From: kim1013@netzero.net
Date: Wed, 14 Feb 2001 16:29:45 -0000
Subject: xfc: New:  Slow Motion Daylight
Source: xfc

TITLE:  Slow Motion Daylight
Second in the "Wipeout Series" universe,
the first being "You Won't Be Mine." You 
should read that to know what's going on 
here. It is found at 
http://www.geocities.com/kemystre/Kim1013.html

AUTHOR: kim1013
E-MAIL: kim1013@netzero.net
SPOILER: nope.
RATING: PG
CLASSIFICATION: V, Mulder POV/ Scully POV
DISTRIBUTION: Yes, but let me know where.
SUMMARY:  Mulder's ghost watches.  Scully 
believes.

^**^**^**^**^**^**^**^**^
Can you feel me when I touch you?  Scully, 
your eyes close in longing, but coldness 
closes your heart.  I pray that I could be 
with you.  

God doesn't exist because this is my version 
of Hell.

I am a part of the world but cannot be in 
it.  I touch but do not feel. 

I remember and watch.  

I felt your tears as I struggled for my last 
breath.  My soul fought.  My body rejected 
me.  

I have been dead for two weeks, but it feels 
like an eternity.  Things move slowly in 
this *place,* wherever it is that I am.  I 
see grit falling from the sky and sparkles 
of sunlight lazily seep through the cracks 
left behind.  It takes most of my 
concentration to stay aware passing time.  I 
fear I could drift into oblivion and forget 
that you are out there hurting.

That punk who killed me, I saw him die last 
night.  

I wish I could tell you that.  Another 
target of his petty theft didn't take too 
kindly to being a victim.  I'll spare you 
the gory details.  The "victim" was at his 
nerve's end and... well, you can imagine the 
rest, can't you Scully?

I saw his soul vanish, too.  It went *poof* 
just like in a magic show.  Didn't ascend or 
descend.  Just ceased to exist.  

Scully, you don't cry anymore.  I see you 
sitting in your bathtub with fluffy bubbles 
all around, and you just sit and stare at 
the wall with glazed eyes.  The water's too 
hot.  Your skin is an angry pink color.  A 
blister forms on your arm.  Why aren't you 
feeling the pain?

I reach out and caress your cheek.  You turn 
your head and place where I touched you to 
the protective cradle of your knees. 

A lone, welcome tear trails down to the 
bathwater and I know you'll be all right.  

In the living room, I glance out the window.  
It must be nighttime.  There are no stars or 
moon to be seen.  The darkness is malleable.  
The smog lowers more each passing day, but 
nocturnal light from the heavens has yet to 
be seen.

I wish I could visit you in your dreams.

+ + + + + + + + + +

Strong light rains in cage-like bars from 
rips in the black sky.  

Sitting at the table with a cold cup of 
coffee in your hands, I see life slowly 
working its way into your eyes.  You look 
about the room with a calculating gaze.  
Scully, you are more alive than I had seen 
you. What has changed since last night?

You're looking right in my direction. You get 
up and move too quickly towards me.  You 
reach out your hand.  And go through me.  I 
feel the warmth radiating from your touch.  

I have never felt anything since I died.  
But I felt you.  Then your warmth is gone.

No, don't go!  

You look at your own appendage as if it were 
from another planet.

"Oh. My. God." I hear you enunciate each 
word very clearly.  

You go to the window and stand in the weak 
light coming in.

I follow.  I don't know what you felt.  I 
hope it wasn't horrible.  I never want to 
hurt you, even if I don't know how I'm doing 
it.  I'd rather vanish like that punk than 
bring you harm.

I join you in the frail light and sense you 
stiffen.

Ever since my death, I just *was*.  I could 
not see myself but I sensed my own 
movements.  I am an invisible man with no 
body.

You see me! I look to where my hand would be 
and see the faint, translucent shape of it 
before me.  This is the first day any 
sunlight has been in your apartment since 
the end. 

Muttering something about hallucinations, 
you move to dark corner and ignore me.  I go 
away from the window and I hear you sigh in 
relief.  You silently begin to cry. 

+ + + + + + + + + +

My god.  My mind has finally snapped.  I 
keep feeling Mulder.  His presence invades 
everywhere I am.  I cannot escape.  My mind 
tricks me.  I feel his hand on my back, his 
fingers caressing my cheek.

A few days ago, I began seeing shimmers in 
sunlight that escaped from the darkness.  I 
felt his touch.  He haunts me.  Now my eyes 
join the madness.

While I sat at the table and forgot about my 
coffee, I see a shimmer at the corner.  I 
blink and it doesn't vanish.  I keep my eyes 
on the twinkling and rush towards it, in 
fear that it will vanish before I get there.  

I reach out. 

My hand encounters a sensation like gliding 
through warm honey.  I snatch my hand back 
and stare at the betraying appendage.  This 
is supposed to be all in my mind.  I'm not 
supposed to be able to feel my 
hallucinations, am I?

And now, in feeble daylight I see where his 
soul should be.  He deserves light after the 
darkness in his life.  Then his image 
disappears again.

I sigh as I realize that he is truly gone.  
He will never come through my door with a 
box a takeout Chinese and a bottle of wine 
again.  

I go sit in a dark corner and give into my 
grief.  I stare at the window and will 
Mulder to appear again.

For the first time since our partnership, I 
truly and unequivocally want to believe what 
is happening to me is real.  I don't want to 
be losing my mind.  

Prove to me that you are still here, damn 
it. 

Please, oh please, oh please.  I could bear 
to go on if I only knew you were here in 
some form.  My soul fractured when I held 
your dying body, Mulder.  Did you even know 
I was there, in those last moments?

+ + + + + + + + +

My eyes unfocus for a moment in 
recollection.  I blink rapidly and bring my 
watery gaze back to the window where I saw 
him.

He is there, a look of infinite sorrow on 
his face.  He looks as if he were made of 
glass, a transparent image traced onto a 
clear surface.  

A hold my breath as he shifts position.  His 
hand reaches out.

"Mulder?"  I question in a voice barely 
above a whisper.  

I get up from my corner and go towards the 
window.  He watches me with a steady gaze I 
know so well.

I ignore the outstretched hand and touch him 
again. This time, I see what my touch does 
to him.  Ripples spread out through his 
body.  His 'eyes' close and he smiles with 
obvious pleasure.

Once again, I snatch my hand away.  I give 
him the eyebrow.  Do spirits feel sexual 
pleasure?  Mulder would.

His mouth moves and I strain to hear what he 
says:  "For shame Scully, you have a dirty 
mind.  Your touch gives me warmth.  My touch 
does not feel; only by you touching me can I 
sense anything."  He sounds like he's 
talking from the bottom of a swimming pool.

I smile and then feel the smile vanish.  
Maybe my mind is giving me this last fantasy 
before I 'go away' completely.  

I turn and walk away.  I won't be able to 
stand it if it wasn't real.

The glimmer follows and touches bombard my 
arms.  

I return to the light and Mulder appears 
again.

Feeling odd, not knowing which way is up 
anymore; I speak to the apparition.  

"Mulder, if you are here and not some coping 
mechanism my mind has conjured up, prove 
it."  

There.  That should take care of it.  I pick 
at the bandage on my arm and wait-my burn 
hurts when exposed to air.  

His lips are next to my ear when I hear his 
barely-there words.

"Why'd you take such a hot bath last night?  
You could get burned much worse than that 
blister.  Besides that band aid looks ugly 
on you."  He nodded at the offending item.  
He wasn't finished

"I know you went to the graveyard last week 
to see them put my grave stone in.  I know 
your numbness has nothing to do with the 
darkness and unknown out there.  I know that 
when I touched you, you felt it but I could 
not feel you.  I know that I am here and you 
are there and we will never hold each other 
again.  I know before this... whatever, I 
wanted to go to the next level.  Then I died 
so stupidly, so foolishly.  I know that when 
I died, I fought so hard I thought my soul 
would shatter and scatter in the wind.  I 
thought I would never see you again, speak 
to you again, feel you again.

"I have been in Hell these past weeks.  
Seeing and not feeling.  Touching and not 
feeling.  Knowing you were alive and 
suffering and I could do nothing to give you 
comfort.  It has taken all of my strength to 
stay with you.  How could you believe death 
would separate us?"

His voice gained strength with each word 
uttered.  Soon I could hear him clearly.

Soon I am a blubbering fool.  Soon I am 
smiling idiotically.

"Mulder, this seems so unreal, like a plot 
in a dime-store novel.  How can this be?"  
So often as I did when he was alive I looked 
to him for strength, as he looked to me.

"It's easy Scully," he smiled at me.  "Just 
believe."    
FINIS

NOTE: Thanks to Mel for the beta. I 
really did get burned by water out of my 
faucet! And "Slow Motion Daylight" is a line 
from the song "You Can Still Be Free" by 
Savage Garden on their "Affirmation" CD. I 
don't own it, either