************************************************************** Mary Lynn's e-mail address has changed to: yezra@apk.net ************************************************************** ok. Parateam and i have to decided to write our own little fanfic. we have included bad language, even badder spelling and the baddest sentence structure we could. yes, this is a *disgusting* M/S romance. and we must add: IF YOU DON'T LIKE THAT SORT OF THING, PLEASE READ THIS ONE, CUZ WE DON'T EITHER. ok. here's the disclaimer: "The Disclaimer: We don't own any of the characters yammered on about in these paragraphs, or the brand names, or anything else with a "TM" or a Copyright referred to, or the real people living or dead mentioned, or even our own cars. We do own up to some UT regarding the 'shipper debate, but we can deal with that just dandy, Thank You. No infringement or slander intended. Don't sue us. We'll only cry really big tears." ok. this depends upon your own sensibilities, but we were forced to make this RATED NC-17, for foul language, sex, violence, and dark green sticky themes. we guess. DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF THAT SORT OF STUFF OFFENDS YOU or if you are under the age of consent, for that sort of thing, or if your ears are *real* delicate.......there. you have been warned. in all caps, yet. (but *really*, on a planet where kindergartners think a movie like _Pretty Woman_ is a fairy tale romance, we think that this could be rated "G". ) ok. We want to make one thing REAL CLEAR: we *love* the X-Files. We have great respect for Chris Carter as a human who has created something unique & memorable. We think that DD, GA and the whole cast and crew are very talented. We have no desire to piss *them* off. But we have simply read too much Mad Magazine and watched too many Monty Python tapes. We are warped and deranged, and we are not afraid to show it. Don't worry; this story *does* have a moral. oh yea, ok: spoilers aplenty. even from stuff that ain't X- Files. ok. we got tired of writing the same words and expressions over and over, and were continuously amazed at how *often* it happened. strange...... so anyhow, we developed our own encryption! (ooooh! how conspiracy-like!! maybe cancer-man will hire us now that Krycek is indisposed.) ok. here's the key: #1 = insert "fiery red hair". #2 = insert "tortured psyche". #3 = insert "blinding white light". #4 = insert "pumping", "thrusting", "grinding", or "rhythmically moving"; alternate as you see fit. #5 = insert "forever", "undying", "brilliant", or an adjective of your own that describes something immensely moving. #6 = insert "oh, Dana, oooooooh...." or "oh, Fox, oooooooh....", respectively. #7 = insert "slimey" or "slick" or "oily". (this is only for the silly X-File part that we were forced to include in our little romance vignette. sucks, don't it? personally i *hate* it when "true love" is interrupted by a real story.) #8 = insert "ever since her abduction". #9 = insert "my whole life". #10 = insert "nuzzled". #11 = insert "ice queen". #12 = insert "spooky". #13 = insert "raked". #14 = insert "cellular". #15 = insert "hazel eyes". #16 = insert "lovely crystal blue eyes". ok, sorry if it makes it tough to read. but, trust me, after awhile you won't even need the key anymore. and it made for a really, really fun love scene. *gak* ok, on with the epic love story of the year...... +++++++++++++++++++++++++ Title: "Wuthering Mulder on Scully Heights" an UNoriginal story, in the spirit of UNresolved sexual tension. by Mary Lynn and Kay part 1 of 9 +++++++++++++++++++++++++ -------- "For Lack of an Umbrella Slave" It was raining in DC again. Mulder sighed and looked out of his car window, waiting for a blurry sign of Scully's #1 to come out of the J.Edgar Hoover building. #8, Mulder had taken to following his partner home without telling her. *Partner!*, he thought with a laugh, *that's a good one... she's #9.* he shrugged off the thought, knowing that he could never tell her. She would never love him, she would never let herself be loved..... Mulder sighed in resignation to that fact. His head popped up at the sight of that #1 he was waiting for.... Scully bobbed down the stairs towards her car, umbrella in hand..... *I should be holding that for her, protecting her from the harsh acid raindrops.... I _always_ hold the umbrella for her! dammit! why am I never there for her?!?!?* Mulder frowned and watched intently as she trotted toward her car. Her beautiful #1 fluttered in the cold breeze, mimicking her flowy trenchcoat which swirled around her beautiful, lucious, feminine curves. She was so very beautiful. If only..... *Stop it, Mulder!" he cursed himself in thought, *She's your _partner_, dammitt!! your _partner_, your _partner_!!!* While he dreamed of being #10 in her #1, his #2 forced him to put the car in drive and follow her down the road, instead.... He followed her home, and watching from a safe distance, saw her unlock her apartment building front door and then her own. Mulder waited for her lights to come on, and then left for his own place after watching her lovely feminine silhouette take off her clothes behind the drawn shade of her bedroom window. *She's probably putting on something soft and feminine, not at all #11- like... Fuck those guys at the office and what they say.* Mulder reconsiderd that last thought. *Nope, I wouldn't want to do that either.....* -------------- "Thank The Gods for #14 Phones" When Mulder opened the door to his apartment, he could not believe his eyes. "Son of a bitch! Mother fuckers! Cock suckers! Asswipes! Wetwipes! Jelly doughnut heads!" He spat out his words as he looked at his trashed apartment, then he sat down and #13 through the hair on his tired head, pulling out his #14 and hitting the #1 (but don't use the key here, it really is #1) speed dial button for his "partner". "Scully.", said the #5 voice on the #14 phone. For a moment, Mulder forgot his trashed belongings at the sound of that #5 voice. "Uh, Scully, it's me, Mulder". "Duh, really?" Mulder smiled at her. "Somebody decided to do some house cleaning at my place without asking again." His voice was monotonous, which was his best kept secret disguise for his #2. On the other end of the phone, Scully felt her heart skip a beat. She breathed in sharply, which made a funny crackle sound that hurt Mulder's ears. "Mulder you've got to get out of there! Now! Hurry! Come over to my place tonight! You can sleep here! Bring a change of clothes because I haven't washed the ones you keep in the second drawer of my highboy since the last time you wore them when you slept over because I was having a bad dream and I needed comforting that only *you* could provide even though we will never admit these things to each other! And pick up a pizza on the way! I already have the wine chilling! Hurry! I'm suddenly frightened to be alone in *my* apartment, too!" That was all he needed to hear. Forget the trashed apartment - my God! Scully was having a breakdown and it scared the hell out of him! He got up and left immediately, locking the door behind him. He never saw the #7, #7 thing that slowly slid under his couch, waiting for his return. *My name is Krycek*, it thought in dark green sticky tones, *and I will kill you when you return.* -------------- "UST -- Fact Or Fiction?" Scully jumped. The pounding on the door became insistent. She bit her lip to keep the eager smile from her face. This was serious. Mulder was in danger. Pulling her blue robe firmly around her, Scully practically sprinted to the door, unlocked it, unlatched the chain, and undid the deadbolt. She opened the door a crack and sucked in a quiet breath. He was Beautiful. Mulder stood at the door, breathing heavily, that boyish lock of chestnut hair curled softly on his brow. He pounded again, interrupting Scully's reverie. She opened the door. All The Way. Mulder and Scully stood awkwardly in Scully's extremely well cared for living room, both staring at each other as if their lives depended on it. Which they probably did. Their lives always depended on -- hey, Mulder thought. Gotta get a grip. He held out his musty overnight bag, almost in surrender. Scully took it and her soft hand brushed his wrist. They both jerked backwards as if electrified. Scully cleared her throat. "So..." Mulder nodded uncomfortably. Scully tried again. "Your apartment was...ransacked. Again." Mulder could hardly bear it. He wanted to take her in his arms, protect her against the world. But he couldn't. There was a Code. Not as great a Code as the one in Dragonheart. Now THAT was a great Code. All Olde English words and stuff. His Code simply said...Chris Carter Says No. Mulder sighed. Scully was looking at him, her limpid #16 expectant. "Yep, ransacked again. Of course, there's always the chance that it was cleaned and I just got overexcited, but..." His voice trailed off as it always did when he was standing in Scully's living room. He looked around. Wow. He'd never noticed how nice an apartment she had. Of course, he was usually unconscious when he was here. The apartment was always a last resort. Damn you, Chris Carter! Mulder fumed silently. -------------- "The Dark Green Sticky Part" Back at Mulder's ravaged apartment, Krycek continued his muttering in dark green sticky tones. He was insane. He was posessed. He had been abducted. He hated Cancer-Man. He hated Mulder. He wanted to get in Scully's pants, but hell, he hated her, too. And he had leftover jet-lag from the trip to Asia that was making him very cranky. If only they hadn't stuck Eugene Tooms' kissin cousin in that horrid UFO storage facility. It was bad enough that his thought patterns had become dark tones from the oil slick posession. *Now* he was like Tooms as well, having been sexually converted to their mutant form. *Now* his thoughts were dark tones that were green & sticky, too. They were dark green sticky tones. One side of him thought it was cool to crawl through a heating duct, but it really grossed him out when he left behind that sticky oil trail. Sure gave his whereabouts away quick. It was a good thing for Krycek that Mulder was obsessed with Loving Scully In A Sexually Protective But Still Caring Way Like a Good Husband Almost, 'cuz he wasn't paying attention to the oddities of life, such as the lovely little oil trail Krycek had left on Mulder's living room floor. Still in all, Krycek's life was a #5 hell for him, now that he was an Human/Alien/Mutant hybrid. He sighed, in a dark green sticky way, and slid out from under the couch. Krycek slid down the hall in a #7 way to Mulder's bedroom. His entire Human/Alien/Mutant hybrid existence sneezed when he entered Mulder's bedroom. "ahththhewwppnsnnew!!!!" he sputtered. "Man 'o man! Wouldja look at all the dust! Jeez, when was the last ti..." he stopped in his #7 tracks, as he had become stuck near the foot of the bed. "Aw shit! I've lost all my oily traction! my soft underbelly is covered in house dust! *GROSSSSS*!!!!" Krycek moaned, but managed to drag himself dryly under Mulder's bed. "No biggie. I'll just wait here for 'im," he grunted darkly, "guy's gotta go to sleep sometime, ain't he?" he asked himself stickily. "Yep. His bed's the best place. I'll reach up and squeeze him to death in my oily grip just as he is drifting off to sleep in his bed. Yep. Right here in MULDER'S OWN BED. Won't be long now...." he cackled, smiling a green smile. --------------- part 2 to follow.... in a dark green sticky way..... :-p If you have any questions or comments, eMail us at: < thalion@mail.multiverse.com > -or- < Parateam@aol.com > ok. Disclaimer in first post. rated NC-17. yadda yadda. ok. here's the key: #1 = insert "fiery red hair". #2 = insert "tortured psyche". #3 = insert "blinding white light". #4 = insert "pumping", "thrusting", "grinding", or "rhythmically moving"; alternate as you see fit. #5 = insert "forever", "undying", "brilliant", or an adjective of your own that describes something immensely moving. #6 = insert "oh, Dana, oooooooh...." or "oh, Fox, oooooooh....", respectively. #7 = insert "slimey" or "slick" or "oily". (this is only for the silly X-File part that we were forced to include in our little romance vignette. sucks, don't it? personally i *hate* it when "true love" is interrupted by a real story.) #8 = insert "ever since her abduction". #9 = insert "my whole life". #10 = insert "nuzzled". #11 = insert "ice queen". #12 = insert "spooky". #13 = insert "raked". #14 = insert "cellular". #15 = insert "hazel eyes". #16 = insert "lovely crystal blue eyes". ok. have fun. +++++++++++++++++++++++++ Title: "Wuthering Mulder on Scully Heights" an UNoriginal story, in the spirit of UNresolved sexual tension. by Mary Lynn and Kay part 2 of 9 +++++++++++++++++++++++++ "Touch Not The Partner." Back in Scully's apartment, Mulder and Scully still stood in the living room, staring at each other. The sexual electricity was palpable but each could feel that it would cease to become electric if either of them moved. Because the only way they could move was towards each other. Into each other's arms. They stared at each other. Morning. Mulder and Scully, exhausted, still stood, staring, afraid to move. Mulder shifted slightly. His feet hurt. His back hurt. Scully slowly rotated her neck, which cracked. The tiny, delicate somewhat sexy cut on her forehead throbbed. She frowned, unable to think of where she received the cut. Was I shot again? She thought back, frowning slightly. No, I wasn't shot...Mulder cleared his throat and Scully's eyes widened. "Um..." Mulder mumbled, seemingly embarrassed. "Scully..." Scully almost moaned with pleasure. If only he'd say Dana, dammit! She'd ridiculed him the few times he'd actually said it, but now... "Scully, I have to, um, well..." Scully sighed and nearly gave herself whiplash wrenching her gaze away from Mulder's steady hazel eyes. That broke the spell. Mulder and Scully, freed, staggered backwards. Scully pointed blindly towards the pleasantly appointed hallway. "You know where it is," she replied frostily. Mulder hesitated, and Scully turned towards the pleasantly appointed kitchen. "I've only got coffee and muffins, maybe a little cold cereal if you want it," she called. "What is that? A continental breakfast?" Scully scowled. "You know, I'm really tired of people thinking I live in a hotel. I worked hard to furnish and decorate my apartment and just because you --" Scully broke off with a gasp. She could feel Mulder's hot breath tickling the back of her neck. She was spending more time stifling moans of pleasure...Scully automatically made coffee, willing Mulder to step back and willing him to take her in his arms and make mad passionate love to her. Instead, he thrust (!) a ripped piece of cloth in her face. Scully recoiled, making that wrinkled-nose face Mulder loved so well. She took a long look at the cloth, then turned around, finding herself face to very close face with Mulder. She stared at his shirt, looked back at the cloth. "This would be your pocket, I presume," she said drily. Mulder loved when she said things drily. It made him want to take her in his arms and make mad passionate love to her. "Smell it," he suggested. Scully raised an eyebrow, a gesture which made Mulder want to...you get the picture. Scully sniffed delicately at the torn fabric. "Oil?" she asked. Mulder nodded grimly. "I believe so. Dark green sticky oil, unless I miss my guess." Again, Mulder and Scully stood staring at each other. They just couldn't look away, move closer, or move further apart. Scully sighed. "The muffins are going to burn, Mulder," she said softly. "You shouldn't have looked at me," Mulder said. "Well, it's not MY fault! I didn't shove a disgusting piece of fabric under YOUR nose!" "Yeah, blame it all on me! I'm trying to keep this professional, for God's sake! This is a case, Scully!" "A case, a case, who cares about a CASE??? I'm talking about - " Scully stopped abruptly, horrified at what she had been about to reveal. It was enough to allow Mulder the chance to break free, which he did, wrenching his eyes away from Scullys and going to check on the muffins. Scully leaned weakly against the counter. Hormones. Endorphins. Pheremones. Damn them. ---------- "The Ass. Director Skinner Part" Back in DC, Ass. Director Skinner was packing up his uneaten lunch in his brief case and preparng to go home for the day. He was depressed because he, too, and been waiting for Scully's #1 to walk past his office before she left for the night. *If only she _knew_ how i feel for her. If only i was not a _bald_ man with a faboo body. If only my title did not have the word "Ass" in it....* He scowled, in that way that only Ass. Director Skinner could, and lumbered out of his office and into the night. It was raining. Ass. Director Skinner *hated* the rain. It hurt his head when it landed on it. He ran to his car and decided that he would pay Mulder a visit tonight. He had to know - was Scully Mulder's squeeze? Or did he have a chance with the #1-ed woman of his dreams? He put his car in gear and headed out of town toward Mulder's apartment. Golly gee, was *he* ever in for a surprise. A dark green sticky surprise. ---------- "Unresolved Onion Tears Tension" Mulder checked on the muffins. They were just fine. Sure. Whatever. He walked back to Scully, who had limpid tears welling up in her #16. But she would not let them fall. The only time she let them fall was when Mulder pointed a gun at her for Modell, that "pusher" fellow. And the only reson they fell then was because she got upset at the thought of dying before she could finish her field report. Scully *hated* leaving things UNfinished. She *hated* that. Mulder walked to her directly and nearly placed his strong, manly hand on her soft, feminine cheek. Any thoughts he had of arguing with her were soon forgotten. *Oh, I made her cry!* his thoughts screamed at him, *How could i have allowed this?? Dammit, #8, Scully is #9!!!* He could feel the Unresolved Sexual Tension between them. A lesser man would have had an erection by now. But his chaste love for her was #5, so he chose to ignore the fact that, once again, he wanted to make mad passionate love to her. *Damn that Chris Carter! Oh, Damn him I say!* Scully wrinkled her nose at him. *oh God, i love her so very much it hurts....* "Ewwwwwww....." she said softly under her breath, looking at his nose, her eyes still full of unspilt tears. *Oh, gross!* she thought. *I wish he'd wipe that dried loogie off..... it's making it really hard for me to adore him so.* "Scully........ Oh, *Dana*, " Mulder started softly, gently, making even himself swoon, "I didn't mean to make you cry, I'm so sorry...." "Cry? Wha..? Oh!" Scully wiped her eyes. She thought up a lie, and thought it up quick. And she thanked God that she read those Dr. Seuss books as a kid. "That's the onions I started to peel for the dinner I am making for my date tomorrow night." Then she turned on her heel, her #1 swinging behind her. Mulder stood devastated behind her, angry, hurt, jealous, loving her, hating her, needing to take a crap.... so he said, "I'm going to use your shower," and he walked down her pleasantly appointed hallway to go to use her shower. He closed the feminine bathroom door behind him with a loud bang. He took off his clothes and got into the shower. Not knowing where she kept her toiletries, but happy to be naked *anywhere* in her apartment, he groped blindly for some shampoo. Little did he realize that he picked up a bottle that said "Miss Prissy Enriched Conditioning Hair Coloring" in big letters. In really smaller letters, it said "#1" (and here, you _should_ use the key). Mulder, too, was in for a *big* surprise. Back in the kitchen, Scully mimicked his last words with a snotty upturned nose, one that would have made Mulder want to make mad passionate love to her. Too bad he missed it. When she leaned against the counter and imagined him naked in her shower, she leaned a little too far and her sweaty hands made her slip and fall to the floor. The hard tile floor promptly knocked her unconcious. Mulder did not hear her fall to the floor. Now dreaming, Scully was suddenly back in that room of #3, and her #16 saw something #12 that she would surely not remember clearly, but only partially, when she woke up. It would give her nightmares as it was an UNresolved issue and she would again have ample opportunities to call Mulder in the middle of the night and seek out only *so much* comfort from him. It would drive him even crazier. Even though she felt like she was tied to a cold metal slab and being poked and prodded by a Really Brilliant Japanese Genetic Doctor, Scully smiled lazily at where this fuzzy regressive dream would get her with Mulder. ----------------- "The Part Where They Unite" With one last final gasp, Krycek managed to pull himself to his oily, dark green feet. Panting with exertion he surveyed the room. He frowned. No! This can't be! Oozing towards the filthy, disgusting dresser that was even more filthy and disgusting than Krycek himself, he reached out a dark green sticky hand and picked up a framed photograph. It was Dana Scully and she was laughing, her huge blue eyes merry and her sensuous mouth parted slightly. Krycek set that photo down and picked up another. And another. And another. He nearly cried out when he saw the lamp, the base of which had been decoupaged with photos of Scully. "Damn you, Mulder," Krycek seethed. He could only seeth, because the oilien had eaten away his larynx. Seething was good enough, though, for the kind of creature that Krycek had become. With a violent wave of his hand, he smashed the lamp to the ground. CRASH!! CRASH!! With the second crash, Krycek spun, well, oozed, around, startled. Ass. Director Skinner stood in the filthy doorway of Mulder's bedroom, feet planted, gun pointed at Krycek. "FREEZE!" Krycek froze, still undulating somewhat do to his dark green sticky nature. Ass. Director Skinner took a step forward, brutally kicking a large pink stuffed elephant out of his way. Unfortunately for Ass. Director Skinner, his eyes went directly towards the Scully Shrine on the dresser. His jaw dropped and so did his gun. Krycek sprang into action, scrambling through dust motes to get to Ass. Director Skinner, who was now crouched in front of the dresser, chin trembling. Krycek paused in mid- spring, confused at the reaction. "Sir?" he seethed. Ass. Director Skinner didn't even seem to notice him. Tears flowed, unbidden, down his granite-like face. "Ass. Director --" Krycek, still seething, began. With a trembling hand, Ass. Director Skinner picked up the Laughing Scully photo, which looked remarkably like it had been taken by a staff photographer at FHM magazine, cradled it in his arms, and began to cry, sobs wracking his well-built and very studly body. Krycek was really lost now. His new stickiness hadn't prepared him for emotion like this, especially from the previously unemotional Ass. Director Skinner. He didn't know what to do. Sure, he wanted to once again plunge his fist into Ass. Director Skinner's firm stomach. Yeah, he was intrigued as to what a shiv would do to those washboard abs. There was definitely some interest in seeing his grey matter blown out of his ear. But there was something so forlorn about the way Ass. Director Skinner was crouching on the floor, arms protectively around the photo, as if he could protect Scully herself -- Hey, thought Krycek, he's in love with her!! Krycek almost did a victory dance but part of him was still mired in dust. Krycek didn't even consider why it had taken him the better part of an hour to figure this out. He attributed it to the dark green sticky part of his brain. Not that he'd been really sharp to begin with. He still had to do division the long way and did really badly on the Geography portion of Trivial Pursuit, but he used to be smarter, before... Krycek felt that compassion was warranted, even though he despised Ass. Director Skinner with all of his dark green sticky being. He reached out and put a dark green sticky hand on Ass. Director Skinner's shoulder. "Hey, Ass. Director Skinner, um..." Krycek's seething voice trailed off. He was having no effect. "I'm in love with her, too." Krycek was stunned. Hey, did that just come out of my face? Did I say that I was in love with Dana Scully? Sure, I want to screw her, but that's just the former man in me. I'm a misogynistic pig who thinks that women are only good for one thing, and if I don't get that one thing then they're whores, even though THAT doesn't make any sense because they can't really be whores if they don't put out, now, can they? How can I possibly be in love with Scully? Krycek noticed that the sobbing had stopped. He looked down. Ass. Director Skinner was staring up at him, eyes wide and red- rimmed from crying. Not a good look for the Man Of Steel, thought Krycek. "What did you say?" Ass. Director Skinner asked, his voice deadly. Krycek thought, Okay, now here's a dilemma. Do I deny that I love Scully? Do I pretend I said, um, 'I have a glove for her, too'? Or do I just take my dark green sticky medicine? Krycek decided to go for it. "I've been in love with her ever since I met her. But it was always Mulder. Mulder, Mulder, Mulder! He got in my way." Ass. Director Skinner looked at the photograph. "He got in both our ways, Agent Krycek. He's carried a torch for her all along. He knew how I felt! I told him, many times, that I considered Scully to be a damn fine agent! What the hell did he think that meant? That I considered Scully to be a damn fine agent? What kind of an idiot is he? I couldn't have been more obvious about my intentions towards Scully --" Ass. Director Skinner was overcome. Krycek was overcome. Mulder had betrayed them, and in doing so had betrayed all Men. Something had to be done. ----------- will Krycek dissolve?? will Ass. Director Skinner ever come to terms with his title?? will M&S do the (*gak*) wild thang?! part 3 coming soon! don't miss it! :-p If you have any questions or comments, eMail us at: < Parateam@aol.com > -or- < thalion@mail.multiverse.com > ok. Disclaimer in first post. rated NC-17. yadda yadda. ok. here's the key: #1 = insert "fiery red hair". #2 = insert "tortured psyche". #3 = insert "blinding white light". #4 = insert "pumping", "thrusting", "grinding", or "rhythmically moving"; alternate as you see fit. #5 = insert "forever", "undying", "brilliant", or an adjective of your own that describes something immensely moving. #6 = insert "oh, Dana, oooooooh...." or "oh, Fox, oooooooh....", respectively. #7 = insert "slimey" or "slick" or "oily". (this is only for the silly X-File part that we were forced to include in our little romance vignette. sucks, don't it? personally i *hate* it when "true love" is interrupted by a real story.) #8 = insert "ever since her abduction". #9 = insert "my whole life". #10 = insert "nuzzled". #11 = insert "ice queen". #12 = insert "spooky". #13 = insert "raked". #14 = insert "cellular". #15 = insert "hazel eyes". #16 = insert "lovely crystal blue eyes". ok. have fun. +++++++++++++++++++++++++ Title: "Wuthering Mulder on Scully Heights" an UNoriginal story, in the spirit of UNresolved sexual tension. by Mary Lynn and Kay part 3 of 9 +++++++++++++++++++++++++ "#1 becomes you, Mulder....." Mulder stepped out of Scully's shower, really, really, really refreshed. The shampoo he had used had felt a bit #7, but it was all washed out now. He felt downright Zestfully clean! The room had filled up with steam and he dragged a hand across the mirror to see himself. Mulder's mouth fell agape. He would have started to tell himself what was wrong with me, why you are such a jerk, why don't you just forget about Samantha, yadd yadda yadda, like he normally did when he looked in the mirror, *any* mirror (except the one in his bedroom because he never used it and it was dusty)... but instead, he just looked at himself and his mouth fell... well, it fell agape. He had #1. "SCULLYYYYYYY!!!!!!" he screamed aloud. Towel in place and angst not at all in check, he sprinted out of her pleasantly appointed, but a bit steamy still, bathroom. Scully was still unconcious and dreaming of her abduction on the kitchen floor. When Mulder found her, he yelled out her name again but in an entirely different fashion. The panic that filled his heart at the thought of her having even a case of the sniffles, much less unconcious for some unkown reason, made him lose his grip on his towel and it fell to the floor. He went to Scully and shook her. He momentarily noted that she was smiling.... Scully felt someone shaking her shoulders while she lay on the cold metal table. It irritated her. She looked over at the Really Brilliant Japanese Genetic Doctor, but he slowly turned into what appeared to her to be a Scully/Mulder Clone Hybrid. It had gorgeous #15, but the beautiful chesnut-color hair was instead fiery and red. She blinked back the vision, trying to maintain some sense of scientific detachment (ever since Mulder told her about Dr. Bambi and her sexy scientific detachment, Scully decided that she had better work on some of her own). But she found that she could not shake the vision. Furthermore, the funky frosted plastic curtains and the #3 that had surrounded her was suddenly turninginto her kitchen. And, the worst part was, this Scully/Mulder Clone Hybrid was apparently naked - and touching her! *Yech!* "Dana! Dana, what happened? You were moaning!!! Are you having a flashback? Did someone break in and hit you on the head? Are you sleepy?! Is your stomach upset???" Mulder's wet hair made little drops of water fall on Scully's face, which really annoyed her. Good thing he was soaking wet though, because he didn't want her to see that he was in tears. *Oh, God... Dana! How could I have been so inconsiderate??? Damn me! Oh, damn me I say!* Scully recoiled, and was about to scream, when she recognized that particular hair shade. Her brilliant little mind put two and five together and she knew what had happened to him in the shower. At least *part* of what had happened, anyway. She snickered at him. Mulder was totally confused at her reactions, then he remembered that he now looked like a drowned Raggedy Andy on steoriods. He got mad, and dropped her right there to the ground, where she almost hit her head again. He stood up in front of her, placing his hands on his hips disgustedly. Scully's eyes travelled down him suddenly, and this time she burst out laughing. It was then that Mulder realized he was a redhead, but then again not, and dripping wet, and really, really... well, really naked. He turned ghostly pale and turned on his heels, picking up his towel roughly, turning his finely chisled back to Scully and marching back down her pleasantly appointed hallway to the bathroom. Now, if he had *really* been paying attention, he would have noticed that Scully stopped laughing the moment he turned around. *O mi gawd! His ass is totally cool!!* her scientifically detached doctor's mind thought. Scully got to her feet. *Oh, well...* she thought, *At least his loogie came off.* ------------ "A Comrade in Ass. Director Skinner's Arms; well, sort of" Ass. Director Skinner was beginning to fume again. "Dammit, Krycek! You have to hold still, or we are never going to get outta here!!!!" Ass. Director Skinner was trying to stuff him into his overcoat. They were going to pay Scully a visit together. Ass. Director Skinner began pushing at Krycek's head again, which felt a bit like a rotting melon to him and it made him want to heave, trying to push it inside the front lapel part. Just as Krycek's head #7-ed into Ass. Director Skinner's overcoat, his icky legs popped out and hung limply from the bottom hem of Ass. Director Skinner's overcoat. "Jesus....." Ass. Director Skinner moaned, rolling his eyes heavenward and wishing he had not gotten out of bed that morning. "Krycek, you were a wash-out as an agent! Can't you at least TRY to be a better Human/Alien/Mutant hybrid?!??" "Man, Wallie! I'M NEW AT THIS, OKAY? *You* try being me. It isn't easy being green. And dark. Well the sticky part's okay sometimes, but-" Ass. Director Skinner cut him off, "Shut *UP*, Krycek!!!! God you whine a lot!" Ass. Director Skinner cradled his dark green sticky legs and pulled them back up into the coat. Krycek accidently #10 Ass. Director Skinner's neck as he popped back up. He couldn't help it. Ass. Director Skinner growled at him. "Now. Let's try it..... *again*." ------------- "The Tex-Mex Sex X Part" X looked at his watch. It looked back. He frowned and began pacing. Where the hell was Cancer Man? He should have been here by now. X glanced out the window. Fox Mulder's apartment was now dark. X frowned. It's what he did. Frown. Frequently. He frowned frequently, generally displeased at the world. X's frown deepened as he saw Ass. Director Skinner struggling out of Mulder's building, dragging a still form with him. X's frown deepened even more, and he had to shake his head to clear it because he could no longer see. His muscles strained with effort, but he managed to pry an eye open. He sprinted to the door, almost eagerly, hoping that Ass. Director Skinner had killed Mulder and was trying to hide the body. If X didn't have to inform Mulder anymore, maybe he'd have time to figure out how to get to the next level of Doom, X's favorite game (for obvious reasons). Scully carefully stuck the bandage on her forehead. She glared at herself in the mirror. Shit. Another head wound. She was gonna have scars on top of her scars. Why was it that she always had some stupid bandage on her head, no matter what she did? What was UP with that?? She heard Mulder come out of her bedroom. Scully stared at herself in the mirror, willing the familiar quirk of her lovely red lips to just knock it the hell off. It wouldn't do to piss Mulder off now. Squaring her lovely shoulders she turned, and just had to burst out laughing. Mulder had tried desperately to cover his red hair, but he'd made it even worse by tying one of Dana's gaily colored scarves around his head. He glared at her. "I'm sorry, Mulder, but you look like -- like -- Rhoda!" Scully collapsed in laughter. Mulder cocked his head, puzzled. "Who?" Scully wiped tears out of her eyes. "Rhoda. You know, Rhoda Morgenstern. Valerie Harper." Mulder was still staring at her. Scully broke out into fresh peals of laughter. "I'm the one with the head wound, Mulder. Rhoda. You know. The TV show." Mulder slowly shook his head, clueless. Scully stopped laughing. This was serious. "Rhoda. Rhoda Morgenstern. Rho, Bren, Ma, Pop, Joe, Carlton the Doorman...you know." But it was obvious that Mulder didn't. Scully couldn't believe it. How could she be in love with someone who didn't know who Rhoda was? Scully gasped. Was she in love with Mulder? Had she decided this earlier and was just now too lazy to go back and look at what else was written? Was it possible that she decide in every section of this story that she WAS in love with him? Would each decision have the same emotional weight, or would it start to diminish after awhile -- Scully gave herself a mental shake. She had bigger problems. Gently, she took Mulder's sinewy arm and sat him down on the pleasantly appointed toilet seat. She kneeled in front of him, limpid eyes boring deep into his hazel ones. "Let's start with something simple. The Mary Tyler Moore Show." She held her breath. Mulder searched his eidetic memory, which if up to snuff, wouldn't keep memories of old TV shows in there. He shook his head. "Do you know who Mary Tyler Moore IS??" Scully asked desperately. Mulder shook his head again. Scully rocked back on her heels, stunned. "Was she involved with a Kennedy?" Mulder asked sheepishly. "No! Of course not! She's Mary Tyler Moore! She defined fashion, not to mention the lives of single AND married women, in the sixties and seventies! She's a fucking icon, Mulder! Where the HELL have you been??" Scully was angry now. Mulder had no business not knowing who Mary Tyler Moore was. There were Amazon Indians who knew, for God's sake! Scully knew that Mulder had cable and was just starting to figure out that there was only One Reason for that. You couldn't get sexually excited by Nick At Nite. Although with Mary, and Samantha and Jeannie...but Mulder was more hard- core than that. "You know where I've been, Scully. Mourning the loss of my darling sister Samantha. Trying to find her after she -- she -- and living with my shame -- and my father -- who -- who --" Mulder broke down. He began to sob and his scarf slipped slightly. Shit, Scully thought. Now I've done it. He's mentioned It, and I'm gonna have to comfort him. But if I touch him, even with that ridiculous hair that looks TONS better on me, I might be forced to R the ST. What the hell, thought Scully. She reached out a hand, touching Mulder's shoulder and fingering the scar that he still had from when she shot him. He looked at her, tears still streaming down his face. And then he said the Magic Words. "Hold me, Dana." Well! Thought Scully. You can't get more blatant than that. She put her arms around his firm body, pushing out that ludicrous thought that Ass. Director Skinner had an even nicer, firmer body. She ripped off the stupidscarf and ran her hands through his red hair. Her mouth sought his. They kissed feverishly, again. And again. And again.... --------- part 4 is next. Duh. and you have to be really really over 18 to read it. :-p If you have any questions or comments, eMail us at: < thalion@mail.multiverse.com > -or- < Parateam@aol.com > ok. Disclaimer in first post. rated NC-17. yadda yadda. ok. here's the key: #1 = insert "fiery red hair". #2 = insert "tortured psyche". #3 = insert "blinding white light". #4 = insert "pumping", "thrusting", "grinding", or "rhythmically moving"; alternate as you see fit. #5 = insert "forever", "undying", "brilliant", or an adjective of your own that describes something immensely moving. #6 = insert "oh, Dana, oooooooh...." or "oh, Fox, oooooooh....", respectively. #7 = insert "slimey" or "slick" or "oily". (this is only for the silly X-File part that we were forced to include in our little romance vignette. sucks, don't it? personally i *hate* it when "true love" is interrupted by a real story.) #8 = insert "ever since her abduction". #9 = insert "my whole life". #10 = insert "nuzzled". #11 = insert "ice queen". #12 = insert "spooky". #13 = insert "raked". #14 = insert "cellular". #15 = insert "hazel eyes". #16 = insert "lovely crystal blue eyes". ok. have fun. +++++++++++++++++++++++++ Title: "Wuthering Mulder on Scully Heights" an UNoriginal story, in the spirit of UNresolved sexual tension. by Mary Lynn and Kay part 4 of 9 +++++++++++++++++++++++++ "What CC Don't Know Won't Hurt Him" X sprinted toward Ass. Director Skinner and the form he was holding. Carefully. His eyes were still a bit closed because his eye muscles' recovery rate was not what it used to be. The thought of this alone would have made him frown, but he couldn't afford to do that right now. Ass. Director Skinner nearly dropped the dark green sticky thing he was carrying when X ran up to him. His eyes bulged out at the thought of having to fight with X again. The last time he got head-butted, and it had really hurt. Oh, well... at least *his* eye muscles' recovery rate was still acceptable enough for the FBI to keep him on as Ass. Director. *Man,* he thought, *I really _hate_ that title....* "Skinner! Have you finally killed Agent Mulder?!!?" X spoke to him in that clipped way that all the fans have come to adore. He had to; it was in his contract. Ass. Director Skinner looked at him, and frowned, and then stopped. X was instantly jealous of this ability. "No, you idiot! Despite my steely, icy exterior, I happen to *like* Agent Mulder! Or at least I *did*, until....." Ass. Director Skinner trailed off again, his eyes growing misty at the thought of Mulder's Scully shrine on that dusty lamp base. X was once again jealous, this time of the fact that Ass. Director Skinner could make his eyes mist up instantly, too. The body in Ass. Director Skinner's arms decided to put in his .005 cents (as Krycek was much smaller since The Transformation, he didn't need a whole 2 cents to express his opinion. Not that he could have *afforded* to give anyone so large a piece of his mind before). "Well, I *always* hated Mulder! And I always *loved* the Lovely Dana, too! Betcha I loved her _waaaaaay_ longer than *you*, Ass. Director Skinner!! I'll bet that I even-" "Shut *UP*, Krycek!!!!" Ass. Director Skinner cut him off again. X's eyes then did bulge out - which hurt a lot, but it was involuntary, so he had little choice. "Krycek?!?!? But C-Man told me you were-" he caught himself before he revealed his true employer. it was difficult enough that the entire viewing audience knew that he worked for Cigarette Man (*his* proper title), thanks to that Chris Carter. *Damn you, Chris Carter!, Oh, damn you, I say!* X thought, trying not to furrow his brows in anger. "Uhhhh.... I, uhhh. Umm.....", X started, "Krycek, huh? How ya doin, man?" X tried to be casual. He was *lousy* at casual. Ass. Director Skinner looked at him and curled his lip up in confusion, causing his one eyebrow to go up in a naturally talented way. X fumed unemotionally at this one too - was there no end to the man's natural gifts of facial expressions!?!?? God in Heaven! "We... we were on our way to Dan-, uhhh, Agent Scully's apartment. We wanted to ask her some questions.... pertaining to.... uh...." Teeny tiny beads of sweat were forming on Ass. Director Skinner's upper lip. If X were to learn of his #5 love for Scully, the liability would be just too much. *This* is why Scully never got any dates. Well, Pendrell was willing to take the risk, but he was just way too geeky for Dana.... Krycek piped in with his dark green sticky voice to finish Ass. Director Skinner's sentence. "Pertaining to an investigation... Ass. Director Skinner just reinstated me." He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick. He, too, had read Dr. Seuss as a child. It was the Nancy Drew books that had made him go bad. Well... those, and the Harlequin Romance novels. "You. Reinstated. *THAT*??" X looked at Ass. Director Skinner, pointing at Krycek's body over his shoulder. This was just too much. He began to laugh, and it must have been really funny to X, because he lost all control and it came out as a girlie laugh. His eyes squinted up and tears rolled out of them, and it felt really, really good. Ass. Director Skinner looked at X, and this time *he* fumed. *Why can't _I_ laugh like that? How'm I ever gonna have a relationship with Scully if I can't laugh like that? Maybe if I didn't have the word "Ass" in my title....* "Okay, whatever your name is, the truth is we are going over to Scully's house because we are both in love with her, and we are pretty sure...", Ass. Director Skinner paused as he thought about the shrine. It had been a *bit* of a give away. "Well, okay, *really, really* sure that Mulder is too, and we are gonna make her choose between us." X was still suddenly, and looked at them both with a look of a really strange look on his face. At least this one didn't require any strenuous eye movements. Ass. Director Skinner could analyze the look on X's face only as a man who suddenly realized the reason for his existence mixed with a little puppy love. X hesitated, opening his mouth to speak once or twice, then finally voicing his thoughts, rather sheepishly. "Me too. Can I come with, huh?" ------------- "The NC-17 Part. Turn Your Eyes Away From The Sceen If It Makes You Dizzy At Any Time" Fox leaned into Dana's arms, taking in her #5 warmth as he #10 whatever part of her body he came into contact with. Even if it was only her lovely PALMS, he still #10 them. Dana stroked his #1, noting that it would have been much more of a turn-on to her if it had been the chestnut color she had come to love. Her #16 looked down at his yearning #15, revealing every part of his #2 to her. She #13 her hands through his #1, and said "#6. #8, you have been #9! I can't live without you anymore! Take me and make me forget all the #3 that plagues my every dream!" Fox stood up quickly and lifted her into his manly arms. His voice #13 her ears when he finally found it. "#6.... I say that same thing to myself *a lot*! Only the pronouns are reversed in their meaning and inflection, and I know that because I almost have a doctorate in lit from Yale titled _Magic and Technology in Contemporary American Fiction and Poetry_". Dana shivered in his warm - no, strike that, *hot* embrace. She loved it when he sounded like a man who had almost had a doctorate. "#6..." she said, and she #10 against his neck, and #13 her hands through his #1, trying to lovingly, femininely ignore the color. *Good thing the lighting is always questionable and #12 on this show...* Dana thought. Fox held Dana closely, and strolled down her pleasantly appointed hallway to her bedroom. Dana suddenly grew stiff in his arms. He stopped immediately. "Dana," he started, "If you don't want to, tell me now. I will understand, because it is enough for me that we know how we feel for one another. The Sex Can Come Later. I don't want to hurt you, or make you uncomf-" "Shut *UP*, Fox!!!" she bellowed in his ear, forgetting that she had #10 it and was too close for screaming. Fox winced, as he could do that easily too. "Uh.. sorry," she said, "I mean, let's not talk too much, okay? Why don't you take me to the couch?" Fox looked at her affectionately. Dana knew what he liked, and she loved him so, and she had *no problem* with it. Now, if he had been psychic, he would have known that she had just put fresh sheets on her pleasantly appointed bed, and didn't want them to get messy. But, *he* didn't need to know that. Fox turned on his heel and continued strolling, this time in the other direction. He laid her down on the couch gently, resting on top of only half of her, so as not to crush her beautiful, feminine, delicate, finely chilsed, curvy, sweet, broken, shatterd, abused, confused, red-headed existence. "#6, #6..." "#6... Oh, Dana, you aren't at *all* an #11..." He began #4 against her. "#6... Fox, you *are* #12, but in an oh-so-sexy way... #6." "#6." "#6." "#6." "#6." "#6." By this time they had torn all of their clothes off, but lovingly. and they were having sex, with lots of #4. Really, really great sex. ------------ part 5 soon. there, they *did* it, OKAY??!? go take a shower, will ya? :-p If you have any questions or comments, eMail us at: < Parateam@aol.com > -or- < thalion@mail.multiverse.com > ok. Disclaimer in first post. rated NC-17. yadda yadda. ok. here's the key: #1 = insert "fiery red hair". #2 = insert "tortured psyche". #3 = insert "blinding white light". #4 = insert "pumping", "thrusting", "grinding", or "rhythmically moving"; alternate as you see fit. #5 = insert "forever", "undying", "brilliant", or an adjective of your own that describes something immensely moving. #6 = insert "oh, Dana, oooooooh...." or "oh, Fox, oooooooh....", respectively. #7 = insert "slimey" or "slick" or "oily". (this is only for the silly X-File part that we were forced to include in our little romance vignette. sucks, don't it? personally i *hate* it when "true love" is interrupted by a real story.) #8 = insert "ever since her abduction". #9 = insert "my whole life". #10 = insert "nuzzled". #11 = insert "ice queen". #12 = insert "spooky". #13 = insert "raked". #14 = insert "cellular". #15 = insert "hazel eyes". #16 = insert "lovely crystal blue eyes". ok. have fun. +++++++++++++++++++++++++ Title: "Wuthering Mulder on Scully Heights" an UNoriginal story, in the spirit of UNresolved sexual tension. by Mary Lynn and Kay part 5 of 9 +++++++++++++++++++++++++ "Smoking and Sweating" The pleasantly appointed apartment reeked of sex. It's a good thing Queequeg had recently passed on. The smell would have asphyxiated him. Dana lay in Fox's strong arms, still slightly drowsy. It's amazing how out of practice one can get, she thought lazily, listening to Fox's rhythmic breathing. Perhaps I should have practiced with Pendrell. But at least Fox seemed pleased... Fox dreamt that he was drowning. He just couldn't seem to get any air. He came awake all of a sudden and was relieved to find that No, he wasn't drowning and that Yes, he and Dana *had* done the deed. She lay on top of his chest, completely obstructing his airway. "Dana --" he croaked. He shifted a little bit. Thump! Dana fell to the floor. She blinked up at him. "Sorry," he said sheepishly. He stretched aching muscles. Dana slowly got to her feet and reached for her robe. Fox stopped her. "Don't put that on, okay?" A smile curled Dana's lips as she reached over and dropped the robe on Fox's head. "We're going to HAVE to do something about that hair," she said. Great, thought Fox. What a wonderful beginning to the rest of my life. ----------- "Stinky and Green" X's eyes had narrowed to such tiny slits that Ass. Director Skinner imagined the man's eyeballs squirting out in protest. Something was wrong here. X was acting, well, emotional, for lack of a better word. Ass. Director Skinner shifted the bundle that was Krycek. Damn Krycek anyway, making up that reinstatement lie! He knew that they didn't allow The Transformed into the FBI. It just wasn't right. One of X's eyes opened slightly. He looked at Ass. Director Skinner. "I, too, am slightly enamored of Agent Scully," he stated. Ass. Director Skinner gave him that hard-ass Marine Corps look. "What the hell does THAT mean?" he demanded. X frowned, his eyes once more disappearing. "What does WHAT mean?" "Enamored. What the hell kind of language is that?" "I thought you knew all the fancy words, smart boy," X fired back. Ass. Director Skinner sighed inwardly. Apparently, they had to have some sort of pissing contest before they could all go off to Scully's apartment. X straightened up. "Enamored. Inspired with love. Captivated." Ass. Director Skinner glared at him. "Well, hoo yah. Aren't you the bright young thing." Krycek cleared his dark green sticky throat. "I'm thirsty." Ass. Director Skinner directed his glare towards the grody bundle. "Shut up, Krycek." "But I really need a Big Gulp. Come on, Ass. Director Skinner, there's got to be a 7-11 or an AM/PM on the way to Scully's. Two seconds. Please?" Ass. Director Skinner wavered. X stepped forward. "No problem, son. Let's go." X turned on his triumphant heel and strode away. Ass. Director Skinner stared after him. This was going to be a long night. ----------- "The Dark Green Sticky Siege" X opened the door of the brightly lit convenience store. Ass. Director Skinner was all for running in, grabbing the damned Big Gulp, and running back out again, but Krycek's dark green sticky mind was wavering between a Big Gulp and a Slurpee, and he needed to know what Slurpee flavors they had. Ass. Director Skinner hoped that nobody recognized him. He looked like he was carrying Eraserhead. The young lad behind the counter didn't even notice them as they walked in. Great, thought Ass. Director Skinner, maybe this will go smoothly. X was lurking in the shadow of the apartment rental magazines. Krycek pulled on Ass. Director Skinner's coat. "Candy." Came the muffled statement. Ass. Director Skinner sighed and slowly made his way down the candy aisle as Krycek shopped. "OOOH, Mars bar! No, um...OOH, Tootsie Rolls! Nope...look, Ass. Director Skinner, Now & Later! They still make those. And Toffeefay! Light Three Musketeers? LIGHT?? A travesty..." Fed up, Ass. Director Skinner reached out, grabbed a Fun Dip, and handed it to his dark green sticky companion. "Here," he said. He could almost feel Krycek frown. "I don't like these," the former agent whined. "I don't care. It's what you're getting. We're on a deadline here," Ass. Director Skinner answered. "How do you figure that? We're all going to profess our love for Scully. How is that a deadline?" "What, you don't think Mulder's already made his move? What kind of an idiot ARE you?" Krycek was silent for a moment. "The kind of idiot who was locked up in a silo and had his molecules completely rearranged, thank you very much." X shot out of his hiding place. "Enough!" he hissed. "Get your goddam drink and let's get out of here. I've spent too much time in public as it is." Ass. Director Skinner rolled his eyes and went over to the drink machine. One of Krycek's dark green sticky hands flopped out. He grabbed a Thirsty-Two Ouncer, filled it with ice, and maneuvered Ass. Director Skinner around so he could fill his beverage. Just then came a scream. The three men (well, two men and one, um, something else) whirled around, ice falling to the floor. The young lad behind the counter was pointing a trembling hand at Krycek's dark green sticky hand. "Ahhhhhhh! You have killed him!" Ass. Director Skinner exchanged a puzzled look with X, who shrugged. "What are you talking about? I'm FBI --" Ass. Director Skinner reached into his pocket for his I.D. The young lad, however, only saw Ass. Director Skinner's cannon of a weapon. He screamed and dove under the counter, reaching up to snatch the phone. "Hello, police? Help me, please, there are men with guns." Ass. Director Skinner shook his head and motioned X outside. "Let's get out of here. Krycek can worry about his soda later." "No!" Came the anguished cry from Ass. Director Skinner's back. Just as they reached the door three squad cars drove up, lights flashing. X drew his gun. Ass. Director Skinner looked at him. "What the hell are you doing?" "Are you saying that you haven't killed for the cause?" "Well, sure I've killed for the cause, but not for a Big Gulp, for Christ's sake!" Ass. Director Skinner was forced to pull his gun and seek refuge in the bread aisle. This was going to be a long night. ------------- part 6 posted next! RELOAD!! MEDIC!! (this is just a FANTASY!!!) :-p If you have any questions or comments, eMail us at: < thalion@mail.multiverse.com > -or- < Parateam@aol.com > ok. Disclaimer in first post. rated NC-17. yadda yadda. ok. here's the key: #1 = insert "fiery red hair". #2 = insert "tortured psyche". #3 = insert "blinding white light". #4 = insert "pumping", "thrusting", "grinding", or "rhythmically moving"; alternate as you see fit. #5 = insert "forever", "undying", "brilliant", or an adjective of your own that describes something immensely moving. #6 = insert "oh, Dana, oooooooh...." or "oh, Fox, oooooooh....", respectively. #7 = insert "slimey" or "slick" or "oily". (this is only for the silly X-File part that we were forced to include in our little romance vignette. sucks, don't it? personally i *hate* it when "true love" is interrupted by a real story.) #8 = insert "ever since her abduction". #9 = insert "my whole life". #10 = insert "nuzzled". #11 = insert "ice queen". #12 = insert "spooky". #13 = insert "raked". #14 = insert "cellular". #15 = insert "hazel eyes". #16 = insert "lovely crystal blue eyes". ok. have fun. +++++++++++++++++++++++++ Title: "Wuthering Mulder on Scully Heights" an UNoriginal story, in the spirit of UNresolved sexual tension. by Mary Lynn and Kay part 6 of 9 +++++++++++++++++++++++++ "You Always Rift The One You Love" "I *said*, you can stop calling me 'Dana' anytime now, _Mulder_." Scully was tired. It was only 9:23 pm and they had been having sex for nearly 20 minutes. Enough was enough. She really enjoyed it, but they had a case to work on now. Mulder looked up at her from the couch. She had put on the robe. *Dammit!* He gave her The Puppy Dog Look, but now that they had had actual sex instead of just UST, The Puppy Dog Look's effects had diminished on her. He tried to reason. Foolish fool. There was no reasoning with True Love! "B-but... Dana? Why can't we be close for a little while longer? Why can I not call you 'Dana', my love? Why do you not see how greatly my love for you has-" "*GAK*!! Shut UP, Mulder!!!" Scully rolled her eyes and walked away, swishing her lovely hips in a way that she knew would drive him batty. *If 'Bambi' can play him for a fool, so can I!!! HAH!* Mulder was a bit hurt, but then his eyes focused on a small piece of dark green sticky cloth that had been thrown on the living room floor along with all the other clothes...... and despite the fact that they say sex ruins your eyes, he didn't even need his adorable little glasses to see it clearly. If X were there, he would have been really, really jealous. And not that Mulder even *wore* the adorable glasses anymore. He didn't have to. It wasn't in his contract. "Oh!" he said, and stood up quickly, taking the blankie Scully's mother had knitted by hand with him. Scully turned at this proclamation, taking note that the blankie was almost too small for him. Her eyes traced his magnificent form, they lazilyy drifted down his body, barely concealed in the blankie, she breathed out roughly, nearly dropping the mugs from her now- sweaty-again hands, imagining his strong shoulders and arms wrapping around her own delicate feminine ones, her eyes glazed over and she was technically no longer in the room, she- "Hey, Scully!" Mulder shook her by those delicate feminine shoulders, "Hey! Wake up!! Were you dreaming again? Are you frightened? Do you need comforting?? Did you hit your head??" "F-fox? Huh?" Scully slowly focused on his face, and the #1 surrounding it. *That* did it. Reality hit home. God, that hair color really sucked on him. "HEY! If *I* can't call you 'Dana', then _you_ can't call me 'Fox' - rules are rules sweetheart!" His voice had almost returned to the monotone she had grown to love. It was making her *really* horny again. "Sure. Fine. Whatever." She turned on her heel, going back to her sink..... Mulder regretted it he moment he had said it. *Damn you, whoever created The Rift! Oh, damn you I say!* He sheepishly walked up behind her and wrapped the blankie around them both. Scully thought of hot baths, peanut butter cookies, tin foil, *anything* that would turn her off. But it didn't work, because no matter what she thought of, sooner or later it *MUTATED* into an image of Fox Mulder, naked, wearing whatever it was she originally thought of to try and ward off the thoughts of making mad, passionate love to him again and again and aga- "*MUTATED*!!!!! My God! that's it!" She yelled, her scientific detachment pulling her from her horny state and finally being of some bloody use to her. She turned around, brushing against certain naked parts of her naked partner a little too abrubtly. "Oooofff!!!" Mulder bent over in pain, and wrapped the blankie around him protectively. Scully ran to the living room frantically, pushing Mulder out of the way. She began rummaging around the pile of clothes in a not at all feminine or delicate manner. Mulder followed her slowy, keeping a safe distance. "Dana, what are you looking for?" She continued her search, not answering him. "Dana?" She stopped, and looked up at him, her #16 becoming slits. X would be jealous of her, too. Not that he would let that stop him from planting a wet one right on her full, pouty, perfectly- matched-to-her-hair-color lips. Mulder backed away a little at the stare. "Dana?" Nothing. "Umm..... Dana, sweetheart?" The Fool tried The Puppy Dog Look again. She placed her hands on her feminine hips carefully and really, really looked at him. "What did you call me?" "Ummmm..... Scully? I said, 'What are you looking for, Scully'?" He was completely monotone by now. "That's better." She went back to her search, "I am looking for that disgusting piece of dark green sticky fabric that you waved under my nose as an aphrodisiac earlier." "Oh! It's over there." Mulder barely pointed from under his blankie, or rather *Scully's* blankie, one that he was apparently planning on sTealing and sleePing with because that was probAbly as close as he was ever gonna get to *her* again..... Scully got up and Found the cloth where he had pointed. She picked it up. She sniffed it. She licked it. She was turning Mulder on, but he still kept his distance. Then, she smIled. She almost laughed, but she hadn't really Done that since The Pilot, so why should she noG? It wasn't in *her* contract. She stood up real fast and walked over to him, waving the dark green sticky cLoth in front of his nose. *THERE. See how _you_ like it, carrot top!* she snickered in her head. "I have to get this to the lab. I have a hench. It smells familiar. I haveseen this particular strain of dark green stickiness before. I-uh.... *We* need Pendrell." ShE walked past him quickly down her pleasantly appointed hallway, to her bedroom. She was back in less than a miNute, fully dresSed and putting on her sneakers. Mulder stood in awe of her womaness, her take-charge fierceness, her quite ca@able capabilitiEs, her- "For crissakes, get dressed Mulder. I have to do somedhing about that hair before we go to the lab." She finished pulling on her shoes, then sprinted to the laundry closet to get a big bottle of hydrogen peroxide....... ------------- "Cancer Man Risks Some Business" CanceR Man was walking around in Mulder's trashed apartment. He had grown tired of waiting for his assistant, Mr. X. "Damn him! Oh, damn him I saY!" shouted CancEr Man, to no one or about no one in particular. He just wanted to hear his voiCe reverberate off of the cheesy walls in Mulder's living room.It sounded kewl. He walked ovEr to the window and put some tape on the windowin the shape of an "o". "That'll teach 'em!" he snorted, "FuCk with da bull, ya get the *horNs*!!!!" Cancer Man then proceeDed to strut across Mulder's living room like that really, really cute kid did in that really funny movie about graduating seniOrs and hookers on subways. OnlY he didn't have on tightie whities, he had on boxers. Cancer Man's attention suddenly shifted to what was apparently Mulder's bedroom. *I can remedy _that_*, he thought, a sly smile playing across his lips as he looked at a very dusty chest of drawers. He sprinted to the bedroom gleefully, opening the drawers, one at a time. In the top drawer, he found some women's underwear and a book called L. Palmer's Diary, or something like that. He closed that drawer. The next drawer was filled to the brim with photos of Special Agent Dana Scully. He closed that drawer. The next drawer had what he was looking for. After sifting through multitudes of what appeared to be black silk boxers (though they were really finely tailored polyester) he found them. A crisp, clean, freshly starched pair of Tightie Whities. "Yippeee!!!!" he yelled, and proceeded to rip his clothing off, looking around hastily for a stereo. ------------ "Oh, Resolve, You Are No Friend Of Mine" A desperate Fox reached out and snagged Dana by the arm. "Ow. Quit it!" she barked at him. Fox started the Wounded Puppy Look, then stopped in mid-try. Damn it! Now he would have to find another Look. He'd worked years on that Look. Dana was staring at him in either astonishment or lust. Being a man, Fox could pretend that it was lust. It's a guy thing. He reeled her in and pressed his now-naked body up close to hers. She was still staring at him. Hmm. She wasn't responding. Fox pressed tighter and wrapped his arms around her, nuzzling her lovely tousled hair with his tempestuous lips. "Dana," he murmured. He felt her shift slightly and then the bitch slugged him in the stomach! Fox fell backwards, hands clutching his stomach. He stared, wild-eyed, at Dana. "What the hell...?" he gasped. Dana, fist still balled, glared at him. "Maybe you have completely lost your objectivity, *Agent* Mulder, but I haven't. We have a case to work on and I'd appreciate it if you could keep it in your pants for awhile." Fox was dumbfounded, yet there was still a ray of hope. "For how long?" he asked. Dana sighed and rolled her beautiful blues. "Until you find somewhere else to stick it," she nastily replied. Fox couldn't believe this. They were perfect for each other! They'd had enormous amounts of wild, passionate sex! She'd called him Fox! Dozens of times! She'd panted and groaned and begged for more! And there was the UST -- oh God. The Unresolved Sexual Tension. Fox looked into Dana's eyes. They looked back. He blinked. He was able to look away. He looked back, tears suddenly brimming in his eyes. Scully looked askance at him. "Mulder, what --?" He shook his head, too devastated to speak. "I'll get dressed," he murmured sadly. Scully watched as he shuffled off to the bedroom, blankie dragging behind him. Scully shook her head and lit a cigarette. "Sure, fine, whatever." ------------- part 7 coming up. just ask Mulder. he really really *needs* someone to talk to. bad. :-p If you have any questions or comments, eMail us at: < Parateam@aol.com > -or- < thalion@mail.multiverse.com > ok. Disclaimer in first post. rated NC-17. yadda yadda. ok. here's the key: #1 = insert "fiery red hair". #2 = insert "tortured psyche". #3 = insert "blinding white light". #4 = insert "pumping", "thrusting", "grinding", or "rhythmically moving"; alternate as you see fit. #5 = insert "forever", "undying", "brilliant", or an adjective of your own that describes something immensely moving. #6 = insert "oh, Dana, oooooooh...." or "oh, Fox, oooooooh....", respectively. #7 = insert "slimey" or "slick" or "oily". (this is only for the silly X-File part that we were forced to include in our little romance vignette. sucks, don't it? personally i *hate* it when "true love" is interrupted by a real story.) #8 = insert "ever since her abduction". #9 = insert "my whole life". #10 = insert "nuzzled". #11 = insert "ice queen". #12 = insert "spooky". #13 = insert "raked". #14 = insert "cellular". #15 = insert "hazel eyes". #16 = insert "lovely crystal blue eyes". ok. have fun. +++++++++++++++++++++++++ Title: "Wuthering Mulder on Scully Heights" an UNoriginal story, in the spirit of UNresolved sexual tension. by Mary Lynn and Kay part 7 of 9 +++++++++++++++++++++++++ "X-plain Yourself" Ass. Director Skinner stared at X, who was calmly reloading his gigantic gun. X's eyebrow quirked. "What?" He asked somewhat innocently. With a shaking green hand, Krycek pointed at the bodies that littered the floor of the 7-11. X rolled an eye. He couldn't roll both of them. He hadn't practiced that yet. "So what. Just cops." Ass. Director Skinner turned and made eye contact with Krycek. Gross, he thought. Krycek's head squished as he shook it from side to side. "They were only doing their job --" "Their JOB?" X barked. "Well, let me tell you about my job, mister. Anyone sees me, I'm dead. I get arrested, I'm dead. I get shot or hurt in any way, I've got nowhere to turn. I live in the fucking SHADOWS, you mutant!! Now get your goddam Slurpee and let's get the hell out of here. I got a chick to win over." X turned, stowed his gun, and made his way through the carnage to the door. Ass. Director Skinner sighed as he helped Krycek get his Slurpee. He tossed a dollar onto the bullet-riddled corpse of the young lad and followed X out the door. ------------ "Leave It To Pendrell" This was it. This was the night he was going to make his move. Although he felt a touch guilty about leaving the lab unattended, the fact that he was apparently supposed to work around the clock was getting to him. He loved the nightlife. He loved to boogie. Nobody was going to keep Danny Pendrell from his goal: The successful wooing of one Dana Scully. Pendrell shifted his weight. Man, it was cold out here. He looked up into Dana's window. Someone else was up there. It was probably Mulder, thought Pendrell. He used to think that they had a thing going, but since he'd been stalking Dana for two years he'd proven that wrong. He looked at his lovely bouquet of camellias. He'd thought about roses, but when he'd broken into her pleasantly appointed apartment while she'd been away on a case, he'd thought that camellias fit the decor better than roses. The moo-shu pork was dripping into his shoe, but he didn't care. He knew how much she loved moo-shu pork. Hell, he'd been through her garbage enough times. He'd also renewed her subscription to Time magazine and paid four of her parking tickets. Unsung hero, that's what Pendrell was. He started to psyche himself out. Gotta be in the zone for my dream girl, he thought. Now when Mulder leaves, I'll make my move. ------------ "The Other Cancer Man Part" Cancer Man's tummy was upset, and he had grown bored. *Oh, well...* he thought, *Better get back to work.* He put Mulder's Tightie Whities back in the drawer, slightly used but neatly folded, and reluctantly put his own clothes back on. He popped the tape called "Debbie does the FBI" out of the VCR, and placed it back in its notably *not* very dusty jacket. *Hmmmm.... they don't recruit 'em like _that_ anymore*, he thought. He picked up all the candy wrappers, tossed the empty bottle of vodka, put a chippie clip on the half-eaten bag of BBQ Fritos, folded up the trampoline, and emptied out the makeshift ash tray (it was actually Mulder's Capn' Crunch Super Sleuth Expandable Field Cup, but what Mulder didn't know wasn't gonna hurt him). *No need to be messy. That would be rude.* He sighed, looking at his watch. It had not been a great night for espionage. X was obviously detained. Mulder may already be dead, but that was no big loss. Ass. Director Skinner hadn't followed him. Most importantly, if he didn't shake a leg, he was gonna be late for his dinner date with Special Agent Dana Scully. Oh, he *wanted* to shake a leg.... both of 'em, in fact......right *around* Special Agent Dana Scully. ------------- "Mulder Rotten" "Jesus! Hold *still* you idiot!!" Scully bellowed. "This isn't so bad, and it won't take very long." Scully continued to apply the peroxide to Mulder's hair. He had *finally* gotten dressed, although he was in the bathroom such a long time he had made Scully uncomfortable. She could have sworn she had heard weeping, and something about "R'ing the ST", and maybe even "oh the humanity" through the pleasantly appointed door. Just her luck - her new boyfriend cries and talks to himself in the bathroom after sex. *Boy, can you ever pick 'em...* Mulder was leaning over the sink patiently. She stood on a chair so that she could reach the top of his head. His #1 was finally starting to lighten up, and now it was a vivid freaky pinkish orange. She feard what putting more peroxide on his hair would do to him, but she feared even more so the repercussions of his going from Special Agent Raggedy Andy to Special Agent Lead Singer of Stone Temple Pilots. She frowned. The peroxide appeared to have stopped working. So she put on more. And more. And more. "Uh, Scully....." Mulder started. She didn't want to answer him. She wasn't his fucking hairdresser! She wanted to get to the lab and get that damn dark green sticky cloth analyzed! She had work to do! God dammitt! "Scully.... Ummm, do I smell something, uh, burning?" Scully stopped immediately and ran the cold water over his head. They had to get going. Modified Strawberry Blonde would just have to do. "No, you don't smell something burning. Here's a towel." She shoved it in his face and ran to the table, grabbing her purse. He watched her, wondering what he had said *this* time. *Maybe if I just keep him away from any mirrors......* She threw her purse on her shoulder, and pulled at his hand, forcing him toward the door. "Scully! I have to dry my hair yet!" "*NO*!" she screamed, then quietly, "I mean, no, the wet look is good for you." Scully tried to contain her laughter. His hair was... well, it was fluorescent melon. But the neat thing was, it really set off his #15. Mulder obeyed, letting her drag him toward the door. She got out her keys, and looked at her pleasantly appointed clock on the wall, which said 8:15 pm. Suddenly, there came a pleasant *knock* upon the door. They knew what that meant. And they both froze. ----------- part 8 coming soon. kids, do NOT try the peroxide thing at home. get your parent(s)'s permission first and pay a professional to do it for you. you shouldn't be reading this anyway. you were warned. :-p If you have any questions or comments, eMail us at: < thalion@mail.multiverse.com > -or- < Parateam@aol.com > ok. Disclaimer in first post. rated NC-17. yadda yadda. ok. here's the key: #1 = insert "fiery red hair". #2 = insert "tortured psyche". #3 = insert "blinding white light". #4 = insert "pumping", "thrusting", "grinding", or "rhythmically moving"; alternate as you see fit. #5 = insert "forever", "undying", "brilliant", or an adjective of your own that describes something immensely moving. #6 = insert "oh, Dana, oooooooh...." or "oh, Fox, oooooooh....", respectively. #7 = insert "slimey" or "slick" or "oily". (this is only for the silly X-File part that we were forced to include in our little romance vignette. sucks, don't it? personally i *hate* it when "true love" is interrupted by a real story.) #8 = insert "ever since her abduction". #9 = insert "my whole life". #10 = insert "nuzzled". #11 = insert "ice queen". #12 = insert "spooky". #13 = insert "raked". #14 = insert "cellular". #15 = insert "hazel eyes". #16 = insert "lovely crystal blue eyes". ok. have fun. +++++++++++++++++++++++++ Title: "Wuthering Mulder on Scully Heights" an UNoriginal story, in the spirit of UNresolved sexual tension. by Mary Lynn and Kay part 8 of 9 +++++++++++++++++++++++++ "Driving Miss Dark Green Sticky Thing" X, Krycek and Ass. Director Skinner were on their way to Scully's apartment. The ride was going fairly smoothly until X and Krycek began to fight over who got to sit up front. "Oh, but *now* I can't _see_ anything!!" Krycek moaned like a teenager. X shot him a warning look from the front seat. "If *Ass.* Director Skinner would stop takin' the curves at 90 mph, I might be able to stop undulating long enough to see where we are going! I can't even get a grip on the damn window crank! I can't eve-" "Shut UP, KRYCEK!!!!" X and Ass. Director Skinner screamed at him in unison. Krycek shutted up immediately and sat, well, he *schmoozed* back in his seat. *Boy*, he thought in his dark green sticky mind, *Are they ever uptight. Dana'l _never_ go for those two....* The front seat grew deathly quiet. X finally spoke. They were less than a minute from Scully's place. "You coddle him." X said under his breath. Ass. Director Skinner glared at him. But X was not jealous of this. He was finally getting even, through verbal barbs. The hell with the facial expressions. "CODDLE him??! *How* the hell can I not? He's a God damn dark green sticky mush ball!! He can't even walk!!! I don't like it, _mister_, but I do it!" Ass. Director Skinner gripped the steering wheel and his knuckles went white. In the back seat, Krycek slunk, well, slimed even further down. He felt like he had fallen into a time warp and he was in the back seat of his parent's 1972 pledgemobile, and they were having the exact same argument. He silently prayed for a Nancy Drew book, and sucked on his slurpee dejectedly. X smiled to himself smugly. This was *just* what he needed. In humiliating Krycek and infuriating Ass. Director Skinner he had given himself the upper hand with Dana, thanks to his cool, composed exterior. He would win her heart. Oh Yes, he would win her heart. They reached Scully's apartment. They leapt out of the car. Well, two of them leapt, one of them kinda made a jiggly hop. Ass. Director Skinner picked up Krycek roughly and threw him over his shoulder. They decided to go through the back entrance. X looked at his watch. It said 8:12 pm. He smacked it. *Oh, damn this thing! It _never_ says 8:12 pm.!* ---------- "Mission: Implausible" Pendrell held very still. Hanging there, he was forced to stare at his watch, which said 8:13 pm and 42 seconds. He heard the arguing before it even got below him. Trouble was, he couldn't hang on to her ledge much longer. He was tired enough from scaling up the brick wall under her open, beckoning window. He knew that Scully was inside, and he had even heard her mentioning his name. *Oh, goody! She thinks about me outside of the office! Yay!* He knew that Mulder was with her, and that he was much bigger, but Pendrell no longer cared. Because True Love Conquers All. The three, well, two and a half men walking below him through the alley hadn't seen him dangling there yet. He recognized one voice as Ass. Director Skinner's. The menacing man with the squinty eyes was unfamiliar. And the third "man"... he *looked* familiar, but then again not. No wonder. Pendrell had graduated Quantico just below Krycek. Pendrell *didn't* do division the long way because he used a calculator for everything. Even his grocery shopping. The three figures lumbered their way quickly into the back entrance of Scully's apartment building, bitching at each other all the way. He waited until they could no longer be heard. It was now or never. Pendrell refocused himself on the task at hand - a feat in and of itself - and he gripped the ledge of Scully's windowbox as hard as he could, held his breath, and pulled his legs over into the white lacy feminine curtains of her open window. ----------- "Is This Cancer Man, Or A Pleasantly Appointed Clone?" Cancer Man strolled up the pleasantly appointed brick stairs in front of Scully's apartment building, whistling rather pleasantly. It had taken him 2 weeks to work up the nerve to do this. She was such a sweet girl, at least, that was what the Really Brilliant Japanese Genetic Doctor had told him over coffee. Not that he was one to believe idle office gossip, especially about pretty Special Agents. He was finally going to ask the lovely Dana out for a dinner date! So what if a fourth Jeremiah Smith clone had gotten away from him? It's not like he wasn't *already* in deep shit with the International Secret Stuff Club, so what difference was it going to make if he wanted to try and have a love life now? He smiled to himself, and pulled open the door to her apartment building. He strolled pleasantly up to the front door of her apartment, checking his watch. It said 8:15 pm, exactly. *Right on time!* he smiled again, even wider. He knocked on her apartment door, but pleasantly. ----------- "Never Turn Your Back On A Dark Green Sticky Mutant" X looked at his watch again. It was a bad habit, because he had to focus and refocus each time. It made him really, really dizzy if he did it too quickly. This time it said 8:14 pm. Suddenly he heard Ass. Director Skinner yelp behind him. "Yelp!" X turned on his heel, facing Ass. Director Skinner, who was rubbing disgustingly at a dark green oil stain on his standard issue overcoat. "Yech....." Ass. Director Skinner was *totally* grossed out. X seethed at him. "Oh, get a hold of yourself man! Where the hell is Krycek??!" Ass. Director Skinner looked around sheepishly.... "He was just, he kind of leapt off of me and.... ummm...." X pushed him out of the way and knelt down by the heating vent. It was all drippy with dark green sticky residue. "SHIT!" he yelled. He stood up and looked at his watch. 8:14 and 30 seconds. "C'mon!" he said, yanking Ass. Director Skinner by the earlobe, "We don't have much time!" The two disgruntled men ran down the connecting hall, turning toward Dana's front door. ------------ "If Dana Won't Have Him, Jim Rose Will" Krycek was sliming his way through the heating vents in Scully's pleasantly appointed apartment building. He was finally high on life again. Or maybe it was all the corn syrup in the Slurpee. *THIS is what i was born to do!!!* he thought vicioulsy, *None of the others, not even Mulder, can top this! Why, I can get into sexual positions that even Dr. Scully doesn't know about! Hell, I'll make some up in her honor!!* He croaked a nasty laugh, because the Slurpee had coated what used to be his larynx, and he had cotton mouth. No matter. He was at the vent in her living room, and he could see her delicately feminine feet in her precisely well-matched high heels through the slits. Dana Scully was just a teeny weeny dark green sticky push away from being his and his alone..... ------------ part 9, *the finish*, NEXT!!!! :-p If you have any questions or comments, eMail us at: < Parateam@aol.com > -or- < thalion@mail.multiverse.com > ok. Disclaimer in first post. rated NC-17. yadda yadda. ok. here's the key: #1 = insert "fiery red hair". #2 = insert "tortured psyche". #3 = insert "blinding white light". #4 = insert "pumping", "thrusting", "grinding", or "rhythmically moving"; alternate as you see fit. #5 = insert "forever", "undying", "brilliant", or an adjective of your own that describes something immensely moving. #6 = insert "oh, Dana, oooooooh...." or "oh, Fox, oooooooh....", respectively. #7 = insert "slimey" or "slick" or "oily". (this is only for the silly X-File part that we were forced to include in our little romance vignette. sucks, don't it? personally i *hate* it when "true love" is interrupted by a real story.) #8 = insert "ever since her abduction". #9 = insert "my whole life". #10 = insert "nuzzled". #11 = insert "ice queen". #12 = insert "spooky". #13 = insert "raked". #14 = insert "cellular". #15 = insert "hazel eyes". #16 = insert "lovely crystal blue eyes". ok. have fun. +++++++++++++++++++++++++ Title: "Wuthering Mulder on Scully Heights" an UNoriginal story, in the spirit of UNresolved sexual tension. by Mary Lynn and Kay part 9 of 9 +++++++++++++++++++++++++ "Buddy Holly Is Alive And Well On Ganymede" "I'll get the door." Scully handed Mulder a bottle of brown shoe polish. He looked at it. It looked back. "Just do it and get it over with," she growled. Mulder looked up at her. He tried the Dog Eyes. No response. "Dana --" He stopped as she narrowed her eyes at him. Somehow, she'd managed to change into one of those power suits. He didn't know how. "Sorry. Scully, maybe I could just stay here, and you could..." his voice trailed off. His little voice told him that the chances of him ever boinking Dana Scully again were nonexistent. He excused himself and went into the bathroom. He shut the door, leaned on the sink, and stared into the mirror. What have I done? he thought. We were so good together... "Sure you were, son, but that's all over now." Mulder jumped and spun around. Where the hell did that voice come from? "Over here, boy." Mulder turned back towards the mirror. His eyes widened and he clutched at his heart. Elvis was in the mirror. Elvis!! "You're -- you're -- alive," Mulder croaked. The Elvis-thing shrugged modestly. Mulder narrowed his eyes. Why did the Elvis- thing look like Val Kilmer? "Um, excuse me, but you look like --" "I'm Elvis, goddammit! I look like Elvis, and only Elvis, you arrogant sumbitch." Mulder backed away. It was definitely Val Kilmer. "Okay, sorry, geez. You're Elvis. Happy?" "Delirious." "Why are you in Scully's bathroom?" The Elvis-thing scowled. "You screwed the living hell out of her and you STILL call her Scully?" Mulder blushed, embarrassed as all get out. He didn't know how embarrassed "all get out" was, but...his mind was wandering again. He snapped back to the present. The Elvis-thing was lecturing him. "You are a detriment to manhood, son. Hell, you just don't know how to take the bull by the horns, if you know what I mean. Show her that she needs you, boy. Show her that she'll die without you. Now, I understand she's a doctor, so she probably won't buy the theory that you'll shrivel up and die if you don't get any." Mulder shook his head. No, she probably wouldn't. "You asshole!" Mulder spun around and gasped. A new form had appeared in Scully's shower curtain. The Elvis-thing groaned. Mulder pointed a shaky finger. "You -- you -- you're Buddy Holly!!" The Elvis-thing glowered at the Buddy-thing. "Why don't you just fade away, Buddy." "Zip it, Presley. Why are you lying to this boy?" "I ain't lying. Women are easy. You just gotta know how to talk to 'em." "Sure, Presley. You're goddam daughter married Michael Jackson, for Chrissakes! You're really the voice of reason here!" The Elvis-thing looked embarrassed. "I didn't have any control over that." "You didn't have control over a goddammed thing. Hell, I died in a plane crash. What's YOUR excuse?" Mulder cocked his head as he looked at the Buddy-thing. It looked like -- like -- sort of like -- Gary Busey! What was going on here? "Cheap shot, Holly." The Buddy-thing turned to face the very frightened, now slackjawed Fox Mulder. "What is the one thing missing between you and Scully?" Mulder looked blank. The Buddy-thing sighed. "Should I repeat the question?" "No," Mulder managed to say, "but I'm wondering why you guys are here. I mean, this is kind of unusual..." The Elvis-thing and the Buddy-thing exchanged glances. "Because everytime we send Valentino to do the love thing, he ends up seducing some poor woman who then has to go on the Paranormal Borderline and talk about her experiences. Look, I didn't come all the way from Ganymede to answer your stupid questions. I'm only here because you're too caught up in your hair color and your paranoia to notice the real problem," The Buddy-thing ranted. "Which is...?" Mulder asked. The Elvis-thing shrugged. "Hey, you know how I stand on this. Your theories don't hold water with me, Holly." "We'll see, Presley." The Buddy-thing looked at Mulder. "You've R'd the ST." Mulder looked blank. "Pardon?" "You've R'd the ST," The Buddy-thing repeated patiently. Mulder shook his head. "Sorry...?" The Buddy-thing was losing its patience. "You've resolved the sexual tension, you idiot!" Mulder stepped back as if he'd been slapped. The Things waited while he sorted this through his eidetic memory. Mulder and Scully examining each other for signs of infection...Mulder and Scully holding each other after the Donnie Pfaster incident...Mulder holding Scully's limp hand when she was returned...the conversation on the rock...the sexual tension that raged through the Modell case... Mulder blinked and looked at the Things. They smiled broadly at each other. "Our job here is done," the Buddy-thing said. The Elvis-thing did a neato hippy-hippy shake which brought a frown to the Buddy- thing's face. "Show off." "Geek." "Fat pig." "Nerd." Mulder watched as they faded away. He sighed. "The Buddy-thing was right," he told himself, "I feel no attraction whatsoever to Scully. She's no longer the friend I depended on so much. Now she's just another lay!!" Mulder groaned and fell to his knees, unfortunately whacking his forehead on the sink and rendering himself unconscious. ------------- "Scranletting at Ticklepenny Corner, or Dana, My Little Wennett" Scully waited impatiently for two things: one, for the person at the door to go away. Scully wasn't feeling very social right now. And two, Mulder to finish with the shoe polish dye job and come out of her bathroom. He was probably making a huge mess in there. Damn him! All she could think of was Mulder, and the way he touched her, and the way he -- well, he was pretty damned good at it, she had to admit. She frowned. Her mind was so muddled by thoughts of Mulder and hours of hot, steamy sex that she couldn't focus on The Job. Now, what was she supposed to do? Analyze something...but what? Scully sat down on the couch and thought again about sex. It's funny, but even though she could think of nothing else, something about Mulder left her cold. She didn't feel comfortable around him anymore, and it wasn't just the 'do. It was like things had changed, maybe very subtly, but they'd changed and there was nothing she could do about it. The knocking became even more insistent. Scully thought she heard pleasant whistling. Probably old Mr. Starkadder, thought Scully. She sighed and went to the door, opening it a crack. She gasped. Cancer Man, hair slicked back, nice dinner jacket on, smiled pleasantly at her. "Miss Scully? I'm sorry to disturb you at this late hour. May I please come in?" Wow, thought Scully. He was polite and pleasant. Aw, what the hell. She opened the door wider, the knowledge that this was a Dangerous Move sliding back behind her determination to make a list of who Mulder had slept with. Cancer Man handed Scully a lovely bouquet of roses. She was pleasantly surprised. "Thank you. I'll just put these in water. What can I do for you?" Cancer Man followed Scully to the kitchen. "I am in love with you, Miss Scully. Now, I know that I've done some horrible things in the past. And trust me, I am ashamed. I'm also blowing off going to look for the other bad alien to be with you this evening. It's just that -- well, I've reached the time in my life where I find that I'm missing not having a family, and not having someone to love. And I admire you so, Miss Scully. Your tenacity, your patience with Mulder...will you be my wife?" Scully put the flowers in a vase and turned to Cancer Man with a smile. "That's very sweet. I don't think so." He shrugged. "Naturally, I'm devastated. But thank you for considering my proposal. Dare I ask -- is there someone else in your life?" Scully shrugged, reached into the refrigerator, and pulled out two beers, one of which she handed to Cancer Man. She motioned him into the living room. They sat on the couch, chatting pleasantly. "Well, I *did* just have many hours of wild passionate sex with Mulder where we threw off all of our inhibitions and got closer than two people have ever gotten. I'll be sore for a month. But, upon reflection, no, there's nobody else. I'm just not interested in a serious relationship right now." SLURP!!! Scully and Cancer Man jumped at the disgusting wet sticky sound. She looked at him. He shrugged. "I'm not much good in these situations. Is there anywhere I can go to throw up?" Scully pushed him towards the kitchen. "Mulder's in the bathroom. My, you're a weasly little weakling, aren't you?" He nodded apologetically. "I'm sorry, Miss Scully. But as a villain, I have to also be a chickenshit bastard." Scully nodded in agreement, grabbed her gun, and looked around wildly. Nothing. SQUISH!!! Scully wheeled around. "Freeze!" she commanded. Krycek, half in, half out of the vent, paused while still undulating slowly. "I said freeze!" Scully pointed the weapon at what she thought was the creature's heart. "I can't," Krycek wheezed, "This is as frozen as I get." Scully narrowed her eyes. There was something familiar about this beast...with a final lunge, Krycek flopped out of the vent and onto the floor. Scully backed up, terrified, and suddenly the swooning female. When did THAT happen? she asked herself angrily. "Mulder! I need your help! I'm scared!" she hollered. Nothing from the bathroom. Bastard! she thought. He didn't care about her. All he'd wanted was sex and now he was going to discard her like -- "Please, Dana, I love you." Scully stared at the creature. "You WHAT??" It almost shrugged apologetically. "I didn't mean to scare you, but I've been, um, transformed, and it's only through that transformation that I could admit my true feelings for you." Scully nearly gagged. What WAS this thing? "What ARE you?" she asked aloud. It tried to draw itself up to its full height but ended up going splat against the floor. "I'm Krycek. I'd prefer it if you'd call me Alex..." Scully was horrified. God, was SHE a geek magnet! She could hear herself now. Hi, Mom? I have a little problem. Well, I'm being stalked by this dark green sticky thing that used to be Ratboy but has somehow been made even worse and more disgusting by the oilien. How do I get rid of it? "Look, Sludgeboy, I'm really not in the mood for this now." "I know it will take you a while to get used to me, but I thought we could start slow. Wanna go see The Phantom?" Scully shook her head disbelievingly. "Don't worry, Dana! I'm here now! I'll save you!" Scully, gun still in hand, wheeled around. Agent Pendrell, looking a little the worse for wear, was coming out of her bedroom carrying a wilted bouquet of camellias. "Agent Pendrell! How the hell did you get into my bedroom!" Pendrell grinned what he hoped was a rakish grin. "Through the window, lovely Dana." Scully watched as Pendrell went down on one knee. "May I compare thee to a summer's day --" Scully rolled her eyes. "Christ. What have I gotten myself into? Stalked by TWO geeks." She sat down on the couch. Krycek slushed forward. "You okay?" Cancer Man emerged from the kitchen, wiping his mouth. His eyes widened when he saw Krycek. He looked at Scully. "I'm all right now. Is there anything I can do? Call the police, maybe?" "Great," she muttered. ------------------- "We All Live In A Yellow Submarine" Cancer Man helped Scully cut up cheese. He had a nice way with an hors d'ouvres, she had to admit. "We're out of clam dip. I could run to the store...?" Scully smiled at him. He was really a rather pleasant man. "No, that's okay. I'll substitute bean dip. Krycek doesn't seem to be eating that much anyway." Cancer Man wiped his hands and picked up a tray laden with goodies. "I'll take this out." Scully busied herself with the lebkuchen. She just loved German delicacies. Another knock sounded at the door. "I'll get it!" Cancer Man called out. Yep, a pleasant man. She heard voices in the hall, wiped her hands, and walked out of the kitchen. Much to her surprise, the boffo Ass. Director Skinner and the mystery man Known Only As X stood in her entryway. X's eyes had narrowed to slits so much so that Ass. Director Skinner had to lead him around. Both men looked a little shaken at seeing Cancer Man, who had rolled up his sleeves and was wearing one of Scully's aprons. "Christ, you look like Felix Unger," Ass. Director Skinner said. Cancer Man shook his head. "We're having a pleasant little gathering here, gentlemen. If you're going to get abusive you'll have to leave." Ass. Director Skinner got right in his face. "Oh, yeah? and who's gonna make me?" Cancer Man blinked, then turned to Scully. He was looking slightly green again. She put a hand on his arm. "You leave him alone, Skinner. What do you guys want, anyway?" Ass. Director Skinner and X looked at each other, then shrugged. Simultaneously, they said, "I'm in love with you." Ass. Director Skinner added, "I want you to bear my children." X glared at him. Scully sighed. "Look, you may as well join the party. I swear, my ego has certainly gotten a boost today! Let me warn you, though, I fucked Mulder all night tonight, so I'm not very receptive to any sexual offers." They nodded. That seemed fair. Mulder came to very slowly. He blinked. No sign of the Things. He groaned as he got to his feet, then froze. He heard voices. Scully was in trouble! Aw, hell, did Mulder even care anymore? He felt no compunction to save her. Let her rot. She's a whore anyway. When Mulder came out of the bathroom, he gasped in horror. Cancer Man was mixing martinis, the undulating Krycek was putting on a CD, Agent Pendrell was bringing food out from the kitchen, and X and Ass. Director Skinner were sitting on the couch with Scully, drinks in hand, laughing uproariously at something that Scully had said. Mulder stepped forward. "Uh, Scully? Everything okay?" Scully turned and grinned at him. "Everything's fine, Mulder. Just fine. Come sit by me, Fox." Mulder perked up. She called him Fox? That was a good sign. Maybe he'd get some tonight. He squeezed in next to Scully and casually put an arm around her. Ass. Director Skinner glared at him and stiffly removed his own arm. Mulder grinned. He was on top of the world here. He was surrounded by new friends and had a wonderful girlfriend with whom he was sexually compatible. Not only that, but his woman threw a hell of a cocktail party. --------------- "The Part Where We All Wake Up" He woke with a start, sweat pouring into his eyes. He gasped for breath then leaned over and turned on the light, blinking at the intensity. Shit, that was an odd dream. God, what a terrible dream. He sat up in bed and took deep breaths until his hammering heart calmed. He reached over and picked up a worn notebook from his nightstand, uncapped a pen, and wrote: 'Note: Remember this dream. This is what will happen if I ever cave in and allow Mulder and Scully to become an item. The wonderful sexual tension will dissolve completely and the show will become sitcom redux. No, no, no, no, no. On my life I swear that I, Chris Carter, will never let a romance happen.' He looked his words over, smiled, turned out the light, and went back to sleep. -------------- Q.E.D. -------------- ok. that's all! thanks to everyone who e'd us, for all the positive & encouraging words! twern't a single flame amongst 'em...... interesting...... :-p If you have any questions or comments, eMail us at: < yezra@apk.net > -or- < Parateam@aol.com >