From: "SciFi NerdGrl" Date: Sun, 16 Feb 2003 09:35:01 -0600 Subject: NEW: Zen and the Art of Being Monica Reyes (1/1) Source: direct Title: Zen and the Art of Being Monica Reyes Author: Scifinerdgrl Rating: PG Category: Post-Ep ("Audrey Pauley") Summary: Monica's religion helps her deal with the events of "Audrey Pauley." Monica Reyes approached her front door, then turned and looked down at her partner, who was standing next to his truck. He was looking up at her, and from her vantage point on the stoop he looked smaller, more vulnerable, and she thought back to her meditation. Was this her answer? After the others had left the other-worldly hospital for the Great Void, she found herself alone, more alone than she had ever been. Alone and facing Death. Sitting in a lotus position, she calmed her breathing, or what should have been breathing if she were truly alive, and thought about Stephen's last words: "So many things I'd do differently... Life." He'd do "Life" differently. What would I do differently? she asked herself. In the Buddhist philosophy, the next existence would be her chance to fix things. But according to Zen philosophy, most of what she did was meant to be. Which would it be for her? She reviewed her life, bravely facing her worst mistakes and humbly acknowledging her wisest decisions, until she came to what would be her last night among the living: the night John Doggett finally seemed to see her desire for him. It had been the latest of many occasions when she'd lost her resolve, when she'd failed to make the first move with John. Even one tentative kiss would have sent her through that intersection a split second later, sparing her life. Was there meaning in her crash? If she had it to do over, should she make the first move? Or had everything gone according to some greater plan? Without the benefit of hindsight she couldn't decide, and when Audrey Pauley appeared to her and showed her the way back to Life the question remained unanswered. When she opened her eyes, John was there, but her first thought was for Audrey, and he rushed off to check on her. Poor, simple-minded, Audrey. She had sacrificed herself to save Monica. Making sense of that sacrifice would be Monica's next Zen question. "He loves you very much," Audrey had said. Had Audrey died for the sake of their love? Had Audrey's death and Monica's rebirth given Monica a chance to fix her mistake with John, Monica wondered. Or was she rationalizing, looking for an excuse to jump John's bones? Audrey's words hung between them as John and Monica stood next to his truck, letting yet another moment pass. Yes, she decided when she looked down on John's lovesick face. She was right to give John his space, to resist the urge to kiss him, to let him come to her when and if the time was right. And if he never did, that would be right too. They would have another chance in another life. Nirvana with John was worth the wait, and Monica Reyes was nothing if not patient.