From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: 28 Apr 2001 05:12:19 -0000
Subject: "When I Prayed to Stars" by Starrlyte
Source: direct

Reply To: Starrlyte1013@aol.com


"When I prayed to Stars"
by Tiff Devol

Author:  Starrlyte

Category:  oh man, Scully and baby
fic i suppose:)

Rating:  pg

Summary:  A little girls faith in starlight,
brings her to a place she could never have
imagined.  And with time and a tiny miracle,
her pain is eased.

Disclaimer:  awww its all mine, but any
minor XFiles references belong to CC
and 1013 productions.

Authors Notes:  Well it is all mine
.  It is hard to express in words
exactly what happens in your life that
changes everything.
I was the 5 year old girl in this story,
and the baby that was born, is my
little Dante, who is now 2.  I did however
find it very fitting of Scully.  The point
of this was to try to let you the 
reader, imagine the anguish one
can feel as a frightened child...
and then allow you to feel the pain,
the need, and undeniable love that
comes from giving birth to a baby.
Especially in Scully's case, for a baby
that was wanted for so long.  I really
cannot begin to tell you what its like.
For those of you that have children
perhaps you will understand, but
for those that dont?  You will cry
your eyes out :)

Much thanks to my baby boy who
without him, this wouldnt be written:)
I really do hope, that this opens
your eyes.  Here goes...

"When I prayed to Stars"
by Tiff Devol
(Starrlyte)


When I was barely 5 years old, I remember staring out
my bedroom window and looking for the brightest star
that my little eyes could focus on.  How I would stare
at that beautiful star, as tears filled my young eyes that
had seen much in their short life.  I would wish so
hard that my body would shiver.  I would wish that
someday I would get the hell out of there, that someday
things would be different.  

But each day as I awoke, it was the same day.  The same
hell that I had endured for far too long.  I kept hope,
and faith that angels survived within those stars.  And
that as the tears fell silent upon my pillow, they heard
my cries for help.  I would stare up at them until my
eyes became heavy with exhaustion, and my tired
brain lulled my heart to sleep.  

And again, the next day, I would awake, broken.  My
faith and dreams would vanish.  I would endure
the harsh cruelties of the day, if only it meant that
when I lay down that night, I could see my bright angel.
She would sing me to sleep with her cryptic melodies
that promised someday, things would not be so
bad.  The starlight would enter my dreams, and fill 
me with warmth and love.  And even though it meant
I would soon wake up to the dark, cold world...I would
endure it again, to go back into my room at dusk, to
wait for that bright star.


And as if from a dream, one day I woke up.  I was in
a different place.  So frightening in its difference
from the dark world that I was used to.  Light flooded
my vision as pain tore through my body.  I thought
to myself, that this is what life must actually feel
like.  So long was I used to the cold numbness,
that this sharp pain was a jolt to my senses.  I bit
down on my lip, so hard that it bled and I cried 
out for escape from such pain.  Just as I felt myself
losing to the battles of consciousness, a baby's
newborn cry flooded my soul.  I blinked tears from
my eyes as I stared down at his shiny new body,
and I began to wipe him clean of my blood.  

Suddenly it all made sense to me.  This was my little
star.  All those nights I had begged for help, pleaded
for someone to hear my miserable cries, and they
had convinced me that things got better, that in
time I would see.  As the memories danced through
my mind, I let the tears fall,  long had they waited
for release.  I cradled my newborn son close to my
breast and swore that I would give to him my 
very life if that was what he so desired.  

He lies beside me now, swaddled lovingly in 
a cotton blanket.  I steal glances at him from 
my perch amongst a dozen pillows.  His tiny
hand curls around my own, and my heart sours
with such heated fervor.  Tears threaten to spill
as I stare down at his beautiful face.  I feel the swell 
of my soul as a love that feels so much like pain
surges through me.  And it hits me.  I had all
I could ever hope for, in this tiny child.  There was
nothing in the world that I could ever do.  Nothing
I could ever see or know that would compare to this
inexplicably amazing feeling.  He was my life....
and I soon forgot a time, when i prayed to stars.    

END~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``

Feed me, at Starrlyte1013@aol.com

Excerpt from Patty Griffin's Mary:  (which was the song
i was listening to while writting this, smiles at Rachel:)


"Mary, you're covered in roses, you're covered in ashes
You're covered in Rain
You're covered in Babies, covered in slashes
Covered in wildnerness, covered in stains...
You cast aside the sheets, you cast aside the shroud
of another man, who served the world proud
You greet another son, you lose another one
On some sunny day, and always you stay, Mary.
Well Jesus said mother I couldnt wait another day longer,
he flies right by and leaves a kiss upon her face,
the angels were singing his praises in a blaze of glory,
Mary stays behind and starts cleaning up the place"