From: shinkai@mlode.com (Susan Shinkai)
Date: Sun, 6 Jun 1999 03:54:51 -0700
Subject: New Story: Who's on First (1/1)

Title: Who's on First?
Author: Shinkai
E-mail address: shinkai@mlode.com
Rating: R+
Classification:  Story, Humorous
Spoilers: The Unnatural
Keywords: Scully/Mulder friendship, UST, post-episode
Summary: Mulder's friendly batting lesson goes awry when Scully hits a
line-drive straight into his head.  When his intentions turn amorous,
Scully wonders if he is suffering from brain damage or just wishful
thinking.

Intro: "Who's on First" is the famous comedy routine by Abbott and
Costello where the names of the players become confused with the
questions about them.  It's the ultimate example of lost logic and
misunderstand in the 20th century.  So of course I'd assume Mulder has
it memorized. And if Scully's NEVER hit a baseball, what other
essential useless stuff has she missed out on.  NOTE: For your
benefit, during this version of the routine, I put the player's names
in CAPITAL letters so when you see the word in lower case, it's being
used as the word not the name.

Disclaimer: Most of the characters and some situations in this story
are not the legal property of the author or her agents.  Their use is
not intended to be an infringement to the rights of the legal owners.
Use and distribution of this story is for non-commercial entertainment
purposes only.
______________________________________


WHO'S ON FIRST?

   Special Agent Dana Scully had never considered the possibility that
she would ever be in this situation. It never even remotely crossed
her mind. True, she had a few dreams and fantasies of being this close
to Mulder, but none of them included baseballs and bats, and a kid
shagging balls.  The whole thing was so totally ludicrous that she
couldn't stop laughing.  Yet it was the most fun she had since before
she could remember how serious life was.

   Out of the blue, Mulder had arranged to give her a batting lesson,
complete with personal 'hands-on' coaching.  His arms were wrapped
around her, his body pressed in close to hers, guiding her movements.
His hand gripped the bat beside hers, giving her swing strength and
direction, not unlike what her support did for his work on the
X-Files.  It was another perfect partnership.

   "Atta girl, Scully. Make that kid earn his 10 dollars an hour."
Mulder encouraged in a causal friendly voice that she rarely heard.
"You've got a natural rhythm. Don't fight it."

    "Mulder, you're hitting the ball." she laughed. "It's your
rhythm."

    "Then don't fight me." he teased. "I know that's a difficult
concept to grasp but..."

     "I'll show what I can grasp." she teased in return. Wrestling the
bat away from him, she took her stance and motioned for him to back
off.

     He grinned as he back away and said, "It's all yours, Slugger."
When she looked back at him, he nodded at the ball boy.  Suddenly the
ball came flying towards her and she swung with all her might. "Strike
One!" Mulder yelled out as the orb hurled passed her.

     Scully pouted then called out, "That's not fair! I wasn't ready."

    "If you're in the batter's box, you're saying your ready." Mulder
replied still enjoying the child-like enthusiasm of his partner.
"Wanna try again?" She took her position to answer the question.
"Remember what I said... prepare to make contact."

     She dug her feet in and stared at the pitching machine as if she
was trying to stare it down, then nodded to the kid.  The ball flew
towards her and she held her ground until the right moment. The bat
seemed to move on its own as it cracked against the ball which made a
perfect arc into the distance.  Mulder let out a long whistle as he
watched it sail away.

   "Did you see that!" Scully exclaimed. "I did it!"

    Mulder approached her and gave her a friendly hug. "You sure did.
I always knew you had it in you." he said with almost as much
excitement as her.  "Sometimes it just takes a good coach to bring it
out."

    Scully's smile grew wider as she let out a long sigh.  The hug
felt warm and natural without the uncomfortable self consciousness of
proper behavior and rules.  <No rules tonight. > she told herself as
she dropped the bat and returned the hug, giving him a casual kiss on
the cheek.  "Thanks for the present.  It fits perfectly!"

   Mulder just kept grinning as he wondered just how long he could
stand there holding her, a perfect fit.  It wasn't just the physical
contact that made the moment special; it was the fact that he had made
her happy.  Just like Arthur Dales had said, baseball was the secret
to unlocking the Truth.  Mulder didn't care if tomorrow they were back
on the trail of a mysterious killer or a global conspiracy.  Tonight
he had her and baseball.  What could be more perfect?  "Huh... hey,
Scully, you want a real challenge?"

   She stepped back as she smiled, brushing the hair from her eyes.
"What did you have in mind?"

    Mulder stepped back, reluctant to let go of her. "Just a
minute..." He jogged out to the young boy working the pitching machine
and said something to him as he pointed at Scully.  As Mulder handed
him some money, the boy smiled at Scully and trotted to the outfield
with a bag over his shoulder to retrieve the balls.  "Alone at last."
Mulder called out to Scully from pitcher's mound. "Not that I could do
much from this distance."

   Scully pursed her lip and thought a few rather indecent thoughts
about just what he could do as she watched him massage a baseball in
his hands.  As he swung his arm in a pitching movement, it became
obvious he was getting warmed up to pitch to her. Scully yelled,
"Mulder, why do I have the distinct feeling that you're acting out
your own fantasy?"

     "Why Agent Scully! How dare you suggest I have any fantasies
about you." Mulder replied with mock indignity. < At least not about
you in the batter's box. > he thought to himself.

     Scully picked up her bat and swung it around in awkward circles,
trying to imitate the baseball players she'd seen on TV.  "All right,
Mulder. Give me your best shot!"

     Mulder glanced at the outfield to make sure the boy had cleared
the field. He turned to face Scully and pulled his glove out his back
pocket.  "Remember, Scully, eye on the ball, hips before hands, and
let yourself go."  Just the thought of Scully 'letting herself go'
gave him pause to take a deep breath.

   But Scully was still caught up in the fun and failed to notice
Mulder's shift in mood. "Talk, talk, talk.  Let's see some action."
she teased.  If Scully had been paying closer attention to Mulder, she
would have heard the obvious groan of anticipation as he imagined
having 'some action' with her.

    Mulder tossed an easy pitch and she jumped on it with vigor. So
much vigor in fact that it caught Mulder off guard in his distracted
state of mind. He instinctively moved to meet the ball but the line
drive smacked hard against his head and he staggered back then dropped
to the ground.

    "Oh my God!" Scully exclaimed as she ran out to see if he was
hurt.  "Mulder, Mulder, are you all right?" she asked as she gently
cradled his head in her hands.

     Mulder groggily rub his bruised head but the pain seemed to
vanish with her touch.  "So Scully, is this your fantasy? Beating me
into submission?" he said light heartily.

     Scully was glad to hear he still had his sense of humor but she
was genuinely concern that he might have a concussion.  "Just stay
still for a minute. Let me check you out."

     Mulder laid back, closed his eyes and smiled. "This is my fantasy
come true." he groaned.

     Scully ignored his remark and continued her exam.  She felt the
area around the bruise to make sure nothing was broken, then checked
his ears and nose for blood.  She noted the size of his pupils and
asked him to track the movement of her finger with his eyes.  But
instead he just stared at her.  "Mulder, did you hear me?  I need you
to watch my finger."

    "Can I watch your eyes instead?" he mumbled. "They're really blue,
you know.  Like the sky on a perfect day."

     That convinced her that Mulder was suffering from a concussion.
Trying to pull him to his feet, Scully said "Come on, Sport.  You just
made a date with the CAT scan."

     "I'd rather have a date with you." Mulder replied thickly, his
level of consciousness still questionable.

    Scully blushed and pressed her lips together tightly. < Don't say
anything. Don't lead him on.  Don't lead yourself. He's suffering from
brain damage. > She repeated the <Mulder is my partner> mantra over
and over again in her head as she helped him to her car and gave him a
cold pack from her first aid kit.

    As she sat him in the passenger seat, he wouldn't let go of her.
Instead he dropped his cold pack and pulled her in on top of him and
kissed her in a not-so-cold manner. "Scully, I'm your birthday
present.  Why don't you take me home and unwrap me." He moaned softly
as his lips parted from hers.

     Scully was breathless and very frustrated.  She didn't need to
hear these words coming from Mulder, not when he was obviously in no
condition to make any offers rationally. "We can talk in the morning.
Right now I need to get you to an Emergency Room." she said
deliberately pushing herself away.  None the less she wanted to hear
his amorous words and couldn't help but wonder if he truly meant it.

     "I'm not delirious! I really love you. Honest." Mulder's voice
suddenly seemed crystal clear and urgent.  His grip held her firmly
against him and he pressed his hips forward. "Please, Scully. Just
think- 'hips before hands'."

    Scully could feel the vague pressure becoming firmer as he became
unmistakably aroused.  "Mulder!" she gasped as she finally managed to
pull free. "You can't...we can't...You need to see a doctor."

     He reached out to grab her hand before she could move further
away.  In a deep sensuous voice he said,  "You're a doctor, Scully,
and believe me, I'd love to see more of you."

   Scully knew the thoughts in her head had no place in their
relationship but at this moment they seem appropriate.  What would be
so wrong in switching the venue for 'having fun with Mulder' from the
ball field to the bed room?  They were consenting adults, right?
Skinner didn't have to know. < No rules tonight.> Her train of thought
needed derailing quickly before she found herself believing Mulder.
<That's it! Argue with him, like always. Logic. I need logic to
overcome this irrational desire to listen to him. >  "All right,
Mulder.  If you want me to believe you're sincere, I need proof."

   He licked his lips and leered. "Join me in back seat for some
intimate batting practice and I'll show you how sincere I am.
Remember what I said about holding it with a soft touch..."

    Scully held up her hand to stop him from going into more graphic
details. "No, Mulder. That's not the kind of proof I was talking
about.  Prove to me you're not suffering from a severe cerebral event
that's affecting the thought centers in your brain."

    Mulder sighed in frustration. "Scully, you don't hit that hard,
not on a line drive." Scully folder her arms and stared stubbornly
back.  "OK, fine. What kind of proof do you want? You already think my
perception of reality is warped so anything I say is going to be
automatically slashed in value to the deep discount table."

   "Memory and logic check for starters." Scully proposed.

   Mulder thought for a minute then announced, "WHO's on first, WHAT's
on second, I DON'T KNOW's on third."

   Scully's eyes widen in disbelief at his apparent insanity. "Mulder,
what in the world are you talking about?"

    He shrugged as if it was obvious. "Abbott and Costello's famous
comedy bit about baseball players with weird names."

    Scully shook her head. "Sorry, I don't know it. You'll have to
find some other proof."

    Mulder shook his head in teasing disappointment. "And you call
yourself an American. You've never hit a baseball before today and you
don't know 'Who's on first?'."

     Scully let on a long sigh. "No, I don't know who's on first."

    "Well it's obvious, Miss FBI. WHO is on first.  That's why it's
called 'Who's on first?' in the first place."

     Scully threw up her hands. "That's it!" Scully concluded. "You're
going to the hospital."

     "No, no Scully, listen...it's a logic puzzle, a play on words."
Mulder argued.

     "Mulder, you said who's in first place..."

     "No, WHO'S on first base!" Mulder clarified.

     "What?" Scully replied.

     "Second base." Mulder answered.

     "What's on second base?"

      "Exactly.  I thought you said you didn't know 'Who's on first'."

      "But I don't know..."

      "Third base." Mulder sighed heavily. "Personally I don't see
what the problem is.  You obviously understand everything I'm talking
about."

      "I thought you were going to prove your memory and logic were
intact. Instead you're babbling like an idiot." Scully cried out in
frustration.

     Mulder took offense to her defense. "Scully are you denying that
you don't know 'Who's on First'?"

    The double negative made her pause then she slowly said, "Mulder,
this is going no where.  You are way out in left field this time."

    "Left field?  WHY." Mulder replied knowing WHY was the name of the
left fielder in the comedy routine.

    "Because you're not making any sense. Because you're way off
base."  Scully answered with a sigh.

     "Right! That's BECAUSE is center field, not on base." Mulder
affirmed.

    "That's what I mean, Mulder.  You're driving me crazy, trying to
understand what you're talking about.  Maybe I'm already crazy for
even listening. I don't know." she moaned in frustration.

    "Third base." Mulder pointed out.

    "Why are you talking about third base?"

    "WHY is out in left field. BECAUSE - center field.  I DON'T
KNOW -third base.  Don't you see how this works?"

    "Mulder you're babbling again!"  Scully whined. "And I still don't
know who's on first."

    "WHO!"

    "The first baseman. Who is he?"

    "Right!"

    "What's right?"

    "WHAT'S on second base."

    "I don't know!"

    "Third base." Mulder said with shrug. "You got it, Scully. Now
will you believe I love you."

    "Why, Mulder?" she asked in desperation before her brain exploded
from overload.

    "Left field?" he replied anxiously. "You want to do it in left
field?"

    "Who said anything about left field?" Scully moaned.

    "WHO's the first baseman. WHY is left field. When you said WHY, I
thought you meant you wanted to shag a few balls with me in left
field."

    Scully roughly pulled him out of the car. "Go shag your own balls!
I'm going home. So what if you have a cerebral hemorrhage? I don't
give a damn."

    Mulder looked hurt as he mumbled, "Short stop."

    "What?"

    "Second base." he mumbled humbly.

     Suddenly the logic hit her. "And I DON'T KNOW is third. They're
the names of the players and the positions they play. WHY is in left
field, BECAUSE is center and I DON'T GIVE A DAMN..."

    "...Is short stop." Mulder smiled hopefully as Scully seemed to
not be anger anymore.

    Scully let out a long sigh and looked up to the night sky as if
the Truth was out there, playing hide-and-go seek with her and her
partner.  She reached out and touched his hand and said, "I'm sorry
Mulder. I thought you were absolutely insane there for a minute."

   "Take a number. That's what makes this routine so funny, but only
if you're listening, not if you're in it." Mulder ventured to his next
line. "So you don't think I'm crazy or delusional?"

    "No, I guess not." she replied sheepishly

    "Then you believe I really do love you?"  Mulder asked softly,
gently placing his hand around her shoulder.  Mulder's mind suddenly
faded into a world of sensations as Scully pulled him towards her and
anxiously pressed her lips to his. Wrapped in her embrace, Mulder
deftly unlatched the backdoor of the car and guided her in. He
followed behind her laying his body across her.

     The aching desire to have her all at once overwhelmed him yet she
made no move to stop him.  In fact she encouraged him by gently
pushing her hips up to meet his straining arousal.  He moaned
uncontrollably as her movements stripped away his fears and
inhibitions. In moments, he stripped her as well then looked
breathless upon the sight of her total willingness to share all of her
life with him.  He touched and tasted every inch of her body,
listening to her pleasurable sighs.  This was love, not just lust, and
he had to prove it to her, as was required for every other part of
their relationship.

    He removed his clothes so that he could lie naked on top of her,
flesh to flesh, heat upon heat. His erection was huge and throbbing
but he allowed her tease it and to examine his body to her
satisfaction. He trusted her completely not to abandon him in such an
excited state.

     Finally she let herself go and began to kiss him passionately,
wrapping her legs around his body.  He twisted and turned until he
felt her damp desire engulf his manhood. The wait had been so long,
the anticipation so perfect, that the final realization of his wildest
fantasy was almost unbearable.  The excitement came not just from the
intimate mating with a beautiful sexy woman but from knowing the
complete trust and mutual desire of his partner.  Just as the powerful
climax swept them both over the edge, his last conscious thought was <
The Truth is out there...in left field.>

    It was all too exquisite and intense for him to believe as his
mind blanked into an ecstatic blissful unconsciousness.  Which was
really not too surprising since the preceding events only happened in
his scrambled bruised brain.  Reality would much more acceptable once
he regained consciousness even if it wasn't as much fun.
__________________________________

    "...Then you believe I really to love you?" Mulder asked softly,
gently placing his hand around her shoulder.

    Her lips parted slightly as she gazed up into his eyes - the hazel
misty dreamland of his thoughts and fantasies. Just as words were
about to leave her lips she noticed those magic eyes falter and roll
back in his head, then he collapsed in her arms.

     Scully scolded herself for wasting time before getting him to
medical help but managed to get him into her car and get him to a near
by emergency room.  "I hit him accidentally with a line drive." she
admitted to the Admitting Clerk.

     The clerk raised an eye brow at her. "You two were out playing
baseball in the middle of the night? Sounds a little kinky but
whatever turns you on."

      "No it's not like that. He's my partner." Scully answered
quickly.

      "How'd you hit him if you were playing on the same team?"

      "It wasn't a game, there wasn't another team. It was just him
and me playing with each other." Scully let out a sigh once she
realized what she said. "Look just get the doctor to check him for a
cerebral contusion and a possible bleed." The clerk raised the other
eye brow.  "I'm a medical doctor. He's showing signs of a
deteriorating mental status."

     "He'll be seen right away." the clerk replied seriously.

      Mulder was still half-conscious and mumbled a few stray words as
they examined him with Scully at his side. The doctor asked him
loudly, "Mr. Mulder, can you hear me? I'm Doctor Bonds."

   "I want to score on Scully but we played doctor instead..." he
verbally stumbled in reply.

    "Scully?" the doctor questioned. "Wasn't he the baseball
announcer?" he asked Scully.

    "No, I'm Scully." she answered. "I think he's trying to say he was
challenging me to score a run against him until he needed me as a
doctor."

    The doctor stared at her with a critical eye. "The nurse said you
two were partners." he commented as he checked Mulder's eyes for
reactions. "What kind of partners are you?"

    Mulder reacted and tried to answer. "X...uh X-partners...triple
X..."

    "Ex-partners, like ex-wife?  Triple X...as in videos?"  the
bewildered doctor asked.

    "No, he means the X-Files." Scully clarified quickly. "We worked
together on a project called the X-Files."

    "Is that right Mr. Mulder?" the doctor asked hoping to stimulate
his consciousness to a higher level so that he made some sense.

     His confused mind wanted to say that they did indeed work
together in the FBI and that their supervisor's name was AD Skinner.
As he pointed to Scully, all that came out was,  "...
Skinner...FBI..."

     "Skin her?" The doctor replied. "I'm sure it was an accident, Mr.
Mulder. And we don't needed to call the FBI."

      "No, we work for the FBI. Skinner is the name of our boss.
Assistant Director Walter Skinner." Scully translated.  Just then
Mulder's cell phone rang and Scully answered it. It was the police and
they were preparing to tow away Mulder's car left at the ball field
after hours.  Scully excused herself to try and talk them out of it.

     The doctor was left alone with a barely conscious Mulder who
insisted on trying to explain what happened. "...Her first time...she
gripped the bat too hard...sent the balls flying...hips before hands I
told her...don't fight it..."

    The doctor pouted thoughtfully over his ambiguous descriptions. He
checked the notes made by the nurse and admitting clerk but little had
been written down because they hurried Mulder into the room at
Scully's insistence. "You were struck in the head, Mr. Mulder. Didn't
she hit you?"

     Mulder tried to nail down the jumbled thoughts in his head as he
answered, "...Not her fault, mine...I pushed her too far, like Deep
Throat..."

    A worried looked crossed the doctor's face.  "You pushed her into
a deep throat?"

    "... Our first contact...I barely survived...they separated us
after that..." Mulder continued.

     "I'm not surprised." the doctor remarked.  "But what about this
injury? Did you lose consciousness?"

     "...she said I had a date...I said I loved her....she said prove
it..." Mulder failed to mention that various facts that connect the
various comments which lead the doctor to believe a whole other set of
events had occurred.

     "Did all this happen before or after she hit you?"

     "...I pitched a line... she swung, hit hard... I went down on
her...she said I was insane... then I passed out..."

    The doctor shook his head and made a few notes.  "I don't know,
Mr. Mulder."

     "Third base."

      "What about third base?" the concern doctor asked.

      "WHAT about second base.  I DON'T KNOW about third."

     "You tried to get to Third Base with her?"

     "...No, left field..."

     "Why?"

     "Exactly!"  Mulder finally stopped babbling and closed his eyes,
just as Scully re-entered.

    A worried look crossed her face. "I think he should have a CAT
scan to check for serious damage.  He seems to be getting worst." the
doctor recommended. Scully agreed then the doctor frown slightly at
her. "And I think you should both have a little counseling in safe
sex, and I'm not talking about condoms.  More like flax jackets and
helmets."

    Flabbergasted Scully yelled, "What has he been telling you?"

     Mulder woke up enough for one last comment, "The Truth is...out
in left field..."
________________________________

     After several hours of evaluation and observation, they finally
released a fully cognizant Mulder but recommended that a level of
conscious check be done every 2 to 3 hours for the next 24 hours.  The
doctor was reluctant to sign him out to Scully but Mulder assured him
that he was safe in her hands.  The phrase 'hips before hands' crossed
the doctor's mind but he signed the release anyway.

    Since Scully had convinced the tow truck driver to take the car to
Mulder's apartment, she took him to her place to spend the night.  She
planned to keep an eye on him for the next 24 hours then take him home
Sunday night.

    As he made himself comfortable in her guest room, Scully came in
to ask him what he remembered after getting hit by the ball.  Mulder
had a worried expression on his face as he tried to assemble the bits
of his memory.  "Something about a date with a cat on a perfect day.
Why do I think it lost something in the translation?" Mulder fretted.

    Scully just smiled, relieved that he didn't remember his overtures
to her. That way she didn't have to answer to them.  While it was a
little anti-climatic that Mulder was still 'just Mulder' it was nice
knowing that somewhere, deep inside his twisted mind, he really did
love her. It made it all right for her to feel the same way about him.

    Mulder said nothing more about his state of mind after the head
shot. He knew if he told Scully that his mind was relatively clear
until he passed out then had an erotic fantasy about her that she
would have to respond with her usual reserve.  Her inability to
believe him showed that she wasn't ready to be the willing woman of
his dreams. But her carefree laughter as they played baseball
demonstrated that all the possibilities of their relationship hadn't
been exhausted yet. And her tender ministrations proved that she still
cared about him even after he made an ass of himself. At least he said
the words so that she could hear them from his lips. A small step. A
difficult step. An in-field pop-fly single. At least he was standing
on first base.

     Scully sat on the edge of the bed and set the alarm for his 3
hour wake up call.  "Thanks again for the present. I really enjoyed
it."

     "Especially that part were you got to knock me on my ass." Mulder
added.

     "You know that was an accident." Scully replied seriously.

     Mulder signed. "Of course. You're not that good."

     "I will be if we go out there again next weekend." she suggested.

      "Beats a date with a cat scan." he mumbled.

      Scully looked at him suspiciously.  "Are you sure you don't
remember?"

      He didn't want to lie to her but at the same time a full
confession didn't seem necessary.  So he chose another truth to
reveal.  "Everything exchanged between us, from late night
conversation on the road to drug induced threats to death bed
confession, all have the ring of truth within them.  I have no excuses
for what I may have said or done, or even thought, but I know that
each time we come together, there's more to learn about each other and
our world.  Truth is where we find it...in the words of a madman, on a
lonely baseball diamond..."

    "...In left field?"  Scully teased, wondering how much he really
did remember but unwilling to force his hand.  Not tonight.  They were
only in the first inning.

     Mulder smiled as if he could read her mind.  In fact, at least
this time, he could, "WHY. I don't know."

     Scully smiled sweetly and turned off the light as she whispered,
"Third base."


END
____________________________________________
____________________________________________

    Comedy, sex and cranial emergencies - all the making of a good
X-File fan fic.  OK maybe it's not that good but it goes to prove a
good joke never dies.  What's that? You don't give a damn.  Well,
Short Stop to you, too.   Please send all comments, reviews and box
scores to shinkai@mlode.com or visit my website at
http://www.mlode.com/~shinkai/fanfic/xffanfic.htm

  Story notes:

 - The head injury thing - Closed head injuries are a tricky lot when
it comes to diagnosis and treatment. The initial blow can cause an
electrical discharge and minor trauma which causes temporary confusion
but often has no serious consequences once the brain 'resets'.  That's
Mulder in the "who's on first" section.  But if the blow is severe
enough, small bleeds or swelling of the brain tissue may develop.
Since the pressure has no where to go, the condition can rapidly
deteriorate into loss of motor function, impaired speech,
uncontrollable high blood pressure, even death. It can take several
hours or longer for these symptoms to manifest.  A CAT scan can
determine the severity of the condition and if the problems requires
medical intervention.  If the patient is stable and the swelling is
improving, all that is required is observation. It's not likely Mulder
would be released so quickly under these circumstances but Scully is a
doctor after all.

-The term "shagging balls" refers to the act of retrieving balls after
they have been played.  But as many of you may know (especially Austin
Powers fans), "shagging" is a slang term for sexual intercourse.  Not
to mention the Freudian images of a baseball bat.

-A 'line-drive' is a straight flat hit which tends to be hard to catch
unless you're paying attention. An 'in-field pop fly' is a hit that
pops straight up, failing to clear the in-field, making it easy to
catch. To make a single off such a hit is nearly impossible unless the
fielding team makes an error.

-Scully's name originally was inspired by legendary baseball announcer
Vince Scully.  'Dr. Bonds' was inspired by one of my favorite players
Barry Bonds of the San Francisco Giants.

-Yes I included Mulder's fantasy for the sole purpose of having a
little gratuitous sex before dinner. If you don't like it, just select
that section and hit delete.  If only life were that simple...  (Sorry
no real sex - otherwise it wouldn't be UST.)