From: "Lisa J." <scullystar@hotmail.com>
Date: Sun, 30 Jan 2000 22:42:54 GMT
Subject: MSR
Source: direct

By: Scullystar (Mithrandir)

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. They are the property of Chris 
Carter, and 20th Century FOX. No copyright infringement intended.

Rated: G

Category: MSR

Spoilers: probably spoilers from all 7 seasons...I don't know. Probably a lot 
for the end of Millennium. I know I know, I keep writing about that scene, 
but I can't seem to get it out of my head! It was a Shippers delight!

Summery: Mulder reflects on his life since Scully has been with him and 
comes to some very brave decisions about their relationship and where he 
wants it to head.


" Worth The Fight"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


                           Mulder sat in his basement office alone. It was 
not a surprise Scully had not gotten into work yet. It was 5:15 in the 
morning after all. Mulder didn't expect her for at least another hour. He 
had not expected to be in to work so early that morning though the guard he 
checked in with didn't seem surprised to see him. Mulder was known for 
lurking around the FBI building at all hours. This time was different 
though. Today Mulder had gone into work early to think not to work. He had 
gone home the day before thinking, and it had plagued him all night. So 
there he was. Sitting in his office alone thinking. It wouldn't have 
bothered him so much if what was troubling him was about a case or something 
else work related, but what had been on his mind all the day before and all 
night had been his partner Dana Scully. She had been on his mind, in his 
dreams and everywhere he looked.
                          Last week they had been in Florida looking into 
some reports of what should have been simple ghost sightings. Their stay had 
been anything but simple. From the moment they had arrived at their hotel, 
things seemed to go wrong. Only one room had been booked, and there wouldn't 
be any room vacancies until the next night. Fine. Then the people who had 
been making the claims decided that they didn't want to talk about the 
incidents that had happened because the ghosts had been making threatening 
visits since he and Scully had gotten there. Even Mulder saw that these 
people were lying to them, trying to get some publicity for whatever reason. 
Scully had made arrangements for them to be on the next flight out, and they 
were still sharing a hotel room. The same night, Mulder had come back to the 
room with a bottle of semi-expensive wine and the both of them, weary and 
bored, had finished off the whole bottle. That's when things had turned 
sour. The both of them, drunk from the wine, had started giggling about 
something and that turned into innuendo from Mulder, and that got Scully 
going, and then...they had kissed eachother for the second time in a month. 
Scully had gotten scared and had pulled away, apologizing to him for being 
so stupid, and had run into the bathroom, and didn't come out all night even 
when he went to get her, tried breaking down the door and picking the lock. 
He had given up and had fallen asleep outside the bathroom door on the 
floor. Nothing was said about it the next morning, and the whole trip back 
had been quiet and uncomfortable.
                       Mulder didn't know what to do. He and Scully had been 
really "partnerly" lately. Nothing seemed that same since the night in the 
hotel room. They had been working as partners but the friendship had seemed 
to have been pushed to the side, and forgotten since last week. He couldn't 
stand working with her like that. Scully was his best friend and they 
usually worked so well together. They seemed like strangers now. It was like 
getting a new partner all over again. He didn't think he felt this 
uncomfortable working along side Scully when she had come to work with him 
for the first time. Everything was a mess. He knew he could mend the 
friendship with a little work, but the closeness he has worked so hard at 
achieving was going to be hell to get back. He knew Scully. When she wanted 
to keep someone out of her heart she put up a wall that nothing could 
penetrate. Mulder knew when he has first started getting close to the woman 
under the Agent Scully persona. When he had come to her in the hospital 
after her abduction all those years ago. He had brought her a gift and had 
returned her necklace to her. That gold cross had remained around his neck 
the whole time she had been missing. It had been all he had to hold on to 
until she woke up from her coma. He felt on some level he had gotten to know 
Scully through her sister Melissa as well. After that, things just kept 
happening to them that drew them closer and closer together and as much as 
he tried to deny it, he had fallen in love with Dana Scully. It was 
something he had tried to keep to himself, but damn it, the Lone Gunman had 
called him on it a good two years ago and he had spilled his guts out to 
three men who were as close to "guy friends" as he was going to get. They'd 
been keeping his secret ever since and Mulder was immensely grateful to them 
for that. He had almost just told her everything that awful day she had 
called him into the hospital two years ago to tell him she had cancer. He 
had almost told her when they had held eachother in the hallway of the 
hospital she had checked herself into when she told him that even through 
her sickness she was going to come back to him.
                    Even though he knew it had been all his fault that she 
was sick and even though her brother Bill Jr. hated his guts and even though 
he couldn't look at her without fighting the urge to fall to his knees and 
cry at her feet for all the pain he had caused her he had put on a mask of 
unfeeling and had pushed all that aside in order to save her the burden of 
his tortured soul. She had been through enough because of him. The 
abduction, the death of her sister, the death of the child she had only just 
found out about, probably the only child she would ever know to be hers, the 
cold way he had treated her when their office had been burned, The X-Files 
destroyed, the trauma of the Antarctic. Everything was because of him.
                    He had never really given any of this a chance to 
surface. He never wanted to think about it. Mulder put his head in his hands 
and thought he was going to cry. He had betrayed her with Diana. He had left 
her behind and lied to her about where he was whom he was with, all because 
he thought that Diana had loved him and that he wanted what she had to 
offer. All because Diana gave him something Scully did not. Diana had the 
willingness to believe his theories not matter how far-fetched they seemed 
and Mulder thought that he enjoyed not being second-guessed all the time, 
but he realized very quickly that there was no thrill there with Diana. She 
just went along. Scully used to challenge him and had theories of her own 
and worked hard to prove them along with helping Mulder. He had ended up 
getting involved with Diana again as well. That hadn't lasted very long 
however.
                  When the Black Cancer had been re-awakened b/c of the 
discovery of the ship in Africa, he had gone into the hospital. He read the 
minds of everyone around him, things that seemed so important at the time, 
and he couldn't even remember any of it now as he looked back. He had been 
in a coma because of the Smoking man. They were going to do something to 
him...he was having bittersweet dreams about a life without the 
X-Files...everything seemed like it should have been. He and Diana seemed 
happy, they had children, Samantha had been living with the Smoking man all 
the time and they had been reunited. He knew he was supposed to be content 
in his new life, but he wasn't ever truly happy.  When he woke up from these 
dreams, from his coma, Scully had been there crying, begging him to open his 
eyes. He felt her tears on his face and knew at that moment that she loved 
him just as much as he loved her. He had gotten out of there because of her. 
She had come to see him after that just as he was about to leave to go see 
her at work, and she had brought some awful news. Diana had been found 
murdered at her home. They had shared a very tender revealing moment where 
it was all Mulder could do to keep from pulling her against him and making 
love to her right there in the hallway in front of his apartment. He managed 
to keep himself calm and had watched her walk away from him with a small 
smile and a realization that he was so in love with his partner it was 
killing him.
                 They had worked on a few cases after he was able to return 
to work that he had eagerly dived into. It was wonderful to be working along 
side Scully on the X-Files again. Then they had been given a case right 
after Christmas and they had gone to meet former FBI agent Frank Black to 
get his help. He had been very reluctant to help them at first, but Mulder 
had persuaded him and after everything was all over, he had walked out of it 
with a busted arm. That night, New Year's Eve, they had gone to see Frank 
again. As Frank and his daughter went into the other room, He and Scully 
watched the ball drop in the waiting room, and Mulder had leaned over and 
kissed Scully. He had been surprised when she had accepted it and felt her 
kissing him back. It seemed like it lasted only a moment, but it was the 
sweetest thing he had ever experienced. After that there was no mention of 
it, of what it meant. Then this whole thing last week happens in the hotel 
and it drives them painfully apart.
                Mulder looked up suddenly as the door opened and Scully 
arrived for work. Mulder looked at the clock. Had he really been sitting 
there that long? He watched her hang her coat up and place her briefcase on 
her small desk. " Good morning, Mulder." She said coolly and headed for the 
coffee machine. He didn't say anything as she walked past him to fill her 
coffee mug, and she didn't say anything else to him after that for a long 
time. She sat at her desk typing up reports and finishing off various other 
papers that had to be typed up and sent to Skinner. " Did you finish the 
expense reports yet, Mulder?" she said about an hour later. Mulder looked at 
her and wished it wasn't like this. He sighed. "Yea, They're all done...Want 
me to call to get everything run up to Skinner?"
Scully nodded and continued typing. " I thought you were done with your 
work, Scully"
Scully looked up and he thought she glared at him for a minute. " I am done, 
Mulder, I'm typing an e-mail to my brother. Is that ok?"
Mulder just sighed and nodded, not knowing what to say to her anymore. He 
sat there for a while after he called for an errand boy to come get their 
reports. He realized that he was moping at his desk and stopped. He stood up 
and stretched. " Scully, I'm going to take lunch early...wanna come?" He hoped 
she'd say yes. He wished and prayed. Scully looked up from her computer. " 
No thank you, Mulder, I have things to do."
Mulder couldn't stand it anymore. It was making him crazy. " Damn it 
Scully!"
Scully's head shot up and this time she did glare at him. Then she stood to 
meet him so he wouldn't be towering over her desk. " Damn it, Scully, what?" 
she demanded. " Scully, why do we have to go through this again? I'm sick of 
working like this. I know you're not comfortable, and maybe I should have 
tried to talk to you about what happened last week, but we don't have to be 
strangers just because you're upset over a kiss."
" Is that all?" she asked, turning away from him. Mulder grabbed her arm and 
spun her to face him. " No, that's not all, god-damn it...Talk to me. Tell me 
what the problem is so we can work it out instead of playing the I Hate You 
game until this all blows over." Scully and Mulder stood there looking at 
eachother for what seemed like forever.
" Mulder...what happened last week was a mistake. We were drunk and it never 
should have happened. I'm sorry it did because it turned out this way for 
us. I think it would be better for the both of us if we just forget about it 
and get on with our lives."
Mulder just looked at her. " You want to forget it. Just like that? You're 
going to dismiss it like it never happened?"
" Well, what good would stewing in it do us? I'm sorry it happened because I 
know it's driven us apart. I'm sorry I acted the way I did that night. I was 
scared and drunk and I wasn't thinking straight and neither were you." 
Scully looked up at Mulder for a response.
" Scully...I guess I just don't feel the same way you do about all this. This 
isn't how I wanted everything to turn out..." Mulder was at a loss for words. 
He saw this beautiful woman standing before him who he had worked with for 
almost seven years and he saw that she was hurt and upset and confused, and 
he didn't know what to do about it.
" What did you want to happen? You can't stand there and tell me that you 
kissed me that night because you were thinking straight."
Mulder put his hands on her arms and shook his head.
" I was thinking straight when I kissed you New Year's Eve, Scully. You 
didn't seem upset that that had happened."
Scully's cheeks turned red. " That was different, Mulder..."
Mulder threw his hands up. " How? How was that different?"
" We weren't drunk that night! Mulder, don't you see? I don't know what 
possessed us to get that drunk and to do what we did, but I didn't think it 
would be this bad between us. It was different New Year's because we knew 
what we were doing...and it was New Year's Eve. I just figured..."
" What? That I was just kissing you because that's what everyone does on New 
Year's Eve? Scully, after everything we've been through together, after 
everything we've done. I kissed you both times because I wanted to kiss you, 
not because of a holiday and not because of alcohol. Scully, I love you damn 
it!"
Mulder looked at Scully and literally became afraid of the look on her face. 
It was blank. Like nothing he had said meant anything to her. Then her eyes 
grew bright and there were tears on her cheeks and she was coming toward him 
and he hugged her and let her cry all she needed to. " Scully, tell me 
what's wrong?"
Scully forced herself to look up at him and was silent for a minute. " 
Mulder...I'm sorry...I just don't know what to say to that. I didn't ever expect 
to hear those words from you."
" Aw, Scully. I know it seems sudden-"  " Sudden? Seven years and you think 
it seems sudden? No, Mulder, that's not it. I feel like it took too long for 
this to come out. I've been waiting for this for so long. Childish, isn't 
it? That I would sit by and wait for you to say something to me. I didn't 
even know you loved me for a while. I thought I was being stupid and letting 
myself fall for someone who was never going to love me back. I can't believe 
it just happened this way. It seems so cliché' that it would happen after a 
big fight. Like something out of a movie or something." Scully wiped her 
eyes with the back of her hand and turned away from him. " Scully, I didn't 
mean to upset you anymore. I'm so sorry you're upset over this."
" I'm not upset, Mulder. You've just given me the best news I could ever 
hope to receive. I just don't know what to say to you."
Mulder placed a hand on her shoulder, and tried to get her to turn to face 
him.
" Scully...I'd like you to say that you love me back...if that's true."
She nodded and turned to look at him. " Of course it's true, Mulder. I do 
love you back. It just seems like too much right now. What's going to come 
out of all this? Do you really want to risk everything and start a 
relationship? Did you want to just acknowledge our feelings and go on like 
nothing's changed?"
Mulder moved closer to her and sighed. "Scully I was up all last night 
thinking about what I want. I was here at least 2 hours early. I come here 
to think sometimes when I need to be somewhere I feel comfortable. I thought 
about everything. I thought about our relationship and what it's become over 
the years. Nothing would make me happier than taking that final step with 
you. I want to cross that line, Scully. I've wanted to for years. What's 
happened recently has made me want to act on those feelings more and more. I 
know we're ready to take that chance with eachother. I just hope you want to 
as much as I do."
Scully looked down at the floor then smiled at him. It was the most 
beautiful thing he'd ever seen. " I want this for us, Mulder. I guess I've 
thought about it for a long time too. I didn't want a relationship to get in 
the way of work and our friendship though. I know you understand that."
Mulder nodded. "I understand. I thought a lot about that too ever since I 
realized that I was in love with you. I didn't want to screw anything up."
Scully moved into his arms and hugged him. " You know this is going to be 
hard. We're going to have to really work at this if we want to make this 
last."
" Scully, look at me," Mulder said softly. As she did so, he cupped her face 
in his hands.
" Stop worrying. I know everything is going to be fine. I know we're going 
to have a lot to go through and it's going to be hard because of work and 
that we'll probably even have to keep this a secret for a while, but...I know 
we can do this. I know that we're going to go through a lot and that we're 
going to have to fight hard, but it's worth the fight. This is something 
that we both want. I want this so much and I know you do too. So let's just 
let ourselves enjoy this." Scully looked at him and a smile formed on her 
lips. She knew he was right. She wanted this and if he was willing to fight 
the fight to make it work, so was she. It wasn't going to be easy, but they 
loved eachother, and she knew that would pull them through a lot. " Ok, 
Mulder. Let's just enjoy this."
Mulder smiled widely and took in a deep breath. He leaned down and their 
lips met and they kissed eachother with all they had.
" I promise you, Scully...this will work out."
Scully just nodded and pulled him back to her for another long kiss.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The End

Feedback please! I start to go numb if I don't get any!!! 
Scullystar@hotmail.com


Mulder: Scully, I was like you once--I didn't know who to trust. Then I 
chose another path, another life,
    another fate where I found my sister. The end of my world was 
unrecognizable and upside-down. There was
    one thing that remained the same. You. . .were my friend and you told me 
the truth. Even when the world was
    falling apart, you were my constant, my touchstone.
Scully: And you are mine.

-Mulder and Scully, "Amor Fati"-The X-Files