From: PulledAScully@aol.com
Date: Sun, 12 Mar 2000 11:38:26 EST
Subject: *NEW* "Without Reason" by Angel-Wings Gaskins
Source: direct

Title: "Without Reason"
Author: Angel-Wings Gaskins
Rating: PG
Cater.: VRA
Keywords: Scully POV, MSR, SA
Spoilers: nope, none that I can see
Summary: The big day approaches...
Archive: Oh, baby, yeah!! LOL  Just email me first.
Feedback: Yesth, pweeze!  PulledAScully@aol.com
Disclaimer: Not mine, and please don't sue me; it's all 1013's 
    and FOX's.  The thoughts are mine, though.

Notes: Lookie lookie here, lookie shortie got back... lol, I love
that song... random... anywho, I'm back on the wagon!!  Life's
slowed down a bit, and is much happier, but still a little busy.
That's my excuse for not issuing a story in FOREVER!  I'll try to
at least start up my writing again... Enjoy ;o)

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Sadly, I've lost the meaning of what life is all about.  Over the
past weeks my priorities have changed, and although I'm seemingly
happier than I've ever been, things need to change.

I've never been one for fast relationships.  For God sakes, it
took me seven years to even kiss my partner, and even then it was
his approaching and mostly his doing.  And now, as the 
realization of what's going on hits me, I stand staring into a
vast abyss, wondering how and which way would be the least 
painful to plunder into.

Tomorrow I no longer am Scully, but Mrs. Mulder.  And that scares
me to bloody hell.

It's funny, you know.  It seems that men are always portrayed as
the ones afraid of commitment.  Very stereotypical.  But then
again, Mulder and I have never been ones for stereotyping.

As I walk down the slick, ice-covered sidewalk in the dead of the
night, I wonder if Mulder knows I'm missing from his bed.  I left
a few hours ago, needing time to recoup and think.  I slap myself
emotionally, screaming internally that I shouldn't need to think,
that I've already got everything figured out.  I'm just too
chicken shit to listen.

A glowing, neon sign shines from just ahead and I check my watch
for the time.  2:34 AM.  I should call Mulder.  He'll worry.  I
owe him that much.  A woman in tight leather boots to her thighs
walks into my back and grumbles something vulgar beneath her 
breath.  I guess I've walked clear to Chinatown and didn't even
realize it.

I pick up the phone in the booth, careful to close the glass 
door for my own privacy and safety.  Mulder picks up after just
one ring.

"Scully?" he asks, his voice almost panicy and hopeful.

"Mulder, it's me."

"Where are you?"

I look around, trying to find some kind of way to identify my
location.  "Um, Chinatown.  I went for a walk."

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine."  I can hear the breath catch in his throat and my lip
starts to tremble.  I'm not fine.  I'm far from it.  I want to go
home.  I want to stop worrying.  I want Mulder.  I can't tell him
this, although I know I need to say it one time or another.  

"You didn't leave a note."

"I know, I'm sorry.  I just... needed to think."  There's a long
pause before Mulder finally speaks, care and pain in his voice.

"Do you want me to come get you?"

I start to say no, but rule against it.  It's best for both of 
us.  "Yes."  I give him the address to the hotel where I'm 
standing outside of and give him my love before hanging up.

The air outside the booth is crisp and cold, biting just enough
to cause a shiver or two.  Melissa used to love it like this.  I
miss her so much.  I miss her more than ever, especially now 
because I need her guidance and support, as well as her love.

A Ford Taurus pulls up to the curb and Mulder steps out, his 
hands in his jean pockets and his eyes drooping with worry.  He
seems unsure of how to approach me and instead stares intently at
me from the other side of the car.  I return his gaze.

As soon as my tears start to fall, he's at my side, hugging me
and whispering soothing words of comfort.  He strokes my hair as
I cry on his shoulder, weeping for a million reasons, but unable
to pinpoint any exact one.

"God, Scully, I love you so much."  I kiss his cheek and hug him
tighter, repeating the words to him.  He eventually starts to cry
along with me, and our tears mingle together, eventually drying
on each other's cheeks.

People walk in and out of the hotel, mostly prostitutes and men,
staring at us with longing and disbelief.  What a sight we must
be.

And I have nothing to fear.  There is strength in numbers, and
even greater strength in love.  I thought maybe a part of myself
would be lost, but that's not true.  Not lost, only shared.  And
if it's taken this long and this many losses to get here with 
this man, I'd do it all over again.

"I love you, Mulder," I tell him, and he smiles that boyish grin
that makes my world melt around me.  He kisses me, holding my
cheeks in his hands.

This is heaven.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Good?  Bad?  Ugly?  Smelling of nuclear undisposable wastes?  
Tell me anyhow!!  No flames, though; I don't like 'em much.

Feedback is appreciated, lobed, and welcomed with a hardy *mwah*!

PulledAScully@aol.com
http://members.aol.com/pulledascully/fanfiction.htm