and the ice....

But Scully feared that the worst challenge
still lay ahead of her.  Whether Mulder would
ever be found was very much in doubt, though
she refused to believe he wouldn't be.  He
would not have given up on her, hadn't given
up on her.

She thought back to the night before, when
it hit her that Mulder was walking into a 
trap.  All the times that he had abandoned
her without a second thought, she had known
deep down that he would be fine.  He would
come home to her, just as she always had for
him.  Last night, she hadn't felt that at all.

Tears slipped down her cheeks, and she tipped
her head toward the sky to try and stop them
from falling.  There was no moon tonight, just
as there hadn't been that first night in this
field, this sacred place.  Mulder had brought
her here to look for falling stars, she
remembered.

"Falling stars," she whispered.  The stars
were no longer laughing at her.  In fact, as
she stared into the heavens, it seemed the
stars were trying to reassure her.  There
is more than one universal constant, they told
her.  There are the stars, and there is 
friendship.  And there is love.

The stars fell for her.  They fell, and she
wasn't alone in seeing them.  Somewhere out
there, Mulder was watching these stars, she
mused.  And he's watching them fall, and he's
thinking of me.

*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

THE END

:-)  I love almost-happy endings, don't you?

Thanks to Lisa Loeb for the title of 
this fic, which is also the title of a song 
on her "Tails" CD.  Thanks to Carl Sagan
for his book "Contact" which, in a small
way, inspires my fanfic more and more,
and to Jodie Foster for her brilliant
portrayal of Eleanor Ann Arroway.  
A shout out to the Rooty Poo Crew and 
to the crew of Flickering Light Productions; 
thanks for putting up with me in my Kung-Fu 
Kubrick mode!  And finally, thanks to Stephen 
King, for his book "On Writing" and his 
interview where he said his
ideas were usually "What if?" scenarios.

Poor college student will work for
feedback.  texgoddess@yahoo.com