From: Uschi Date: Tue, 30 Nov 1999 22:29:46 +0100 Subject: Story : When you say nothing at all Source: direct Title : "When you say nothing at all" Author : Emily E-mail : emilymscully@icqmail.com Category : Story MSR UST Rating : G Spoilers : Postep to Tithonus Summary : The unspoken love between Mulder and Scully flares as he takes her home from the hospital. Inspired on "When you say nothing at all" so kinda songfic. Disclaimers : The characters belong to Chris Carter and the 1013 crew.They're obviously not mine cause if they were I wouldn't be writing this but they'd be doing this . Thank you to those in my heart and in my dreams. Author's notes: This is my very first fanfic story !...........see end ! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "When you say nothing at all " When I look at her now, I see my whole life before me. Through the years, she made her way into my life slowly, but definitely. From partner to friend to nothing more and nothing less than my essence. Scully is more than I could have hoped for. She is wha t most people hope for , yet few find. She was sent to me..........and for some reason, she stayed. Sometimes I find it hard to believe that after all that has happened, she's still here by my side. But she is.......always. The only truth within a world of lies. Even though we've been reassigned now and The X-Files are no longer our official quest, she's still in here, with me, scrubbing the bureau's toilet seats. She could be flying high in the bureau, but it seems that she has chosen not to. I never dared to ho pe that she would, but she has. I still won't let myself believe it, but I know in my heart that it's not out of loyalty.....that it's even not because of the X-Files and our quest ...........that it's because of me. We're two lonely souls looking for a truth that is already known. I can't express my gratitude for what she is doing. How she sticks by me, by us.........even though the odds are against us. It seems that the more they try to tear us apart and bring her back into the world of the living, the more certain she is that whe re she belongs is right next to me, even though she may not believe in the work. She believes in me, right now, that is the only faith she needs......... It broke my heart to see her go to New York with some brown nosed greeny.......on an X-file, which of course wasn't an X-Files , according to Scully. She must have been thrilled to finally get out into the field again, but she didn't want to leave me. The single gesture of turning off my computer so that -they- would not see that i was, yet again, ignoring -their- rules touched my heart beyond words. I look at her now in her hospital bed. She looks tired, scared. She looks alone. I feel my heart crying for her, for her pain. Then he comes out...........I swear to God I could have killed him right there for shooting her, for not taking care of her. Of my Scully...........but I know better than that. Instead I focus my energy on Scully. As I go in and reach her bed, I have to resist the urge of simply hugging her and holding her, telling her everything is going to be alright, even though I know that it may not be so. But of course, I don't do that. Scully and I don't work that way..........we have a somewhat unusual way of communicating. I take her hand and fiddle with it. Its warmth and softness soothe me. I don't care if the world is falling apart around us, tonight I'm taking Scully home. Scully doesn't like planes.......she never did. I, on the other hand, have developed a particular fondness of them. At least since Scully and I became partners. There's nothing more beautiful than watching Scully sleep. And sleeping is exactly what she do es on planes. She looked so fragile tonight........so childlike.....I'm afraid to touch her, afraid to break the magic spell that is cast all around her......... She stirrs and whispers my name..........she's still half asleep......she reaches for my hand and I slowly cover hers in mine and I tell her that I'm right there.......... Always. When we arrive at her apartment she's still asleep. I find my key and open up her door. Then I return to the car and carefully gather her in arms. Her head falls on my shoulder and her lips brush my jaw. She smells like peaches. Scully's scent reminds me of soft summer nights. I ease her onto the couch and just as I'm smoothing the lost strands of hair behind her ear, she opens her eyes. "Mulder" It's not a question.........it's an answer. "Hey" Her eyes have a sleepy glow in them and she gives me a soft smile as her hand reaches up my arm. We just sit there and stare at each other. It's funny how people so often misinterpret what Scully and I share in our gazes. It's our own safe world within a world where -we- can not exist. My hand is tracing slow circles on her tummy. Her eyes suddenly become wet as a single tear rolls down her cheek. I look at her, afraid that something is wrong............but she smiles and her voice weavers as she speaks my name. It's not just an answer.......it's _our_ answer. It's just you and me , Scully, I guess it's always been that way. Her fingers lace with mine as she turns her head away from me and I feel a shudder go through her. I get up and take the blanket off the back of the couch and drape it around her. "I'll be right back" Where would I go ? She's all I have........all I want........all I need. I go into the kitchen and make her hot chocolate. I know this might just do the trick and cheer her up........I don't know if it cheered her up, but it certainly made my day to see her face light up when I brought two cups of hot chocolate à la Mulder and some chocolate biscuits to her. I helped her sit up and watched her eat.......... I could go on without food if I just had the pleasure of watching Scully eat every meal. "Soft spot?" I can't help it, it's not often that i get to see Scully this carefree.........her mind concentrated on nothing more than the pleasure of her cookies. While I say it I nudge my finger into her stomach and tease it around. I just have to touch her. She laughs........a contented chuckle that makes my heart skip a beat.She stops eating and looks at her cookie......the smile lingers on her face for just one more second and then it's gone, replaced by a deeper look....straight from her heart. I know it. I hold my breath and wait for what is coming. She tilts her head and looks at me. Her hand comes up to my face and lightly runs over my cheek. I close my eyes and enjoy the sensation of her touch. When I open them again I stare into her soul that is filled with gratitude and something that even I am too scared to believe in. But some things are true, whether you believe in them or not. Her hand falls back into her lap. She looks at me with a shy grin. I made her blush.....she tears her eyes away from me and they come to land on the half finished cookie in her lap again. "It makes me feel safe." "You are safe" I say it with all the love and honesty I can find in my heart without breaking into tears. My Scully, she's so brave....so strong.....but even she needs comfort....... Her eyes fly back up to mine and in one smooth motion I take her in my arms and hold her tight. I know it's what she needs..........it's what i need, too. I hold her close and she tightens her grip on me.........she's letting go of the world, locking all the demons and all the nightmares safely in a drawer where they can come out tomorrow again.........but not tonight.........as I hold her in my arms, I hol d the key to lock the drawer...... We sit there for a long time, until she loses her grip on me, and I know that the drawer is closed........at least for tonight. I don't want to let go of her but she needs her rest, so I softly push her back onto the couch. Our fingers intertwine......... ........I rub my thumb over the palm of her hand and then I get up. "I'll go get your things" She gives me a nod. I step into her bedroom.........strangely familiar to me, but I still feel like an intruder. I know this is her holy shrine. I have my hold on almost anything in her life, but I know that she still needs her time alone....and her own s pace too. I quickly move to the closet and take out her pajamas. I turn to the bed and put the bedside lamp on and open the sheets for her. When I come back into the living room I find her staring out into nothingness. She senses my presence and draws her eyes to mine. I walk over to her and sit down again. "Come here" I put my hands on her shoulders and take her into me. I start to take off her clothes. At any given moment she would have refused to let me do this to her. But not tonight......she needs this....the comfort, the warmth. She keeps her eyes on me the whole time....her whole body has gone numb, but her eyes hav e the intensity that I know to be Dana Scully. I let her see all that she wants. There's nothing I can deny her , even if I wanted to. When I'm ready I put one arm underneath her shoulder and the other on underneath her legs. She gently reaches her arms up and around my neck as she ruffles my hair a little. Then she slowly eases her head onto my shoulder and a small sigh escapes from her throat . When I lower her down into the bed she makes no movement. I glance over at her and see her eyes closed.........she sleeps. I carefully unfold her arms from around my neck and let them rest beside her, then cover her with the sheets. I carefully turn out t he light before I sit down beside her. I watch her sleep. She looks like a baby........so sweet and innocent......peaceful. The soft lines of her face are lit by the moon coming through the window.Her breathing is deep and regular.........she's intoxicating. I wish the world would stop turning and time would fre eze in this moment. So that I'd have her forever by my side...my heart. I lower my head to her face and I feel her warm breath wash over me. I place a tender kiss on her forehead and I linger just a little while longer near her face until at last I get up and make my way to the door. She stirrs. "Mulder ?" "I'm here" It's a constant. I turn back and my heart skips a beat........she's looking at me with sleepy eyes. The light catches in her eyes ..........they tell me all I need to know. Her hand comes out from under the sheets and is stretched in my direction. I slowly walk back and touch her fingers. She smiles at me and then rolls on to her other side to open up the sheets for me. There are no words.........there's no need for them..... We both know what we need to know. I crawl into her bed and take her in my arms. She says nothing at all.........but she moves closer laces her hand under mine. Her head falls back against my chest and she sighs.......I nuzzle my nose in her hair.........I kiss the top of her head. I can sense that she is smiling.......but she doesn't say anything. Some truths are best kept in silence.........at least for now. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Feedback : yes please ;---) you can send mail to : emilymscully@icq.com Inspired on "when you say nothing at all" sung by Ronan Keating on the 'Notting Hill' soundtrack. When you say nothing at all . It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart Without saying a word, you can light up the dark Try as I may I could never explain What I hear when you don't say a thing Chorus: The smile on your face let's me know that you need me There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall You say it best when you say nothing at all Verse 2: All alone I can hear people talking out loud But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd Try as they may, they could never define What's being said between your heart and mine Chorus: The smile on your face let's me know that you need me There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall You say it best when you say nothing at all --------------C127E746C4733B1C30B1ADC8--