>From canadianchick@home.com Wed May 14 01:49:35 1997 Subject: Who let in the Rain. (1/1) From: Laurie -------- **Please Archive** Who Let in The Rain. (1/1) By Laurie Sarnacki Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. Classifications: MSR, Angst Summary: This is post Memento Mori, but in another realm of reality. Mulder and Scully consummate their relationship, but is it for the wrong reasons? Rating: R for sexual content Authors Notes: Based loosely on the song "Who Let in the Rain" by Cyndi Lauper. Spoilers: Mentioning of prior happenings right up to Memento Mori. Huge Thanks goes to Nancy for Editing this for me. Please send all feedback to canadianchick@home.com ************ Who Let in the Rain (1/1) By Laurie Sarnacki 'I make the bed and cover, where you used to sleep. I'm smoothing over promises, made in these sheets. I envy lovers passing by, out on the streets. 'Cause what they have, I couldn't keep'. -Excerpt from 'Who Let in the Rain' by Cyndi Lauper ************************ Dana Scully was on cloud nine. She had been dating Chris for a few months now, and every day was better than the last. Her personal life was finally on track, and she couldn't be happier. Her health on the other hand, was at a stand still. She had only a few nose bleeds the past month, and there was no indication that the tumor was growing. The only thing that bothered her was that she had never really acknowledged her feelings for Fox Mulder. She always kept the buried under her cool work exterior. She wasn't one to mix business with pleasure, especially after the whole Jack Willis incident. That was one of the bigger reasons she had never given in to her romantic feelings for Mulder. And truthfully, she was really happy with Chris. The day she told Mulder was a Friday. She had contemplated not telling him till Monday but she was so excited she let it slip at lunch that day. They had met at 'their' bench for a quick lunch in the warm summer sun; they often did that in the summer. It was a chance to get outside, and a nice break from their dark and drab office. She waited for him to sit down and relax before she sprung the news on him. "Mulder, I have some great news." "What is it?", he asked between mouthfuls. "Well... Chris asked me to marry him, and I accepted." She was beaming, her heart was so full of love, and she needed Mulder to know how happy she was. "Umm, that's great Scully. I'm really happy for you." Mulder forced out a smile and turned to hug her. "Have you set a date yet?," he asked removing himself from her warm embrace. "No, we haven't pinpointed a date, but it will be before the end of the summer." "Sounds good," he said, leaning back into the bench. He was beginning to feel sick. He wished he hadn't eaten at all. They both sat in silence for a few moments. Mulder was trying to absorb what he had just heard. He really did like Chris; in fact it was he who had introduced them. He wasn't even upset when they started dating, but he never thought it would get this serious. He felt like the odd man out. He had never felt that way before, it had always been him and her against the world. He knew, though, that this was going to change everything, and not in a good way. "Mulder, are you okay with this?" "Of course, why wouldn't I be?", he asked looking up at her. He wondered what it would be like to hold her at night, be the one to make love to her every night. "Just wondering, that's all." They finished their lunch with lots of small talk, and the wedding wasn't brought up again. They both went home that weekend with feelings of dread, both of them knowing that Dana's upcoming nuptials meant an end to their relationship as they knew it. ************* Friday night Mulder sat home. He had had a date but cancelled it. He thought back to all the times he should have said 'I love you' to her, but didn't. There was the time of the Pfaster Case, when he was about to go face Modell, when she found out she had Cancer... Hell, he should have told her he loved her the very first time he met her. But he didn't, and now he was left with a world of regrets. Mulder looked out the window in his living room. He watched the rain beat against the pane. The smell of rain on a hot summer's night filled his lungs, and sighing, he flipped on the TV. Sounds of moaning filled the room and the TV was quickly turned off. He wasn't even in the mood for that. He knew what he was in the mood for, but that would require him driving over to her house. He wanted to talk to her, he needed to talk to her. Even if it was only for a few moments, he had to see her. He picked up the phone and dialed the number he had dialed a thousand times before. He let it ring four times before he hung up. He pressed redial and decided to leave a message this time. On the fifth ring the answering machine came on, "This is Dana Scully, I'm not home right now, leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can." "Scully, it's me, just need to talk. Call me..." "Wait, I'm here. Mulder?" She said breathlessly. "Oh--you're home?" "You sound surprised." "Well--it's just, I thought you'd be out with Chris." "No, he's out of town on a business trip. Hey, you wanna come over and watch some TV or something?" "Umm..." he paused not knowing whether or not he should go. Sighing he said, "Sure--I'll be over in a bit." "Sounds good." She sensed something was wrong with him, but couldn't put her finger on it. Mulder arrived at Scullys' place about fifteen minutes later. He let himself in like he had many times before. Hearing the door open, she walked out of the kitchen, "Hi." "Hi" "I'm making spagetti for dinner; have you eaten?" He shook his head no. "Good, I made extra." "It smells great," he said, looking around her apartment. No sign that Chris had moved in yet. She went back into the kitchen, leaving Mulder to entertain himself in the living room. Mulder sat down on the couch, and flipped on the TV. "So, Scully, when is Chris getting back?" "Not till Monday. He was sent to Texas to see what is wrong at the plant there." Chris worked for a toy company, he was head of Public Relations, but he also dealt with union problems time to time. "I see," he said, as he leaned into the couch. He could smell her all around him. Her scent invaded his nostrils. He wondered if he would ever get used to not being able to be near her whenever he wanted. "Have you told your Mom yet?", he asked loud enough for her to hear him in the kitchen. "About what?", she asked walking into the living room. "About the engagement." "Oh no, not yet," she said laughing. "Why not?" "Well, with Chris away, we thought it would be best if we told her when he got back." "I see." "So what do you want to do tonight?" "How about we talk." "Talk?", she asked him sitting down on the couch beside him. She looked at him questioningly. He nodded. "About what?", she asked him, almost hesitantly. "Us." "Mulder, let's not get into this--not now." "I can't see a better time for it." "Mulder, why? Why are you doing this? Why now? After all this time, why have you chosen now to do this?" He just stared at her, unsure himself why he had chosen this particular time to approach the subject of their relationship. "Maybe it's because... I want to be sure that I did everything I could to make you happy." "What? Mulder, you're not making any sense," "Scully....Dana, I just want to make sure that there isn't something between us. I mean, I have to be sure that I... I love you." "Mulder..." "No, wait, hear me out. I know you say you love Chris, and maybe you do. But I also believe deep down, you love me. What I want to know is-- is that love for me stronger than your love for Chris?" "Mulder, I think you should leave," she said getting up from the couch. "Please, I *need* to know...just tell me the truth Scully, that's all I have ever asked," he said getting up from the couch and following her. "I did love you, but I've moved on, Mulder. A long time ago I realized that you didn't feel that way about me, and I knew in my heart that you never would. What you are feeling now is just misplaced feelings. You don't have anyone and I do. You are just feeling an emptiness and you just *think* that I can fill that void." "You're wrong, I have loved you for so long, Dana. There are so many times I should have told you." He moved closer to her, wanting so much to touch her. The desire to take her in his arms was burning up inside him. "Mulder, don't..." "Scully, can't you feel it, the chemistry between us?" he asked, his voice heavy and thick. "The heat". He stepped closer to her, invading her personal space. Her perfume was so sweet, her body so warm. He put his hand on her shoulder, and she didn't shrug it away. "I want you Dana. Please--don't turn me away." She didn't know what to do. She was beginning to be swept up in his passion. She could feel herself losing herself in him. Being swept up in his intoxicating scent, his strong arms, his love. "Mulder, I won't turn you away." She brought him closer to her. She could hear his ragged breathing, feeling it on her skin as she pulled him into an embrace. Her head was spinning from being this close to him. Her heart raced with anticipation of what they were about to do. "Once we do this, there's no going back," he whispered in her ear. She just nodded. He planted little kisses up and down her neck, nibbling on her ear as he passed by it. "I don't want this to be just a one night stand, Scully, it's got to be more." "Mmm-hmmm," was all she could say. "Tell me, tell me it means more to you." His voice was desperate for some response. "It will mean more, much more. Make love to me." He swept her up in his arms and carried her into her bedroom. She started to remove her blouse, but his hands stopped her and he began to undo the buttons, kissing each exposed part of her soft skin. He worked his way down, tasting her skin, memorizing each part of her delicate body. Her blouse fell to the floor, followed by her pants. "Mulder, I think you are overdressed-- a clear advantage over me." She smiled at him and pulled at his tie. She left it loosened and worked on his shirt. "I've always loved it when a man has a loosened tie," she purred. "I'll have to remember that." She pulled his pants to the floor as he quickly disposed of his shirt and tie. "That better?" he whispered. "It's a start." She pulled him to the bed, and fell onto it. Mulder's hands moved quickly behind her back and undid the clasp of her bra, then they moved lower and pushed her panties down. She helped and wiggled them off. Tugging at his boxers, she pulled them off. She shifted herself under him, and could feel his arousal. "Make love to me Mulder." "I never in a million years thought I would hear those words escape from your lips," he whispered into her ear and slowly entered her. He felt her gasp under him. "Did I hurt you?" She shook her head no, and pulled him closer to her. They moved rhythmically, causing their breathing to increase rapidly. Mulder felt her tighten. Then release. Sometime later, she murmured something. "What was that?" "I said 'thank-you'." She softly smiled and kissed his swollen lips. "For what?" "That was incredible Mulder." He got off her and took her in his arms; "You weren't so bad yourself." He brushed away her hair from her forehead and softly kissed it. She sat in the warmth of his arms; the beat of his heart slowly lulling her to sleep. They fell asleep in each others arms, only to awaken a few hours later. Scully sat up ion the bed and pulled the sheets around her. "Mulder--" she started out, not sure how to finish the sentence. "I do love you, but now I'm in a situation I don't know how to get myself out of." "We'll work it out." "No, I don't think you understand." She paused, unsure of how to say what she had to say. Swallowing, she said, "I'm still marrying Chris." "What?!" Mulder couldn't believe what he had just heard. His heart felt as if it was in his stomach. "I'm sorry," was all she could say. Mulder got up from the bed, and pulled on his boxers, "Why are you doing this?", he asked her pulling on his pants. "Mulder, I need stability in my life. Ever since the Cancer, I need someone that can guarantee me that he'll be around for a while." "I can give you that," he said sitting on the edge of the bed. "Mulder, we both know you can't. I wish I could tell you that I believe that you can change, that you can give up your relentless search for the Truth for me. But I know you can't. I will help you as a partner, but I'm afraid that's all I can give you." "Scully, for *you* I would give it all up, the X-Files, my badge-- everything." "Don't say something you don't mean." "I almost did it once." "What?", she asked him. "Once, a long time ago, when you were missing, I went in and told Skinner I'd give it all up, if he would give me Cancerman. That was when he reopened the X-Files. I would do it all over again. Scully, you make my life worth living. If you marry Chris part of me will die." His heart on the line: it was up to her now. "Mulder, I need some time on this one, okay?" He nodded, "I'll be at home if you want to talk." "Okay," she whispered, giving him a smile. He grabbed his shirt and tie, and left her room. Pulling on his shirt, he hoped she would make the right decision: the one that would keep her with him. Mulder didn't talk to her the rest of the weekend. Many times he wanted to call her, but resisted, feeling she would come to him when she was ready. As he walked into the office Monday morning something told him that something was very wrong. Mulder turned on the lights in their office, noticing he was the first one there. He saw an envelope taped to the top of his desk, and picked it up. He knew exactly who it was from. Dear Mulder, This is so very hard for me to write, but it is the only way I can express myself. Mulder, over the past few months many situations beyond our control have occurred. I want you to know I don't blame you at all for anything that has happened over the past four years of our working together. Though somehow I know you do blame yourself for all of this. Mulder, you have got to know that I could have left if I really wanted to. I can't tell you how many times I have asked myself why I stayed. I stayed because of you. Through it all, it has always been you and I against the world. Mulder, I am beginning to lose myself in you, especially after what happened Friday night. Again, I do not regret it, but it did leave me very confused and I am unsure of where to go next. You are such a passionate man, your compassion and tender ways make me realize why I never left. I realize now that my life would be terribly empty without you. Even so, I must do this. I am going away for a while. Not forever: I would never do that to you. The misery I would be in from missing you would be too much for me to bear. Please don't think I'm doing this in spite. I just feel that I need to heal, and I think it would be best for me to do it on my own. So much has happened between us, and now I am unsure of where to turn. Chris is another story, Mulder. I do love you, but I love him as well. Now it is up to my heart to decide who I love more. Even so I must admit... Mulder you are my world, you are my best friend, the only one I truly trust. My mother is there for me of course, but I feel she is disappointed in me for what has happened. I know it may sound crazy, but I think she feels responsible for all this . I know you know how devastated she was when Missy died. I'm afraid it is too much for her to take. Though I do feel I will beat this, that with determination and your support, I am able to conquer anything. Promise me you won't try to find me, though even as I write this I know it will be an empty promise. My mother knows my whereabouts, and I am sure, no, *positive* that if you pester her enough, she will tell you where I am. Chris doesn't know where I am either, so please, if you do go ask him, don't get all macho. He is unaware of the recent broadening of our relationship. I am not gone far, just a place where I can figure out what to do next. I have already requested a leave of absence, and Skinner has authorized it. Please don't be mad at me, or at Skinner for leaving you in the dark. I just need some time. Time to rationalize these feelings I am having. I try and push them off as being a result of all that I have gone through recently. But I am beginning to believe that I may have felt this way all along. I am sorry for being so vague; I don't mean to be. I hope you can see through this writing to how I am really feeling. Through all we have been through together, you have been a guiding light at the end of a long, dark tunnel. You mean more to me than you will ever know; please don't ever change. Love, Dana Scully Mulder sighed and re-folded the letter, placing it in his jacket pocket. He knew Scully wasn't taking the whole Cancer thing as well as she was pretending to, and then he had to make it even better and screwed up BIG TIME. He was wrong. He shouldn't have slept with her, even though at the time he had thought it was right. He wasn't going to get mad, he wasn't going to over react. He would go about his day, and try not to miss her too much. And the first two days he was able to do it. He only thought of her at night. Staring up at his ceiling, he wondered if she was okay. Skinner had him on surveillance, not an X-File case, but he didn't really mind. He couldn't really investigate an X-Files case without her. On the third day he got angry, very angry. She hadn't even called him to let him know she was okay. He was hurt, the least she could do was call him. So on the third day he decided to go find her. He put in a request for some vacation time. At first Skinner was hesitant, claiming Scully had asked him to be. But Mulder sweet-talked his way into receiving it. Getting the information out of Mrs. Scully wouldn't be so easy. Mulder went home and packed a few things. He really didn't know how long he was going to be away, but he figured it would be at least a few days. He would go to where ever Scully was and take her home. Home to be with him, where he could help her get through whatever it was she was going through. ********* "Mrs. Scully, I need to know where Dana went." "I can't tell you, Fox, she asked me not to." "I don't care, I need to know. I'm worried about her, after the whole Cancer ordeal. I need to see her." "Have you gone to see Chris?" "No... why?" "He's just as worried as you are about her. If you're going to see her--I ask you to at least let him know." "I can't do that," he said shaking his head. "Fox, I know that you and Dana have had some tough times, but he does love her." "I know, but so do I." The words cut to Margaret Scully's soul, not since William had she seen such love in a man's eyes. Not even Chris looked that way when he talked about Dana. She knew what she had to do. She had to tell Mulder where Dana was. "Fox, I'm going to tell you this, because I love both you and Dana. But you have to promise that you will go talk to Chris." "I'm not bringing him with me, if that's what you are asking me to do." "Fox, I just need you to tell him that she is okay." "Why?" "If you really love her, then you will want him to know." "Fine, though I really don't understand why..." "All right. She's staying at her aunt's farm in the country. Her Aunt is on Vacation so she has the place to herself. Fox, whatever you do, don't bully her into a decision. Let her make it on her own." **************** Mulder approached Chris's office with caution. He tried to remain as calm as he could. He knocked on the door and let himself in. "Chris?" "Mulder, have you heard from her?" "Not yet--but that's why I came to talk to you." "Oh?" "Chris, I know where she is. I'm going to go see her." "I'll come with you." He shook his head, "No, you can't." "What?" "Dana and I have to work some things out. I need to talk to her alone." "Why, you..." he took a swing at Mulder. Mulder quickly ducked and pushed him against the wall. "It doesn't have to be like this Chris." Chris broke from his hold. "Like hell it doesn't. I should have known I couldn't trust you! Damn it, Mulder!" "I love her." "I know. The sad thing is, I've known all along," he said, sinking into his chair. He leaned back, "Well what are you going to do about it?" Mulder took a deep breath, and said, "The only thing I can do. Go and see if she will have me. Chris, I'm sorry." "So am I. I won't give her up without a fight, Mulder. I love her too." Mulder nodded and walked out of Chris's office, leaving him behind to wonder what was going to happen, and who Dana loved most. ************ Mulder got into his car, started the engine and turned on the radio. The soulful sound of Chris Isaak filled the air. Mulder sighed, and began his journey to find Scully. He didn't know what to expect upon seeing her. All he knew was that if he found her and she told him that she didn't want him, he didn't think he could go on living. Mulder thought back to that night in Dana's apartment, wondering if it wasn't just a stupid mistake. Truth be told, he was beginning to doubt himself. Was he wrong to have gone to her-- to put his heart on the line? He had gotten burned before by doing that. In his heart he knew that she wouldn't hurt him, but in his mind he was haunted by the thought that all that she had gone through had put distance between them. He had noticed it after she returned from being abducted; she seemed so out of touch. He had tried to protect her, lord knows he tried. It seemed that after that she changed somehow, becoming a stronger women. He thought nothing would phase her; but perhaps she thought the same of him. He sighed, and popped in a tape, and drove on. ****************** Dana Scully was in a dark place. She sat on her aunt's bed with her feet tucked under her. She had never felt so alone. She didn't know what to do. Should she stay with Chris, or go where her heart truly belonged: with Fox Mulder. She had been crying nonstop, and had a horrible headache. She looked at her watch and noticed it was almost dinner time, she supposed she should eat something. Distracted, she managed to burn her hand while heating some soup. "Shit!" She ran to the sink and ran cold water over her burned finger. She heard a car pull up outside and instinctively went for her gun. Walking to the window she noticed a lanky man stepping out of the car and walking up to the house. She opened the door, saying, "Took you long enough to get here." He looked at her, and asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, it's been almost four days. Hell, I expected you the first night." She smiled and let him in the house. Noticing the burn on her finger he asked her if she was all right. "Yes, I just burned my finger on the stove. I'll be fine." He placed his bag on the stairs, "So, how are you?" "Fine," she said and went back into the kitchen and got two bowls out of the cupboard. "Have you eaten?" He shook his head no. "Well I made some soup. You want some?" "Sure," he said and sat down at the table. She brought the bowls of soup over, and placed one in front of him. "Thanks," he said. "I'm assuming my mother told you I was here." "Yes." "Did you tell Chris?" "No." "I see." "Scully, I think we have to clear the air between us, just you and me. Find out what we want, and if we want the same thing." "Mulder, I really can't deal with all of this right now." "Why? Are you okay?" "I'm fine. I have a little headache, but other than that I'm okay. Really." He seemed satisfied with that answer. "Chris told me he's not going to give you up without a fight." "What?" "I went to see him..." "You didn't tell him that we..." "No, I just told him that I needed to see you alone--I think he may have deduced from that that things had changed between us," he said, motioning his hand from her to him. "He's mad, Scully. Not at you, but at me. I think he thinks I planned it like this. You have to believe me I never meant to hurt you." "Hurt me?" "Yes, I've put you in this predicament now. It's all my fault." "Mulder, we were both there that night, not just you. You didn't force me to make love to you. I did it of my own free will," she said, slowly sipping her soup. "So where do we go from here? I can't go back to just being Mulder your partner, I want to *be* with you. I *need* to be with you." She put her spoon down and tucked her hair behind her ears, "I wish I could give you a simple answer." "I know." "All I can say is that I love you. That's all I can give you right now." "And Chris?" "I love him too. Not in the same way, though. Mulder, my feelings for you..." She stopped suddenly unaware of what she wanted to say. "Go on," he encouraged her. "Mulder, remember Melissa, the woman you found out was your soul mate?" Mulder cringed at the mention of her. He had been so stupid. He should have known that he was leading the regression. He just wanted *so much* to believe that his soulmate was out there. Too bad he didn't look right in front of him. "Scully, I..." "No need to explain, Mulder," she said, getting up from the table and putting her dishes in the sink. He walked up behind her, and turned her around so that she was facing him. "No, I want to explain. I've thought about that, Scully. Honestly, the state of mind I was in at that time.... You were right I *was* leading the regression. I should have known that..." "Known what?" "That my soulmate was right in front of me the whole time. It was you, Scully. It still is." He swallowed hard. Being this close to her, all he wanted to do was kiss her, he fought the urge to sweep her into arms. "Mulder, that's what I was trying to say before. My feelings for you invade my soul with ever breath I take. I know I say I love both of you, but you're the one I'm *in* love with." She walked away from him to the living room. "Well if that's the case, I don't see the problem. I don't see why we can't be together." She sat down on the couch. "Mulder, is this what you really want? Honestly now, can you tell me that you can give up playing the field and just be with me?" Sitting beside her he said, "It's the only thing I've ever wanted." She smiled, "Why does this have to be so hard?" "It doesn't." "What am I going to tell Chris?" "What do you mean?" "How am I supposed to tell him that its over between us, and that I'm in love with you?" Just then Chris walked through the door. "You already did." "Chris?" "Yes Dana. Your Mom told me where you were after I begged and pleaded with her. I should have known you'd still be here, Mulder." "Chris..." Dana tried to explain. "Save it, Dana. Save it for someone who cares. I just need to know. Have you two been sleeping together the whole time?" "Chris, it just happened that one time. We didn't plan it," she tried to explain. "Somehow I find that hard to believe. You always did want to get her in bed, didn't you Mulder? Were you just biding your time till she found someone else? I did love you, Dana, and we would have been happy," he said. He walked out of the house and back to his car, shaking the whole time. He did love her, but knew in his heart that she didn't love him. He would ask to be transferred to the West Coast tomorrow, far away from Washington and far away from Dana Scully. Scully didn't move, just sat in the same spot, taking deep cleansing breaths. "I'm sorry," was all Mulder could say. "For what?", she asked him. "For putting you through all of this..." "Mulder, you didn't do anything. I should have known it wouldn't have worked with Chris. My heart has always belonged to you. Whether I wanted it to or not." He took her in his arms. "So where do we go from here?" "Let's just take it a day at a time. No long term commitments for now." She leaned her head into his chest as he softly brushed her hair from her face. "Whatever you want, Scully, but just so you know... I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me for the long haul this time." He smiled and kissed the top of her head. "Somehow that thought scares me," she teased. "Thanks a lot." She turned her body so that she was facing him. "Mulder I just want you to know--that wherever we take this relationship and wherever we end up--I will always love you." "I never doubted that, Scully. I feel the same way." She sighed and nestled her head into his chest. "What do you want to do now?" he asked her. "You mean *right* now?" "Yes, this very instant," he said, smiling. "How about a repeat performance of last Friday night?". "Sounds good to me." He moved her over so that she was lying on the couch. "Not so fast, buddy: slow and steady wins the race." They both laughed, and Mulder made love to her. At the end of the night they fell asleep in each others arms on the couch. Neither of them knew what lay ahead of them. The only thing they did know was that they would take it one day at a time. The End.