The X-Files: The Zombie Gambit, A Parody by, Scott and Jeremy Carr sardonica@erols.com Disclaimer: This is a parody, just a silly parody. We love the X-Files as much as you do. It's all in good fun. Hope you enjoy it. (Oh, and of course, we don't own the X-Files or any of it's characters, so no matter how much you like it, please don't send any money.) EXT. WOODS. NIGHT BARREN, DARK, DESERTED WOODS. Cold night air. SOMETHING STIRS! A ZOMBIE walks slowly through the woods until it comes upon A CAMPSITE. SUSAN (23, blonde, attractive) and TIM (24, buff) are sitting around a campfire, listening to the radio and roasting MARSHMALLOWS. SUSAN Oh Tim. It's so nice out here in the woods all by ourselves. TIM Yeah. Say Susan, there's something I've been wanting to ask you abou- THE ZOMBIE sneaks up and BITES TIM ON THE NECK!! SUSAN screams. THE ZOMBIE BITES HER TOO! ROLL OPENING CREDITS. OPENING THEME MUSIC INT. MULDER'S OFFICE. DAY Mulder shows SLIDES of the EMPTY CAMPSITE. There are signs of a struggle, and lots of blood, but no bodies. MULDER Apparently they were in the woods all alone and they were attacked by zombies. SCULLY Were they bitten? MULDER Yeah. SCULLY So now they're zombies too. Looks like we've got a real X-File on our hands, Mulder. MULDER Yeah. Sometimes it just doesn't pay to go camping. The DOOR opens to reveal SKINNER, CANCER MAN, and MR. X. They look mad. SKINNER Drop it Mulder. You're in over your head on this one. SCULLY Looks like it just got a lot worse. EXT. MILITARY BASE. DAY SUBTITLE: FORT WORTH MILITARY BASE SOLDIERS gear up for something, something BIG. A HELICOPTER prepares to take off. A GENERAL walks up to a SOLDIER. GENERAL You know the drill. Get in, get out. Drop the bombs, kill as many of those bastards as you can. SOLDIER Yes sir! The HELICOPTER takes off. A UFO flies into it and it explodes. INT. SCULLY'S HOUSE. NIGHT SCULLY is watching TV. The PHONE rings. SCULLY Scully here. MULDER(ON THE PHONE) Scully, it's Mulder. SCULLY What's wrong? MULDER Have you been watching the news? SCULLY No, just the soaps. MULDER Better take a look. SCULLY flips to the news. FOOTAGE OF THE MILITARY BASE. MAYHEM! ALIENS, SOLDIERS AND ZOMBIES run rampant around the fort. SOLDIERS fire guns. ALIENS perform experiments. ZOMBIES eating both PEOPLE AND ALIENS! SCULLY Just when I thought I could relax! MULDER We better get over there. This could be serious. SCULLY Oh Mulder. It's probably nothing. MULDER Dammit Scully. I want to believe. I have to believe. And I wish that you would too. SCULLY thinks about this. SAD FACE. SCULLY I'll meet you there. EXT. ROAD OUTSIDE FORT WORTH MILITARY BASE Mulder and Scully are in a CAR. SCULLY is driving. They pull up to the front GATE of the base. Beyond the GATE, very little is going on. Either all the mayhem is over, it never happened, it has all been cleaned up, or Mulder and Scully are at the wrong base. SCULLY See, Mulder. I told you- Just then a SOLDIER leans in Scully's WINDOW. SOLDIER Well, good mornin' to ya. How can I help you folks today? MULDER dives out of the car and takes off. SCULLY Mulder, no! MULDER leaps and begins to climb the GATE. The SOLDIER and SCULLY just watch. SOLDIER Well, he can't do that. He can't go in there. The soldier draws his GUN, slowly takes aim and fires. MULDER falls, inside the base, and lies still. SCULLY MULDER!!! SCULLY'S CELL-PHONE rings. She answers it. CANCER MAN (O.S) This is the Cancer Man. If you ever want to see you stupid partner alive again, meet me in D.C. In the parking garage below FBI headquarters. He hangs up. Two soldiers run up and grab MULDER'S body and carry him into the base. SCULLY and SOLDIER #1 exchange looks and then he jumps in the car with her. EXT. SHOT THROUGH WINDSHIELD OF CAR. DAY Scully and the soldier are speeding towards D.C. both wearing worried expressions. CUT TO: INT. FORT WORTH. DAY MULDER is strapped down to a table. A VERY BAD CAPTAIN comes in. CAPTAIN I want you to meet someone, Fox. I believe you remember Samantha... Your sister! The Captain opens a door, and a ragged, female zombie shuffles in. She is chained from her neck to the wall. CAPTAIN Say hi, Samantha... Ha ha ha... MULDER Nooooo!!!!! INT. FBI CRIMELAB. DAY SCULLY and THE SOLDIER are going over evidence. SCULLY wears goggles and looks through a microscope. SCULLY These samples were found at the campsite. The DNA shows that it's definitely zombies. Either that, or a genetic mutation. Or maybe a birth defect. In any case, I think they can lead us to Mulder. SOLDIER M'am, I'm just a soldier. I work for the government and it works for me. I don't ask questions, I just do what I'm told. But if your friend is really in danger, and you need help, then I'll be damned if I'm just going to sit around and- Just then A BULLET rips through the SOLDIER'S chest. He falls to the ground. SCULLY runs over to him. SCULLY They're onto us. I'm sorry you had to be a part of this. SOLDIER I always thought I'd die for my country....not by it. He dies. INT. FORT WORTH. NIGHT MULDER is still strapped up. SAMANTHA THE ZOMBIE is tied up next to him. MULDER waits until the guards aren't paying attention, and then he holds his hands out toward SAMANTHA. She bites through the chain and he escapes! INT. HALLWAY. NIGHT MULDER is running down a hallway. He runs right into SCULLY. SCULLY Mulder! MULDER It's Samantha, Scully, my sister...They turned her into one of those things! They turned her into a zombie! SCULLY That's impossible Mulder. MULDER I saw it Scully! With my own two eyes! SCULLY Mulder, I did some research. There aren't any zombies. MULDER Yes there are! SCULLY No there's not! MULDER Come on! He leads SCULLY back to the room. SAMANTHA is gone! MULDER She was right here! I saw her! It was her and she was a zombie! MULDER passes out! SCULLY Mulder! They must have drugged you! INT. SCULLY'S APARTMENT. MORNING Mulder is in Scully's bed, covered up to his shoulders in a blanket. At some point Scully has taken his shirt off and bandaged his bullet wound. Mulder begins to stir. MULDER Oh... My head... Mulder rubs his eyes and sits up. He's a mess. SCULLY Oh Mulder, you look like the living- She stops. MULDER Dead? He finishes her sentence, she smiles. SCULLY You've been unconscious for three days Mulder. I was beginning to worry... That poison that they gave you... MULDER It wasn't poison Scully. It was some sort of... Zombie juice. SCULLY Mulder, that's ridiculous. MULDER My sister's a zombie, Scully! And they tried to make me one too... But I escaped before they could really juice me up good. SCULLY Mulder, there's no such thing as zombie juice. I took a blood sample from you while you were unconscious and had it analyzed at the lab... MULDER And? SCULLY And something weird showed up. Various white blood cells and shark oils, not to mention high protein and amino acid counts... It's almost as if someone were trying to make a cure for cancer. MULDER Cancer man! Just then the TELEPHONE rings. MULDER and SCULLY look at each other. SCULLY Before you answer that Mulder, there's something else. I'm not sure that I agree, but the people at the lab believe that the DNA and RNA found in your blood sample... was of extraterrestrial origin. MULDER answers the PHONE. He listens for a moment then hands it to SCULLY. MULDER It's for you. CANCER MAN (On the phone) Where the hell are you Scully? I've been waiting for you for three days?! If you're not here in half an hour, your partner's sister's dead! He hangs up. SCULLY It was Cancer Man, Mulder. He's got your sister! We have to go meet him now! MULDER You go Scully. There's something I have to do first. They leave. SCULLY gets in her car and heads off to meet Cancer Man. INT. MULDER'S APARTMENT. DAY MULDER takes out a roll of TAPE and makes a large 'X' on his WINDOW. Then he sits down to wait. INT. PARKING GARAGE. NIGHT SCULLY sits in her car, restless. A parked car flashes it's lights, she sees it in her rearview mirror. She steps out of the car. The door of the other car opens, and a MAN steps out into the shadows. SCULLY Cancer Man? The MAN approaches. SCULLY looks worried. The man says nothing. He raises his hand. Is it a GUN?! No....Just a CIGARETTE. He raises it to his mouth and smokes. It is CANCER MAN. CANCER MAN Just what do you think you and your partner are up to? SCULLY We're trying to find the truth, that's all. CANCER MAN Well, you better be careful where you look. Sometimes the truth can be deadly. SCULLY What do you know about the zombies? Is it a cover up? CANCER MAN Let's just say that sometimes being dead is...not practical. SCULLY What have you done to Mulder? CANCER MAN I haven't done a thing to agent Mulder. Whatever is wrong, he must of brought it on himself. Must of been digging around where he wasn't supposed to. Ask me, he just has a touch of the flu. SCULLY I don't believe you. Not for a second. CANCER I'm serious. He has the flu. SCULLY Oh. Okay. SCULLY gets in her car, satisfied. She leaves. INT. MULDER'S HOUSE. NIGHT MULDER is asleep on the couch. The television is on, showing a PORNO movie. FOOTSTEPS! MULDER wakes up, looks around groggily. MULDER Scully? SILENCE. A MAN stands in the shadows. MULDER goes for his gun, draws it, but it is knocked out of his hand. He looks up at MISTER X. MISTER X Sorry to startle you Mulder. MULDER It's alright. I thought maybe you were somebody else. MISTER X Who? MULDER I thought maybe you were....maybe a zombie. MISTER X Mulder, you're in over your head. The heat could really come down on you for this one. MULDER They got my sister Mister X. MISTER X That's impossible. MULDER I saw her! MISTER X punches MULDER in the jaw. He goes down. His lip bleeds. MISTER X Now listen up, and listen up good. There's no zombies. Here me? MULDER stands up. He takes a swing at MISTER X. MISTER X dodges it, and hits MULDER on the back of the head. MISTER X There's no zombies Mulder. Now clean yourself up and drop it. MULDER takes another swing, but it is deflected. MISTER X punches him in the gut. MULDER I thought you were my friend. MISTER X I am. That's why I'm telling you to let it go. Before someone lets you go. MULDER nods his head, then takes another shot at MISTER X. MISTER X dodges it, and knocks MULDER to the floor. MISTER X leaves. MULDER'S cell phone rings. He answers it. MULDER Yeah? SCULLY (ON PHONE) I just found out something very interesting Fox. MULDER Tell me. SCULLY There aren't any zombies. MULDER Dammit Scully. Not you too. SCULLY I know you miss your sister Mulder. But this is ridiculous. MULDER Is it Scully? Then why am I suddenly craving human flesh? SCULLY Well...it has been a while hasn't it? MULDER That's not what I mean Scully. SCULLY Oh Mulder. You're sick. You need to sleep. MULDER Not until I find out the truth. SCULLY Mulder, wait- MULDER hangs up the phone. Defeated. Then he looks as though he has an idea. MULDER walks over to his desk and takes out a roll of tape. He then walks over to his window and tapes a large 'X' on it. Then he walks over to the telephone, picks it up and begins to dial. His face is very haggard and drawn, he looks as if he might cry at any moment. MULDER Hi, Mom? Mom, it's me, Mulder. It's Fox, Mom... Mom... I have to tell you something. It's about Samantha... I've found Samantha, Mom... She's back... My sisters back, after all this time (A tear runs down his face) She's going to be okay... Scully's at the parking garage getting her from Cancer Man right now. You remember Cancer Man, don't you? Samantha's back mom... She's back... Mulder hangs up the phone and sits heavily on the couch. A man steps out of the shadows. It's MISTER X. MULDER I've been waiting for you, you son of a bitch. Now it's your turn to listen to me, you son of a bitch. I've had just about enough of your bull... I know about the UFO's and I know about the zombies, and most of all I know about my sister... I know that that cigarette smoking son of a bitch has her, and Scully getting her back right now, you son of a bitch! MISTER X What makes you so sure that your partner will be able to get your sister back, Agent Mulder? MULDER (Diving at Mister X) Scully's never let me down, you son of a- Mister X grabs Mulder by the back of the head and slams his face into the wall. MULDER You can kill me if you want to, but Scully's got my sister back, so you can go to hell. We're going to blow your whole little zombie thing out of the water, as soon as Scully shows up with Samantha. CUT TO: INT. MULDER'S OFFICE. NIGHT Mulder and Scully are in the office talking. MULDER What the hell do you mean you didn't get her back, Scully?! Scully looks down and doesn't say anything. MULDER You didn't even ask him about her?! SCULLY I'm sorry, Mulder. I forgot. MULDER Goddammit Scully! Mulder kicks his filing cabinet. MULDER Goddammit! Why does it always work out this way. SCULLY Have you ever considered that maybe you bring this all on yourself, Mulder? MULDER Huh? SCULLY You. You're always so intent on finding the truth. Sometimes you're so intent that you're blind. Nothing matters to you but the truth. MULDER What the hell are you talking about, Scully? SCULLY You. And your sister. Mulder, what is it that you're really trying to find? MULDER Um... My sister, Scully. SCULLY You're like Ahab, Mulder. Always chasing the white whale. Mulder is about to say something, but is interrupted as SKINNER enters the office. SKINNER Alright, you two. Explain this. Skinner hands Mulder a large sealed package. MULDER opens it up, eyes filled with wonder. He pulls out some PHOTOS, and his eyes go wide. THE PHOTOS show MULDER and SCULLY at the campsite crime scene, only they are ZOMBIES! SCULLY Oh no! INT. THE LONE GUNMEN'S OFFICE. DAY THE LONE GUNMEN are looking at the photographs, surfing the internet, etc. LONE GUNMAN These photos have definitely been doctored. SCULLY How can you tell? FROHIKE Because we know what to look for. SCULLY That's a relief. MULDER If they've been doctored, then what are they for? Why were they sent to us? Is it some kind of a threat? LONE GUNMAN I think it's someone's idea of a joke. You two look ridiculous in these photos. It's almost like they wanted you to know that they are fake. MULDER I know what I saw. I saw zombies. And they were real. It's one thing to doctor a photo, but a person? A zombie? I don't think so. LONE GUNMAN You could be right Mulder. SCULLY These photos are fake Mulder...And so were the zombies you saw. MULDER How can you be sure? SCULLY How can you be sure? MULDER I guess there's only one way I can be. INT. FORT WORTH MILITARY BASE. NIGHT MULDER is sneaking around inside the base. He shines a flashlight around a room. He hears footsteps and hides. Soldiers run by. He walks into a room with his flashlight. He finds large metal containers. He lifts the metal off the container and there is a glass container underneath. Inside it is an ALIEN EMBRYO. MULDER leans in close to inspect it. SHOUTING AND FOOTSTEPS! SOLDIERS come running towards MULDER. He runs. They have him surrounded, but he runs away. They haven't spotted him yet. He runs around a corner. The SOLDIERS set up explosives. They have him cornered! He jumps off a roof and into a lake outside. MULDER swims away. The SOLDIERS can't find him so they leave. The entire base EXPLODES! INT. SCULLY'S APARTMENT. NIGHT SCULLY is just getting home. She opens the door, and walks in. Turns on the lights. She jumps back startled and draws her gun! It's just SKINNER, standing in her kitchen. SKINNER Hello Agent Scully. SCULLY relaxes, puts her gun away. SCULLY You scared the hell out of me. SKINNER I didn't want agent Mulder to know I was here. SCULLY I understand. SKINNER Scully, you have to talk to him. He's a loose cannon. He'll get you both killed. SCULLY I can only talk to him sir. That's all I can do. SKINNER Then do it. SCULLY I will. SKINNER He'll get you both killed. SCULLY I understand. SKINNER Good. See what you can do to calm him down. He's in deep. SCULLY I'll do my best sir. SKINNER That's all I can ask. I'm just worried that if he doesn't stop he'll get you both killed. SCULLY I understand. SKINNER Good. SKINNER starts to leave. He turns back. SKINNER Agent Scully? SCULLY Yes sir? SKINNER looks her right in the eyes. SKINNER Talk to him. SCULLY nods her head. SKINNER leaves. SCULLY'S phone rings. She answers it. SCULLY Scully. MULDER (On the phone) It's Mulder- SCULLY Mulder we have to talk, Skinner said that- MULDER I don't care what Skinner said and I don't care what you say! There ARE zombies, my sister's one, the government's in on it with the aliens, and they blew up the base where all the evidence was! I'm not going to rest until I get to the bottom of this or I get us both killed! The Truth Is Out There, Scully!!! Mulder hangs up. The phone rings, she answers it, it's Skinner. SKINNER (on the phone) Did you talk to him? SCULLY I'm still working on it, sir. You know how difficult he can be. SKINNER Tell him he'll get you both killed if he doesn't give it up. SCULLY I will, sir. She hangs up. The phone rings again, it's Mulder. MULDER I'm serious, Scully. I'm not going to rest until this is over. SCULLY What are you going to do, Mulder? Mulder pauses, and then answers. MULDER The only thing I can, Scully. INT. MULDER'S APARTMENT. NIGHT MULDER walks over to his desk and takes out a roll of tape. He then walks over to his window and tapes a large 'X' on it. INT. SCULLY'S BEDROOM. NIGHT Scully is asleep in bed. Dream sequence: Mulder and Scully are zombies running around in the woods at night. She wakes up with a start. She rolls over and finds herself face-to-face with a cigarette smoking alien. She screams and wakes up for real this time. INT. MULDER'S APARTMENT. NIGHT Mister X steps out of the shadows. MISTER X You're beginning to be a pain in my ass, Agent Mulder Mulder quick draws his gun and points it at Mister X's head. MULDER Where's my sister?! MISTER X I don't know. MULDER I don't believe you. Tell me where she is, or you're a dead man. MISTER X draws his gun and points it at Mulder's head. They are in a Mexican stand-off. MISTER X Who's a dead man, Mulder? Just then Mulder's cell-phone rings. He answers it, still pointing his gun at Mister X. SCULLY (On the phone) Mulder, it's me. I just remembered something. I think we really were zombies... MULDER This is no time for jokes Scully- SCULLY I'm not joking Mulder. And your sister was one too. MULDER Don't tell me what I want to hear Scully- SCULLY I'm not. You're just not seeing the whole picture. I'm at the Washington center for Genetic Research. I've been doing some poking around and I've discovered some interesting things. MULDER Like what? SCULLY I've been doing some research on clones. It appears that recent experimentation with lab rats has resulted in the cloned bodies decomposing several hours after their creation. I think maybe there's a link between- THE TELEPHONE goes fuzzy. MULDER Scully? Scully? He hangs up the phone. MISTER X So? What's it gonna be agent Mulder? We gonna find out who's got the quicker finger? A long tense moment as they each stare down the barrel of a gun. Finally Mulder puts his down. MISTER X That's better. MULDER looks like he might cry. MULDER I just want her back. I want to know what happened. But I just want her back. MISTER X Who? Agent Scully? MULDER My sister you son of a bitch. MISTER X You're better off lettin' that one go. MULDER How do I know I can trust you? MISTER X Who else have you got? MULDER Um...Scully. MISTER X Who else? MULDER Skinner... MISTER X Who else? MULDER My mom. MISTER X Then you better trust me. You have to. He leaves. MULDER'S PHONE RINGS. He answers it. MULDER Yeah? SCULLY (ON THE PHONE) Mulder, it's me. Listen, there's been another attack. You better get over here. EXT. AMUSEMENT PARK. DAY MULDER and SCULLY are at a crime scene. A section has been roped off with police tape. COPS mill around. A GOOD-NATURED SHERIFF walks up to them. SHERIFF Never seen nothin' like it. Heard kids screamin', saw people runnin'.... when I got here there was nothin' left of that clown 'cept for his costume and one arm. Kids say it was a man and woman attacked 'em. I say it looks like a pack a wild dogs or somethin'. Never seen nothin' like it. THE SHERIFF spits. MULDER walks over to the crime scene, squints his eyes. Suddenly, a YOUNG GIRL sees him and SCULLY and starts pointing and shouting. YOUNG GIRL That's them! That's the two that did it! It was those two. MULDER and SCULLY exchange looks. THE SHERIFF goes over and quiets her down. MULDER This is getting better and better. YOUNG GIRL That's them! That's them! The sheriff continues talking to the young girl. He then walks back over to Mulder and Scully. SHERIFF I'm afraid you two are under arrest. SCULLY This is getting worse and worse. MULDER For what?! SHERIFF For the murder of a clown. SCULLY But we didn't- SHERIFF I've got a witness who says you did. The sheriff hand-cuffs Scully. Mulder takes off, running. The sheriff draws his gun and fires, but Scully knocks up the gun with her hand-cuffed fists. There is a scream from the top of the Ferris Wheel. INT. JAIL. DAY Scully narrates as she types into her journal on her laptop computer. SCULLY (V.O.) It's been three days since Mulder's disappearance at the amusement park. Skinner's been here, and so has Cancer Man, and a guy from Congress too. They've threatened to court martial me if I don't tell them where Mulder is. They don't believe me when I say I don't know. And they only answer my questions with more questions. Lots of questions. All leading up to the big question: Where is Agent Mulder? The door of Scully's cell opens, and a shadowy figure is pushed inside. It's Mulder! FBI GUARD (From outside) We caught your stupid partner. SCULLY Mulder! She runs to him, and throws her arms around him. As she hugs him we see Mulder's face: Rotting, yellow eyes, drooling... This is the Zombie Mulder! The creature wraps it's claws around Scully's throat and begins to strangle her. SCULLY struggles with the ZOMBIE. She moves backwards, but can't get free of it's grip. The ZOMBIE pulls her close and opens it's jaws wide! It's about to bite Scully's neck! A GUNSHOT rings out. The ZOMBIE let's go of SCULLY and turns around. Standing outside of the cell is MISTER X! He fires three more times and the ZOMBIE falls to the ground. MISTER X opens the cell door. SCULLY Thanks. MISTER X I tried to warn that carefree partner of yours that this was gonna happen. SCULLY Mulder's a tough one. MISTER X He'll get you both killed! He's messin' with somethin' that he shouldn't be messin' with! SCULLY But- That's a real zombie on the floor...Mulder was right...there are zombies. SCULLY turns around. The ZOMBIE rapidly decomposes before her eyes! She runs over to it, but it's too late. The ZOMBIE has disappeared. SCULLY No. It was here...I saw it- She turns around and MISTER X is gone. The cell door is still open so she leaves. FBI HEADQUARTERS. DAY SCULLY is seated at a table in a conference room. SKINNER, CANCER MAN, and a few other FBI BOSSES are sitting at the table, interrogating her. FBI BOSS Agent Scully...When did you last see agent Mulder? SCULLY At the park...the day I was arrested. FBI BOSS You haven't seen him since? SCULLY No. FBI BOSS He didn't come visit you when you were in jail? SCULLY No. Well, yes. No. FBI BOSS You wouldn't be covering for agent Mulder now, would you? SCULLY Yes...I mean no- FBI BOSS Which is it? SCULLY I'm not covering for him. But I would if I had too. I mean, if he's a zombie I would...I mean- SKINNER stands up, excited. SKINNER Alright, that's enough agent Scully. FBI BOSS What? SKINNER Agent Scully is one of my best agents. If she says she hasn't seen agent Mulder, then we should believe her. CANCER MAN Have you seen anyone...who resembles agent Mulder, Miss Scully? SCULLY I....I saw a zombie that looked like him- SKINNER That's enough! This isn't a witch hunt! Agent Scully obviously doesn't know anything about agent Mulder's whereabouts. SCULLY He'll probably get in touch with me later on- SKINNER I've had enough of this blacklisting!!!! Agent Scully, you are free to go. FBI BOSS Wait a second- SKINNER No, you wait a second. These are my agents, under my jurisdiction! I won't have them treated like animals!!! Suddenly CRYCHECK walks into the room. SKINNER punches him in the stomach. He leaves. SKINNER Agent Scully, that will be all. SCULLY Thank you. I'm going to go look for Mulder now. She leaves. Outside of Skinner's office CRYCHEK pokes a knife into SCULLY'S back. CRYCHEK Where's Mulder, Scully? SCULLY Why should I tell you, Crychek? CRYCHEK Because I'm going to kill him either way, and you might as well make it easier for him. SCULLY Go to hell you bastard. CRYCHEK I didn't kill your sister, Scully. SCULLY I never said you did. CRYCHEK Oh. Yeah. Well, I didn't. SCULLY Then why did you say you did? CRYCHEK I said I didn't. SCULLY Well, if you didn't have anything to do with it, then why would you randomly feel the need to tell me that- Just then the office door opens and SKINNER steps out. CRYCHEK takes off. SKINNER What did he want? SCULLY He's looking for Mulder. SKINNER Join the party. SCULLY You know, Walter, you really could've stuck up for me a little more in there. I thought we had a bond. You, me and Fox. Remember how we stopped Cancer Man's Alien Small Pox Vaccination plot? Didn't that, you know, kind of make us a team? How can you let Cancer Man treat us like such... garbage? SKINNER Hey, who do you think signs my pay check each week? That cigarette smoking son-of-a-bitch is my boss, and you know what? That makes him your boss, too. Now I've been wearing this case like a cheap suit for almost a week now, and its starting to smell up my office. You better find your partner and clean up this whole zombie nightmare, pronto. Understand? SCULLY Yes sir. SKINNER And don't call me Walter. INT. MULDER'S APARTMENT. DAY Scully is searching Mulder apartment. She opens a cabinet revealing Mulder's video collection. She picks one up an mouths the title "the sex files' and rolls her eyes. Another one has a picture of bigfoot on the cover. Then Scully sits down on the couch and begins to cry. After a while she gets up. She take roll of tape and makes a large 'X' on the window. Then she sits down and cries some more. CUT TO: EXT. SHOPPING MALL. DAY The mall parking lot is packed. Dozens of MILITARY VEHICLES swarm into the lot and surround the mall. SOLDIERS with guns are EVERYWHERE. HELICOPTERS and a UFO land on the roof. Gunshots ring out. Mass hysteria. INT. SHOPPING MALL. DAY Dozens of SOLDIERS storm into the mall firing. Mall shoppers drop like flies, and then get up, zombified. The ones that the soldiers shoot in the head go down. Once almost everyone is dead, a dozen aliens enter the mall from an elevator and begin directing the soldiers to set up a lot of strange looking equipment. CUT TO: INT. MULDER APARTMENT. DAY Scully is watching TV and eating potato chips. On the NEWS is the story of a bio-warfare disease outbreak in Wisconsin. The entire town has been evacuated, as government forces attempt a cleanup operation. Mr. X steps out of the shadows. MR. X It's only a cover, Agent Scully. Scully jumps, startled. SCULLY What is? MR. X The biological outbreak. The cleanup. All of it. SCULLY What are you saying? MR. X What I'm saying is that your partner is a dead man, Agent Scully. I'm saying that he went too far this time. Far too far. He turned over the wrong rock, and now there's too many ugly little bugs looking for a new home. SCULLY What are you saying? MR. X I'm saying that he blew up Fort Worth, and now the rats need a new Base of Operations. Times running out, and the project is coming to a head. The rats are scrambling, Agent Scully... the mall rats are scrambling... SCULLY Huh? MR. X There's a shopping mall in Appleton, Wisconsin. Look into it. Or better yet, don't. Leave it alone. Your partner's caused too much trouble already. He's made new enemies, enemies who won't think twice about putting a cap in his ass. Shoot, I'd shoot him myself if I had the chance. MULDER walks in the door and Mr. X shoots him in the gut. SCULLY Mulder! She runs over to him. He lies on the floor bleeding. MULDER Scully. SCULLY looks back where MISTER X was, but he's gone! SCULLY You bast- MULDER Scully....you have to get me cleaned up... SCULLY Mulder you've just been shot...again. MULDER I don't have time to be shot Scully....we gotta go. SCULLY Go where? MULDER Help me to my feet...get the bandage out of the drawer....the one I wore the last time I got shot.... SCULLY bandages him up. He puts his clothes back on. SCULLY Everbody's looking for you Mulder. You had me worried stiff. I think you're in a lot of danger...where have you been? MULDER Come on....I'll tell you on the way... SCULLY Where are we going? MULDER We're going shopping. EXT. THE SHOPPING MALL. NIGHT MULDER and SCULLY are parked in their car watching the mall activity from afar with a pair of binoculars. SCULLY I still don't understand what any of this has to do with zombies...It looks like a typical military operation to me. MULDER At three in the morning? In a mall? There's something not right here. SCULLY Mulder, you need rest. MULDER Not yet. I'll rest when this is over.... SCULLY What if it doesn't end for a long time? When will you rest? MULDER It's gonna end tonight Scully. SCULLY How do you know that? MULDER Because. That's a ufo parked on the roof up there, and they don't ever stick around for very long. My guess is that they're planning on abducting the zombies in the mall and using them for experimentation just like they did to my sister.... SCULLY Mulder that's ridiculous...you don't know what happened to your sister... MULDER I know enough... SCULLY I'm sorry Mulder, but I'm having a hard time believing any of this. Aliens and zombies working together with the U.S. government? Unbelievable. MULDER I said I'd tell you where I've been these last few days... SCULLY That's right. Where have you been? MULDER I went home for a while...I had to see my mom, to make sure she wasn't in danger. Oddly enough, I ran into Crychek in my garage. After kicking his ass I hung out with mom and then travelled to New Mexico on a hunch. SCULLY Why New Mexico? MULDER Roswell, Scully. Hangar thirteen. I snuck into the base and looked around. SCULLY My god Mulder. Did you find any ufos? MULDER No. They must have moved them. But I did find the leader of the zombies. I think he was part of an experiment gone awry. An experiment with radiation, they do a lot of testing in the desert. SCULLY That would explain the rotting flesh. MULDER Exactly. But I can't figure out what that mall has got to do with all of it. SCULLY Well, I could access the internet on my laptop, do a search for shopping malls and cross refernce it with recent cannibalistic attacks on- MULDER No- that'll take too long. I've come too far to let them slip away from me again. I'm going in there Scully. SCULLY Mulder, they'll kill you. MULDER They can't kill me. I'm too important to their plans. If they killed me it would draw too much attention to them. SCULLY But they said they would kill you. MULDER Oh. Well, I'll hide then. MULDER gets out of the car and sprints toward the mall. SCULLY watches him go. SCULLY Oh Mulder. She follows him, but suddenly a hand grabs her from behind. A GUN is pushed in her face. It's CRYCHEK! CRYCHEK I didn't kill your sister or Mulder's sister or his dad, or your mom, or J.F.K., or his brother...but I might kill you if you don't cooperate. SCULLY What do you want? CRYCHEK I want you to lure agent Mulder to me. He can't kick my ass with you as a hostage. And once the soldiers know he's here, it's good by x-files. Now come on. He leads her toward the mall with a gun pressed in her side. Suddenly Scully stops and turns toward Crychek. SCULLY Looks like I don't have to lure Mulder to you, Crychek. CRYCHEK What?! SCULLY Look. MULDER and MISTER X are exiting the front door of the mall at a full run. Mister X is waving his arms over his head in a forward motion, and yelling. MISTER X Go, Go ...GO!!! Behind them the entire shopping mall explodes in a tremendous ball of flame. Mulder and Mister X are propelled forward. Fire is everywhere. Everyone runs for the only cover available, Mulder and Scully's car! INT. CAR. DAY The car is driving crazily through fire and raining debris. Mulder and Krychek are in the backseat duking it out. Mister X has his gun out and is yelling at them to stop. Scully is trying her best to drive and to avoid falling, fiery chunks of concrete and bodies. Suddenly everyone screams as the car drives off of a cliff! EXT. CAR. DAY All of the car doors fly open, and Scully, Mister X and Crychek jump out just before the car goes over the edge. But Mulder is not so lucky! SCULLY MULDER!!! She runs to the edge of the cliff. She looks back, Mister X and Crychek are gone! She looks over the edge, just in time to see the car explode at the bottom of the canyon. SCULLY MULDER!!! There is no way that she could climb down into the canyon. Behind her the mall continues to burn. Suddenly, her cell-phone rings. MULDER (On the phone) Scully, it's me... I'm in a cave at the bottom of the canyon... And Scully? There are bodies everywhere... SCULLY Mulder, are you okay? MULDER (On the phone) There's something else, Scully. These bodies... they're not human... Suddenly a helicopter rises from the smoke of the burning mall. CANCER MAN leans out of it. He has a MEGAPHONE in one hand and a MACHINE GUN in the other. CANCER MAN (Yelling into the megaphone) Where's Mulder? SCULLY I don't know! CANCER MAN shoots at her with the machine gun, but misses. Then the helicopter flies away. MULDER (On the phone) Scully? Scully? I don't think I'm alone downe here... SCULLY?! OMIGOD!!! HELP!!! HELP ME SCULLY!!! The phone goes dead. Fire rains from the sky. Scully momentarily pauses, and then begins to slowly climb down the steep embankment. To be continued... (If anyone would actually like to see this story continued, please email me at sardonica@erols.com)