From: "Jessica Thompson" Date: Sat, 14 Sep 2002 21:05:56 +0000 Subject: No Subject Provided Source: direct Title: You Owe Me Nothing In Return Author: JayJay Email: MrsMulder_86@hotmail.com Feedback: is scientifically proven to improve your health, so go on make my day!!! Date written: 21.3.02 Spoilers: Fight The Future, other than that nothing that big! Classification: Vignette/Romance Keywords: MSR, UST, Songfic Summary: Time span: Mid Season 7 Disclaimer: The X-Files do not belong to me (obviously!); they are currently in the very capable hands of CC, 1013 and Fox. The characters of Fox Mulder and Dana Scully belong to the brilliantly talented GA and DD, without whom the show would never have been as brilliant and addictive as it has been over the last decade. Also the song "You Owe Me Nothing In Return" belongs to Alanis Morissette and lot's of other people that I don't know about! I am making no profit out of this and no copyright infringement is intended. Everything will be returned to its rightful owners when I'm done. So please don't Sue!!! Authors Notes: I got the inspiration for this after buying the new Alanis Morissette album "Under Rug Swept", after listening very closely to the words of this song I found myself unable to think about anything except the hallway scene in FTF, I am hoping that by writing it down the fanfic gods may take pity on me and allow my life to return to some form of normality! Then again probably not!!! ;) You Owe Me Nothing In Return JayJay XxXxXxXxXxXx Dana Scully's Apartment Washington DC I kicked myself internally. This was my first day off in over a month. My first day away from him in over a month. A day that I should had been looking forward to for weeks, and look at the way I had chosen to spend it. Here I was sitting at home, alone in my apartment letting life pass me by. Happily perched on the end of my sofa by the phone waiting desperately for him to call me, to drag me away on some wild goose chase, after aliens, flukemen, or as desperate as I am at this time even Giant Mutated Purple bunnies would do. But I'd love him just to call to ask if I wanted to come over for a pizza and a video, to spend some time alone with him. To... "No! He's my partner, and a friend and nothing more." I scald myself. I stare at the phone willing it to ring, as I begin to wonder when Mulder became such a permanent fixture in my life. Such a necessary part of me! Over the last few months, particularly since the Arcadia case, since we temporarily became "husband and wife", I cannot stand to be away from him for more that six hours at a time! It's even got to the point where I worry if he doesn't call me at two in the morning! Worry me to the extent that I can't sleep unless he does! I've known that I love him for years, but the question that I dare not ask myself is "Am I IN love with him?" I can't deal with even thinking about it. Deep down I suppose I know I'm in love with him, and have been for a long time, but i can't accept it. I have to be professional, he's a friend and a collegue thats all! And as my mother happily pointed out the last time I saw her, I'm showing all the classic symptoms of Lovesickness. And Dana Katherine Scully or does not get lovesick. Over anyone! Especially tall, dark, handsome, gorgeous, intelligent, mybe just a little over protective and infuriating yet somehow loveable, partners! I push the thought to the back of my mind and rise from my seat moving swiftly to my Stereo, turning on the radio. I head quickly to the kitchen in search of food, staring aimlessly into my fridge as I look grimly at its lack there of! "Chinese Take-out for one again!" I say softly to myself. I am rummaging around in a drawer in my kitchen, searching for the number and menu of the local Chinese restaurant, when a new Alanis Morissette song is announced on the radio. Suddenly my full attention is on the radio as the first lines of the song grab my heart and pull, hard! "I'll give you countless amounts of outright acceptance if you want it, I will give you encouragement to choose the path that you want if you need it, You can speak of anger and doubts, your fears and freak-outs and I'll hold it, You can share your so-called shame-filled accounts Of times in your life and I won't judge it, And there are no strings attached to it" My mind wanders to that night on our first assignment in Oregon, seven long years ago. To the night I'd gone to him half naked and terrified. He had earned my trust and respect that night, he had reassured me, held me when I was afraid, but he had not tried to take advantage of my venerable state. I remember how he had poured his heart out to me about his sisters' abduction, his voice full of guilt and self-blame, that he hadn't saved her. "You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give You owe me nothing for caring the way the way that I have, I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege And you owe me nothing in return. You can ask for space for yourself and only yourself and I'll grant it You can ask for freedom as well and time to travel and you'll have it You can ask to live by yourself or love someone else and I'll support it You can ask for anything you want anything at all and I'll understand it, And there are no strings attached to it" Again at this my mind regresses deep into my memory, to that case early on in our partnership, involving Phoebe Green. I remember seeing him dancing with her, holding her, kissing her! The jealousy rising in me, feeling betrayed even though I knew he wasn't mine. Then more recently to Diana Fowley, she had been the most important woman in his life. He had loved her once, of that I was sure. He had chosen her over me, and despite the fact that my heart was breaking; I would have accepted his decision. Had she not betrayed him as she did. "You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give You owe me nothing for caring the way the way that I have, I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege And you owe me nothing in return. I bet you're wondering when the next payback shoe will eventually drop I bet you're wondering when my conditional police will force you to cough up I bet you're wondering how far you have now danced your way back into debt This is the only kind of love as I understand it that there really is" I love him; I know I do, more than anything. I'd do anything for him, anything at all. I'd lay down my life for him in a second, because as much as I hate to admit it, he is my life. He's my partner and my best friend, and for all his faults and eccentricities, I wouldn't have him any other way! "You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give You owe me nothing for caring the way the way that I have, I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege And you owe me nothing in return. You can express your deepest of truths even if it means I'll lose you and I'll hear it You can fall into the abyss on your way to your bliss I'll empathise with You can say you have to skip town to chase your passion and I'll hear it You can even hit rock bottom and have a midlife crisis and I'll hold it And there are no strings attached to it" I smile as I think of all the times I've followed him around the country on wild goose chases searching for the truth, or the times he's ditched me and gone alone. The smile broadens as I realise that most of those times I have had to save him, like the time on the SS Queen Anne in the Bermuda Triangle. I had never been so worried or terrified in my life! For gods sake I kissed Skinner! That's dedication! But every time he ditches me I forgive him without second thought. And how many times has he been walking the thin line, teetering on the edge of the dark side, and he's needed pulling back. I done it because I love him and because for everything I've done for him there are ten things he's done for me! Ten times he's saved my life, comforted me, been there for me. "You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give You owe me nothing for caring the way the way that I have, I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege And you owe me nothing in return." As the song fades away I realise I have to talk to him, I need to hear his voice. I cross the room and went back into the living room quickly flicking off the radio as I grabbed the phone dialling his home number. "Mulder," the deep voice rumbled at the other end. "Mulder, It's me," I say quietly, almost desperately. "Scully, are you Ok?" He asked concerned. "I'm fine Mulder. I just needed to ask you something," I babbled. "Ask away!" I paused thinking carefully about what to say "Mulder you remember what you said that day in your hallway, before Antarctica?" "Every word," he whispered sincerely, "I meant every word." "I know you did," I whisperd shyly "but I have to tell you that you don't owe me anything, Mulder!" I whisper "Absolutely nothing!" "How can you say that?" he asked his voice dripping with guilt and apologies "After all you've been through! All you've lost!" "None of it was your fault, Mulder," I exclaim. "I can't help feeling responsible! Your abduction, the Cancer, Melissa..." "None of it was your fault!" I interrupt "After my abduction it was knowing that you were there that brought me back, if it weren't for you I'd have given up!" "What are you saying Scully?" "The Cancer, Mulder, it was you that found the chip. You cured me!" I paused "I owe you everything." "Don't be stupid, Scully! You're my partner," he whispered softly "My best friend! I lo..." He trailed off suddenly embarrassed "You're my whole world." There was a long silence between us until he asked Suddenly "Scully? Do you want to come over for a video fest? We can order a pizza," I smile to myself, he's so predictable "Your favourite," He was trying desperately to talk me into it. "Mulder, You hate that!" I pointed out raising one eyebrow. "I can keep an open mind about these things, Scully!" he said in mock hurt "You're the Skeptic, Not me!" I roll my eyes. "I'd love to Mulder, Give me an hour, you get the pizza I'll get the videos on my way over." "No need," he says, I can practically hear him grinning through the phone "We can just watch something from my video collection!" I roll my eyes and smile "In your dreams Mulder!" I exclaim before hanging up and heading to my bedroom to change. Maybe my day off wont be so bad after all! XxXxXxXxXxXx The End I know it's not exactly great but if you feel compelled to send me some feedback I will reply! I promise. "Mulder! you Just defaced property of the US government! You rebel!!" -Scully: The unnatural