From: Lola Date: Fri, 19 Nov 2010 18:15:53 -0500 Subject: Without Her--Part 1 by Lolabeegood Source: direct Title: Without Her Author: Lolabeegood E-mail: lolabeegood@gmail.com Distribution: Archive freely with my name attached Rating: R Categories: AU, S, R Keywords: Mulder/Scully, Character Death, William, Maggie, Alternate Universe Spoilers: Everything up to the birth of William, but then it goes AU from there. Summary: Everyone wakes up to a new reality. Author's Notes: This idea came to me quite suddenly and unexpectedly. I have not written a character death fic before so this is a new experience for me. The story was inspired by the song "I"m Not Calling You a Liar" by Florence & The Machine. ************************************* "Mulder," someone shook his shoulder "Mulder, you need to get up." Fox Mulder rolled over slightly from his position curled up on his couch and wiped some drool from his mouth. He still hadn't opened his eyes. He knew exactly who was standing over him and he would rather go back to sleep then talk with him. "Mulder!" the voice snapped. He lifted his hands to his eyes and wiped some of the sleep from them. "How the hell did you get into my apartment?" he asked groggily. "You're locks are easy to pick," John Doggett said as he stood over the man with his hands on his hips. "So you should have no trouble locking the door when you leave," Mulder said as he shifted on the couch and tried to go back to sleep. "Margaret Scully's house is for sale." John Doggett said softly. "What?" Mulder asked surprised, as he started to sit up. "Monica was there yesterday and she saw the for sale sign. She asked Mrs. Scully about it and she indicated she was moving to California." "What?!" Mulder asked as he stood from the couch. "She can't..." "Mulder, how long has it been since...?" Fox Mulder wiped his hand over his face in an attempt to wake up. "I was supposed to go by a few days ago but then I ended up in Montana..." "How long?" John asked again. "Almost two weeks." Mulder said resigned. "I take it, she didn't mention a move then?" John asked as he looked around Mulder's messy apartment. "She...she said something about a visit with Bill but, that was it," Mulder said as he ran a hand through his hair. "I was going to go by today after I got some sleep. I didn't get in until 2 am." John Doggett looked at Mulder with pity. He had been chasing leads for almost 8 months now, working tirelessly to find answers and neglecting himself. He seemed to have aged at twice the normal rate since he took his leave from the Bureau. "Why don't you go and grab a shower," Doggett said as he noted Mulder was sleeping in clothes and not pajamas "and I'll try and get some more information for when you get out." Mulder pursed his lips, put his hands on his hips and nodded in agreement. He walked past Agent Doggett without a word, into his bedroom and quietly shut the door. Agent Doggett took out his cell phone and placed a call. "Hi Sydney, its John Doggett calling," he said pleasantly. "I need you help finding out when a house first went on the market." He nodded as the person on the line spoke to him. John walked into Mulder's kitchen and noted the pile of dirty dishes in the sink and the open food on the counter. He started to put the tins in the garbage and wipe stains off the counters. Mulder would get animals if he lived like this. "Great!" John said into the phone. "It's 475 Maple Grove Avenue in Baltimore, it's owned by a Margaret Scully." He listened to music playing over the phone as he ran some water in the sink with some soap and left Mulder's dishes soaking. "It was listed 2 months ago?" John asked surprised. "But then it was taken off the market? Sydney, I don't understand..." He waited and listened. "Okay, I get it. Thanks, Sydney, that's a big help." John disconnected the call and heard the shower go on. ************************************* He stood under the spray of the shower and gave his body a perfunctory wash. His thoughts were elsewhere. Every time he got into the shower, they went to the same place. They went to her. They went to the time he had to have a shower to wash her blood from his body. It was like it was yesterday, although he knew it was almost 8 months ago. Mulder remembered feeling caught between a rock and a hard place. He had to wash her from his body, he couldn't walk around wearing her on him forever, but once the blood circled the drain, she was no longer with him anymore. He wanted to keep a little bit of her with him forever, but he couldn't. He had to wash her away and send her down the drain. There was a lot of blood. She had delivered William in very primitive circumstances and she had failed to clot. When he arrived Monica was a little frantic, saying she needed to get to the hospital. He had not ever expected her to die. He remembered carrying her limp body to the helicopter and feeling her warm blood ooze out of her and trail down his legs. He remembered her clutching William tightly to her chest and, despite the blood loss, never wavering in her grip on their son. He remembered attempting to stop the bleeding en route to the hospital as he shoved a wool blanket between her legs and held it firmly there praying to a god he didn't believe in, to stop her bleeding while her warm blood lapped over his hand and arm. He remembered her asking for him to take William from her as she felt herself slipping away. He hastily grabbed the baby before her arm fell and she dropped to the floor of the helicopter and out of his grip. Somehow, Monica grabbed the baby from him and he fell to the floor of the chopper and pulled her back into his arms. He could feel her slipping away from him as he kissed her lips and willed her to stay with him. He made promises to any deity that would listen that if she could just live, he would do anything that was asked of him. When the paramedics pulled her from the chopper she was already dead in his blood-soaked arms. He was crying, and they were both a bloody mess. And, three hours later, all of her blood disappeared from his face, chest, legs and arms and went down the drain as he wept like a child in his shower. Mulder shut off the shower and reached for a towel. ***************************************** He walked up the pathway to Maggie Scully's house and past the For Sale sign. It was just after 10am and he knew she'd be home. He took a deep breath before he knocked on the door. Within a minute she was there peeping through her side window. The look on her face was unmistakable; she did not want to see him. "Fox," she greeted him warmly as she opened the door. "Hi Maggie," he said as he stepped inside without an invitation. "Why don't you go into the living room?" she suggested "I'll put on some tea and we can talk." Mulder nodded and walked past her into the living room. He waited patiently while she put on the kettle and then entered the room looking uncomfortable. "When were you going to tell me?" he asked as soon as she entered. "You were supposed to come by a few days ago but..." "Maggie, you listed the house 2 months ago and took it off the market within days. This is not a recent decision to sell, so stop making it sound like this is new." He snapped. His nerves were raw and it was showing. She pursed her lips and sat on a chair. "Fox, I need to be with my family and...they all live in California. It only makes sense that..." "I know it makes sense Maggie, but what about..." "You?" she finished his sentence for him. He nodded slightly, ashamed he had been so transparent. "Fox, I appreciate your commitment to Dana's child. You were her best friend and your coming here to visit with William these last few months has been..." "I'm his father, Maggie." Mulder said as he looked her in the eyes. "I know you feel like a father to him, but Fox, we both know you're not." "Maggie, I am." He said calmly. "Dana had William through IVF Fox, she told me herself. It was an anonymous donor." "She told you a lie." He said softly. "I think you better leave," she said rising from her seat. "Maggie," he said softly as he stood. "She and I...we were..." "You can leave," she said firmly. Just then a baby started to cry upstairs. Both heads snapped to the voice and Maggie started to move. "Show yourself out, Fox." She said as she walked towards the stairs. "I'd like to see him," Mulder croaked out. "Not today, Fox." She said as she walked up the stairs. He stood for a moment in her living room and heard Maggie cooing softly to the baby. He heard the baby respond to her and giggle slightly. It caused him to smile. Mulder put the blocks he had purchased William down on the coffee table and walked out of house. ******************************************** "Family Court is now in session," the judge called "you may take a seat." Fox Mulder sat down next to his lawyer. He was wearing a suit for the first time in months and he suddenly realized how uncomfortable they were as he pulled at the tight collar. The room was small, not much bigger than a normal living room and the judge sat at the same table as he and Maggie and their lawyers. "It is my understanding;" the judge began, "that this hearing is being held to determine whether a minor by the name of William James Scully should be subject to DNA testing." Everyone nodded in agreement. "But you, Mrs. Margaret Scully, William's legal guardian, are opposed to such testing." "Yes, your honor," Maggie said firmly. "But you Mr. Fox Mulder are claiming paternity of William James Scully, is that correct?" he asked "Yes, you honor." Mulder said softly. "Mrs. Scully, can I ask, why you are opposed this test?" "Your honor," she began "William is only 8 months old and I was told by my daughter that he was conceived through IVF. I trust that she wasn't lying, and I see no need to subject her son to unnecessary medical tests." "And what do you know of her relationship with Mr. Mulder?" "They were FBI partners and friends." "Mr. Mulder, you are claiming this baby was not conceived through IVF?" "No, your honor, it wasn't. Dana Scully and I were involved romantically." "Does this romantic involvement meet the timelines of William's conception?" "We were romantically involved for several months before William was conceived." "And birth control; was it used?" "Never." He said definitively. "We thought she couldn't get pregnant because a previous attempt at IVF had failed." "Excuse me?" the judge asked. "One year prior to William's conception Dana Scully and I tried to have a child through IVF but, we were unsuccessful." "What?!" Margaret Scully asked, shocked. "Maggie, she did try IVF with me, almost two years before William was born. But, it didn't work. William is not a result of IVF." He said as he leaned over the table to look at her. "So, you are claiming that as a result of repeated unprotected sexual contact with Dana Scully this child was conceived." "Yes." Mulder said. "I don't take medical tests lightly." The judge began. "I don't want to subject any children; especially one's as young as William to unnecessary intrusions. But, I think Mr. Mulder's need to establish paternity takes precedence. This child needs to know if he has a father who wishes to actively participate in his life. The court orders immediate paternity testing of William James Scully. Dismissed." ******************************************************* Mulder walked up to Maggie Scully, who was sitting on a park bench. He knew she saw him when her body stiffened and her head snapped towards William playing in the sand at her feet. "Hey," Mulder smiled down at William who gave him a toothy smile. "Do you want something for the sand?" he asked as he pulled a truck from behind his back. William clapped his hands and reached for the truck. Mulder bent down as placed it in his chubby hands. As he kissed the top of his sun hat. "Fox, you're not supposed to have contact outside of the stipulated times until we meet with the mediator." "I know," Mulder said as he rose to standing. "I just thought maybe we could talk." "Isn't that what the mediator is for?" she asked, slightly ticked. He sat down on the bench next to her. "Maggie, this isn't how I wanted things to go...I wanted..." "You wanted to stop me from moving to California. You did that quite nicely." "I wanted to keep William from moving to California." He said softly. "Are you trying to get full custody? Because, he needs more from you than a visit and a toy every few days. That doesn't make you a father, Fox." "I know," Mulder relented. "I also know I was serving my own purposes by not telling you for almost 8 months. It allowed me the freedom to chase leads and try and find answers to my questions about her death and the people that thought they wanted William." "She died because you sent her to that god-forsaken town in the middle of nowhere to have your baby. Don't kid yourself about who's responsible." She said bitterly. Mulder bit his lip. Her pain was very real and she was very tired. "I wanted to find out, what you wanted for William," he changed the subject. "I want him to have his mother," she said as a tear fell from her eye. "But, that's not possible, is it?" She turned to face him more fully and saw that he was glass-eyed as well. "I want William to know his family. I want him to have vacations in California and bake cookies with his grandma and have the love of his father. I want him to know...I want him to know how much he's loved." Mulder wrapped an arm around her shoulder and she leaned into him and cried. "Then we want the same things," he said quietly. William played obliviously with his new truck at their feet. ************************************************** Fox Mulder observed his son toddling along the sand. His steps were sure, but his balance was faulty. He watched as the determined little red-head fell and picked himself up time and time again laughing to himself. Maggie walked two paces behind him and lunged at every teeter. He was there to pick up his son and take him home after a 2 week visit with his uncle, aunt, and cousins. "He'll be running marathons in no time," Mulder yelled to her across the sand. "It's hard for him on the sand," she yelled back as he got closer. "He's doing great," Mulder smiled as the little guy saw him and ran towards his father. Scooping him up in his arms he hoisted him over his head as he giggled and called him 'Da Da'. "That's right little man," he smiled up at him. "I'm here to take you home and give grandma a break." "Thanks for doing this Fox, it'll be nice to visit with them on my own for a couple more weeks." "No problem," he smiled down at her. "I haven't been out west for pleasure in a long time. I thought we'd do a day at Disney before we left." "Fox, he's too little for..." "Humor me, Maggie." He said as he looked down at her with a grin. "Okay," she relented. "I forgot how much work he is, day in and day out. I'm so used to having him only a couple times a week." "He keeps me moving," Mulder smiled as he set his son down and watched him toddle toward a pile of rocks. "I've got his bag in the car, in case you didn't want to go back to Bill's." She said hesitantly. "Thanks," he smiled. "We have a full day ahead of us. First we're going to Knott's Berry Farm where he can eat two pounds of jam." "Sounds like fun," she smiled as she patted his arm. "He's lots of fun." Mulder smiled off in the distance. "Are you doing anything for...?" "His birthday?" Mulder interrupted, not wanting to talk about Scully. She nodded. Realizing he was keeping it together and didn't need his tethers broken. "I thought maybe we'd have a nice party. Make all the adults wear stupid hats...that sort of thing. Break in the new house with a real shin-dig" "Sound perfect" she said as she turned from him to mask her teary eyes. "It's not," he said as he wrapped an arm around her, "But we're doing our best." ************************************************** The end. Title: Without Her--Part 2 Author: Lolabeegood E-mail: lolabeegood@gmail.com Distribution: Archive freely with my name attached Rating: R Categories: AU, S, R Keywords: Mulder/Scully, Character Death, William, Mulder-Angst, Scully-Angst, Alternate Universe Spoilers: Everything up to the birth of William, but then it goes AU from there. Summary: One year ago. Author's Notes: This idea came to me quite suddenly and unexpectedly. I have not written a character death fic before so this is a new experience for me. Please read Part 1 first. Honourable mention goes to "The Bachelor's Guide to Ward off Starvation" which I have used without permission, but no harm was done to the book. The story was inspired by the song "I"m Not Calling You a Liar" by Florence & The Machine. ************************************* He woke with a start. Someone was in his room, he could feel their presence. He opened his eyes and listened for William, but heard nothing. He looked around the darkened room and tried to adjust his eyes as quickly as possible. His heart was racing in his chest as he quickly slid out of his bed and reached for his bedside lamp. Snapping on the light, he was met with an empty room. He grabbed a baseball bat he had leaning against the bathroom wall and walked slowly down the hallway towards William's room. The house felt cold and their air seemed to move oddly around him. He wished he'd thought to put his gun in the bedroom; he'd been keeping it above the fridge since they moved in. He walked around a couple of half open boxes in the hallway and flicked the light on in William's room. Looking around it and in his closet, there was no sign of anyone. Mulder continued his search of the small house, walking down the hallway and into the living room, then dining room, then kitchen. He maneuvered around some stacks of books he still had to place on shelves and tripped over a pair of running shoes when he went to check the locks on the doors. Nothing was wrong. Feeling a great sense of relief he walked into the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Turning on the light he noted one last box sitting on the floor that needed to be unpacked in this room. He had missed it stashed under the island. Although he had been unpacking for two weeks while Will was in California, and two weeks since he was back, the house was still not in order for his party today. 'I can just chuck all the unopened boxes in my room and then no one will be the wiser,' he thought as he took a gulp of water. He had hardly had time to unpack anything these last two weeks since Will was back. With him walking now, Mulder had to keep two steps behind him at all times. The only things that would keep him still for more than 5 minutes was strapping him in a high chair to eat or putting on Sesame Street. The boy loved puppets. He hoisted the box up onto the counter and, believing there was no time like the present, opened it up to unpack the contents. His eyes immediately focused in on one cookbook "The Bachelor's Guide to Ward off Starvation". He wanted to close the box immediately and shove it in the attic, but he found himself inextricably drawn into the box. He lifted the book and opened the cover, knowing what he'd find there. Mulder--- I saw this book and thought of you. I expect to be invited over to try one of these culinary wonders. Happy Birthday. Scully He gingerly ran his thumb over her words and noted the way her pen rose and fell with each stroke. If he knew her at all, he was sure she had thought long and hard about what to write and had probably written out several versions on a scrap piece of paper before putting this one in his gift. He had intended to cook something from it and invite her over but the only time he cracked the spine of this cookbook was the day she had given it to him. He had read some recipe titles aloud to her and tried to gauge which one she liked best. Then, he had put the book in a cupboard and forgot about it. Mulder felt as if he was gripping himself tightly from inside. He needed to keep it together today for Will's sake, for everyone's sake. He knew they would all be watching him closely. If he could just get through until the party was over, all would be good. Maggie was taking Will home with her tonight so he didn't have to drive him out to her place the next morning. Then, he would be able to let loose the feelings he was keeping caged in his body. Then, he could feel. Mulder placed the book on a shelf in the kitchen next to some other baby food cookbooks he'd been given, and closed the lid of the box. He would just drop it in his room until he had a chance to unpack the rest. Hoisting the box up he shut off the kitchen light and started to walk back to his bedroom. "Mulder," a voice said softly from the living room. He dropped the heavy box onto the floor and turned to the sound of her voice. With his mouth open and his eyes adjusting to the dark, he silently searched the room for her. "It's me," she said quietly from the corner. He strained to see her form standing next to the fireplace. "Scully?" he asked, saying a name he had not spoken in a long time. "You're not crazy," she said with a chuckle. He watched as she walked toward him. She was wearing a soft green dress and her hair was a little longer. "Scully, it can't be...it's not..." he stammered. "Mulder, for a man that believes in pretty much everything, you can't doubt this," she said softly as she walked right up in front of him. "Oh, my god," he sighed as he reached out to hold her. He pulled her towards him and felt her warm body up against his for the first time in a year. She wrapped her arms around him and he nuzzled her soft hair. He felt her inhale him and her back shook as she sobbed in his arms. Tears streamed down his face as he tried to pull her inside of him. "You're not really here though, are you?" he asked as her cries subsided. "No," she strained to say as he pulled her slightly away from his form. "I'm not." She reached up and felt his cheeks, his nose, his lips, his chin, and the fall of his throat. He placed his lips on her forehead and kissed her softly as he shook in her arms. "I've missed you so..." he started to say but was interrupted by her lips on his. Her kiss was passionate and real. He snaked his arms around her torso and kissed her with every ounce of energy he had. He finally had to pull away to take a breath. "How are you here? How come now?" he gasped. "Today is the day I can visit, because today is the day I died." She said sad and matter-of factly. Tears ran from his eyes at the realization that this visit was going to be short lived. That Scully could not stay with him, this way, forever. A fate he would have accepted with open arms. He would gladly live with a ghost if that ghost was her, and he could be with her. "Have you seen Will?" he asked as he wiped his nose. "I've been with him most of the night," she sighed and looked dreamily at his room. "He's beautiful, Mulder." "He's all you," he said as he touched her hair. "No, he has your smile." She said looking up at him. "He smiles in his sleep a lot," he said as he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her toward him again. "He's such a good little man." "And you are a great father," she said as she placed a cheek against his chest. "I wasn't until recently," he admitted. "But, you are now," she said as she patted his chest. They walked towards their son's room. Mulder had wanted this moment so badly it hurt his chest. She stood with him over Will's sleeping form and watched as his eyelids danced in his dreams. She reached over and lightly rubbed his back as his legs shifted as if he were running. "He sleeps so well," she whispered. "He can sleep though anything, sort of like you." Mulder smiled as he rubbed her shoulder. "What's it like?" She asked. "It's great." Mulder smiled but hesitated. "Will has made me to slow down, and not just rush through my days. He can be a real handful and when he cries," Mulder shakes his head "it takes everything short of a laser light show to calm him down again. But, he doesn't cry much." "I like that," she said softly as he twirled one his curls around her finger. "Have you held him?" Mulder asked her. "Not since..." Mulder started to lean down and lift him from the crib. "No, Mulder, I don't want you to wake..." she paused as Mulder placed their sleeping son in her arms."Oh, my god," she cried. Will shifted in her embrace and nuzzled into her chest. He didn't wake up. She stood with her mouth open, unable to speak as she held her sleeping son. He guided her to a soft chair in the corner and she sat down slowly. "He's...he's..." she stammered as she looked at his soft belly and his tiny fingers. "He's our son." Mulder said as he sat on the arm of the chair. Tears rolled down her cheeks as her arms clutched her baby to her chest. "He's perfect." "He is," Mulder agreed. She leaned down and kissed his forehead pulling him even closer to her frame. She suddenly looked toward the window and saw the sun starting to peek out from the horizon. She closed her eyes and kissed William one more time. "Mulder, you have to take him"' she sighed. "What?" he asked confused. "Take him!" she said urgently. Mulder reached for William and pulled him out of her arms just as she vanished from the room. "Scully!" he called desperately. "Scully!" William woke with a start and began to wail. "Scully!" Mulder called again as he clutched his crying son to his chest. He ran out of Will's room and into the living room, through the kitchen and dining room and back to his bedroom. The whole time calling her name as Will cried in his arms. He arrived back in Will's room as the sun started to cast a pink glow on his room. "Scully?" Mulder cried softly one last time as he sank to the floor and began to rock their son in his arms. ********************************************** The end of part 2 Title: Without Her--Part 3 Author: Lolabeegood E-mail: lolabeegood@gmail.com Distribution: Archive freely with my name attached Rating: R Categories: AU, S, R Keywords: Mulder/Scully, Character Death, William, Mulder-Angst, Alternate Universe Spoilers: Everything up to the birth of William, but then it goes AU from there. Summary: A first birthday shin-dig Author's Notes: This idea came to me quite suddenly and unexpectedly. I have not written a character death fic before so this is a new experience for me. Please read the other parts first. Honourable mention goes to Apple, the US Treasury, Fruit of the Month and Elmo. The story was inspired by the song "I"m Not Calling You a Liar" by Florence & The Machine. ************************************* "Happy Birthday Will!" Maggie chirped when Mulder and Will opened the door. Will smiled and jumped which caused him to lose his balance and fall on his bum laughing. "Come on in," Mulder invited her in as he laughed at his son. "I was just getting out some cups and plates." "How are you, Fox?" she looked at him in all seriousness as she patted his arm. He swallowed hard and avoided her question. "Should the cake be taken out of the fridge, yet?" She smiled a tight-lipped smile and looked away. "I'll take a look." She hung her coat up on the coat rack and scooped up Will in her arms. "He's very excited." Mulder said as he shut the door. "I can see," she smiled down at him. "Do you want to check the cake with grandma?" "I'll just be a minute," Mulder excused himself and walked to his room. Maggie took Will to the kitchen as she watched him walk away. Once inside his room, Mulder walked over to his closet. There, he had stored a bottle of old Scotch that he and Will had picked up earlier today while out getting his cake. If ever there was a day that Mulder needed a drink to calm his nerves it was today. He had spent part of the night with Scully's ghost, it was Will's first birthday, he was a single dad on leave from his job, and it was the anniversary of Scully's death. A good stiff drink was in order. He downed a shot of the liquid, thankful Maggie had come early because he wasn't going to have a drop until other people were there with him and Will. He brushed his teeth to destroy all evidence and sat on his bed for a few minutes trying to make sense of today. Scully had appeared to him, but almost as an after-thought. She had said she had spent the night with Will, watching him. He had kissed her, held her, she had held their son. She was real, yet she was dead and had vanished so suddenly. She said she was able to be there because today was the day she died. She seemed to know a bit about this last year because she required no explanation about his comment of being a 'good dad now'. This was not the first time today these thoughts had run through Mulder's mind. He spent most of the early hours of the morning trying to calm Will's cries after he had startled him with his yelling, looking for her around the house. He had run through the facts as he knew them while following Will around the park as he attempted to climb the play structure. He had considered calling someone about a seance or a ghost whisperer to find out if she would come back to him while they stood in line at the party supply store. He had considered calling and telling Monica Reyes about his experience, thinking she was the only one who might not think he's crazy, while Will had his nap this afternoon. At the moment, Mulder felt a little crazy. "Fox," a knock came to his bedroom door. "People are arriving." "I'll be right there," he said hoarsely. ***************************************************** The party was scheduled for 5 pm because Will would get cranky if it was past eight and he wasn't at least close to being in his bed. It was all adults attending the party and Mulder had bought a huge lasagne and thrown together a toss salad for everyone to have for dinner. Frohike had made a comment that compared to how he used to eat; he had become a regular Martha Stewart. Mulder felt bad about the Gunmen. Since he had got custody of Will, he had barely seen or spoken with them. His excuse was that he was very busy with his son, finding a house, and moving into that house. In all honestly he had been avoiding them. He knew they were helping John and Monica look into some leads about Will and Scully and he didn't want to get pulled back in to the hunt. His son needed him, and he feared that if given the right kernel of information, he may try and investigate something and end up dead as well. His son didn't need two dead parents. He was trying to re-establish his relationship with them and this party was the first step. He hoped they didn't bring up any investigations. Everyone seemed to be in good spirits and all attention was focused on Will the Wonder Boy, which made Mulder very happy. He loved all the attention and moved easily from person to person showing them how he could run a little, clap really loud, and dance very badly. "Hey Mulder, he looks like you when he dances!" Langley called from the living room as Mulder lit the candles on his cake. "I don't think Mulder dances that well," Skinner said sardonically. Everyone laughed. "Monica, get the lights!" Mulder called as he walked into the living room. A chorus of 'Happy Birthday' was sang, slightly off key, while the well wishers wore silly party hats and Mulder balanced a cake and walked towards his son. Will looked at the flames on the cake and backed away, slightly scared. "It's okay, little man," Mulder tried to make him feel better as he bent down before him. Will's eyes watered up and Mulder leaned over and blew out the candles quickly. "All gone." He said with a smile. Will smiled back and took a step forward and shoved his hand in the cake, trying to pick up the icing Elmo on the top. Everyone laughed and Will starred at his hand, not sure why Elmo wasn't in it, but icing was. Mulder put the cake haphazardly on the coffee table beside him, and as Maggie ran to get a towel, Will smushed his icing covered hand on Mulder's face and down his shirt. Mulder laughed the hardest he had in a long time, and hugged his son into his chest. "Way to go Will!" Langley called as Byers stepped toward the cake and caught it just as it was about to fall of the edge of the table. Frohike snapped some pictures and Monica took the cake from Byers, going to the kitchen to cut up what was left of it. John Doggett smiled distantly from across the room. As everyone ate their cake, Mulder and Will, now caked in dried icing, opened his presents. The first one was from Byers. He had purchased some shares in Will's name for Apple computers. "What a lame gift," Langley said once it was opened. "A piece of paper for your first birthday?" "Is that the computer company?" Maggie asked. "Yes, they have a bright future and those should go up in value." Byers said matter-of-factly. "Thanks, Byers," Mulder smiled up at him from his spot on the floor. They opened a CD from Monica that had a bunch of sixties music on it for children, a stuffed animal from John that sang songs and an outfit from Maggie. "Here Will, take a look at this!" Frohike said excitedly as he produced a fruit basket. Will played with the crinkle wrap and laughed. "See, I know what kids like," Frohike said proudly. "Thanks for the fruit?" Mulder said confused. "Will is part of the fruit of the month club," he said frankly. "He'll get a basket each month with new fruit in it. I figured with a growing kid..." "Thanks," Mulder smiled at him. "Okay, no one will top my gift," Langley announced as he reached for a badly wrapped gift behind him. Mulder helped Will unwrap a Tickle Me Elmo doll as Will squealed with delight. "Told you," Langley said as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Em-mo!" Will screamed as Mulder attempted to free it from its packaging. After a minute of sheer frustration and Will grabbing at the toy, it was out of its packaging and Will was tickling it with glee. "Mulder, here's my gift, you should just put it away," Skinner said as he handed him an envelope. "What is it?" Mulder asked as he stood from the floor. "It's a US Treasury Savings Bond," he said quietly. "Wow, thanks," Mulder said as he took the envelope. "I don't know what kids like," Skinner said with a shrug. "Thanks for coming," Mulder said as he patted him on the back. By 7:30 almost everyone had left except for Maggie. Will had hardly noticed as he played with his Elmo doll and the wrapping that was all over Mulder's living room. Mulder was scraping plates in the kitchen when Maggie entered with a box. "Fox, I...I didn't want to give this to you and Will in front of everyone," she said as she placed the wooden box on the island. "It's his first birthday gift and...and I don't know if you want it, or if you'd rather I put it away for a while, or..." Mulder stopped scraping the plates and looked at the box. Without even asking he knew what was inside of it. The brass plate on the top read 'Mom'. His eyes immediately started to water and he cleared his throat. "Uh, we'll keep it, thanks," he said as he placed a reverent hand on it. "It's some pictures and videos and some of her school projects I kept...just some memories," she said as her voice cracked. "Thanks," he said as he walked over to her and kissed her on the cheek. "He'll love this when he's old enough to understand." "I..." she started and then stopped. She patted his chest and pulled from him. Wiping her eyes she started again. "I'll get him in his jammies and we'll be off." "Thanks for taking him tonight, Maggie." He said softly as he stepped from her. "Tomorrow, I'll come by and get him..." "Whenever, Fox. You take some time, okay?" He nodded his head, not sure if he trusted himself to speak. She left the room and got Will ready. Within 15 minutes he was kissing Will goodbye at the door and shutting it to an empty house. Mulder stood for a minute, listening to the silence around him. She was here, today. It wasn't in his dreams, it wasn't his imagination. He got to hold her and kiss her and see her with their son. He should be grateful for the time he got with her, but right now he just wanted to punch a hole in the wall. ****************************************** The end of part 3 Title: Without Her--Part 4 of 4 Author: Lolabeegood E-mail: lolabeegood@gmail.com Distribution: Archive freely with my name attached Rating: R Categories: AU, S, R Keywords: Mulder/Scully, Character Death, William, Mulder-Angst, Scully-Angst, Alternate Universe Spoilers: Everything up to the birth of William, but then it goes AU from there. Summary: A late night encounter. Author's Notes: This idea came to me quite suddenly and unexpectedly. I have not written a character death fic before so this is a new experience for me. Please read the other parts first. The story was inspired by the song "I"m Not Calling You a Liar" by Florence & The Machine. This is the last one in the series. ************************************* Fox Mulder sat in his darkened living room with his face in his hands and a bottle of scotch on the coffee table in front of him. He'd had one drink since Maggie had left with William. He wasn't really sure if he had bought the bottle so he could get shit-faced and not feel, or if he'd bought the bottle so he could get so shit-faced he would feel. The truth was, Fox Mulder felt like he'd been hiding from himself for about 4 months, possibly longer. He had tried not to think much about the woman who changed his life. He was scared that, just like a kernel of investigative information might draw him back into his old life, too many thoughts about her would cause him to not want to get out of bed one day. Whenever a wayward thought about her seemed to stick around for too long, he would stuff it deep down inside himself and try and focus on the present, on his son. Will was the happiness in his life. His son greeted each day as if it were a gift filled with endless possibilities. He had no idea yet of the circumstances of his birth, of the mother who held him in her dying arms, of the father who denied his parentage for months so he could find answers. His world consisted of joy and fun and discovery. Mulder wanted to keep it that way forever, if possible. Scully's appearance in the early morning hours, had thrown off that delicate balance. She had invaded and dominated his thoughts throughout the day. He had somehow managed to partially expel the meeting from his brain for a couple of hours, so he could enjoy his son's birthday, but, as soon as the people started to leave, the hamster had jumped back on the wheel. It started with John Doggett. He off-handedly had commented how lucky Mulder was as he left, and Mulder had realized that he and John were similar. John envied his son's existence in Mulder's life, and Mulder envied the fact that John's ex-wife was still alive. John seemed to want to catch and pull back the words as soon as they left his mouth. Instead the two men awkwardly said goodbye at the door. A single tear tracked down Mulder's cheek as he held his face in his hands. He started to think of the way the others said goodbye to him as they left Will's party. There was a feeling of sadness and pity in the air. Everyone telling him how great he was doing with Will, how nice the house was, how he must be enjoying his time off with his son, how fatherhood agreed with him. But everyone was thinking about the fact that she died on this day. Everyone secretly wondering how he was managing, Suddenly he realized their was an arm wrapped around his shoulder. His head snapped up and he saw her next to him. "Scully!" he smiled as he took her in his arms and crushed her against him. "Mulder, I..." she started to say then stopped. He kissed the side of her face, ran his hands up and down her torso and looked into her eyes. "You're back...I didn't think...I should have kept Will at home...I thought that maybe this morning was..." She pulled away from him a little more and caressed the side of his face. "I wasn't sure if I should come back." "What?! How can you...?" "Mulder, I wasn't going to see you, if you hadn't of gotten up last night, I..." "What?" he asked confused. "I wasn't sure what seeing me would do to you," she said honestly as her eyes began to water. "I had planned on just watching the both of you sleep. I hadn't planned on..." "You weren't going to talk with me, to let me see you?" he asked slightly angered. "I wasn't," she answered honestly. "Scully, how can you say that? How could you not?" he asked, trying to understand. "Mulder, I can't stay. I have this one day and only when it's dark...it's not even one day," she said with regret. "Then..." "Then, what?" "I'm gone." She said as a tear fell from her eye. "Gone for a while? Gone forever? Gone how?" he asked as he held her arms tightly, almost willing her to stay there with him. "I don't know," she answered honestly. "How can you not...?" " I just don't," she said honestly. "Do you know how long tonight?" he asked as he swallowed hard. "I have until the end of the day...midnight," she said with sadness. "But Mulder, after I leave you can't...you can't be angry...you can't obsess about me...you can't..." "I know," he sighed as he pulled her towards him. "I know," he said into her hair. "I know this morning was a shock, and I'm sorry for the way I left but, the sun came up so soon and..." "Forget about all of it," he said as he pulled back to look at her face. "I have you now, I don't want to think about any of it, I don't want to waste..." "Tell me about Will," she said softly. "Can you see us? Are you with us? Do you...?" "I had...they were sort of like dreams, if that makes sense," she started. "I didn't know if they were my imaginings or if they were real until I saw this house." "What do you want to know?" he asked as he rubbed up and down her arm with one hand and caressed her thigh with the other. "You and Will with mouse ears?" she smiled at him. "I bought a one day pass for Disneyland when we were out in California," he said blushing. "Mulder, you went to Disneyland?" she asked disbelieving. "Just for a day" he smiled sheepishly. "How did Will like it?" she asked. "When you aren't even one yet," he paused to shake his head. "All those dress up characters can be a little scary and Mickey looks sort of like a big rat..." She laughed as she sensed where this was going. "We were in the park for about an hour, long enough to buy mouse ears and see the castle, but once the characters started to come up to him the wailing began..." "Oh, Mulder..." she snickered at the picture that formed in her head of them leaving the park in tears, wearing mouse ears, while Mulder tried to calm their son. "What else?" he asked softly. "What else have you seen?" "I saw you frantically looking for him once," she said. "There were boxes all over your apartment..." "I had just got Will that month and things were crazy." Mulder laughed. "He was crawling everywhere and scooting around furniture. I was packing my apartment and he'd fallen asleep on the sofa. I left him there with the coffee table pushed up against the couch and put a blanket over him. I was packing up the bathroom when I heard a 'clunk' and when I got to the living room he was nowhere to be found. I was freaking out Scully, looking under the couch, even though he couldn't fit there, calling his name...my heart was racing." She reached over and held his hand on her thigh. "Then I heard a giggle," he smiled. "Will was hiding under one of the empty boxes I had lying around the living room. He thought it was a riot that he had fooled me. We spent the rest of the evening with me leaving the room and coming back, pretending to be frantic again, while he hid under the same box every time." She laughed loudly at the image she could not piece together in her head, until now. An image that no longer caused her panic. "I miss you, Scully," he said as he watched her laugh. Her laughing subsided and she swallowed hard, "I miss you too." "Can't you make some sort of arrangement to stay with us?" he asked honestly. "I can't," she said hoarsely. "What's it like?" "I can't," she said softly. He turned away from her for a moment. "This is why, I wasn't going to see you," she said softly as she squeezed his hand. "I think this is it, Mulder. I didn't...I didn't want to cause you any more pain. You seemed to be..." "I'm barely holding it together," he admitted to her alone. "Will's wonderful but he's so much work sometimes...I don't have any experience with kids, and I think I fuck up about 20 times a day with him." "You're a wonderful dad," she reassured him as she kissed his face. "I see Will happy all the time...I've seen him giggle and call you 'Da Da'. I've seen the way he lights up when you walk into a room. You are..." She stopped and words seemed to be caught in her throat. He softly kissed her face and caressed her cheek. "You are the amazing father I knew you would be. Will is so fortunate...I am so lucky..." she choked on the words. He turned his head and seized her mouth with his. She was caught off guard, but soon recovered and returned the kiss with equal passion. He stood and pulled her along with him, up from the couch and towards his bedroom. She walked slowly with him, kissing as they walked and lifting his shirt over his head, and her dress over hers. Unbuttoning his jeans at the door and dropping them to the floor with his boxers. They tumbled naked onto the bed and he climbed up her soft body and entered her immediately. Her face lit up below him as he rocked above her. Her arms moved around his body to caress his shoulders, his thighs, his ass, his chest. She was committing each body part to memory as he pulled in and out of her and strained to hold on above her. "I love you," he said softly as he leaned down to kiss her mouth luxuriously. "I miss you." "God, I miss you," she said as she wrapped her legs around his torso and pulled his body closer to hers. "I miss the way you smell in the morning, I miss the way you hold the small of my back when we walk, I miss the look you get when you are surprised to see me, I miss...ohhh!" She paused as her body arched upwards and heat ran through her limbs. "Oh, Muld..." she yelped as waves of pleasure wafted over her and her skin began to tingle. He paused his ministrations to allow her the time to enjoy her pleasure before he leaned down and captured a nipple in his mouth. "Oh, god!" she cried as he sucked on her hard. "Oh, Mulder!" A smile spread across his face as he watched her chest heave, her eyes close, and her breath quicken. He missed this. Her eyes then opened and she saw he was waiting for her. Watching her with wonder as she came below him. Holding that memory with him for the rest of his life. She rocked her hips against his and, as their pubic hair rubbed, the sensation of her below him, and him inside her, and her around him was overwhelming. He came with such force that his body shook above hers. He looked deeply into her eyes and saw wonder as she watched his features contort and his body heave. She too, was committing this to memory. "I love you," she said softly as she planted a hand on either side of his face. He leaned down and kissed her on the tip of her nose before gently collapsing on top of her. She lowered her legs and he fell from inside her as she pulled a blanket over them. "This isn't fair, there has to be..." he muttered. She caressed his back with the tips of her fingers and didn't try to come up with reasons. "I like the house," she said, trying to change the subject. "It's in a good school district," Mulder's muffled voice said from inside her hair. "I like old houses and it's a nice size for the two of you," she said as she kissed his ear. "It's just a bungalow, but with me taking some time off..." "How long are you going to be off?" she asked, broaching the subject. He knew exactly what she was getting at. "I'm going to stay off until he's in school full-time," he said as he lifted himself up off her form and settled beside her. "And then, I'm going to take a desk job, or maybe try a different line of work. Something that doesn't involve travel or...guns." "Thank you," she said softly as she let out the breath she was holding. "Scully, I'm not going to put Will in a position where we're both..." he said as he caressed her tummy. "I know," she nodded and touched his chest. "I think I just needed to hear it." He smiled at her and moved a strand of hair from her eyes. "How do I do this, Scully?" She paused to think for a moment. "You be yourself, Mulder. It has gotten you this far with him, it will carry you the rest of the way too." "What do I tell him about you?" "Tell him how much I love him," she said thoughtfully. "Tell him that I'm still with him." He pulled her close to him and felt her warm breasts against his chest, her legs entwine his, her arms wrap around his torso, and her lips settle on his. "Tell him how much his parents love each other," she said softly as she tenderly kissed his lips. Mulder nuzzled into her form, and, as much as he tried to fight it, he fell asleep wrapped in her warm embrace. When the sun woke him the next morning, he was alone and naked in his rumpled bed. A smile crept across his face. ******************************** The end