From: "Siobhan ONeil" Date: Wed, 30 Jun 1999 22:08:52 +0100 Subject: Just wanted to submit these few stories Title: White Christmas Author: Shiv Category: MSR, Slight angst Rating: PG Summary: It's Christmas, Emily's anniversary and Scully is feeling a little down. But there's a beautiful blanket of snow on the ground. What will Mulder do next? Spoilers: Most things up until Season 5. Disclaimer: Sadly these amazing characters and some of the storylines to not belong to me but some combination of Chris Carter(you don't realise how many people's hapiness rest in your hands!!!), Ten Thirteen Productions and Fox Television. They also belong to the wonderful David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson. Feeback: PLEASE, I need feedback, good, bad, I don't care. PLEASE. Just send it to siobhan@oneil192.freeserve.co.uk Author's Note: This is my Second fanfiction and it kind of sprung to life a little quicker than "To Have And To Hold", my first one. I received some really lovely feedback about my last one though so I only hope this one lives up to any expectations. I'm still playing around with a sequel to "To Have And To Hold" so watch this space. Basically I just see story as a little standalone love story which shows Scully's more vulnerable side and Mulder's more gentle side. Also, I would like to thank all my friends, Diane, Claire, Kitty, Jennie, Jo and naturally Wilma (who provides me with some much needed intellectual quotes from her very own pen) as they have to listen to my constant M/S ramblings. Thanks guys. Maybe one day I'll stop? And, thanx to Rory as well who doesn't seem to mind my insanity that much! ENJOY!! WHITE CHRISTMAS by Shiv December 22nd Springs Mall Margaret Scully walked through the Mall, arm in arm, with her youngest daughter. The bright lights sparkled from the decorations that lit up the building and the general pre-Christmas bustle could be heard from the people milling around them "You okay Sweetie?" asked Margaret, the concern in her voice evident. Scully nodded and turned to face her mother. "I'm okay Mom. Just doing some thinking I guess." "Are you sure you won't come to Bill and Tara's with me tonight? I don't want you to be alone at this time of year." "Mom, I'm going to come down on Thursday night. I'll be there for Christmas- I promise. I've got a few things to finish up at work tomorrow and then I'll drive down the next day okay?" "But, Dana I know this is difficult for you. Especially after last Christmas." Scully closed her eyes at the mention of last Christmas. Of Emily. "Please Mom?" she whispered. "I need to deal with this in my own way." Margaret understood her daughter perfectly. She was so like her in many ways. Determined to be strong and independent all of her life. But sometimes Margaret worried that her daughter was too strong, too independent. She always seemed reluctant to let anybody in. Margaret loved all of her children very much. And as she looked at her daughter before her, she realised how much she was hurting to think about Emily. Margaret knew all too well the indescribable pain associated with loosing a child. And this was a pain that she had wished with all her heart none of her remaining children would have to experience. But one of them was. And in some ways this pain was worse. For Dana had no memories of her daughter in order to ease the pain. All she had were tormented thoughts and wishes of the daughter she never had the chance to know. "You want to go get a coffee?" asked Margaret. Scully smiled and nodded. "Mom," she whispered. "Yes honey?" "I love you." "I love you too Dana." Scully embraced her mother. Relieved to be in her always-comforting arms. Knowing that she would always have love around her. And that feeling was the only thing that was managing to pull her through this difficult time. December 23rd FBI Headquarters, Washington D.C. Mulder heard the sound of her footsteps in the hallway before he saw her come around the door. "Morning Scully." He smiled as she entered. "Morning." She replied quietly. "Listen Scully, I told you. I don't need help with this paperwork. I promise you I'll get it done. You go and get yourself up to Bill's. Spend some time with your family." Scully smiled as he tried to lean back on his chair, eat a donut and drink a cup of the black tar he had the cheek to call coffee at the same time. Unfortunately he didn't have much success and ended up loosing his balance and spilling coffee down his shirt. "SHIT!" he exclaimed jumping up. Scully laughed for the first time in a few days and handed him a tissue. She watched in amusement as he tried in vain to mop up the brown-coloured mess on his shirt that was spreading quickly. "Mulder, I thought about leaving early- but who's going to keep an eye on you if I do?" He smiled sarcastically and dropped the soaking tissue into the trash can. He shirt was now very wet and smelt strongly of coffee. Scully reached into her bag and pulled out a brightly wrapped box and handed it to her partner. "Here's your Christmas present." She smiled. "I have the distinct feeling that it may come in handy. He took it from her grasp, uttering thank-you s to her and proceeded to tear open the wrapping like a little child. Inside the box was a grey t-shirt, a colour Scully had always thought that Mulder suited, that had the message "Spooky, Who me?" printed on it. He laughed heartily. "Thank-you Scully. You couldn't have picked a better present." She smiled happily. "There's something else in there." He reached back into the box and produced a small neatly wrapped package. Inside it were two cufflinks shaped like little spaceships. He laughed again. "Now, it's your turn." He exclaimed excitedly. He reached into his desk drawer and handed her a small, flat package. Inside was a copy of "Little Women"- a book which had been her favourite as a child. It looked dangerously old. "Mulder- how did you know?" she asked "You told me a little while back and I guess I remembered. It's one of the first copies ever printed. I found it in this antique bookstore when I was in with Frohike picking up some old comics. Do you like it?" "I love it." She was genuinely touched that she had remembered such a seemingly trivial remark that she couldn't even remember making to him. "Merry Christmas Scully. Have a good one." He leaned over and they kissed lightly on the cheeks and he gave her a quick, yet meaningful embrace. "Merry Christmas Spook." She laughed. "Now go on, Beat it. Get your ass up to your brother's. I don't want your mother on the phone again." "My Mom phoned you?" asked Scully in surprise, "Actually, why am I surprised." "She cares about you Scully. She just asked me if it was really necessary that you come into work today." "And your reply was?" "That I'd send you on your way to Bill's as soon as you got here." "Talk about conspiracies!" "Now, come on Scully." He winked. "Get those little legs moving!" "Okay I will. Just let me finish typing this report and take it up to Skinner okay? At least I'll have one thing off my conscience then." So the two of them sat at their desks, in relative silence while Scully taped away furiously on the keys off her laptop. Mulder watched her somewhat mesmerized. He knew that next week was going to be a really difficult time for her. They were memories that he would rather forget about- so he couldn't even begin to imagine how Scully felt. "Finished!" announced Scully as she hit the PRINT button on her keyboard and waited for the printer to spew out her report. "I'll just go shove this on Skinner's desk and wish him a Merry Christmas." "'kay." Said Mulder looking up from his paperwork. He was going to miss her this Christmas. He always missed her when they were on holiday- even though some part of him was reluctant to admit it. When she had been in New England he had called her constantly, with excuses so pathetic he was surprised Scully hadn't got a restraining order out on him. Truth is, he was lost without her. She came back down a few moments later. "Skinner sends his best regards for he holiday season Mulder. He's just off home now. Says he hopes to see you at the Christmas Party tonight. Are you going?" Mulder looked at her skeptically. "Nope, I don't think so Scully. Unless there's some way I can tempt you into accompanying me. "I'd rather have a quiet one this year Mulder. Maybe next year." He nodded gravely. "Scully I know this is a hard time for you. What with Emily's anniversary and all. Just keep that chin up okay?" She nodded. "What are your plans for Christmas Mulder? I'm sure my Mom would love it if you joined us." "Well Scully I'm pleased that she would but I don't think Bill Jr's going to feel the same do you? Besides, The Lone Gunmen promised me some turkey sandwiches and the entire set of Star Trek movies." "Okay Mulder. Whatever turns you on. I'd really like to see you at some point though. Maybe something to take my mind of Emily." She turned and walked out the door, wishing suddenly with all her heart that she could spend Christmas in his arms. What made her feel this way- she was unsure of. Perhaps it was just all these emotions swirling around that made her feel different than she normally did. Sure, some small niggling part of her had always wanted Mulder. The same part that caused the demons within her to fly up whenever she encountered women like Detective White, Phoebe Green and that god-damned bitch, Diana Fowely. Except lately, that part of her was becoming at little larger and it seemed to niggle a whole lot more. Scully breathed deeply a few times as she walked out to her car in the parking lot. She knew the best thing to do would just be to drive to her brother's house and spend the next few days letting her mother fuss over her and playing with her nephew, Connor. That would give her a chance to say goodbye to Emily in her own way. Maybe lay some flowers by the tree which the people at the children's unit had planted in her memory due to the lack of her body. She knew that all of this would be the best solution to the grief she was feeling right now. But, she was going to miss Mulder. Sometime that man, who had, inevitably, unwilling been at the centre of part of her pain was the only person that she could count on to help her banish the demons which haunted her mind. She only wished that he would let her do the same for him. But she knew she couldn't. December 24th Bill Scully Jr. Residence "Dana." Called Tara. "Dinner's on the table." Scully nodded as she placed her sleeping nephew from her lap, onto the couch and covered him with a blanket. She stroked his cheek gently. "He's so beautiful." She whispered. Maggie Scully walked up beside her daughter and daughter-in-law. "He looks just like Bill at that age." "God help him." Muttered Scully to the amusement of the two women. "Shall we go eat?" asked Tara. "I mean Bill's cooked so we have to take advantage of the situation while we can. The three women laughed and walked through to the dining room with Maggie Scully clutching her daughter's tense hand. "You okay?" she asked. Scully nodded and gave her standard reply. "I'm fine." Maggie smiled. She knew that her daughter would cope with this in the only way that she knew how. But she still wished that she would open up to someone. If only to relieve herself from her burden of sorrow temporarily. Dinner was a slightly strained affair. It seemed to Scully that her family were dancing around her lightly. Wanting to do anything but mention Christmas, children or families in general. Bill talked a load of rubbish about the latest Internet developments and about how he was thinking of asking to be re-assigned to Seattle. Scully bearly heard any of it. She just wished they would leave her alone. Stop treating her as though she were going to collapse at any moment. They hadn't been like this at Easter, so why now? Did they think that because it wasn't Emily's anniversary then she didn't think about her? Of course she did. And even though it was Emily's anniversary and the pain did somehow seem more acute, she just wanted to be treated normally. And despite the painful memories this house had of that time, she wanted to be able to say goodbye to her daughter, finally. "Well Dana. I'll bet you're glad to be finished work for a little while, huh?" Said Tara. "It's always nice to take a break." Smiled Scully. "I'll bet it's even nicer to take a break from that Mulder guy. He sure must get on your nerves with all his damned alien theories." "Mulder's not a bad guy Bill. I wish you wouldn't be so hard on him." "Nice guy. Yeah Dana. Sure." "Bill?" said Margaret. "Please don't do this." "NO, Mom. I can't understand you Dana. It's his fault that all these things have happened to you? to all of us. Melissa dying, your abduction, your cancer, Emily. How much are you going to tae Dana? Will it actually be your life next?" "Bill. Fox was very good to your sister when Emily died. I don't think any of this is his fault. Look Dana doesn't need this right now. Please. Just leave it alone." "No, I won't. She's my sister and I'm not going to watch her wate her life with some fool who thinks that little green men exist and is willing to sacrifice her in order to substansiate his wile theories. Even if you are!" "Do you think I'm some sort of blind, stupid woman Bill. Is that what you think? Well I'm not, okay? Believe me I don't do ANYTHING that I don't want to do and I live my life with my eyes open. None of this is Mulder's fault, no matter what you may wish to believe. He wanted to prevent this form happening even more than I did. Go to hell Bill." Screamed Scully as she stormed form the room. Maggie Scully left her daughter alone for a few moments to cool down and then entered the living room. She found Dana sitting on the armchair sobbing. Maggie sat down next to her and wordlessly pulled her into her arms. Stroking her auburn hair and rocking her gently. Dana was sobbing in a way she had not done since Melissa had died. Only Maggie was not the one comforting her then- it had been Fox Mulder. "It's okay to cry you know Dana honey. Sometimes it helps." The sobs that racked her daughter's body were heart-stopping. She seemed to suddenly be engulfed in grief and confusion. "Mom, I feel like I'm going nowhere. I want to have children, but I can't. I want to get married, but I can't find anyone to love. I don't even like who I am." Maggie Scully touched her daughter's face tenderly. "Dana, you will find someone to love. Your father and I always said that whoever had your heart was going to be one of the luckiest people alive. Maybe you're just looking in all the wrong places." "I'm not even looking Mom." "Look beside you Dana. Don't look far away, at something that isn't true to you." And so Maggie sat there by the fire rocking her daughter who was exuding a rather rare display of emotions. She wished that she could do something to help ease he daughter's obvious pain. But perhaps, that job was not fully hers? December 24th Bill Scully Residence 10:27pm "Bill would you get the door?" asked Tara as she stood up and lifted her sleeping son up from the couch. "Sure." He replied getting up and slipping his shoes on. "I shouldn't have let him stay up so late." Muttered Tara good-naturedly as she walked down the hall towards his room. Scully followed her down the hall to say goodnight to her nephew. "Oh come on Tara." She smiled. "It's Christmas Eve!" Tara rolled her eyes and nodded. "I know. God, I still have too much gift-wrapping to do!" She placed her sleeping son into his bed and kissed his forehead gently. Scully smiled and stroked his little hand before snapping off the light and joining her sister-in-law out in the hall. "Are you feeling better now?" She asked. "Yeah. I am thanks Tara." "Look Dana. I'm sure that Bill didn't mean what he said. He loves you so much, you know? sometimes I think that he just wants to protect you." "I know that Tara. Just like Dad always did. When I told him I was joining the FBI he was so angry with me. I thought it was because he thought I was wasting my medical degree. But then Mom told me what I suppose I had sub-conciously expected- he was just afraid at how dangerous it was and he didn't want his baby to girl to get hurt." "Sure." Agreed Tara. "Dana, you know what it feels like to try and protect your child from harm. That's all your Dad ever wanted to do and I think Bill feels like he has to fill that role now that your Dad has gone. I mean?" Dana and Tara were interrupted from their conversation by a gruff shout form Bill Scully. "DANA!" he shouted. "There's someone here who wants to see you." Wiping her still slightly moist eyes Scully walked back into the living room. To her elation and surprise she saw Mulder standing there, weraing the t-shirt she had given him that day. He smiled when he saw her. "Hi, Scully. I thought I'd take you up on that offer." "Good. It's good to see you." "Will you be staying Mulder?" asked a clearly unhappy Bill. "Well uh?" Yes he is." Said Scully. "And where exactly does he plan on sleeping, if I may ask?" "He can sleep with me." Scully retorted. The words were out of here mouth before she realised the full connotations of them. Mulder grinned childishly as she knew he would. "I mean I'll sleep with Mom." She mumbled quickly. "Just make sure you do." Said Bill curtly. "Oh for God's sake Bill?" began Scully, but Maggie cut her off. "I think everyone is just feeling a little bit on edge. Please can we stop this?" "I'm sorry Mrs Scully. This is my fault." Said Mulder quickly. "I'll just turn round and head back. I actually promised some friends I'd hang out with them tomorrow." "No Fox. Please stay. I'd like you to. We all would." Tara ushered her seething husband into the kitchen to "help her with the dishes". "God I really can't stand that guy." He exclaimed banging his fist down on the counter furiously. He REALLY makes my blood boil. I mean REALLY." "God Bill I think you are exaggerating just a little bit, don't you?" "If you call having a sister lying cold in her grave and one being close to that more times than I care to count, then no, I don't think that I am exaggerating." Well I think that's unfair of you to say that Bill. And I know you love Dana and you are just trying to protect her, but she's a big girl now. Let her be." Bill left it alone for the meantime but Tara knew that her obstinate husband was far from convinced. Maggie ushered Mulder into a seat in the living room and proceeded to ask him how he was, and would he please stay. Mulder answered her questions wuickly and politely watching Scully in a way that he rarely saw her, in her home environment. Dressed in black jeans and a cotton top, her hair was pulled back form her face. Her eyes were a little blotchy from crying and the rest of her face looked pale and sunken. He knew that she was greiving. Damn it he hated himself. She had lost her father, sister and daughter in the five years that she had been his partner, more heartache than most people would ever have to experience in a lifetime. She would argue that none of it was his fault, and true enough the untimely demise of her father, miraculously had nothing to do with him. Emily had been a result of some morbid attempt to try and punish Mulder by abducting Scully. Melissa had ceased to exist because of Scully's association with him. God, they had thought it was Scully when they shot her sister. The very thought of a bullet hitting Scully and killing her made chills run down his spine. Even though he had been faced with the prospect of her death during her cancer, somehow he hadn't quite believed at all- it had been almost surreal. He knew that a bullet right through the head was however, very real. And as he looked at here sitting there, he felt a sudden and over-whelming urge to protect her, just as he always had. He wanted to take the burden of all her pain grief or sorrow. "Is the snow pretty heavy now?" asked Maggie, her question directed at Mulder. "Yes," he answered. "It must have been at least four inches when I arrived." "Really?" asked Scully looking up. "I love the snow. It just makes everything seem so perfect." "I remember one Christmas when you were about 6 and Missy was 8. It was so late and you should have been in bed. But you begged your Dad to take you for a walk in the snow. Missy wouldn't come, it was just you and your Dad because Charlie was to little and I don't know whrere Bill was. You laughed and laughed and lay down an made snow angels on the drive." Scully smiled at the memory. "I remember." "Your father never could say no to you Dana." Silence descended upon the trio as they sat by the warmth of the fire, just like a typical Christmas scene. "Scully," asked Mulder for once taking a little chance with Scully. "Would you like to go for a walk with me?" Scully seemed startled, yet pleased at his suggestion. "Sure," she replied. "Just let me get my coat." "Make sure you two wrap up warmly, it's cold out." Said Maggie before leaving the room to join Bill and Tara in the kitchen. Deep in My heart I'm concealing, Things that I'm longing to say, Scared to confess what I'm feeling Frightened you'll slip away You must love me" Mulder and Scully walked in silence for a few minutes. Mulder, however, felt a sudden urge to speak. "Scully I know how bad you feel right now. But I have to re-assure you that you did the right thing by Emily. Remember, she had the chance to be released, to be loved by you. And now she's gone to somewhere beyond where we can see or understand. Somewhere that you believe in." "I know she has Mulder. And I'm hurting about Emily, god I am. But it's not just about her, I?" Scully seemed suddenly unable to finish her sentence. "Scully, I know how much pain you've experienced, but believe me if I could take that all away and bear it myself then I would." "Mulder!" exclaimed Scully as she stopped walking and threw her hands in the air. "Why do you feel this incessant need to protect me? For the last time, none of this is your fault. Did you shoot Missy? Did you abduct me? Do you really think I force myself to work with you? Believe me Mulder, if I didn't want to be with you then I wouldn't be. Why do you see me as soon fragile little soul who has spent the majority of the last six years swamped in grief? WHY DO YOU ALWAYS NEED TO ENCASE ME IN THIS LITTLE PROTECTIVE BUBBLE?" "BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!" Suddenly there was silence again. Scully slumped down in the snow. The coolness refreshing to her body that appeared to be on fire. Although, she had never admitted it to herself, how she had longed to hear those words. And she knew that when she heard them from the right man, she would just know. If she was true to herself then she knew that part of the reason for her melancholy mood was that she felt lonely during this difficult time. She wasn't sure whether she should reply to his sudden statement. Perhaps it has slipped out by accident, he didn't truly mean it. Or perhaps, he hadn't really said it at all. "What?" She asked. Mulder crouched down beside her. "I love you Scully. I'm IN love with you. I love you." Suddenly she burst into tears. Letting all her emotions out. He cupped her face in his large hand and kissed her gently. It was beautiful. "I don't think you are a fragile soul Scully. I think you are one stubborn, beautiful woman." She laughed. "I love you too." And they kissed again. For they were always meant to be together. And subconciously each of them knew that. They just took their time in getting where they were supposed to be. "Mulder," said Scully pulling away. "What?" he asked "I can't? We can't? I mean our jobs? I can't? they'll split us up ? and I can't give you children Mulder." "I don't care about that Scully. We'll find a way if there is something we really want. And anyway Scully, one step at a time. One kiss and you're talking about children? For once please? trust me." "I've always trusted you? with my life." They lay on the ground and made snow angels. They kissed when they returned to the house as Scully made them both a hot chocolate, apprently oblivious to the furious stares they were attracting from her brother. Maggie could not believe her eyes when she had caught them kissing, but she could already see that much of the tension from her daughter's face had dissipitated and she was smiling again. She pulled Bill over later on. "Do you see how happy she is Bill?" Bill seemed to soften, just the slightest fraction. "Yeah, well to each their own. But I don't think he's good enough for her?" Scully took Mulder back to her room later. And they made love for the first time. Scully awoke later and sound herslef unable to go back to sleep. She slipped out of bed and stepped into her slippers, padding out of the room hoping Mulder would not wake. But he did, inevitably. He followed her out to the living room wearily rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "What's up. Insomnia's supposed to be mine." He smiled. He was only wearing boxer shorts and Scully laughed when she saw him. "You better put a top on. What if someone comes down?" He shrugged as he sat next to her on the couch and pulled her into his bar chest. They whispered quietly to each other until Scully fell aslepe and five minutes later Mulder too succummbed to the demon of tiredness. December 25th 8:03pm Bill crept down the stairs quietly. He wanted to slip one last present under the tree for Matthew before he woke. He saw his sister and Mulder lying on the couch, sleeping in each other's arms. Smiles playing at the corners of his sister's mouth and at that point he realised that no matter what he thought of Fox- call me by my second name- Mulder (and believe it, what he thought wasn't good) that he made his sister wholly happy. And though, god knows what she saw in him he was going to have to learn to accept that. Tara, Maggie and Matthew joined Bill downstairs and aawakened the sleeping couple. There were hugs all round, but only after Mulder had dashed into the room and threw on his t-shirt. Scully sat with her head resting on her mother's shoulder on the couch as when he turned to look at Mulder he mouthed the words "Merry Christmas Scully" to her. She mouthed them back and blew him a kiss. She knew that whatever Emily's anniversary brought in two days time she would be able to face it with renewed strength. And when it was over she would still have Mulder by her side