From: "Allison Graham" Date: Fri, 15 Jan 1999 21:57:06 PST Subject: The X Files Funniest Home Videos, Volume 1 Disclaimer: The X Files and all of it's wonderful characters belong to Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen productions and Fox. I don't own 'em, but really like 'em, so please don't sue me! File size: 78 KB Rating: G Category: H Archived: Spoilers: none Key words: Mulder/Scully Friendship Summary: Mulder and Scully make a bet. Things get very *interesting* Author's note: This is our first fic together, and it is the first one either of us has posted. It is funny. We laughed while writing it. It is not a romance fic, but it is still worth reading. Please e-mail us what you think! Good or bad. We appreciate your constructive feedback! Scully_Dana23@hotmail.com or Leitis@bigfoot.com ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The X Files Funniest Home Videos (Volume I) Written by: Waggles Myric and Verna Sauventreen FBI building, Washington DC 6:41 p.m. Skinner stared hatefully at the smoking ashtray on his desk and the freshly putout cigarette stub glowing within. He never should have made a deal with the devil. Make a deal with the devil and get sent to hell.... Mulder danced in his office. "He's a complicated man and nobody understands him but his wo-maan.... SHAFT!" Special Agent Dana Scully sat at her desk and vibrated with pent-up anger. Her partner had been trying to tick her off all day but she wasn't about to allow him the satisfaction. Mulder was getting desperate. "Sing with me Scully!" "Mulder, you know I can't sing." She said through clenched teeth. "But you sung me that beautiful lullaby when we were lost in the woods!" "I'm now regretting that." Her jaw was so clenched together that she was afraid that she was going to chip a tooth. Mulder tried one last thing. He danced over to the tape player and put on a song. He then waltzed over to her desk and pulled her up and began to dance with her. Scully squirmed and tried to break free, but Mulder held her tight. She sighed. She wasn't going to give in. She stood there stalk still and refused to move. But, she thought of something. <> Dana smirked in satisfaction when she heard Mulder's surprised squeak as she began to lead. She set up a rhythm, waltzing him gradually in the direction of his side of the desk. Abruptly she twirled away from him, and pushed her surprised partner into his seat. She danced away from him gracefully and pulled the plug from out of its socket with her foot. The music stopped. Scully returned to her side of the desk where she and Mulder continued to stare at each other. Chinese standoff. Mexican standoff. Standoff thingy. Whatever. The phone rang. Scully's hand got to the phone first. Mulder glared at her. She bit back a grin. "Hello?" She had to fight to keep her tone professional. Mulder was trying all sorts of facial expressions on her, intent on making her crack. She turned to face a wall covered in brand new newspaper clippings concerning aliens and unexplained phenomena. Unfortunately there was a mirror tacked up in the sea of tabloid clippings which allowed her to still see Mulder and his childish attempts at provoking her. Scully looked at the floor. Mulder cursed silently when she looked at the floor. 'Dammit!' Now what was he going to do? The look on her face when she saw his reflection in the mirror had been priceless. Hmmm.... And then it hit him. He could crawl under the desk and pop up next to her! If he truly was Special Agent Fox Mulder, the Violent Crimes Section's former 'golden boy', then surely he could sneak up on a woman while she's on the telephone. He sank to all fours. "Yes sir? Oh. Is that so? I believe that it was Agent Mulder wh-yes sir. Yes I'll tell him that. No sir, I am not implying tha-yes sir. I'll get on it right away is-" Scully trailed off. Something was wrong. A glance in the mirror's direction confirmed her suspicions. No Mulder. "Dammit." Assistant Director Skinner dropped his pencil and reached towards the intercom in case he had to call in reinforcements. 'Another attack on the X-files Office? So soon?' "Everything all right down there Agent?" "Shhhh!" Skinner shut up. Then she heard it. Again, that rustling noise coming from under the desk. The bastard! He was hiding under the desk! A quick blind kick in the direction of the sound elicited a sharp cry from underneath many papers. Mulder hadn't counted on there being so many papers under the desk. He was stuck. "Situation under control Sir." "Yes agent Scully. I'll expect a report this afternoon on Agent Mulder. And also, could you send him up here please?" "Scully! Help me! I'm stuck! I can't get out!" "Uh, everything ok down there agent Scully?" "Uh, let's just say that someone got something that he deserves." "SCULLY!! WILL YOU HELP ME!!!!!" A loud shuffling of papers and file folders, which fell on his head whenever he moved, followed the yell. "Do I need to call the pest control?" "No sir. I can do it myself? The seems to be a rather large rat stuck under it's desk. It got caught in all the junk that it's been accumulating for the last few months since the office burned down. I'll get Mulder up there as soon as I can. Good bye sir." She hung up the phone and got down on all fours and looked at Mulder who was surrounded by papers and junk under the desk. Already a bump had formed on his forehead from where she had kicked him, and it was bruising. It had turned a lovely purple color. Scully looked at him. "Well, you got what you deserved I'd say, didn't you?" Mulder responded by looking at her with his puppy dogface. She reached under and pulled away paper and files and pens and all types of plentiful things. "Holy cow Mulder, How do you manage to get so much stuff in just 3 months?" "I dunno?" "Okay... well... I just promised Skinner that I'd have you in his office pronto," "Why gee *thanks*, Scully. I knew I could count on you!" "Don't whine. It's your fault you got into this mess. Literally." She began to laugh at her own joke, very unlike the Dana Scully we all know and love. Mulder glowered, a pair of beady hazel eyes staring out from behind a mountain of paper printouts used in previous cases among other things. "Just get me out of here." Scully got up. "Let me find a garbage bag and we'll get started." She virtually skipped (but she didn't-not in her high heels she didn't) over to her side of the desk and pulled a garbage bag from out of one of its many drawers. She could dimly make out a 'hurry up!' coming from below. She bent down and giggled. "You didn't want me to clean this up before, and now you're begging me to. Mulder! What's with this change in your behavior recently?" "MMpphhppmmmpphh!" Mulder's impatient thrashing movements had inspired yet another draught of papers to spill down over his mouth and nose, suffocating him. Over the span of time Mulder and Scully had been partners, a type of communication had been established between the two, built on trust and lo--...erm... did we say love? Noo... we meant to say... um... *friendship*... because that's what they keep telling each other... (but *we* know the truth....) Mulder's gratitude when Scully released him from the pile of junk was only surpassed by the size of the mound itself. "Um...Mulder, about that mess...." She jangled the garbage bag menacingly. He gasped. "Throw out my stuff? " Scully facefaulted. "Mulllderrr...." she really wanted to clean up his side of the office. It was driving her NUTS. But she couldn't. Not without his permission. "Sorry Scully, we'll talk about this some other time I would right now but I believe I have a meeting with Skinner see you later bye!" Dana glared menacing figure descending rapidly towards the hall's only elevator. "MULDER!" Mulder chuckled. He was free, and his side of the room would remain messy, as he wanted it. But not if Scully had her way, which she often had. He darted into the elevator and into Skinner's office. "Please take a seat Agent Mulder. I trust that Agent Scully got the *rat* out from under the desk." Skinner looked at Agent Mulder. Mulder blushed. His left eyebrow twitched. He looked at AD Skinner with beady eyes. "Is that what Agent Scully told you." "Yes it is. Do you want some ice?" "Why sir?" "Because that bump on your head looks pretty painful."Mulder gingerly touched the bump on his head. It was pretty painful and glancing at the mirror that hung on the AD's wall, it looked pretty bad too. "Uh, no sir. I'll get some ice when I go back downstairs. You wanted to talk to me about something?" *Downstairs in the basement* Scully had made herself busy by starting to clean up his desk. She knew he would be T'd off at her, but she didn't really mind that. It was just to get back at him for bugging her all day. She had turned the radio on to the classical music station. Half an hour later, she had finished. She sat down at her computer and started to work on a file. Mulder walked in the door and gasped. His desk was nice and neat. Everything was in order. Mulder glared silently at Scully. Scully could vaguely make out Mulder on the reflection on her computer screen, but she got a feeling that she had ticked him off pretty good. "You brought this all down upon yourself, you know." Mulder gave a start. "On myself? I never asked for any of this! I didn't ask for-for my HEAD to get this *lump* on it, and I didn't ask to get sent up to SKINNER'S office because of some stupid BET!" Scully sighed and shook her head, walking up to Mulder so she could put one of her hands on either of his shoulders. "And why did we set this bet?" Mulder looked away. "It's stupid." Dana blinked. "Stupid?" "I ...." "You what? You needed the money?" "I wanted to cheer you up." Scully was silent for a very long time. And then she started to shake. Mulder turned around. Was she crying? "Ah-HA-HAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!" Scully ran over to the phone and picked it up. "GUYS!! HEY GUYS!!" She put the phone on intercom. Silence. "FROHIKE I WANT THE TAPE OKAY?"Byer's frightened voice floated up over the line. "Uh, actually it's me that's on duty right now...."Mulder freaked out. "You've been BUGGING our room?" His partner danced about the room out of her own volition this time. "Better yet! They've been taping us! They've got it all on tape!" For the first time in his life since Samantha was taken away from him, Special Agent Fox Mulder was struck speechless. "....." "Better yet! Byers!!" No sound came from over the line. Scully banged the phone with her fist. "BYERS!!" She screamed. "Y-yes?" The shy Lone Gunman didn't like being yelled at. However, he knew that Frohike would kill him later on so he decided to enjoy it. The others knew Frohike'd pay to have her scream his name. "We've gotta send this into America's Funniest Home Videos! We'll make a FORTUNE! I can quit the FBI!" "Yes Ms.Scully." "Just you and me pal, we'll split the profits 50/50!!" "Okay Ms.Scully." "Call me Dana." Mulder grabbed his jacket and stormed out of the room. He was pissed off. He would never trust that backstabbing partner of his again. Never! Never! NEVER!" To Be Continued......... (It's in the process of being written...) Please! Tell us what you think? Should we do a second? Or do you think that we should crawl into our little dank molehills and die deadly deaths for writing bad fic? :( We love you! (Verna's being nuts!) We'll make the next one an MSR if you write to us!, or you shall not hear from us again! HAHAHAHA!!! :)